Chapter 83: The Middle-aged Greasy Loser Thor
One hour later.
New Mexico, a psychiatric rehabilitation center in a desert town.
The ward was filled with a strange mixture of disinfectant and cheap laundry detergent.
A blond man was strapped to a hospital bed with two leather belts, ranting incessantly at a female Doctor.
"Let me go! I am Thor! The Prince of Asgard! How dare you mortals imprison a god!"
A female researcher in a white lab coat and black-rimmed glasses standing nearby explained anxiously: "Doctor, he really isn't mentally ill. He just... he just comes from another place!"
Lin An looked at the burly blond man on the hospital bed, with his stubbly beard, greasy hair, and a plaid shirt likely scavenged from some secondhand market, and couldn't help but twitch the corner of his mouth.
Is this Asgard's naive prince?
With this image, people would believe him if you said he was a foreman who had just spent three days moving bricks at a construction site.
"Are you a family member?" The attending Doctor pushed up his glasses, then looked at the bald man in a wheelchair and the old man in a purple cape who had followed them in.
"Which circus did you run away from? Are you new patients too?"
Magneto had black lines on his forehead. Do people in this remote little place not use the internet? I am the leader of the Mutants, the great Magneto, hey!
Lin An stepped forward, ignoring the chattering Doctorand nursing staff, and stared straight into Thor's eyes.
"Where is your hammer?"
Thor on the hospital bed was stunned, and his struggling stopped. A flash of ecstatic light instantly burst forth from his blue eyes.
"You! You believe me?" Thor was so excited he almost broke the bed frame.
"Finally! Finally, there is a second Earthling who believes my words!"
Jane Foster, standing nearby, also looked at Lin An in surprise.
Lin An ignored their excitement and asked again: "I'm asking you, where is your hammer, Mjolnir?"
At the mention of the hammer, the joy on Thor's face instantly collapsed, and he became extremely dejected.
"It was taken away by a group of guys in black suits."
Thor said dejectedly, "They call themselves something... S.H.I.E.L.D.. They surrounded my hammer and even built a Base around it, not letting me get close."
Magneto, who had been standing silently on the side, could finally take it no longer.
He stepped forward, looking Thor up and down with the gaze one would use for a rare animal, his face clearly saying "Are you messing with me?"
"You... are you really that Thor?" Eric couldn't help but speak, his tone full of skepticism.
"The one from Norse mythology? Do gods really exist?"
Upon being asked this, Thor immediately puffed out his chest, his face regaining the pride belonging to the God race.
"Of course! I am the son of Odin, the future King of Asgard, Thor Odinson!"
Eric didn't speak.
He reached out a finger, pointing at Thor's beard, which was stained with food scraps, and his slightly protruding belly from eating too much fast food.
Then, he turned his head and looked at Lin An with an expression of extreme disdain.
"This is what a god looks like?"
"A greasy middle-aged loser?"
The pride on Thor's face instantly froze.
He choked for a long time before squeezing out a sentence, his voice as quiet as a mosquito's hum.
"I... I just indulged a bit too much while staying at Jane's place these past few days. The cola and burgers in your mortal world are just too delicious..."
Lin An was already laughing hysterically in his heart.
Eric's mouth is truly poisonous, low damage, but extremely insulting.
Professor Charles closed his eyes, and a gentle psychic force probed into Thor's brain.
A few seconds later, he opened his eyes, his expression becoming somewhat strange.
"Very peculiar." Charles pushed his wheelchair.
"This person's brain is indeed filled with memories about the Realm of Gods, the Bifrost Bridge, and the wars of the Nine Realms, with an extremely massive amount of information. From a telepathic perspective, he is not lying."
Thor's eyes lit up.
"However," Charles changed the subject, his tone becoming uncertain.
"We cannot rule out another possibility. He is a complete lunatic who has constructed his delusional persona so perfectly that he has even deceived himself."
Thor: "..."
Damn it, what is wrong with these Earthlings? Would it kill you to believe me for once?
"As long as you help me restore my divine power," Thorsaid anxiously, starting to negotiate, "I can grant you one request! Any request!"
Lin An listened and looked at him happily; he had been waiting for these words.
"How do we restore it?" Magneto asked, frowning.
This question seemed to stump Thor.
He scratched his greasy blond hair and said somewhat uncertainly.
"Uh... probably, maybe... we have to get my hammer back first?"
"Alright, guys."
Lin An, who had been standing on the sidelines watching the show, suddenly clapped his hands, attracting everyone's attention.
The expression on his face was full of the excitement and fanaticism of a capitalist seeing a new project.
"I have a pretty good understanding of the situation now."
Lin An walked to the hospital bed, exerted force with both hands, and the leather restraint straps, capable of binding a bull, instantly snapped.
He looked at the bewildered Thor, then scanned the equally confused Magneto and Charles nearby, the corners of his mouth curling into an extremely arrogant arc.
"Now, I announce."
"The [God Project] temporary task force is officially established!"
"Mid-lifers and old-timers, the elderly tour group begins!"
Lin An waved his hand abruptly, his tone impassioned, looking just like a tour guide.
...
New Mexico, the temporarily constructed S.H.I.E.L.D.quarantine zone.
A heavy tractor's engine was roaring under the unbearable strain, the steel cable attached to the rear carriage was pulled taut, and the other end was tightly tied to the silver short-handled hammer in the center of the crater.
The wheels were spinning wildly in the mud, and the hammer hadn't budged even a millimeter.
Nick Fury stood on the edge of the crater, his remaining eye staring fixedly at the alien object, the veins on his forehead throbbing.
Ever since meeting that bastard Homelander, nothing has gone smoothly.
Captain America was snatched, Weapon X was recruited—whenever there's something good, this bastard absolutely appears immediately.
Now an alien treasure has fallen from the sky, finally allowing S.H.I.E.L.D. to win back a round and solidify official authority.
And what happened?
Damn it, it won't budge! Everyone in the Base tried it, and this piece of junk seems welded to Earth's gravity.
Just as he was about to order a heavy crane, the explosion-proof gate of the quarantine zone, along with half of a load-bearing wall, flew directly inside.
The dust settled, and Lin An was hovering half a meter in the air.
Behind him followed the bald Charles sitting in a wheelchair, the old man Eric pushing the wheelchair, plus a burly blond man in a dirty plaid shirt.
