So there I was—locked in a deadly battle with my greatest foe yet.
A school kid.
Yeah, I know. Don't laugh. This brat had a backpack heavier than a truck and the deadliest weapon of all: a juice box. He hurled it at me like a grenade. Do you know what apple juice does to my exoskeleton? Sticky. Very sticky. I almost slipped on my own web.
Anyway, while I'm dodging Capri Suns of doom, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you about… him.
Uncle Ben.
Yeah, I had one too. Every spider does. Mine was cool. Old, wise, crunchy. And then… well. I ate him.
Don't give me that look! Look, I was just a regular spider back then—no human brain, no sarcasm, no crushing guilt. Just hunger. He flew into my web, wiggled around, and what was I supposed to do? Say, "Sorry Uncle Ben, you're family, here's a hall pass"? Nope. I did what any self-respecting spider would do.
Crunch. Gulp. Gone.
And back then? I didn't even feel bad. Nada. Zilch. It was just Tuesday.
But now? Oh, NOW it's different. Thanks to my shiny new human brain, I feel… guilty. Human guilty. The worst kind. Now every time I bite into a fly, I think, "What if that was family?" Every time I slurp a mosquito, I hear his voice whispering, "With great power comes great responsibility…"
Ugh. Responsibility. The dirtiest R-word of them all.
Anyway, that's my tragic backstory. Spider-Man gets to cry about his uncle being shot by a criminal. Me? I've got the trauma of… accidental cannibalism. Beat that, Parker.
Oh—right, the kid. Still fighting him. He just tried to smack me with a history textbook. Joke's on him—history is boring, and I've got eight legs.
Oh! And quick PSA: ayy, if you're listening to this on Webnovel, better use Andrew's voice. He's kinda good at describing me. 😉