Three Realms In My Phone
Chapter 1 Grabbed three hairs
In the small garden of Qīngténg University.
Li Pingfan carefully took out a brand-new mobile phone from his arms, held it with both hands, and giggled: "Bīngbing, happy birthday!"
Xu Bingbing had dreamed of owning one before, but now she looked down her nose at it and said: "I don't want this lousy phone. From now on, I'm dumping you."
Boom—
Li Pingfan felt as if he'd been struck by five thunderbolts, his mind instantly going blank. He couldn't believe that the cold and heartless girl in front of him was the girlfriend he'd been dating for over half a year!
As a rural kid, Li Pingfan had skipped classes to work part-time and saved half his living expenses to buy this phone. He'd slaved away for over three months, scrimping and saving, before finally getting it. Who could've imagined it would end with such a bitterly ironic result?
"Why!?" Li Pingfan roared.
"Because you're poor," Xu Bingbing replied, lifting her handbag with a sneer. "This is an LV limited edition. Selling you off wouldn't even be enough to buy it. My new boyfriend just swipes his card—he can buy as many as he wants! Is that reason enough?"
"I never thought you'd be this kind of person!" Li Pingfan raged.
"Don't be stupid! Society is just this realistic!" Xu Bingbing scoffed. "Blame it on your bad luck in reincarnation. You got stuck with a pair of stinky farmer parents—you're destined to be worthless your whole life! I, Xu Bingbing, would never be a daughter-in-law to stinky farmers!"
"You can say whatever you want about me! But don't talk about my parents!" Li Pingfan's gaze sharpened, cold as ice flashing in his dark pupils.
"W-What are you staring at me for? In broad daylight, do you even dare hit a woman?" Xu Bingbing was startled. She'd never seen Li Pingfan with such sharp, icy eyes before.
"I won't hit you. But one day, I'll make you kneel at my feet and say you regret it." Li Pingfan's voice was cold, every word deliberate.
"Daydreaming! From now on, Xu Bingbing will never have anything to do with you for the rest of our lives!" Xu Bingbing snorted,turning to walk toward a BMW parked nearby.
The car door opened, and a young man pulled her inside, his hand naturally resting on her leg.
"Shi Mingwei!?" Li Pingfan's eyes nearly burst with rage! He'd never imagined Xu Bingbing's new boyfriend would be Shi Mingwei—his classmate, whose family ran a jewelry business. Shi had always loved bullying Li Pingfan, and now he'd secretly stolen his girlfriend. It was too much to bear!
"Damn it! I swear I'll get revenge for this!" Li Pingfan growled, fists clenched.
"Little peasant ! You think you're even worthy of fighting me?" Shi Mingwei stuck a hand out the car window, flipping Li Pingfan off in a blatant insult.
"Shi Mingwei, you bastard!" Li Pingfan's anger boiled over. He raised his hand, ready to hurl the phone at them.
Ding—
But at that moment, the brand-new phone suddenly lit up on its own.
"Did it turn on automatically? Did I buy a knockoff?" Li Pingfan frowned, still wanting to smash it.
Ding— Ding— Ding—
In the next second, messages began popping up on the screen one after another. Li Pingfan leaned in to look, and his mind went blank.
Fairy Lig'e sent a red envelope.
Bull Demon King sent a red envelope.
Overlord Xiang Yu sent a red envelope.
Yama King...
Red envelope notifications flooded the screen, as if sending red envelopes cost nothing at all!
"Aren't these people nuts? Their names are so ridiculous..." Li Pingfan muttered subconsciously, then quickly opened the chat app, scrambling to grab the red envelopes with all his might. He was so poor he could barely afford food—every cent counted!
Too slow! The red envelope was already taken!
Too slow...
Too slow...
Li Pingfan stared glumly at the screen. Even though red envelopes kept popping up, he couldn't grab a single one.
"Are these nuts all speed demons with thirty years of singlehood reflexes? How am I supposed to compete?" Li Pingfan was devastated, frantically speeding up his finger movements.
Ding—
Congratulations! You grabbed Sun Wukong's red envelope and obtained three Wish-Fulfilling Monkey Hairs, stored in your Treasure Chest.
