Kael Draven had a problem.
Not the normal kind of problem, like "the landlord is banging on your door because rent was due last month," or "you accidentally left your trousers on a fencepost and now the neighbor's goat is wearing them." No, this was something much, much worse.
He had just acquired his first waifu.
And she refused—utterly, completely, and with priestly conviction—to let go of him.
"Uh… hey. Miss Priestess?" Kael's voice cracked as he tried to shuffle backward, peeling at her fingers like they were iron shackles. "You're, uh… kinda… attached."
The elf didn't budge. Instead, she pressed herself tighter, burying her face against his chest with the stubborn determination of a cat refusing to vacate a warm lap. Her long ears twitched like quivering pennants. "My name is Lysera," she murmured, her tone equal parts devotion and dreaminess. "And I will never leave your side, my lord."
Kael's eye twitched. He glanced down at her—at the slender elf priestess currently plastered against his unclothed torso, breathing like she'd just found paradise in his sternum. "Lysera. Right. Nice name. Flows off the tongue. But, uh…" He coughed, his face heating despite the fact that modesty had left him years ago. "…you are aware I'm still naked, right?"
Her ears perked at the word like a pair of antennae catching a signal. Slowly, cautiously, Lysera peeked downward. Her emerald eyes landed on the glowing, divine fig leaf hovering protectively at his waist.
There was a beat of silence.
Then—"Eeeep!"
Her whole body jolted. Scarlet gushed from her nose like a spring uncorked, splattering down her robe in a mortifying spray.
Kael groaned and tilted his head back toward the ceiling. "Perfect. I'm not just indecent—I'm a walking hemorrhage hazard. Wonderful. Just what I always wanted to put on my résumé."
And of course, because his torment couldn't possibly be complete without commentary, the system chimed in, each word crisp and smug as a schoolteacher with a ruler:
---
[Waifu Acquired: Lysera the Elf Priestess.]
[Trait: Devout Virgin.]
[Warning: Excessive nosebleeds may cause fainting. Please handle with care.]
---
Kael dragged both hands down his face until they flopped uselessly at his sides. "Why does my life sound like a pervert's item menu?" he muttered.
The glowing fig leaf flickered in agreement. Lysera clung tighter, blood still trickling, and the altar behind them pulsed faintly as if to say: Congratulations. No refunds.
Lysera finally pulled herself together, though "steady" was generous. Her knees wobbled, her ears still quivered like reeds in the wind, and her face burned such a violent shade of red that it looked like she'd been standing too close to a forge. But she managed to lift her chin, eyes shining up at him with feverish devotion. Emerald irises caught the faint glow of the runes, making them sparkle as if they held the entire sky inside.
"You don't understand, my lord," she breathed, clutching his arm with trembling fingers. "For centuries, our temple has awaited this moment. The prophecy spoke of a chosen one—a man who would descend naked from the heavens, marked by divine lust itself, and awaken the holy power of the Harem Overlord System." Her voice shook with awe, as though every syllable carried the weight of an ancient hymn.
Kael just blinked at her. His jaw went slack, hanging open long enough that he realized a fly could've taken up residence. "Wait, wait, wait—" he flailed his hands, nearly smacking the glowing fig leaf for emphasis. "You're telling me… destiny chose me… because I tripped naked into a hole?!"
Lysera recoiled as if he'd spat on the altar itself. Her gasp echoed through the chamber like the crack of thunder. One delicate hand pressed to her chest, her ears stiffening with righteous indignation. "Not a hole, my lord…" she whispered, scandalized. Her emerald eyes glowed with the fervor of a zealot. "The Sacred Spring of Desire!"
Kael stared at her, utterly deadpan. "…That's even worse."
The altar pulsed in agreement.
The temple shuddered without warning, dust raining down from the high arches as the runes carved into the walls flared brighter, throbbing with a rhythm that made Kael's teeth rattle. The altar blazed like a miniature sun, searing his eyes, and with a smug little ding another glowing screen snapped into existence in front of his face.
---
[Quest: Test of Desire]
Objective: Prove your worth to the temple guardian.
Failure: Crushed to death by holy thighs.
---
Kael's eyes bulged so far they nearly fell out. "Holy—WHAT?!" he screeched, staggering back a step. His voice cracked, echoing through the chamber in humiliating clarity. "I don't want to be crushed by thighs! …Okay, wait, maybe I do, but not fatally!"
The temple did not dignify his panic with an answer. Instead, a low rumble crawled out of the shadows at the far end of the chamber, like stone being ground to powder. A chill swept through the air, lifting the fine hairs on Kael's arms.
Two eyes ignited in the dark—burning gold, sharp and unblinking. Then came the sound of metal striking stone: slow, deliberate footsteps.
From the gloom emerged a figure that made Kael's breath choke in his throat. A woman—if she could even be called that—towered above them, wrapped in plates of silver armor that clung to her frame like a second skin. Her body was sculpted like a goddess of war: broad-shouldered, impossibly tall, muscles corded with divine strength. But it was her legs that stole Kael's soul on the spot—pillars of power, thighs so immense and perfect they could choke a wyvern mid-flight.