"Fuck, it's you again!! Homelander!" Fury's eyelids twitched wildly as he drew his sidearm and pointed it at the air.
"Are you trying to rebel? Breaking into a top-secret government military zone, who gave you the guts!"
Lin An didn't even look at the dark muzzle, snapping his fingers behind his back.
Micro-drones ejected from the hidden compartments on his shoulders, red indicator lights flashing frantically.
Full-network live broadcast, initiated.
"Hey everyone, look at the camera." Lin An waved at the drone, his tone instantly switching to a helpful citizen mode.
"Today, I'm taking you all to see what real shady operations are. Just now, this one-eyed black-egg Officer said I was rebelling? I just want to ask, as a legitimate tax-paying corporate president, how am I rebelling?"
He pointed at Fury's bald head, his tone full of grief.
"Folks, there's a dictator here! I seriously suspect this black-egg in the black leather trench coat is a remnant of HYDRA, or some Nazi element. They are taking taxpayer money to conduct underground experiments; what kind of ulterior motives do they have?"
Fury's heart went cold.
He stared fixedly at the buzzing drone, his throat feeling as if it were stuck with a large ball of cotton.
This lunatic is live-streaming again!
Are you addicted to live-streaming, damn it!
Chapter 84: The Earth Is Not Under God's Jurisdiction, It Belongs to Me!
The social media chat feed began to scroll rapidly.
"Exactly! Homelander represents justice, so why won't they let us watch?"
"I think that hammer in the crater is pretty mysterious. Could it really be some kind of advanced alien technology?"
"These politicians use our money for their own private agendas every day! Homelander did a great job, expose them!"
Fury gritted his teeth, unsure whether to lower or raise the gun in his hand.
"Homelander, watch your language. This is an official S.H.I.E.L.D. operation, and we are protecting the safety of the public. You have trespassed into a restricted area; this is against the rules, and I have the right to arrest you on the spot!"
"Arrest me?" Lin An landed back on the ground, his heels crunching in the mud.
He walked up to Fury in a leisurely manner, looking down at him from above.
"What are you using to protect the public? That piece-of-junk pistol of yours?"
Lin An pointed at the sky, his voice rising sharply to ensure the drone's microphone recorded every word clearly.
"Citizens of America have a right to know! This World is not safe at all! There are aliens, there are gods, and there are even demons eyeing Earth! When you politicians discovered a dangerous alien object, your first reaction was to put up caution tape and cover up the truth?"
Lin An pushed Fury aside and spread his hands to the camera.
"Vought International is committed to maintaining Worldpeace. We have the right to take over events that concern the survival of humanity!"
"My rules are the rules!"
The live stream chat went crazy.
Gods? Demons? Aliens?
These three words coming from the mouth of the strongest hero on Earth were ten thousand times more effective than a presidential speech.
"Gods? Aliens? No way!"
"Why is it impossible? Isn't Homelander a god himself?"
"Great! I hope the aliens blow up this shitty Earth so I don't have to go to work, hahahahaha!!"
"Homelander is the only hope for protecting Earth! Go, Vought Dragon Team!"
"OMG, are there really gods? Will I be heard if I say 'fuck God' every day?"
Lin An couldn't be bothered to argue with Fury any further and turned to look behind him.
"Magneto, clear the area. Professor Charles, make them quiet."
Magneto Erik rolled his eyes.
He never dreamed in his life that he, a dignified Mutantleader, would one day be reduced to working as a security Captain for a capitalist.
Erik raised his right hand.
The weapons in the hands of the more than seventy S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents all turned into twisted lumps of scrap metal in the same second, clattering to the ground.
Charles sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples.
A gentle yet irresistible psychic wave rippled out, forcibly suppressing the Agents' initial thoughts of counterattacking, leaving them standing there like wooden stakes, their minds blank.
"Done." Lin An clapped his hands and looked back at Thor, who had been unable to contain himself for a while, "Go ahead, big guy, take back your piece-of-junk hammer."
Thor was so excited his eyes turned red.
Like a bull seeing a mate, he scrambled into the crater and grabbed the hammer handle.
"Mjolnir! Old friend, I'm back!"
Thor roared as he exerted force, the veins on his thick arms bulging, and he stomped two deep pits into the muddy ground.
It didn't move.
There wasn't even a twitch.
Thor was stunned. He exerted force again, his face turning bright red as he used every ounce of strength he had.
The hammer remained firmly embedded in the stone, as if mocking his incompetence.
"How is this possible... Father! You can't do this to me!"
Thor let go of the handle and collapsed to his knees in the mud, covering his face with his hands, tears and snot mixing together.
The greatest warrior of Asgard was currently crying like a three-hundred-pound fat man who had his lollipop stolen.
Fury, at the edge of the crater, laughed out loud.
"I thought you brought some kind of secret weapon." Furylooked at Lin An mockingly, "Even if I gave it to you, you couldn't take it away. No one on Earth can move this thing; it's best to leave it to S.H.I.E.L.D. to study!"
"It's truly terrifying to be uneducated." Lin An glanced at Fury sideways and switched to lecture mode.
"There is an inscription on it. 'Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.' This thing can only be lifted by someone with an extremely firm conviction."
Magneto scoffed after hearing this.
"A piece-of-junk hammer is doing personality tests?" Erik strode down into the crater, "I have fought for the future of Mutants for half my life; when it comes to conviction, who on Earth can be firmer than me?"
He gripped the hammer handle with one hand, his magnetism fully unleashed.
The surrounding barbed wire and car wreckage vibrated violently, but the hammer remained motionless.
Erik's old face flushed red. Unable to save face, he snorted and retreated to the side.
Charles, sitting in his wheelchair, shook his head repeatedly: "Don't look at me, I don't have the physical strength to go down and pull radishes."
Everyone's gaze turned to Lin An.
Lin An scratched his chin.
He knew exactly what kind of person he was. He had a conscience, but not much of one.
Counting on this hammer that tests for 'truth, goodness, and beauty' to approve of him?
That was probably even more absurd than making Magneto sell his ass.
But the live stream was still on, and hundreds of millions of eyes were watching in the chat.
If he, the strongest on Earth, didn't dare to step up, wouldn't that be too cowardly?
Screw it.
With the genetic foundation of Silver Age Superman, trying wouldn't get him pregnant.