"Damn it! I really grabbed a 'hair'!" Li Pingfan broke out in a cold sweat. Who sends hair in a red envelope? Was this some new feature?
Having never used a high-end phone before, Li Pingfan clicked on the Treasure Chest icon out of curiosity. Once inside, three golden hairs appeared on the screen, with a line of text below: Wish-Fulfilling Monkey Hairs can transform into any form as the user wishes. Extract now?
Li Pingfan tapped "Extract."
Whoosh—
A flash of golden light, and a shimmering golden hair appeared in his hand!
"What the hell is this?!" Li Pingfan yelped in shock. Glancing back at the phone, only two hairs remained in the Treasure Chest.
Even if he'd never used a fancy phone, Li Pingfan wasn't stupid enough to believe a phone could teleport objects—it defied all logic!
"Could... these nuts really be immortals? But then why are Xiang Yu and the Bull Demon King there? They're not immortals..." He was utterly confused.
Glancing at the group name, it read: Three Realms Chat Group.
That much he knew—the Three Realms referred to the Heavenly Realm, the Netherworld, and the Human Realm. So besides immortals, this group included humans and demons too!
Guan Yu, Qin Qiong, Overlord Xiang Yu... all legendary figures from history were in here. Most shocking of all, even Li Bai and Du Fu were members! And among the demons, there were familiar names like the Bull Demon King, White Bone Demon, and Spider Spirit... It was eye-opening, to say the least.
"No wonder I can't grab any red envelopes—there are tens of thousands of members in this group! Never mind, I'll just test this first!" Li Pingfan took a deep breath, held up the monkey hair, and silently wished: Please give me another hand so I can grab red envelopes faster!
"Whoosh!"
He blew on the hair—and suddenly, a second left hand grew from his arm, warm, fleshy, and fully functional!
"Holyshit!"
This confirmed the group was real, but Li Pingfan wanted to cry. "Why the hell did I make such a stupid wish? With an extra hand, how am I supposed to face people? Am I gonna have to chop it off myself?"
Ding— Wish-Fulfilling Monkey Hair will expire in 3 minutes.
"Thank god it's temporary! I nearly died of fright..." Li Pingfan sighed in relief. Makes sense, he thought—if the hair's effects were permanent, he could've blown up mountains of gold and silver and lived like a king for life.
"Dammit! I forgot about the red envelopes!"
Slapping his forehead, Li Pingfan used all three hands to furiously tap the screen. This was a real immortal group! Even a hair was a treasure—he couldn't miss this once-in-a-lifetime Lice!
"The competition is too fierce! I can't keep up..."
Three minutes flashed by, and he still hadn't grabbed anything. But just as the third hand vanished, the phone vibrated twice in quick succession, making Li Pingfan jump for joy.
"Got them! Double kill!"
Ding—
Congratulations! You grabbed the Supreme Lord Laozi's red envelope and obtained the Eight Trigrams Evolution Divine Talisman, stored in your Treasure Chest.
Ding—
Congratulations! You grabbed the Old Man Under the Moon's red envelope and obtained three Marriage Talismans, stored in your Treasure Chest.
Li Pingfan was over the moon—this was amazing!
Soon, the flood of red envelopes died down, and a message popped up in the chat:
Supreme Lord Laozi: Ahem, fellow daoists, good evening! Today marks the launch of the Three Realms Immortal Network. From now on, this group will be our new paradise... (8,000 words omitted)
Jade Emperor: Well said, Laozi! 👏👏👏
Tang Sanzang: +1!
Overlord Xiang Yu: Up yours! Keep sending red envelopes!
Bull Demon King: Yuyu, I just grabbed a 霓裳金缕衣 (rainbow silk gown)—sending it to you now!
Jade-Faced Fox: Thanks, Brother Niu! 😘😘😘
Iron Fan Princess: 🔪🔪🔪
...
The group devolved into idle chatter, with no red envelopes in sight for a while.
Li Pingfan quickly swapped his old SIM card into the new phone, then sprinted to the bus stop. He didn't even have time to check his new rewards—there was only one thing on his mind:
He would make them pay for every insult, a hundred times over!