07. "STRANGE"
Love songs triggering the silent thoughts, the silence in this room brings back the memories of two lovers making love in this bed, I see faded pictures of her taking videos of me, there is an emotion in my heart right now and it makes me want something I can't have, no matter what I feel about her, life goes on.
She's went on with her life, she's had this shit figured out from the jump, I'm still a lovesick nigga, stuck on her and the lovely things we shared, everything I said and done to her was all from the bottom of my heart, that's why I still struggle to find a way on.
Life is strange, one day somebody is head over heels for you, addicted to every part of you and all about loving you, the next moment it's like you never meant shit, what the fuck happened to "I'll never leave" ?
There's a lot of stuff I wanna say but I've said a lot already, I've got pages filled up with her name, written and said prayers about this girl, I don't wanna lose my cool but..
Life is strange, you spend years running away from love, then when you finally give love a chance, it becomes you deepest pain, maybe love is just a myth.
08. "A GHOST"
I hate that I find myself thinking about somebody who isn't part of my life, I hate that I still give a fuck about somebody who doesn't even think about me. I'm starting to hate being Theodore because he can't seem to get his shit together when it comes to this ghost.
I have tried everything, a Prayer, books, lust and keeping honest, I just keep coming back to square one. It's starting to feel like this shit will never come to an end, I curse the day I met her, look at what has turned out of me.
I'm constantly losing against whatever this shit is and it's sucking the life out of me, I just need it out of my body, mind, heart and soul.
I'm tired of going through these emotions, I'm tired of having nights like this, I'm tired of being miserable and lonely, I'm tired of being tied to a ghost, I'm fucking tired. I just wanna wake up one morning and have no thought of her anymore, forget her name and existence, live my life freely from this ghost.
The day I laid my eyes on her is when the ruin of me began, I regret that fucking day.
09. "WHAT'S THIS"
I'm getting more quiet every single day, turning into a stranger to my own family, going to sleep early after overworking myself in writing, waking up before the sun is up to write more, I wonder what's this because it's turning me into an animal.
These nights get more colder when I've been hoping for somebody I can hold on to, when the sun is out, the demons disappear but as soon as it's sunset, my skeletons climb out of the closet, I realise how alone I am.
I shut down more and more, not taking care of myself, obsessively writing to free myself, walking out there looking my troubles and I wonder what is this because my nights have gotten dark lately.
I'm getting more quiet every single day, turning into a stranger to my own family, going to sleep early after overworking myself in writing, waking up before the sun is up to write more, I wonder what's this because it's turning me into an animal.
10. "DRUNK TONIGHT"
One sip, two sips, more sips of this, it'll soon make the pain go down, the anxiety won't fuck with my mind anymore, just for the night, I got too many thoughts that don't belong in my brain, I need a liquor to make this bullshit go down.
11. "CREATED ATTACHMENTS"
I create attachments to whom we fall in love with, everytime we kissed, touched and talked about things that come from our hearts, an attachment was formed between my soul and everything that was shared from me to her.
If I kept the whole thing as a fling, I wouldn't be battling the hardships of being left with nothing but attachments, I made a choice to love her and nobody else, so this is my war to take on.
Tables turn, people outgrow you, they move on with their lives, they find happiness anywhere else you are not, everything seems easier for them but for the one who's dealing with attachment issues, things are so fucking much different and harder.
I'm attached to every moment we shared, when we were naked, where we shared a bed, when we fell asleep together, when we took rides together, when we stayed on the call at night, I got attachments to that girl and it's fucking me up.
The hardships that I face make wish that we never cross paths again, I never wanna see her again, I don't wanna relapse once I get detached from this girl.
12. "DEAD ROSE"
You can only do enough until it's time for you to come into terms with the tough truths about your reality.
I come to realise that I may have fallen in love in the wrong valley, I come to realise that I've created the most beautiful thing in me for the wrong person, so many good intentions at a wrong place, wrong time for a wrong person.
When I was 19 & drenched in rain, that's when my life changed for the worst, the first year led to the worst year of my life and now the world has seen me at my lowest, at my worst, even my angels don't recognise me in these dark roads.
The time has come for me to free my heart, mind and soul from this suicidal drug, all it ever does is stress me out and drain me, I'm a lost soul because of this damn girl, the time has come for me to close this chapter.
It's time for me to live my life in a way that will help me be a better son to my parents, a better brother to my sister, a better me for myself, a better person for the younger version of me that had beautiful dreams.
I've said enough, I've done more than enough, it's time for me to take this like it is, I can't change what's meant to be.
13. "ON MY OWN"
If God sent me somebody, I wouldn't notice her because of all this pain in my eyes, if love came to find me in my misery, I wouldn't be wise enough to pick up the smell of the roses.
Love is a red flag to me, all I want is good company of a beautiful girl with a very beautiful body.
I'll never forget the times I had nowhere to go, the times nobody gave a shit about me, the times I had no one to check on me, I'm learning to love myself and care about myself and I'll never forget when I had nobody in my corner when I was stuck in the consequences of believing in something that wasn't real, my back was against the wall and I faced the world on my own.
If God sent me somebody, I wouldn't notice her because of all this pain in my eyes, if love came to find me in my misery, I wouldn't be wise enough to pick up the smell of the roses