Lin An flicked his cape and walked step by step to the hammer.
He stared at the silver hammer head covered in mysterious patterns, frantically brainwashing himself.
I am the King of Law.
I am a do-gooder.
I am for the peace of the entire Universe.
Fuck it.
Fuck high morals! Fuck eligibility assessments! In my past life, I worked myself to death like a corporate dog; after transmigrating here, I just want to do whatever I want!
I'm not here to cater to the rules of these old alien farts!
I want to turn this damned Universe upside down and trample all those high-and-mighty gods under my feet as stepping stones!
This is my conviction.
Arrogance so pure it had not a single impurity!
He gripped the hammer handle with his right hand.
He didn't use his super strength; he used raw, primitive brute force, looked up at the gloomy sky, and let out an extremely arrogant roar.
"My conviction is—FUCK this shitty World!"
Before the words died away.
Crack!
A blue bolt of lightning as thick as a bucket struck out of thin air, crashing directly onto the hammer head.
Amidst the splashing lightning, Mjolnir, which not even a heavy-duty tractor could pull, actually broke free from the constraints of the crater just like that, light as a feather.
Lin An held it up in mid-air with one hand, just like pulling a radish.
Electric currents coursed along his arm, and the dazzling lightning illuminated the entire isolation zone in a pale white light.
The wind stopped.
Thor, by the side of the mud pit, opened his mouth wide, his jaw almost hitting his feet.
Magneto's hand pushing the wheelchair shook, almost pushing Charles into a ditch.
He looked at the hammer, then at Lin An.
FUCK this World?
That works too?
What kind of deformed thing is this kid's brain?
Fury felt his vision go black, and his legs went weak.
This capricious freak actually possessed a firmer conviction than everyone present. Was there any hope left for this World?
The live stream chat went through a bizarre five-second stagnation.
Then, it erupted completely like a tsunami, the chat feed scrolling wildly.
"FUCK this shitty World! Homelander is the strongest!"
He shook the hammer at the drone in the sky and, by the way, gave an extremely standard middle finger in the direction of Asgard.
"See clearly. From today on, Earth is no longer under God's jurisdiction."
"It belongs to me, Homelander!"
Chapter 85: Metamorphosis: Thor Enters the Factory
New York, Queens.
An old processing plant.
The pungent smell of machine oil fermented in the sweltering workshop.
The rusty conveyor belt made a "creaking" sound.
Among a group of blue-collar workers with numb expressions and mechanical movements, there stood a guy who looked extremely out of place.
He was one meter ninety tall.
His body was covered in knotted muscles.
Thor Odinson, the Prince of Asgard and future King of the Gods, was wearing a cheap work uniform.
He was holding a greasy wrench in his hand.
His blue eyes were filled with confusion about the truths of the Universe.
"Is this the trial to become a superstar?"
Thor stared at the small hexagonal nut in his hand, his eyes revealing a clear, pure stupidity.
"Do the superstars of your Earth all have to tighten screws on an assembly line?"
Factory second-floor monitoring room.
Lin An sat with his legs crossed, looking down through the one-way glass.
"One billion people."
Lin An tapped the microphone.
The voice traveled through the miniature earpiece in Thor's ear.
"Thor, there are currently one billion people around the world watching your face through the live stream. Would you say that makes you a superstar?"
On the sofa.
Tony Stark held a wine glass, laughing until his shoulders shook.
"I spent 200 million to buy this factory just to watch him work the assembly line."
Tony took a sip of red wine: "John, this is more interesting than all the talk shows in the United States combined."
Magneto Erik leaned against the corner of the wall, the muscles on his face twitching slightly.
"Tricking an alien god into the factory as free labor..."
Erik stared at Lin An's back.
"You capitalists have hearts even darker than the politicians at The Pentagon."
Lin An couldn't be bothered to deal with these two spectators and continued to output into the microphone.
"Thor, why did your father, Odin, strip you of your divine power?"
"Because your virtue does not match your position!"
"Your character is simply not worthy of that hammer!"
Lin An raised his volume sharply: "Now is the perfect opportunity for you to reshape your divinity!"
Thor, in front of the assembly line, scratched his blond hair.
This sounded reasonable, but his intuition told him something was wrong.
"But what does this have to do with tightening screws?"
"It has everything to do with it!"
Lin An's voice was filled with a fanatical, seductive quality.
"This is called bottom-layer logic restructuring!"
"This is called a mental ecological closed loop!"
"Every screw represents a mistake you made in the past! Every tightening is the ultimate polishing of your impetuous heart!"
"You need to find your core leverage in this dull, repetitive labor and form your own unique methodology!"
"Only in this way can you complete the final empowerment of your divinity!"
The wrench in Thor's hand stopped.
Core leverage? Methodology? Ecological closed loop? Divine empowerment?
These terms, which he had never heard of before, came like a barrage, directly crashing his already not-so-abundant brain capacity.
It sounded... really profound!
"Look for yourself, the bullet comments are all cheering for you."
Lin An snapped his fingers, projecting the real-time comments from the live stream in front of Thor.
"Never seen this in my life! A god entering a factory to screw in bolts, this live stream is too hardcore!"
"Go Thor! After tightening these ten thousand, you'll be the most handsome assembly line worker in the whole factory!"
"The top donor tipped a spaceship and specifically asked to see Thor use his hammer to smash a nut. Can the director arrange that?"
Thor stared at the text scrolling across the screen.
Blood burned in the veins of the Asgardian.
This was how the people of Earth expressed their awe!
"Good!"
Thor roared and gripped the wrench tightly.
"For the glory of Asgard!"
"To take back my divine power!"
He lowered his head and started working hard on the tin cans in front of him.
Second floor.
Tony was coughing from holding back his laughter, not even caring that red wine had spilled on his trouser legs.
"Divine empowerment..."
Tony gave a thumbs up: "Stark Industries' HR director isn't even as good at bullshitting as you. How do you manage to say this nonsense with a straight face?"
"Open your perspective, Stark."
Lin An took a sip of iced cola.
"As modern enterprises, we specialize in dimensional reduction strikes."
Steve Rogers stood in the shadows, his face growing darker.
He had heard that an alien creature claiming to be a god had descended upon New Mexico, and worried about Earth's safety, he had rushed over overnight.
