Chapter 85: The Annoying Chatterbox
On TV.
"He says he's deeply sorry for the pain he's caused you and your mother."
Patrick Jane, dressed impeccably, stood before the camera with microphone in hand. With a distant stare, he demonstrated his 'psychic abilities' to a woman in the audience, supposedly communicating with the woman's deceased father and relaying the spirit's words.
"He's asking you to forgive him. Can you do that, Jenny?"
Faced with the 'psychic master's' powers, Jenny, already in tears, could only nod repeatedly while covering her mouth.
"He needs to hear it from you."
Still not satisfied, the 'psychic master' Patrick Jane pointed at the woman and demanded she speak it aloud.
"Dad, I forgive you," the woman cried out, unable to contain herself.
"He's smiling now, a smile mixed with tears. He says God bless you."
The 'psychic master' Patrick Jane continued describing the spirit's condition.
Whether the ghost was actually smiling was unknown, but the female audience member immediately went from tears to laughter.
CBI headquarters.
"Effective emotional catharsis," Gideon nodded approvingly.
"It's all fake, obviously," Agent Lisbon muttered, eating her sandwich while watching the BAU team.
She'd known Patrick Jane's psychic abilities were bogus, but sometimes what he accomplished was genuinely impressive. Even knowing it was fake, she couldn't help but have doubts. Was she missing something?
"You're saying it's fake?" Agent Cho, the stoic Asian-American agent, asked with confusion.
While his female boss was skeptical but somewhat curious, he, due to cultural background, was more inclined to believe there might be something to it.
"Of course it's fake. There's no such thing as psychic abilities," Reid replied. "It's just a numbers game."
"Numbers game?" Agent Lisbon asked curiously.
"Yes," Reid explained. "You know about phone scams, right?"
Agents Lisbon and Cho nodded. Even law enforcement couldn't escape the constant barrage of scam calls and texts.
"Those scam messages are obviously fake, and anyone with basic common sense can see through them," Reid continued. "Yet every year, huge numbers of people still fall for them. The reason is that the population is so large. While the percentage of people who can't see through these scams is tiny, and the success rate is low, multiply that by hundreds of millions of people, and the absolute numbers become significant.
These seemingly moronic, obviously fake scams are actually filtering their targets; those who can see through them aren't even in their demographic.
Look at this TV audience; they're mostly women..."
"Are you being sexist?" JJ threw a napkin at him.
"...No," Reid looked confused but tried to explain. "I'm saying they're more accurately described as stay-at-home viewers, isolated at home. Their daily interactions are mainly with family and close neighbors, and their lives revolve around domestic concerns. It's easy for them to become disconnected from broader society, and their critical thinking and scam-awareness skills become rusty. Plus, women tend to be more emotionally driven, making them more susceptible to emotional manipulation."
At this point, he couldn't help but glance at JJ.
But JJ had already looked away, focusing on the TV.
"This con artist really loves preying on women," Agent Lisbon muttered under her breath, looking at the audience which was almost entirely female. The few male audience members looked like shut-ins themselves.
On TV,
the other women in the audience stared in amazement and admiration at the miraculous psychic master Patrick Jane's supernatural abilities.
"He's gone!" The psychic's expression changed, his eyes shifting from a vacant stare to focused awareness. His raised arms lowered, as if he were returning to reality from a trance.
"Incredible, just incredible!" the female host began applauding enthusiastically, her voice filled with awe, welcoming Patrick Jane back.
"She's amazed!" the male host joked, then said, "Patrick."
Patrick Jane picked up the coffee mug on the table, indicating he needed a drink. The female host, understanding the routine, waved everyone off, "Let him recover. He's just returned from the spirit realm."
"Of course, welcome back to the land of the living," the male host played along, but his words carried a hint of mockery. Clearly, unlike the female host who catered to the female audience, he was playing to the more skeptical male viewers who found the whole thing entertaining.
"I'm back," Patrick Jane took a sip and flashed his charming smile at the camera.
"So Patrick, I understand you're also a detective? A mentalist?" the male host continued, following the show's script. "Is that right?"
"I do help law enforcement when I can," Patrick Jane replied humbly.
"Wow, a mentalist detective," the female host gushed. "That sounds so exciting."
"It's alright," Patrick Jane waved his hand dismissively, then chuckled. "Detectives aren't as mysterious as they are in TV shows and movies anymore. Anyone can be a detective these days: mystery writers, medical examiners, computer hackers, criminals, even accountants are solving cases..."
He shrugged and added jokingly, "Everyone except actual detectives, apparently."
"Hahaha." The hosts and audience laughed knowingly.
This was a dig at law enforcement's notoriously low case clearance rates.
CBI headquarters.
Seeing Patrick Jane make such a joke, the real detective, Agent Lisbon, scowled.
That smartass jerk! How dare he mock the detectives who actually protect people?
She'd have to have a serious conversation with her supervisor later. Was the CBI really so incompetent that they needed this arrogant fool's help? If they had any professional pride left, they absolutely shouldn't be asking someone who looked down on them to assist with investigations.
"Why rely on guesswork when you can speak directly to the victim?" the female host praised. "A psychic master as a supernatural detective is infinitely better than those fictional detectives, computer hackers, or accountant detectives."
"Those are your words, not mine—" Patrick Jane shrugged, his words modest but his face wearing a 'but you're absolutely right' expression.
CBI headquarters.
Watching this, Reid said indignantly, "The core skills of all detectives are observation and deduction. Chuck's observation and deduction abilities are the best. The only thing he can't match this so-called psychic on is acting ability."
"Acting is also a skill," Gideon observed with narrowed eyes as he watched Patrick Jane chatting and laughing on TV. "When technical skills aren't enough, you often have to rely on performance to compensate for the gaps. Only then do you have a chance to turn the tables and make the mouse into the cat."
(End of Chapter)
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