After getting thoroughly wasted at the bar, Soren was now wandering the streets in an attempt to find something to do when something came to mind.
When he arrived, he just stood in place for a few moments, staring at the building before his eyes.
[Mother's Bakery]
It was the brothel he had caught Felix coming out of earlier.
"Should I go in?"
He had never been inside a brothel before, but it wasn't like he had no experience.
At this point, however, Soren was just trying to find excuses to avoid going back to the dorm.
If he were in his right mind, he wouldn't have even considered going to such a place.
'Maybe the alcohol is hitting harder than I thought…'
He turned away from the brothel and wandered for a little longer before finding a bench in a quiet area.
Sitting down on the bench, he turned his gaze towards the sky.
The sun was starting to rise, and the streets were beginning to fill.
Soren closed his eyes, taken by the relaxing atmosphere as someone came to mind.
A woman with long black hair, dark grey eyes and skin that was so pale that she looked almost sickly.
Her name was Aria.
It was the only person from Earth that he missed, a person who had always been there for him and helped him, until an unfortunate incident split them apart.
Whenever his thoughts wandered, it was her face that came to mind.
Soren reminisced on his memories for a while in the quiet street with his eyes closed until a voice called out to him.
"Soren…?"
It was a voice that was all too familiar to him by now.
A voice that always seemed to appear when Soren needed help.
He opened his eyes and looked at the speaker.
Short, light pink hair with bear ears on top.
Vibrant green eyes that reminded him of gemstones.
It was Lilliana Roseblood.
A slight smile appeared on his face as he saw her.
"...Hi, Miss Rose."
He tried to greet her in a polite voice, like usual, but perhaps because of his drinking, or maybe just because of his exhausted mental state, the voice that came out was a tired one.
"Are you.. okay?"
If it were anyone else, Soren might've responded curtly with something along the lines of 'What do you think?' or even brushed it off, but the person in front of him was someone who had constantly helped him without asking for anything in return.
So instead, he answered truthfully.
"I don't know."
It was the truth.
He wasn't sure if he was okay or not.
Part of him believed that he was fine, while another part of him was saying that he couldn't be after what he had done.
Upon noticing Soren's state, Lilliana walked over and sat down next to him before opening her small mouth.
"Remember what I told you last time?"
He nodded.
Lilliana was talking about how she had told him that he could come to her if he ever needed anyone.
"Can you keep your promise?"
He was about to nod absentmindedly, but hesitated.
'Can I really just dump this all on her?'
She may seem strong, but mentally, both she and Soren were almost the same age. If even he was struggling, then there was no reason to just expect Lilliana to be able to fix everything.
Then there was the fact that they weren't even that close.
If Soren had to name the person he was closest to in Stellaris Academy, he would say Lilliana without hesitation, but at best, they were only acquaintances.
At worst, Lilliana just viewed it as a teacher-student relationship and was trying her best to support her students.
But before Soren could continue his train of thought, Lilliana reached out and placed her hand on his face, turning it towards her and forcing him to make eye contact.
"Can you keep it?"
Maybe it was because she looked genuinely worried, or perhaps it was because he felt safe around her, but Soren's mouth opened before he could even think, pouring out the thoughts that had been swirling around in his mind ever since he woke up in that hospital bed.
"I killed someone today. It was the first time." Soren started. "I knew I would have to one day, but…"
"..."
"I didn't want to."
"..."
"But if I didn't, I would have died… No, not only me, but Felix would have died too."
"..."
"But you know? Felix scared me… the way he acted like it was so normal to kill someone… the way he did it so emotionlessly…" His voice shook as he kept talking. "I couldn't help but ask myself, what if that's what he's really like? But if it weren't for him, I would be dead…"
He could feel tears threatening to spill at any moment, but he desperately held them back.
"Then, when I woke up in the infirmary, he was back to normal, as if nothing ever happened. It made me feel like the weird one."
"..."
"The worst part is I don't even feel that guilty about killing someone, it was the feeling…"
"...I see."
"I don't know how I'm meant to feel, Miss Rose.." Soren covered his face with his hands as he kept talking. "I didn't know what to do, so I went out drinking. I didn't want to stay in the dorms tonight…"
"..."
"Pfft, I almost made a stupid mistake too." He laughed self-deprecatingly.
In the end, he failed to hold back his tears, so he kept covering his face in an attempt to hide them.
Once everything had been said, Soren noticed that Lilliana was quiet.
'I knew it was too much.'
He felt a wave of embarrassment for venting to someone he wasn't even that close with.
But once again, his train of thought was stopped by a soft touch.
Lilliana had placed her hands on Soren's own, pulling them down from his face.
He could have resisted if he wanted, but he chose not to.
Instead, he looked at Lilliana.
Once Soren's hands were away from his face, she hugged him tightly.
Her lips were pursed, and she avoided looking directly at Soren, as if she was unsure of what to say.
But he could feel it.
That she was desperately trying to comfort him.
At that realisation, a faint smile appeared on Soren's face.
He carefully placed his arms around Lilliana and gently hugged her back.
It was the first hug he had received in a long time.
The warmth spreading throughout his body helped calm him down.
Then her soft, slightly high-pitched voice, which he was all too familiar with, was heard.
"I'm not the best with words, but I want you to know that you aren't weird. There's nothing wrong with the way you think. Of course, there's nothing wrong with how Felix acted either. Every person has lived a different life and has different beliefs…" She stopped and looked Soren in the eye. "But in my eyes, the fact that you're agonising over this so much shows how kind a person you are."
She then let go of Soren, pulling away slightly, before reaching her hand to his face once again, staring directly into Soren's eyes.
"So don't beat yourself up over this. And remember your promise in future, I'm always here, so come to me before you go to a bar, Soren."
Then she wiped away the tears that had long stopped from the corners of Soren's eyes and smiled at him warmly.
"Thank you."
He smiled back at her.
If it wasn't for her, Soren was unsure of what he would've done.
Then she asked a question that froze Soren in place.
"So what was that stupid mistake you almost made, Soren?"
"Ah…"
He ended up spending a long time on a Sunday morning trying to avoid Lilliana's question.
————「❤︎」————