And this was the scene he saw.
A muscular man with questionable intelligence being tricked by an unscrupulous boss into a sweatshop as cheap labor.
What kind of alien threat was this?
This was clearly a victim of an intergalactic human trafficking scheme!
"Boss."
Steve finally couldn't hold it in anymore.
He walked up to Lin An: "He's just not very bright, you shouldn't mess with him like this."
Lin An didn't even lift his eyelids.
"Captain, I am helping him complete his self-redemption."
"An elderly person like you cannot understand the talent cultivation model of our new era mega-corporations."
Downstairs.
The "trial" was progressing very poorly.
The hand that had once crushed a Frost Giant's skull with a single grip couldn't handle a hexagonal nut at all.
The wrench slipped directly, flying out with a blur, nearly cracking the head of a worker nearby.
In less than ten minutes, the cans at Thor's station piled up into a small mountain.
The assembly line was completely paralyzed.
The workshop manager's cursing could be heard through the glass wall.
Steve couldn't stand it anymore.
He pushed the door open and turned to walk down the stairs.
"Hey, big guy."
Steve, ignoring the workers' "seeing a ghost" expressions, walked to Thor's side and took a spare wrench.
"You're doing it wrong, relying purely on brute force will only damage the parts."
"Your wrists need to be steady, the force must be even, like this."
Captain America.
The spiritual leader of the Howling Commandos.
Was currently standing in front of a conveyor belt reeking of machine oil, teaching an alien god how to tighten screws efficiently.
His movements were standard and crisp, even carrying a unique industrial aesthetic of a Brooklyn veteran.
Thor was stunned.
He stared at Steve's hand speed of tightening three nuts per second, his eyes bursting with extremely fanatical admiration.
"Are you also a god hidden on Earth?"
Thor grabbed Steve's arm excitedly: "Your screw-tightening divine skill is too strong!"
Steve's mouth twitched violently.
He suddenly felt that his sympathy had been fed to the dogs.
The entire live stream was instantly flooded with bullet comments.
"Captain America (×), Assembly Line Chief (√)!"
"What the hell, screw-tightening divine skill! Captain America's face is green!"
"This big guy is too easy to trick, he's purely a golden retriever character!"
Far away in Asgard.
Deep within the Heavenly Palace temple.
Loki stood before the magic water mirror, watching this scene on Earth, his hands gripping the armrests of the golden throne tightly.
He laughed until his cheeks spasmed.
His brother, whose only thoughts were about fighting and killing.
The greatest warrior of Asgard.
Was actually tricked by a mortal in a suit!
And was now obsequiously learning how to tighten a piece of scrap metal from another mortal!
"Hahahaha..."
Loki laughed until he doubled over, his shoulders shaking violently: "An irredeemable idiot!"
For the first time, he felt that the guy on Earth codenamed Homelander had methods that were extremely to his taste.
Well done.
It would be best to let that idiot work in the sewers until he died.
The day's labor ended.
Thor lay on the bench in the employee lounge like a dehydrated fish.
He held a fried chicken bucket "bestowed" by Lin An, gnawing on it with his face covered in grease.
His body was extremely exhausted, but his spirit was highly excited.
Three thousand eight hundred and thirty-two screws!
This was his solid achievement for the day.
Every time he tightened one, he could feel himself one step closer to the end of reshaping his divinity.
...
Top floor office of Vought Tower.
Over the past three days, Thor had been tightening screws, moving bricks, and after moving bricks, he had to deliver takeout.
Life was very fulfilling.
Lin An looked at the system panel floating on his retina.
The data had completely exploded.
The first episode of "God's Metamorphosis" aired, and the cumulative global viewership exceeded three billion!
The top five trending searches on major social platforms were all occupied by "Thor Enters the Factory, God is Delivering Takeout."
It even completely crushed the U.S. President's campaign speech that night.
The entire internet was filled with meme videos made by netizens.
Lin An's gaze moved down, locking onto the core value.
[Real-time popularity value settling...]
[New popularity value: 4,874,521!]
A full 4.8 million!
It only took three days!
This big golden retriever was not only easy to trick, but also incredibly lucrative to milk.
Beating up Magneto didn't even give this much.
Lin An leaned back into the leather chair and let out a long sigh.
This was the joy of capitalism.
Exploiting your body while making you grateful.
"Madelyn."
Lin An pressed the intercom on his desk.
The smile on his lips became even more wanton.
"Notify the PR department and the live stream team that tomorrow, the location will change to the underground drainage system in Brooklyn."
"I've already thought of the theme for the second episode — 'Hand of God: The Poop-Scooping BOY'."
While that old man Odin was still sleeping.
He had to squeeze every bit of commercial value out of this Prince of Asgard, down to the bone and meat.
On the other end of the communicator, Madelyn fell into a long silence.
Chapter 86: The World Needs a Savior
Early the next morning.
In the Brooklyn district of New York, beside a sewer manhole cover radiating a rich aura of life.
Madelyn had already arrived with a fully armed live-streaming team, ready for action.
High-definition cameras, drones, mobile fill lights, and even hazmat suits and oxygen tanks were all perfectly prepared.
Everything was for the epic reality show about to unfold — "The Poop-Scooping BOY — Hand of God".
Lin An yawned as he stepped out of the stretched Lincoln, holding a cup of black coffee in his hand.
He had already thought of a hundred camera angles, wondering how to capture the image of a god struggling in the human civilization's excretory system with a sense of Renaissance-style tragedy.
If this show went viral, wouldn't his popularity rating soar straight through the sky?
However, the big, dumb guy in work clothes with a confused expression he had envisioned did not appear at the scene.
"Where is he?" Lin An asked Madelyn with a frown, "Did that guy Thor oversleep?"
Just as Madelyn was about to answer, a sharp, piercing sound suddenly came from the sky.
Everyone looked up instinctively.
They saw a golden afterimage, wrapped in crackling electricity, descending from the sky like a meteorite, crashing onto the road in front of everyone with a loud boom.
The asphalt road was smashed into a large, cracked crater.
As the dust settled, Thor appeared, clad in silver armor and a bright red cape, his golden hair moving without wind, and holding the silver-shining Mjolnir firmly in his hand.
In his blue eyes, there was no longer the clear stupidity of yesterday, but a confidence and thunderous majesty born of rebirth.
