The meadow had not been Kael's sanctuary.
Nor was the dungeon.
Nor was the town.
No, Kael realized as he trudged down a lonely dirt road hemmed in by rolling green hills and endless blue sky, there was nowhere in this cursed world safe from harem-born chaos. The peace of the countryside—chirping larks, drifting clouds, the lazy buzz of summer insects—was utterly wasted on him. His shoulders sagged, his head hung low, and he dragged his boots as if every step led closer to the gallows.
The Sacred Pillow was slung beneath one arm like a knight's shield, though Kael carried it not with valor but with the resigned grip of a man clinging to the last scrap of comfort in a universe that had abandoned him.
And behind him… marched the four horsewomen of his apocalypse.
Selvara sashayed rather than walked, her hips swaying, humming a tune too sultry for daylight. Her scaled tail twirled in lazy spirals, flicking grass stalks as though each one was an admirer brushing against her. Every passing farmer who dared look up from his plow was rewarded with a wink that sent him stumbling into his ox.
Lysera shuffled a step behind, hands knotted together so tightly her knuckles gleamed white. Every pebble on the road became a mortal hazard; she tripped every third stride, gasping as though heaven itself might split open to punish her for walking in such sinful company.
Rhyla stalked ahead like a wolf on the prowl. Her sword was strapped to her back, the hilt gleaming, and her sharp eyes never stopped scanning the hillsides. Every rustle of grass, every startled hare sent her hand twitching toward the weapon, a promise that violence was only ever one breath away.
And then there was Aurelia.
Aurelia walked like the land belonged to her and had simply been waiting for her return. Her stride was crisp, confident, and unhurried, each step a proclamation of authority. Her halberd glinted with cruel light under the sun, carried not as a burden but as a banner. Those crimson eyes of hers never left Kael's back—tracking him, measuring him—as though he were already hers and she was simply deciding what to do with her prize. Each sigh he let out, each slump of his shoulders, only coaxed her lips into a sharper smirk.
Kael muttered into the Sacred Pillow, words muffled like a man praying for death. "This isn't a harem… it's a traveling civil war."
The system chose that moment to cheerfully invade his skull:
[Correction: Harem detected. Stability: 32%. Recommended action: Initiate bonding events.]
Kael nearly hurled the pillow skyward. His voice cracked. "BONDING?! The only bonding happening here will be someone's fist to my skull!"
Rhyla must have caught the words, because her bark of laughter sliced through the air like steel striking steel. "Finally, you admit your place, weakling. Aurelia and I will settle who commands, and you'll watch from the dirt where you belong."
Aurelia didn't miss a beat. She shifted her halberd casually over one shoulder and tilted her head, her smile cutting like a blade. "You? Command?" Her voice dripped disdain. "Don't make me laugh. You can't even keep your hair brushed, little soldier."
Rhyla's snarl was instantaneous. Her hand shot to her sword hilt, eyes blazing like flint striking fire. Sparks seemed to leap between the two women before steel had even left its scabbard.
Kael tightened his grip on the pillow, already envisioning himself smothering to death beneath it.
Selvara slid between the two bristling warriors like oil poured onto fire, her laugh low and velvety. She pressed close to Kael's side, tail coiling possessively around his waist as though she were claiming him like a prize. Her golden eyes glittered with mischief, and she leaned forward until her breath tickled his ear.
"Oh, don't waste your blades so soon, my fierce darlings," she purred, voice dripping with mock-innocence. "Why spend all that glorious passion cutting each other… when it could be lavished on him?"
Kael made a strangled, panicked sound halfway between a cough and a squeak. He grabbed at her tail like a man trying to wrestle a python off his torso, fingers slipping against the warm scales. "I don't want fire spent on me!" he yelped, shoving her coils back with all the desperation of someone fending off an assassin.
Lysera clutched her holy staff as though it were a lifeline, her knuckles white, her lips trembling with suppressed sobs. "P-Please, sisters!" she stammered, voice breaking. "We mustn't quarrel! Quarreling among ourselves only invites—only invites ruin and sin! If we could only—"
"Stay out of it, priestess." Aurelia's voice cut through like a halberd blade, cold and commanding. She tilted her chin, eyes narrowing to crimson slits. "Your prayers won't keep me from claiming what's mine."
Lysera recoiled as though struck, her face flushing scarlet. She stumbled back, clutching her staff tighter. "W-What's yours?!" she gasped, her voice rising in a near-wail. "He is the Goddess' chosen vessel! He belongs to divine will—!"
Kael couldn't take it anymore. He dropped onto his knees, mashed his face deep into the Sacred Pillow, and screamed into its enchanted softness until his lungs burned. His words came out muffled but unmistakable:
"I BELONG TO NAPS! LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!"
The first fight broke out before the sun even dipped below the horizon.
It began like a spark—small, harmless, easy to stamp out. Rhyla stood in the clearing with her arms crossed and fire in her eyes, demanding an "honor duel" to settle who commanded the harem. Aurelia, leaning on her halberd as though it were a throne, merely smirked and said she accepted.
Kael begged them both to sit down, to breathe, to maybe just play cards instead. His pleas fell on deaf ears.
Selvara, perched on a log, clapped her hands together and suggested—far too eagerly—that she could oil the warriors up first. Lysera's eyes rolled back in horror and she fainted, her holy staff slipping from her hands as she crumpled into the grass.
