The camp had gathered around the fire, enjoying the meal and each other's company. I sat with Raul and the other supporters, their conversation washing over me without registering.
My attention stayed fixed on Ryuu and the others sitting further away.
All kinds of thoughts and scenarios swirled in my head. Should I do it now? After everyone finishes eating? Wait until people start going to sleep? My heart hammered against my ribs like it was trying to escape.
"Arin? You okay?" Raul's voice broke through my thoughts. "You've been stirring the bowl for like five minutes."
"Hm? Oh, yeah. Just tired." I forced myself to take a bite, tasting nothing.
"That's fair. You have been through a lot. Take care of yourself." He went back to his conversation with the others, leaving me to my spiraling thoughts.
This was insane. This was insane. Confessing to one person was nerve-wracking enough—confessing to four at once? That was either incredibly brave or monumentally stupid.
Probably stupid.
But I'd nearly died. Multiple times. And each time, one thought had been crystal clear: I didn't want to die with these words still locked inside me. I want to convey my feelings at least.
I glanced over again. Riveria was saying something to Lefiya, her expression gentle in a way she rarely showed. Ryuu smiled at something Alise said, her whole face lighting up. Ais ate quietly, her eyes drifting toward the mountains. Asfi adjusted her glasses while explaining something to Amid.
My chest ached just looking at them.
The meal eventually wound down. People started cleaning up, banking fires, and heading to their tents.
That's it. Now or never.
I stood, my legs feeling unsteady, and walked over to where the four of them were preparing to head to their respective tents.
"Riveria, Ryuu, Ais, Asfi," I called out. They all turned to look at me. "Can I talk to you all for a moment? It's... It's important."
They exchanged glances, curiosity and concern evident on their faces.
"Of course," Riveria said, her jade eyes searching mine. "Is something wrong?"
"Um, not here, somewhere private." I said, "It won't take long, I promise." They all exchanged a look and nodded.
We walked along the riverbank in silence. Maybe they sensed my nervousness. Maybe they were giving me space. Either way, no one spoke.
I stopped at the clearing I'd found earlier—a small open space near the water, surrounded by wild flowers that glowed pale blue under the moonlight and stars. The effect was almost dreamlike.
Or maybe that was just the adrenaline. I took a deep breath and turned to face them. "I…" Just as I was about to start, my mind went blank, and all the fancy words I had thought of escaped completely. Ryuu tilted her head worriedly as she called out.
"Arin, are you okay?"
I opened my mouth. Closed it. Every prepared word vanished.
Just say it. Just—
"I'm in love with you."
The words came out raw, unpolished. Not the eloquent confession I'd imagined during all those sleepless nights.
"All of you." My voice cracked slightly, and their eyes widened. Ryuu's hand moved to her chest. Ais's head tilted in that familiar way, but her expression held something I'd never seen before. Asfi had gone completely still. Riveria's composed mask cracked, just slightly. The river rushed beside us, filling the silence.
"I tried not to feel this way—" Riveria's eyes widened slightly. "—No, that's a lie." The words spilled faster now, like water breaking through a dam. "I welcomed these feelings and found joy in them." Asfi shifted her weight, a barely perceptible movement. "Even though I knew hearts don't work that way—" Ryuu shook her head slightly, almost unconsciously. "—but mine does." Ais tilted her head slightly, that familiar gesture, but her expression was more vulnerable than I'd ever seen.
I met their gazes in turn—jade, gold, Sky-blue, and Cyan.
"When I'm with you, I feel like I'm more myself than I've ever been. Like all the broken, messy parts of me somehow fit together into something that makes sense." I ran a hand through my hair, struggling to articulate feelings that felt too big for words. "You… make me want to be better. Not because you demand it or expect it, but because being around you girls makes me see what better could look like."
I could feel my body shaking, my heart pounding way more than it did when I took the adrenaline potion. Ais took a small step forward. Just one. Like she wanted to reach out, but didn't know if she should. "There are moments—so many moments—where I just... stop. Where I'm watching one of you do something completely ordinary and I realize I'm happy. Like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be."
I met Riveria's jade eyes first. "Sometimes it's watching you lead, seeing you take control of chaos and turn it into order. The way you care about everyone, even when you're pretending you're just being practical. You make me feel safe, even in the middle of a battlefield. Like no matter what happens, everything will be okay because you're there."
The composed regal look she always wore cracked slightly as a faint flush colored her fair cheeks even in the moonlight. She opened her mouth—closed it. Her hand trembled slightly at her side before she clasped both hands together, composing herself with visible effort. I turned to Ryuu before Riveria could speak, before any of them could interrupt.