He looked incredibly spirited.
The hand holding the coffee cup froze in mid-air.
The entire live-streaming team turned to stone.
Madelyn opened her mouth, unable to say a word for a long time.
"I fucking took off my pants, and this is what you show me?"
Lin An's heart was roaring.
"Where is my poop-scooping show?"
"Where is the second episode of my God's Transformation?"
"Where is my carefully planned, history-making traffic code?"
How did it... arrive at the station?
Looking at the spirited Thor in front of him, what welled up in his heart was not comfort, but a huge regret for missing out on a multi-billion dollar project.
"John!" Seeing Lin An, Thor showed a sincere and grateful smile on his face.
He strode over and excitedly gripped Lin An's shoulder, almost spilling the coffee.
"You were right! Everything you said was right!"
Thor's voice was as loud as a bell, "Just this morning, I recalled every screw I tightened, every brick I laid, every pizza I delivered. A thunderbolt suddenly struck my mind! I understood! I finally understood Father's good intentions! At that moment, Mjolnir responded to me! It flew back from Vought's underground Base!"
As Thor spoke, he punched his chest with one hand, looking up at Lin An with an expression of immense reverence.
"You are the true mentor who guided me to reshape my godhood!"
Lin An: "..."
He looked at Thor's face, which was written with "gratitude," and almost couldn't catch his breath.
"I fucking PUA-ed you, wanting you to work for me as cheap labor for the rest of your life!"
"Who told you to actually understand?!"
What a pity, what a huge pity!
Lin An patted Thor's shoulder with feigned heartache, forcing a gratified smile onto his face, his acting skills comparable to an Oscar winner.
"I told you, practice is the only criterion for testing truth. The glory of labor is enough to wash away all the dust of godhood. You did very well, my... good student."
Thor was moved to tears and nodded solemnly.
"I must return to Asgard! My brother Loki has usurped the throne, and I must go take back everything that belongs to me!"
At this very moment.
Far away in Asgard, on the throne of the Heavenly Palace, Loki was watching the farce on Earth with great interest through a water mirror.
When he saw Thor actually lift the hammer and prepare to kill his way home, the smile on his face instantly froze.
How could his stupid brother regain his divine power so quickly?
What kind of sorcery did that pervert called Homelanderuse?
A surge of anger and panic at being toyed with welled up in his heart.
"No! I won't allow it!"
Loki stood up abruptly and roared at the guards outside the hall, "Heimdall! Activate the Destroyer! Coordinates, Earth!"
New Mexico, the small town near the former site of the temporary S.H.I.E.L.D. Base.
The sky was suddenly torn apart by a beam of seven-colored light.
But what descended in the light beam was not a passage for heroes to return, but a war weapon made entirely of Uru metal, exuding an aura of destruction.
The Destroyer.
"Boom!"
The moment the Destroyer landed, the ground of the entire town trembled.
Its hollow faceplate slowly opened, and a scorching energy beam erupted.
"Boom—!"
The nearest two-story building, along with the gas station downstairs, was instantly melted through and exploded, turning into a fireball that shot into the sky.
Alarms, screams, and cries instantly echoed throughout the town.
...
S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, Command Center.
Nick Fury's remaining eye stared intently at the real-time image transmitted by satellite on the main screen.
That metal giant was on a killing spree in the town.
"Report! F-22 Raptor squadron has arrived over the target!"
"Fire! Blast it into scrap metal for me!" Fury roared.
A few seconds later, air-to-ground missiles, trailing long plumes of smoke, hit the Destroyer accurately.
The violent explosion kicked up dust that filled the sky.
However, as the dust settled, the Destroyer was unscathed.
It raised its head, the faceplate opened, and an energy beam several times thicker than before shot straight into the sky.
"Evade! Evasive maneuvers now!"
High in the sky, two of the most advanced fighter jets didn't even have time to react before they were instantly vaporized by the beam, turning into two brilliant fireworks.
Humanity's top technology was a joke in front of it.
The command center was dead silent.
Immediately after, the ringing of phones one after another almost flipped the entire bridge.
The White House, The Pentagon, Congressmen...
Every call was a barrage of questioning.
"Fury! What the hell are your people doing!"
"Is this the absolute safety you promised? An alien tin can can do whatever it wants on our soil?"
"I'll give you ten minutes. If you can't solve it, get ready for a court-martial!"
Fury's face was as black as the bottom of a pot, and he ripped out the red telephone line that wouldn't stop ringing.
"Officer," Agent Hill walked over with a pale face, "Ground troops have completely lost contact, that thing... is moving towards the town's civilian shelter."
Fury's knuckles cracked as he clenched his fists.
He knew that conventional means were completely useless.
In his mind, the image of that bastard wearing a stars-and-stripes cape and always looking arrogant involuntarily surfaced.
"Connect me to Vought International." Fury gritted his teeth and squeezed out this sentence.
A few seconds later, Lin An's lazy voice came through the speaker.
"Yo, black egg, are you calling to book an ad slot for next year's Super Bowl? For the sake of an old client, I'll give you a 20% discount."
Fury suppressed his anger: "Homelander, something happened in New Mexico, I need your help."
"Oh?" Lin An's tone was full of exaggerated surprise, "Isn't your S.H.I.E.L.D. known as Earth's first line of defense? What, the defense line was pierced by aliens?"
"This is not the time for jokes!" Fury growled, "An Asgardian war weapon is slaughtering civilians!"
"That sounds like your jurisdiction. Didn't you say Vought has no right to interfere with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s actions?"
Lin An yawned, "My employees just finished high-intensity manual labor and are on vacation. You know, our Vought International strictly adheres to labor laws and refuses 996."
Fury was so angry that his temples throbbed.
"Lin An! I am ordering you with the highest S.H.I.E.L.D.authority..."
"Beep... beep... beep..."
Lin An hung up the phone directly.
A cold smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.
Not enough.
This bit of panic is far from enough.
Fury kicked over the chair beside him, and the entire command center was silent.
He took a deep breath, dialed another number, and ordered.
"...Received."
On the other end of the phone, a woman's brief and clear response came.
That night, on the top floor of Vought Tower, Lin An's private bedroom.
Outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows was the dazzling night view of all Manhattan.
Natasha was barefoot, wearing only one of Lin An's white shirts, with a few strands of wet red hair clinging to her smooth forehead.