Kael's brain fizzled like wet tinder. His mouth worked uselessly before he stammered out the only word he could cling to. "Th-th-thighs…"
Beside him, Lysera gasped and dropped to one knee, her voice full of reverence. "The Temple Guardian!"
The giantess strode fully into the light, her armor gleaming, her every step making the ground tremble. Her voice rolled through the chamber like a divine decree, heavy with judgment.
"Only the chosen Overlord may pass," she declared, her tone as unyielding as iron. "Demonstrate your virility… or perish beneath me!"
Kael's heart stopped.
Kael went white as the guardian's words thundered through the chamber. His knees knocked together, his hands flailed like he was trying to push the air itself away.
"V-virility?!" he squeaked. "W-Wait, wait, I just got here! I haven't even had time to buy pants yet!"
The system's calm little whisper slithered into his ears, smug as ever:
[Hint: Use Stamina Bar.]
Kael whipped his head toward the translucent screen hovering beside him. His eyes skimmed over his stats until they landed on the glowing line at the bottom. His stamina bar—bright, full, infinite.
He groaned. "Oh, this is so stupid."
The guardian did not wait for him to finish complaining. With a roar that shook the chamber, she lunged forward, her silver greatsword cleaving down in an arc that could have bisected a horse.
Kael screamed, arms pinwheeling as he stumbled sideways. "Nononono!"
His foot caught on the glowing fig leaf hovering dutifully over his shame. He pitched forward, smacking his chin on the floor with an undignified yelp.
The guardian's blade smashed into the stone where he'd been standing, cracking the floor in jagged lines. Dust and shards exploded into the air, filling Kael's nose and mouth with grit.
Desperation took over. He rolled blindly, coughing, scrambling for any escape. By sheer accident—and by the cruel favor of whatever gods were watching—he rolled directly into the guardian's legs.
More specifically: between them.
Time froze.
Kael's head rose slowly. He found himself staring into a canyon of flesh and armor, pressed tight between thighs so massive they could flatten him like bread dough. His brain melted.
Soft. Warm. Suffocating. Death by thighs. This isn't how I thought I'd go, but… it's not bad…
"MY LORD!" Lysera shrieked in horror, her hands clapping to her mouth.
The guardian stiffened. Her golden eyes widened, her cheeks flooding with red. "Y-you…" Her voice trembled with shock and fury. "You dared to embrace… the forbidden thighs?!"
Kael flailed, legs kicking like an overturned beetle. "I didn't dare! I just tripped!"
The system chimed in gleefully:
[Critical Hit: Thigh Affinity +50.]
The greatsword slipped from the guardian's grip, clattering against the cracked floor. She trembled, her breath suddenly quick and uneven. Then, with agonizing slowness, she stared down at him, awe dawning in her blazing eyes.
"Truly…" she whispered. "The Overlord."
Kael blinked up at her, dazed. "…Huh?"
The guardian dropped to one knee, thighs parting to release him. She lowered her head until her forehead touched the floor, her entire form bent in submission. Her voice carried like a vow.
"I submit. Crush me as you please, my lord."
Kael hacked on dust, eyes bugging out. "W-Wait, no, I don't crush people! That's not my kink!"
The system chimed with merciless cheer:
[Quest Complete.]
[Reward: Title unlocked – "Thigh Master (Novice)."]
Kael's eye twitched so hard it hurt. "This system is mocking me, isn't it?"
Lysera darted forward, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. She flung herself into his arms, nose still faintly bleeding. "You did it, my lord! You've proven your strength!"
Kael gaped at her, slack-jawed. "Strength?! I literally fell into her thighs!"
The system beeped smugly:
[Correct. Sometimes destiny is simply falling in the right direction.]
Kael buried his face in both hands. "I hate this."
The guardian vanished back into the shadows as suddenly as she'd appeared, leaving only the echo of her footsteps and the lingering aura of thighs that would haunt Kael's nightmares.
Lysera clung to his arm again, gazing up with eyes bright as twin stars. "It's true… you are the one who will gather us all. The women of every race will come to you. Elves, humans, oni, demons, angels… even goddesses themselves."
Kael laughed nervously, the sound hollow. "Y-Yeah, sure. Women from every race, lining up for a broke, naked pervert like me. Totally believable."
The system pulsed ominously:
[Main Quest Updated.]
Objective: Begin recruiting waifus immediately.
Hint: Step outside temple. Waifus will literally appear.
Kael blinked at the glowing text, dread creeping down his spine. "What the hell do you mean 'will literally appear'—"
The temple doors exploded inward with a deafening CRASH. Dust swirled around the entrance as a figure stepped through.
A woman. No—something far more dangerous. Horns curled elegantly from her skull. Crimson skin glistened in the glow. Her "outfit" looked less like clothing and more like someone had lost a fight with a ball of string and decided to wear the result.
Her eyes—scarlet, burning, hungry—locked on Kael.
"Finally," she purred, her voice dripping with sin. "I've found the one destined to be mine."
Lysera shrieked, clutching Kael like a child hiding from a thunderstorm. "A-A succubus! She's here already?!"
Kael's jaw sagged. His brain emptied of all useful thought. "…Oh no. I can't even afford pants yet, and the harem's already starting."
The system beeped with the satisfaction of a predator watching its prey squirm.