By the time Kael returned from gathering firewood, hoping desperately the tension might have cooled, the air was already vibrating with violence.
Rhyla and Aurelia circled one another in the clearing, muscles taut, weapons gleaming with reflected sunset. Their gazes locked like rival predators testing who would draw blood first. When their blades clashed, the impact rang like thunder, sending showers of sparks across the grass. Each strike rattled the trees around them, and the ground itself quivered beneath their boots.
Kael dropped the firewood in horror. The logs rolled forgotten into the dirt.
"What the hell are you two doing?!"
"Deciding who leads," Rhyla growled, straining against the weight of Aurelia's halberd as it ground against her sword.
Aurelia bared her teeth in a grin, sweat sliding down the curve of her collarbone, her crimson eyes glowing with delight. "And who owns you."
Kael's voice cracked into a scream. "I'M NOT A HORSE!"
Selvara reclined lazily on a rock, her chin propped against her hands, legs swinging like a girl at play. Her golden eyes sparkled with perverse delight. "Mmm… they're glistening already. Don't stop on my account~."
Lysera, revived and pale as parchment, fanned herself desperately with her holy book, her lips trembling as though every word might damn her soul. "T-This is blasphemy! This is sin incarnate—oh Goddess forgive me, I-I can't look away—"
The duel only escalated. Rhyla roared and swung her blade in a savage arc, aiming to cleave through Aurelia's guard. But Aurelia sidestepped, the motion fluid and graceful, and spun her halberd in a blur. The shaft cracked against Rhyla's side and sent her sprawling flat onto her back.
Before Rhyla could rise, Aurelia planted her halberd into the earth beside her head and pressed a heavy boot down on the Amazon's chest.
"Yield," Aurelia growled, her voice low and commanding.
Rhyla spat blood onto the dirt and glared up with wild defiance. "Never."
Kael, heart lurching into his throat, hurled himself between them with the desperation of a madman. The Sacred Pillow rose high in his hands like the world's most pathetic white flag.
"STOP TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER OVER ME!"
The clearing froze. The pillow, absurd in its softness, seemed to radiate an almost divine absurdity, dissolving the killing edge in the air. Aurelia blinked. Rhyla froze, chest heaving beneath the weight of Aurelia's boot.
Kael stood trembling, clutching the pillow against his chest as though it alone tethered him to sanity.
Selvara broke the silence with a slow, mocking clap. "Bravo, my lord. To break up a duel with nothing but bedding… truly, you are a man of action."
Kael shot her a wild, haunted glare. "I hate this world."
---
That night, the camp became a battlefield of another kind.
Selvara "accidentally" slithered into Kael's tent first, her tail curling around his ankle like a claim. Lysera arrived moments later, scandalized, insisting it was improper for him to sleep alone and squeezing in with trembling prayers. Rhyla growled from outside that if Aurelia dared put her tent near Kael's, then she would sleep closer too. Aurelia simply marched in without asking, dropped her halberd against the wall, and declared, "I sleep closest. As his co-commander."
Kael ended up buried alive beneath a dogpile of perfumed hair, rattling armor plates, and suspiciously warm thighs. His muffled screams escaped only into the pillow, his sole salvation in a storm of perfume and flesh.
The system chimed cheerfully in his mind:
[Bonding event successful. Stability +5.]
Kael sobbed into the fabric. "This isn't bonding… this is a war crime…"
---
Morning brought no peace.
Breakfast transformed into another front in the war. Aurelia demanded Kael eat meat "to strengthen his body." Lysera scolded that the Goddess forbade blood-tainted meals and pressed a bowl of greens into his hands. Selvara leaned over and tried to slip strawberries into his mouth—using hers as the utensil. Rhyla slammed a hunk of roasted boar into his lap and snarled, "Eat like a warrior or starve."
Kael stared at the table, trembling. "…Can't I just have toast?"
The system beeped, cold and merciless:
[Decision impacts Stability. Choose wisely.]
Kael buried his face into the food and screamed.
---
By the time they reached the next village, Kael walked with the dragging steps of a man already executed. His waifus followed in a loose formation, each radiating their own storm: Aurelia and Rhyla locked in silent glares sharp enough to cut steel, Lysera mumbling frantic prayers under her breath, Selvara humming a sultry tune as if she were enjoying her favorite play.
The villagers paused in their work as the group passed. Whispers spread like wildfire.
"That must be him—the Overlord of Lust!"
"They say he commands a harem of beauties!"
Kael nearly collapsed into the dirt. "Don't encourage them…"
Aurelia smirked and draped a heavy arm over his shoulders, her crimson gaze daring the villagers to stare. "Walk tall, Kael. Let them see who leads you."
Rhyla shoved her away with a growl. "He leads us. Not you."
Selvara licked her lips, golden eyes glittering. "Mmm, why not all three at once? Imagine the scandal~."
Lysera shrieked, pressing her holy book to her chest. "HERESY!"
Kael pressed the Sacred Pillow over his face and whispered, broken and desperate: "I just wanted a nap…"
The system answered with cruel cheer:
[New Quest: Manage Harem Power Struggle.]
[Objective: Prevent open war between Aurelia and Rhyla.]
[Reward: Stability +30.]
[Failure: Harem splits permanently.]
Kael dropped to his knees in the village square, head thrown back toward the sky, and howled with every ounce of despair in his lungs:
"WHY IS THIS PILLOW CURSED?!"