Shit, I drank way too much yesterday…
This hangover is killing me…
Wait, is this blurry mess in front of me because I puked?
Waking up to something like this is seriously disgusting.
Staring at the blurry mess before him, Gintoki, his head splitting with pain, wanted to turn away but couldn't muster the strength.
Resigning himself to the hangover, he let out a groan.
"Eeeh, eeeh, eeeh!"
[Translation: Shinpachi, clean this up, please. It stinks. And grab the latest issue of JUMP on your way back. Heard HUNTER×HUNTER is coming back.]
The moment he finished speaking, Gintoki suddenly felt something was off.
First, his voice didn't sound right.
Second, the blurry mess in front of him didn't seem like an ordinary blurry mess.
"Darling, look, our baby isn't crying or fussing—he's playing with me! Gintoki, I'm your mommy, okay? Mommy~"
Staring at the black-haired young woman in front of him, who couldn't be older than thirty, Gintoki froze in an instant.
Who… is she?
Did I do something gentlemanly after getting drunk last night?
Sure, Gintama's over, but wouldn't this kind of behavior tarnish the reputation of its protagonist?
What if the news breaks out—"Former JUMP Superstar Manga Protagonist's Chaotic Private Life After Series Ends"?
Wait, are there cameras here?
Crap! I'm screwed!
Gintoki's glorious reputation is ruined in one night!
"Gintoki, Daddy's going on a mission."
'Hold on, did I really go that gentlemanly last night? No way! Absolutely no way!'
"So adorable~"
A white-haired man in a Leaf Jonin Uniform, a short sword strapped to his back, gazed tenderly at the baby he had just taken from the woman's arms.
"Gintoki, Daddy will be back soon."
Staring at the man who looked oddly familiar, Gintoki racked his rarely-used brain.
Then, spotting the unmistakable forehead protector on the man nuzzling his cheek, Gintoki had a wild realization—
Wait, realization my ass!
Isn't this Hatake Sakumo, Kakashi-sensei's dad from NARUTO?!WHY? WHY?!
Did I, Gin-san, reincarnated?
Did I replace Kakashi?
What kind of joke is this!
The two of us look nothing alike!
He has white hair, while Gin-san has silver hair!
Though the difference might not be obvious in the anime, there's actually a huge distinction! Speaking of which... is my natural perm still here?!
Hey hey, give me a break.
No matter how you look at it, this development shouldn't be possible, right?
Am I still asleep? I must still be asleep, right? I must still be dreaming, right?
Ah! Someone tell me! Shinpachi! Kagura! Where are you?!
"Ahhh!"
Hatake Sakumo, cradling his adorable son, was startled when the baby suddenly urinated on his face.
*****
Even though his mind was that of an adult, his body had become a newborn infant, inevitably bound by its limitations.
Thus, the once-feared Shiroyasha, Sakata Gintoki, could only follow his body instincts, eating, shitting, sleeping and repeating the cycle day and night.
Newborns spend most of their time asleep, and this was unavoidable.
So, Gintoki could only use the brief moments of wakefulness each day to recall what he had been doing the day before he reincarnated.
That day, he ran into that idiot Sakamoto, then bumped into Zura, and the three of them ended up drinking together.
After that...
Hiss—
No good, can't remember.
Just recall getting drunk, and Sakamoto dragging him to Smiley Bar, only to be "executed" by his deputy captain or something who showed up.
Then... then...
He vaguely remembered returning to Yorozuya early in the morning, collapsing in the entryway as usual, knowing Sadaharu would drag him back to his room, so he just slept.
...
And woke up to find his... equipment had shrunk.
Wait! No!
He remembered having some annoying dream.
That one... the guy who may or may not have appeared before... who was it again?
That guy with sunglasses who looked like he could use Bankai or something, what was his name?
Gintoki racked his brain but couldn't recall the name.
He seemed to have said something, but what was it?
Gintoki was too drunk and sleepy to listen...
Wait a minute!
Gintoki suddenly remembered something.
That guy had once asked him to train some ultimate move or something, claiming that with it, they could adapt Gintama into a game and make money.
Could it be...
This time, he threw Gin-san into this dangerous world to train another ultimate move for a game?!
What kind of game are they planning this time?
A fighting game? A crossover fighting game with Naruto?
Since both manga are finished, are they just reheating leftovers?
Seriously, if you're gonna make a game, at least give a heads-up!
Being forced into work out of nowhere is really hard to accept, you know?
After mentally roasting JUMP's game development department for being inhumane for half an hour, Gintoki finally exhausted himself and fell asleep.
Of course, at this moment, Gintoki had no idea that he wasn't the only one who had turned into a baby...
*****
In a dark, silent, and vast underground cavern where even the air felt stale, the elderly Uchiha Madara frowned as he carefully examined the purple-haired infant that Zetsu had discovered and brought back from the surface.
'What should I do? Kill him outright?'
'Or perhaps keep him and raise him as a successor to carry on my will?'
Madara hesitated.
Having witnessed countless prodigies, he could tell at a glance that this infant's potential for growth would undoubtedly be extraordinary!
However, this child wasn't an Uchiha.
The pawn he truly desired should be from the Uchiha clan.
With his thorough understanding of the Uchiha, manipulating them would be effortless!
Moreover, the baby only had one eye.
If raised from infancy, he might prove useful, but compared to an Uchiha...
After much deliberation, Madara ultimately decided to keep him for now.
Better safe than sorry.
If no other suitable pawn could be found, this one might suffice.
If a better candidate emerged later, this child could serve as an assistant—or be disposed of outright.
"Zetsu, implant one of the remaining Sharingan from our stock into him. I recall there's a single Mangekyo left. If this newborn can achieve perfect compatibility with the Sharingan, let him live. Otherwise, kill him."
With those words, Madara closed his eyes and sank back into slumber.
"Uh, what about a name? Don't humans all have names?" Tobi asked foolishly.
Beside him, a White Zetsu scolded.
"Idiot! There's a note with a name in the baby's swaddling clothes!"
Tobi suddenly remembered.
"Ohhh! That 'Too Tall Shinsuke' thing, right?"
"It's Takasugi Shinsuke, you moron!"
"Takasugi... Shinsuke..." Tobi looked down at the purple-haired infant sleeping in his arms, then suddenly had another thought.
"Hey, which of us is the mom and which is the dad?"
White Zetsu: "..."
---------
Laugh my ass off while working on this, gin-san is goated!