Friday, July 8, 2016
"Are you ready girls?"
We all shout in unison,
"Hell yeah!!!"
Nina counted us in and I quickly rushed in with my guitar riff. The bass entered giving that thumpy sound that gives us the energy throughout the entire song. The intro intensifies until our singer gets on to the first lyric. Out of her mouth lashes out these first few beautiful words,
"It's a little bit too early isn't it?"
Kita's lyrics made the crowd go wild. the words were so captivating that she essentially captured the audience's hearts.
We continued to rock until it became my turn to take the spotlight. I walked past my mic and started to play my guitar solo. Everyone was screaming so I could barely hear the guitar, but I guess that's part of the fun. The adrenaline just keeps on building up until the release into the last pre chorus. I took a breather as I ended my solo. I then looked at my fellow band members who were playing on stage with me. Nina was stepping on the kicks, while Ellie was providing the support on bass. And of course Kita, giving it her all as our singer. After the outro, we finish the song with a bang as we do a breakdown with our instruments. Once it was over, Kita started talking,
"Hello kayo! Kami ang LOVECORE (We are LOVECORE) and that song was called "Before Dawn!"
I wish I had the confidence to talk as much as her. Her voice is beautiful... As beautiful as the lyrics she wrote... Even as beautiful as her. While she was singing, the crowd just kept begging for more from our band. Since we're just a guest performer to the main band, we can only perform 2 songs.
With that in mind we played our next (and last) song. It's more laid back than the hard rock deafening song before. It was titled: "As You Are." A song about being yourself, no matter what society tells you. I played a calming picking pattern on my Classic Vibe Stratocaster, soothing the audience to calm down and listen to this song. A little bit more playing happened, and our part of the set was done.
On our way off the stage, the main band applauded us for doing really well; Though, it didn't go the same for them. The crowd was a bit... How do I put it? "Unimpressed" by the band's performance.
It was a bit underwhelming to say the least; Especially when this event is supposed to be for their album launch.
Eventually the event ended and we started to walk back home.
"Ya'll were amazing!" Kita commented.
"Yeah bet!" Ellie said
"Come on! Are you for real? We screwed up a bit on the last part but it was okay..." Nina said.
"What are you talking about!? Everyone was cheering for us and you're saying we didn't do good?!", Kita told Nina.
I was too shy to give my input.
"How about you Tala? How do you think we did?" Kita asked me.
"Oh! We did fine." I said in my monotone voice.
"Come on, you got more spirit in you than that!" Kita said.
"Alright, we did good, okay?" I said, with a little more energy.
"That's the spirit!" She said as she patted my back.
I smiled a little bit back at her. They continued chatting and I kinda felt left out. That sort of motivated me to ask this question,
"Uh hey girls?" I said, while everyone turned to look at me.
"Y'all wanna meet up tomorrow? No particular reason, I just feel lonely." I asked them,
"Oh! Sure, I'm free tomorrow." Kita responded enthusiastically.
"Well I don't think we have anything planned for tomorrow, right sis?" Ellie asked Nina.
"I don't think so... Our parents don't come back until sunday." Nina said.
"Alright we're going!' Ellie said.
"Oh... Okay!" I said.
"Well we gotta go now! See y'all tomorrow!" Ellie shouted.
Nina and Ellie walked away, going home.
"Cya!!!" Kita screamed.
Me and Kita continued to walk down the street as we live near each other.
"Is there anything wrong?" Kita asked.
"Uh, what do you mean?" I asked.
"You seem very uncomfortable when you're around us." She said,
"I'm just... Very uncomfortable around everyone..." I said,
"Girl, we're the only people you talk to! I know it, just as much as you know it."
She's right. I dropped out of high school 2 years ago. My parents disowned me after they found out I was gay and doing nothing with my life. So I ran off with the only thing I had left at the time; my guitar. Kita remained a close friend even though I turned out to be a NEET. She was a popular girl at the time but she still kept talking to a low-life like me. I had no friends or anything like that, yet, she found me special. I have a talent that not many people in our school had; Guitar. She plays guitar too but she's not that good, so she offered me a spot in her band called "LOVECORE". That band is the struggling band that I'm still part of today. That's how I met Nina and Ellie. Kita remains my closest friend until today.
"*Sigh* Social anxiety messes with me alright? I'm sorry for being the most unenthusiastic, uninteresting, unimportant person in this world!" I said, while I started to cry. But at that moment Kita embraced me saying,
"I care about you okay, and I don't want you to just rot and die in your bed, alone, with nobody there to find out that you did."
"I-... Thank you... Kita..."
We talked a bit more and parted ways once we reached the park area. I walked inside of my small apartment and locked the door. I turned on the AC, and immediately fell on the bed due to how exhausted I was. I thought about my life so far and what I've done to get to this moment. I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Like that one Greek myth of the man rolling the stone up a mountain. Am I really doing something with my life? I got back up a bit and took off my jacket, revealing the cuts on my arms that I got from self-harm. The scars remind me of how much of a worthless NEET I am. It stings until now but it feels relieving to have them. The air enters my wounds soothing every part of my inner body. I had the realization that my only source of money and "happiness" is going to gigs with my friends. And the money I make is barely enough to afford the rent of this apartment and the food that I eat. What am I doing? I stood up and walked to the kitchen to make food but when I checked the fridge, there was nothing there. Because of that, I closed the fridge door, and bashed my head into it; eventually leading to me stumbling onto the floor. I looked around and saw how messy my surroundings are. Reminding me that I'm just a lazy bum who can't do anything seriously. I saw a knife that fell on the floor; the same knife that I used to cut myself for the past 2 years. I picked it up and contemplated if I should use it on me one last time. I get dizzier and dizzier as these intrusive thoughts keep entering my head, but I realized, If I give up now... Ended it all now; I won't be able to prove to my parents that I'm not a worthless bum. I won't be able to talk to my friends again. I won't be able to pursue my dreams of being a rockstar. And I'll never be able to tell Kita how I feel about her. And yes I like her... No, fuck that. I love her. More than my parents, more than Ellie or Nina, more than my God! She was the only one who gave an actual shit about me when I can't take it anymore! And that is enough reason for me to keep on living. I threw the knife away, got back up, and went back to bed. I'll have sweet dreams knowing I'm going to live a life that will be greater than anything anyone's ever had, ever. I want to be a rockstar, not only to shine brighter than ever before, but to prove to everyone that I'm worth something.