She had just finished an epic "battle."
From the bedroom to the living room, from the sofa to the carpet, and then to the massage tub in the bathroom.
She had used all her strength, displaying all the fighting techniques, jujitsu, yoga she had learned in her life, as well as those secret skills that were only circulated among top KGB Agents, without reservation.
Tired.
Unprecedentedly tired.
Lin An leaned against the headboard, lit a cigar, with a hint of playful appreciation in his eyes.
As expected of Black Widow, her professional ability is indeed top-notch.
It's just that her endurance is a bit lacking.
"Tell me," Lin An exhaled a smoke ring, "What is it."
Natasha's body stiffened.
She slowly turned around, walked to the bed, and looked at Lin An with a near-pleading look that would melt any man's heart.
"The town in New Mexico... is about to be razed to the ground."
"So what?" Lin An asked back.
"So, please, save them." Natasha's voice lowered even more, "I know only you... only you can stop it."
Lin An laughed.
He reached out and gently pinched Natasha's chin.
"Natasha, you are an excellent secretary, but you are not a qualified businesswoman."
"Do you think I'm sulking with Fury?"
"Wrong."
Lin An's eyes became deep and cold, as if he could see through everything in the World.
"I am waiting for a timing."
"A timing to make the whole World shut up and kneel down to beg me."
He let go, stood up, his naked body like an ancient Greek god sculpture under the moonlight.
"Look," he pointed to the thousands of lights outside the window, "The people in this World have been fed by politicians and the media for too long, they naively think they are safe."
"They need to know the truth."
"They need to see the incompetence of S.H.I.E.L.D., the fragility of the military, and how vulnerable their proud technology is in the face of a real crisis."
"They need fear, they need despair."
"I am not a firefighter, I don't go to put out fires wherever they start."
"I am a savior."
"A savior only appears in the last second when the Worldis about to be destroyed. That way, they will be grateful and offer the purest faith."
Natasha was stunned.
She looked at the man in front of her, feeling a chill from the depths of her soul for the first time.
This is not a hero.
This is a lunatic who treats the entire World as a stage, treats the life and death of billions of people as a script, just to ascend the throne and be crowned for himself.
Chapter 87: Obtaining Legal Authorization
The scene of the Vought International press conference was so bright with camera flashes that it could burn through a person's retinas.
Lin An stood in front of the stage, his expression heavy and his brows furrowed, perfectly portraying a tragic hero who cared for the World but was bound by the bureaucracy.
"Regarding the tragedy that occurred in New Mexico, I personally, and all my colleagues at Vought International, express our deepest regrets."
"We are anxious and burning with impatience. Our fighter jets are ready to take off at any moment, and our Dragon Team warriors are waiting in full battle gear. However..."
Lin An changed his tone, spread his hands, and made an expression of extreme helplessness.
"Our friends at S.H.I.E.L.D. told us that it is their controlled area and an internal matter of theirs. As a law-abiding enterprise, Vought International has no right to interfere."
"We respect the regulations, and we understand the procedures. But we are even more heartbroken for the innocent civilians crying out in the ruins."
At this point, he even paused at just the right moment, raised his hand to rub his brow, and vividly portrayed the image of someone 'who wants to save people but is being held back by incompetent teammates.'
Beautiful.
Lin An gave himself a mental pat on the back.
This set of 'I'm weak so I'm justified, I'm miserable so I'm awesome' green tea rhetoric was simply a nuclear weapon for shifting blame and inciting emotions.
He wanted the whole World to see that it wasn't that he, Homelander, refused to save people, but that those government agencies sitting in the latrine without doing their jobs were the ones obstructing him.
Only by inciting the anger and fear of the public to the peak could his entrance as the'savior' reap the maximum amount of traffic and faith.
As soon as the press conference ended, public opinion exploded instantly.
"Shock! Homelander Forbidden from Rescuing, What is S.H.I.E.L.D. Hiding?"
"Bureaucracy Kills! New Mexico is Crying!"
"FUCK S.H.I.E.L.D.! A bunch of useless trash! Let Homelander go over there!"
"Oh my god, I saw the live stream. That metal can blew up a building with one shot. The military can't hold it back at all! If we wait any longer, everyone will be dead!"
"My daughter is in that small town. Please, I beg you, let Homelander go and save her!"
On social media, anger and despair spread like a virus.
Below the big screens in New York Times Square, the protest crowds gathered like sardines, growing larger and larger.
Thousands of protesters blocked the streets completely. Mineral water bottles and rotten tomatoes were thrown at the riot shields of the Police maintaining order. The whole street was filled with angry roars.
"Politicians are incompetent! Did you feed the taxpayers' money to the dogs?!"
"America needs Homelander!"
On the Helicarrier, Nick Fury watched those angry faces on the screen, his remaining eye bloodshot.
Damn it, when did I ever say I wouldn't let you interfere? Do you have to make me kneel and beg you??
He had lost.
Lost completely.
That madman didn't use any conspiracies or tricks; he just laid the reality bare on the table, ignited the public's fear, and forced the entire state apparatus into a corner.
The White House Oval Office.
The President slammed the pen in his hand onto the floor, and ink splattered everywhere.
The sounds of the protests outside could be heard through the bulletproof glass, and the Chief of Staff cowered in the corner, wiping away cold sweat.
Forced by the pressure of state representatives calling incessantly, the President gritted his teeth and dialed that top-secret line.
The penthouse suite of Vought Tower.
Madelyn scrambled in.
"Boss, the line from Washington!" Madelyn's voice trembled.
Lin An took the phone, pressed speakerphone, and took a slow sip of cold brew coffee.
"Homelander! What exactly do you want before you'll act?!" The President's voice cracked, carrying unconcealable panic.
Lin An propped his legs up on the coffee table and blew into the microphone.
"Don't go throwing labels around, Mr. President. I'm a law-abiding citizen. Without law enforcement authority, how dare I just fly around in the sky? If Congress issues me another ticket tomorrow, my small business can't afford that."
"I'll give it to you! Temporary authority! As long as you immediately take care of that alien metal can right now!"
"Temporary? Are you trying to brush off a beggar?"
"I want the Vought Dragon Team to be officially sanctioned. For all supernatural events in America—no, the entire World—the Dragon Team shall have absolute right of intervention. Not subject to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Central Intelligence Agency, and certainly not under the jurisdiction of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any other agency. We call the shots."
