Amara resting her chin on her palm breaks the silence of night. "Do you ever miss it?"
Not looking away from the fire or the children Jane replies "Miss what?"
With a thoughtful tone, "who we used to be, before our bellies were round. Before tiny hands gripped our fingers like we were gods."
Jane's lips curl at the edges with something bordering on a sneer… but even less friendly. "I don't miss the silence that comes with being proper." she says wile making air quotes.
Amara arched her eyebrow a little curious to hear more. After all this time Jane had become one of her closest friends if not her best friend, but like Red she never really talked about the past. "No?"
Jane shook her head slightly with a sigh leaving her lips, "I don't miss the games. The courtyard full of whispers, obligations to smile when someone powerful enters the room."
Amara in deep thought says the words that are on Jane's mind "but you miss being sharp, being dangerous."
Jane looks over surprised not because she was right but because it felt like she had spoken from understanding.
Amara's gaze is steady and knowing as she continues her assessment. "Don't deny it. You miss it like a warrior misses a blade, too worn to use, but too familiar to throw away."
Jane rests her elbow on the table and leans on her hand, and in a hushed voice. "Sometimes I dream about court halls, about how I once pulled truths from liars." the hearth cracks and pops.
"knowing what someone would say before they opened their mouth..." Jane's words faded, like there was something lingering wanting to be said."
Amara sat quietly, attentively listening to her friend's story. "And then you wake up to someone drooling on your shoulder."
This brings a genuine smile to Jane, one that tugs on the heart. "Cassia, always Cassia." They both laugh soft, throaty and real. *crack! pop!* An ember shoots out and dissipates to smoke before hitting the stone.
There was silence for a bit, occasionally broken by Cassia snoring and Anecus's groans. "I was a caravan scribe, spent my days recording deals and tracking ledgers. My nights? Stealing bread or hearts. Or both."
"I believe that. You have that dangerous charm." Jane said with an accusatory grin.
Amara with mock offense, "Oh? do tell, what did you have before Red got to you?"
Jane looked out the window thinking about her days in the Empire, with her family. "Claws I kept hidden and a name I haven't spoken in years."
Amara watches her for a moment, "Do you ever regret it? Leaving that version of yourself behind?"
Jane "No." after a beat "But sometimes I wonder if she's still in there…waiting for something terrible to bring her back."
The wind picks up a little making the house howl slightly. Amara thinking about what has been said. "I don't think she'll come back."
Jane with a curious look "No?"
Amara with insight beyond her years. "She'd have become someone else entirely. You've bled into something softer. That softness isn't weakness, it's purpose."
Jane thinking about her words cant seem to find fault. "what about you? If you had a chance to go back?"
Amara smiled a smile that looked like she had won life. "I'd do everything the same."
Beneath the warm fire light two women who were once steel forged in silence now wrap their strength in lullabies and sweet laughter. For the three children that sleep beneath a future not yet written…woven from the choices their mothers bled for.
----
The sun hasn't yet risen, but the sky is lavender with promise the dew clings to the grass. Birds have only just begun to stir, disturbing the household.
Jane and Cassia are still asleep inside, but Red is already up…and he finds that someone else is too.
Checking the boundary of the local community like he always does, not because he needs to but because routine is a kind of prayer for him.
While looking over the northern horizon he hears the soft crunch of grass behind him. He stops but doesn't turn. "You walk like your mother."
Anecus rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Is that a good thing?"
Red "The best."
Anecus in a long shirt that nearly touches his knees was made even cuter due to his messy bed head. He carries a small branch like a sword, dragging it behind him. "I wanted to see the sun come up. Mama says it's softer here."
Red looks over the horizon as the sun's rays start to turn the fields gold. "It is."
Anecus looking at the sunrise looks up at his father. "Why?"
Red thought for a moment 'because no one is dying needlessly here' he looked into Anecus's eyes, they were full of questions and innocence. "Because its rays keep the monster at bay."
Anecus's breath hitched a little. Not fully understanding, but he grabbed his shirt tightly and looked out at the expansive fields. "Oh."
Red begins walking the rest of the perimeter, Anecus follows. Red ever so slightly shortens his steps so he can catch up.
Glancing up at his father, 'I can never tell what he's thinking...'
"Are you ever scared?" Anecus asks
Red with no hesitation "yes."
Anecus was scared at the thought of something his father feared. "...of what?"
Looking forward "of not being enough, for you and your sister. Your mother."
Anecus stops walking and in a very matter of fact voice and an almost upset face "you're enough for me."
Red stops walking and looks down at him.
Anecus looks up, completely sure of what he said, No hesitation , just the truth.
Red almost to himself. "…You'll be stronger than I ever was."
Anecus frowning "I don't want to be stronger than you. I just want you to be here."
Red softly scruffs his son's hair "I will be, Even when I'm not. That's what fathers do."
"Like a shadow?" Anecus asked, tilting his head a little.
Red finding a smile "Like roots. Roots you can always come back to."
They stand at the orchard's edge as the sun crests over the hills, gold light spilling across the field, catching on Anecus's silver lined hair.
Lighting Red's dark eyes from within. Red rests his hand gently on Anecus's head.
He was made for war, but chose peace and in that quiet hour before the world could steal it from him, Redgwrick was not a weapon.
He was a father.