I turned to Ryuu, her blue eyes reflecting the starlight. Her hand had risen to her chest, fingers pressed over her heart. "Or it's seeing you smile and feeling like the sun just came out. The way you believe in people, in justice, in goodness, even when the world gives you every reason not to. You make me want to be someone worth believing in. Someone who deserves that faith you have in people."
Ryuu's breath hitched audibly. Even in the dim light, I could see the flush spreading across her cheeks, creeping up to the tips of her pointed ears. "Arin—" she whispered, so quiet I almost didn't hear it. But I don't want to hear anything right now. I turned to Ais.
Then Ais. "Or it's those quiet moments where we don't need to say anything. Where just existing together is enough. The way you're trying so hard to understand feelings, to connect with others, it's endearing."
Ais was staring at me, her golden eyes carrying confusion, something that looked almost like wonder, or maybe pain, or maybe both at once, my blurry vision made it hard to discern. She took another small step forward, her mouth opening slightly as if trying to form words she didn't have. I felt a stab of guilt, dropping this on her so soon after everything with her mother. But the words wouldn't be held back any longer. I turned to Asfi before Ais could find her voice.
Finally, Asfi, those blue eyes staring at me from behind her glasses. "Or it's watching you work, seeing your mind solve impossible problems, and being amazed all over again. The way you care while pretending you don't, worry while acting annoyed. You challenge me, push me, make me think. You make me better just by being yourself, just by existing in my world."
Asfi had gone completely still, her face slowly turning crimson behind her glasses. Her hand finally completed that motion—adjusting her glasses with trembling fingers. It was such a familiar gesture, but the tremor made it heartbreaking. "I..." she started, then stopped. Shook her head slightly. Waited for me to continue.
The words were tumbling out now, uncontrolled, unstoppable.
"I know this isn't normal. I know hearts are supposed to choose one person, that love is supposed to be simple and straightforward. But mine isn't. Because what I feel for each of you isn't competing. It's not diluted or divided. It's just... there. Complete and overwhelming."
My throat tightened with emotion as I took a shaky breath. The river rushed on, indifferent to the breaking of my heart.
"I love you," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I love all of you. In ways I didn't know I could love. In ways that terrify me in a good way and make me feel more alive than I've ever felt. And I don't... I don't know what to do with these feelings except give them to you."
My vision swam. I blinked hard, refusing to let the tears fall. Not yet.
"I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm not asking you to choose me or to figure this out or to make sense of something that doesn't make sense." I gulped. "I just needed you to know that I love you. …I love you so much it hurts."
Each pair of eyes held mine as I looked between them. They remained silent to let me complete, or out of shock, I didn't know.
"If you need time, take it. Take years if you need to. If you need space, I'll give it. If you need me never to mention this again, I won't. These feelings are mine. I'm not putting them on you as a burden or an obligation."
Silence.
Just the river and the distant sounds of the settling camp and four pairs of eyes staring at me.
"You don't owe me anything," I continued, my voice rough now. "Not your feelings, not your answers, not even kindness if you don't want to give it. What I feel—that's my responsibility, not yours. I'm not asking you to fix it or return it or even acknowledge it beyond this moment."
A long, shaky breath escaped me. Suddenly, I felt lighter—like a weight I'd been carrying for months had finally lifted.
"So that's it. That's everything." A slightly hysterical laugh escaped me. "Wheww… I've been holding that in for so long."
Still silence. Four pairs of eyes—jade, ocean-blue, gold, and purple—all wide with varying degrees of shock, confusion, and something that might have been tenderness.
"I love you," I said one more time, softer. "Not for who you could be or who I want you to be. Just... for who you are. I love you, and in return I ask for nothing but your happiness."
I took a step back. "I… um… going back to the camp, you all can... take your time." I managed a weak smile. "And I'm sorry if I just made things incredibly awkward."
Then, before I completely fell apart, before the tears actually fell, I turned and walked away.
My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might burst. My hands were shaking. My whole body felt like it was vibrating with leftover adrenaline and emotion.
But also... lighter.
I'd said it. Finally said it.
Just when I was out of their sight, I stopped walking.
And crumpled.
I sank into a crouch, hands covering my face.
What the hell was that?!
Where were all the carefully crafted words I'd spent hours planning? The eloquent declarations? The poetic metaphors?
All I did was stand there and stammer, "I love you" like some lovesick idiot!
And I CRIED. My voice cracked! I probably looked like a complete mess! What if they think I'm crazy? What if I just ruined everything—
"Um..." I froze. Slowly, I looked up from my crouch. Amid stood a few feet away, an awkward expression on her face. She'd seen everything.
…Kill me now.