The other end of the line fell into a deathly silence.
Only heavy breathing remained.
"There's no time to think, Mr. President. I heard that metal hunk is less than a few hundred meters from the town center, and the shelters are full of civilians. Once the casualties reach tens of thousands, will you still be able to sit securely in your position?"
Five seconds later.
"Fine! I'll issue the top-level authorization order immediately!"
Hanging up the phone, Lin An walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, looked down at the tiny crowds of protesters below, and pressed the communication button for the entire company.
"Notify the Public Relations Department, prepare for a global broadcast. Tell that big lug who just got his hammer back that his mentor is going to take him to his first field combat class."
"Today, we march to war."
...
Vought Tower rooftop.
Drones took off, red lights flashing, with multi-angle, network-wide simultaneous live streaming.
Three hundred million viewers flooded into the live stream instantly, the barrage of comments so dense it froze into a screen of static.
Lin An faced the strong wind, holding a red authorization document that had just been faxed over, stamped with the seal of the White House.
"Just a moment ago, the White House granted Vought International the highest level of authorization for supernatural events."
Lin An raised the paper to the camera, his tone suddenly rising, highly incendiary, "But what I want to say is, peace should never be restricted by those rotten red tape rules! If the officials can't handle it, we will! The alien trash that S.H.I.E.L.D. dares not manage, we will sweep away!"
He threw the document into the wind.
"Homelander, the true hero!!"
"The savior has finally taken action, America is saved!"
"That's awesome! Who said yesterday that Homelanderdidn't dare to fight aliens? Stand up and face me!"
Lin An turned around and looked at Thor, who was standing behind him wearing a bright red cape.
"Thor, you train for a thousand days to use them for one moment. It's time for you to go out there and test the results of your internship."
Thor clenched his right fist and struck his chest hard, the metal armor plates making a dull thud.
"Don't worry, Boss! I will never let down every single screw I've tightened in the workshop!"
A red and gold Iron Man Suit landed nearby, the faceplate popped open, and Tony Stark leaned in, chewing gum.
"Count me in. That thing's metal structure is quite special; it'll be perfect to take back to my lab for some new toys."
Chapter 88: Counterattack on Asgard! New Program Teaser!
In the skies over New Mexico, three streaks of light in different colors tore through the clouds, speeding towards the smoke-filled town.
Walking in the middle was naturally Lin An, wearing a Stars and Stripes cape, with an expression that said, "I am duty-bound for World peace."
On his left was the red and gold Iron Man Suit, Tony Stark: "I get it now, John. You're not saving the World; you're orchestrating the largest hunger marketing campaign in history."
"First, you let that tin can max out everyone's fear meter, then you make a grand entrance on colorful clouds. You really are something."
"Perspective," Lin An replied succinctly, though he was complaining internally.
Nonsense, I worked so hard to trick this big lug's divinity, and just as I was about to start the epic chapter of 'Poop-Scooping BOY', he actually gained enlightenment halfway through!
Who's going to pay for this loss? I must scrape back every bit of traffic I'm owed with interest this time!
He turned his head to look at the high-spirited Thor on his right and spoke earnestly.
"Thor, remember, this is your final exam. The audience all over the World is watching. Use the same drive you had for tightening screws on the assembly line and dismantle that piece of scrap metal for me."
"Don't worry, Mentor!" Thor was moved to tears, gripping the handle of Mjolnir tightly, "I will never let down the training you've given me!"
Tony rolled his eyes.
To wrap PUA in such a fresh and refined way—his skin was thicker than the Vibranium alloy he recently developed.
Just then, the sky not far ahead distorted without warning.
Immediately after, four figures appeared out of thin air, blocking the trio's path.
Leading them was a heroic-looking black-haired female warrior in silver armor, followed by three men with distinct styles.
"Thor!" The female warrior was shocked and delighted to see Thor, but her gaze swept over Lin An and Tony beside him, instantly becoming extremely vigilant, "It's good that you're okay! Who are these two...?"
"Sif! Fandral! Hogun! Volstagg!" Thor was so excited to see his old friends that he almost fell from mid-air, "Why have you come to Earth? These are my mentor and friends I met on Earth."
Lin An hovered in mid-air, observing the four uninvited guests with great interest.
Oh, the Asgard friends and family tour has arrived? The plot just got interesting.
"We've come to find you!" the female warrior called Sif said urgently, "Loki... he claims Father has passed away! He has seized the throne!"
"What?" Thor was struck by lightning.
"Father is not dead!" the chubby Volstagg quickly added, "He has only entered the 'Odin Sleep'! Loki has deceived everyone, and he has sent the Destroyer to Earth to kill you!"
The information was a bit overwhelming, and Thor's brain, which had just switched back from working mode, stalled for a moment.
Lin An was overjoyed after hearing this.
Good grief, a palace drama, too?
Isn't this more worth watching than "Divine Transformation"?
He cleared his throat, switched to a sorrowful "battlefield commentator" mode for the drone camera.
"Family, emergency situation. Our intern, Thor, has encountered an inhumane family tragedy. Not only did his brother seize his family's company, but he also sent an assassin to silence him. Is this a distortion of human nature or a loss of morality? Please type 'Protect our Thor' on the screen!"
The live stream comments exploded instantly.
"Holy crap! Family feud! And the god version at that!"
"That guy named Loki is really too much! My heart aches for our Thor!"
"Homelander, stop yapping and hurry up and take our Thorback to reclaim his property!"
Lin An patted the stunned Thor on the shoulder.
"What are you stunned for? The KPI your brother sent is right in front of you; why aren't you signing for it yet? Finish up and we can go, we still need to figure out how to counterattack Asgard!"
One sentence woke the dreamer.
"Right!" Thor's eyes were bloodshot, and anger completely replaced his confusion.
He swung his hammer violently, and his whole body turned into a bolt of lightning, diving towards the town below that was being wantonly destroyed.
"Loki—!"
In the central square of the New Mexico town.
The Destroyer was like a tireless metal God of Death; between the opening and closing of its faceplate, scorching energy beams leveled building after building.
The screams and cries of the residents rose and fell.
Just as it aimed its energy cannon at the last shelter packed with civilians, a bucket-thick bolt of lightning descended from the sky, striking its metal head fiercely.
Boom!
The Destroyer stumbled, its massive metal body retreating several steps.
In the smoke and dust, Thor held Mjolnir, wearing a red cape, like a true god descending upon the ruins.
"You damn tin can! Get back to your factory!"
He roared and threw the hammer in his hand violently.
Mjolnir whistled as it tore through the air, hitting the Destroyer's chest precisely.
The Uru metal shell, which could withstand all human artillery fire, was smashed into a huge dent.
The Destroyer was sent flying by this immense force, crashing through two dilapidated buildings before stopping.
Over a billion viewers worldwide witnessed this scene, which could be called a miracle, through the drone's ultra-clear lens.
The comments went completely crazy.
"Oh My God! He really is a god! I repent for my mockery yesterday!"
"This is what a Thor should look like! Who was that big lug fumbling on the assembly line yesterday??"
"Wait! Look at his posture when he swung the hammer just now! Isn't it exactly the same as the action of tightening screws with a wrench in the factory!!"
"Don't say it, it really is! Art comes from life!"
"I'm crying, a god, once delivered pizza to me! He even asked me if I could give a good review!"
Lin An hovered in mid-air, watching the one-sided battle below, and the popularity points in the system background skyrocketing like a Rocket, his mouth curling up wildly.
That's more like it!
Suppress first, then elevate, maximize the contrast! This is the right way to open top-tier traffic!
On the ground, the battle had entered a white-hot stage.
Thor was completely fired up, swinging his hammer and chasing the Destroyer, smashing it relentlessly—his posture was fiercer than the factory floor manager scolding people.
Finally, he flew into mid-air, summoned lightning from all over the sky to gather on the hammer, and with a thunderous strike, completely blew the Destroyer's head and upper body into flying metal parts.
The battle was over.
The whole town was silent, and then, the crowd, having survived the disaster, erupted into Earth-shattering cheers.
Lin An smiled.
"Dear viewers! [Divine Transformation], Season 1, comes to a successful conclusion! Thank you for your support!"
"In the next episode, we will open a brand new chapter—Vought Dragon Team Expeditionary Force, counterattacking Asgard!"
"Do you want to see Homelander beat up Loki? Do you want to see Iron Man's armor duel against the Asgardarmy? Please lock onto the Vought International official live stream, we'll see you in Asgard!"
Lin An turned off the live stream and opened the system panel with satisfaction.
[Current Popularity: 53,784,121]
Over 53 million!
Struck it rich!
He clicked on the system mall without hesitation.
Going to a place like Asgard, God knows what kind of weird magic there is. Loki is the God of Mischief, if he casts some kind of mind control or instant-death curse on him, he wouldn't even have a place to cry.
[Redeem magic immunity, consume popularity: 50 million]
[Redemption successful! Host currently possesses ultra-high resistance to most energy-based magic attacks, and is completely immune to mental, curse, and causality-based magic!]
Looking at the popularity points evaporating by more than half, feeling the surging energy in his body.
Lin An didn't feel a pinch at all.
Life is the most important thing.
Then, he searched the product list again.
Asgard doesn't have internet access to Earth, if the live stream signal cuts off, wouldn't this expedition be for nothing?
[Item: Cross-dimensional Quantum Live Streaming Drone]
[Function: Ignores all physical distance, spatial dimensions, energy shielding, achieving ultra-clear quality live streaming without latency. Comes with stealth function.]
[Price: 3 million popularity points]
"This is the one!"
Lin An placed the order decisively.
Looking at the palm-sized, high-tech silver drone that appeared out of thin air in his hand, the smile on his face became increasingly perverted.
Everything is ready.
Loki, are you ready to welcome the beating from a capitalist from Earth?
Chapter 89: Entering Asgard
On the rooftop of Vought Tower, the wind howled.
The colorful beam of the Bifrost Bridge had not yet fully dissipated, and Lin An, quick-eyed and nimble-handed, grabbed hold of Thor's red cape fluttering in the wind.
"What are you all standing around for? Get on board! Opportunities like this don't come twice!"
At Homelander's command, the entire Vought International all-star lineup swarmed into the beam of light.
Captain America Steve carried his Vibranium shield, Magneto Erik wore a deadpan expression, and QuicksilverPietro was even chewing on half a hot dog.
Along with Cyclops, Storm, and Tony Stark wearing the latest Mark armor.
The group was massive, squeezing into the originally spacious transport beam until it was no different from the New York subway during rush hour.
Thor was yanked, stumbling.
Looking at the motley crew of Earthlings around him, his clear, foolish blue eyes were filled with pure confusion.
"Mentor, are you... all going to the Heavenly Palace as well?"
He scratched the feathers on his helmet, his face full of bewilderment.
"We are dealing with a power struggle within the Asgardroyal family, which is a family matter. Isn't it a bit inappropriate for you all to tag along?"
Lin An let go of his cape, straightened the Stars and Stripes on his chest, and assumed a righteous posture.
"Thor, your perspective is too narrow."
"What do you mean 'family matter'? Your brother Lokiunilaterally tore up the inter-realm peace treaty and is dumping alien scrap metal all over American territory!"
"What is this? This is blatant terrorism!"
"Our Dragon Team at Vought represents the freedom and democracy of Earth, and we are going to bring the dawn of modern civilization to your backward, feudal Heavenly Palace!"
Lin An patted Thor's chest plate with feigned heartache, the sound echoing loudly.
"Besides, do you think the throne of Asgard is so easy to seize? Without us providing capital operations and military backing from behind the scenes, how on Earth do you expect to compete with your brother, who is full of malice?"
"Don't have any psychological burden. I will calculate the travel expenses, lost wages, and emotional distress compensation for this cross-galactic business trip and add every single cent to your Heavenly Palace treasury bill later."
Thor's CPU was completely fried by this set of high-sounding excuses.
His eyes reddened with emotion, and he squeezed Lin An's hand tightly: "John! You really are a great person! The Heavenly Palace will always be your friend!"
A cold laugh came from Tony over the communication channel: "I bet he's already drafted the contract to slice up Asgard's land and sell it off."
Magneto rolled his eyes and snorted coldly, but was scared into swallowing the rest of his complaint by a sharp glare from Lin An.
"Hum—!"
A violent sensation of spatial distortion arrived, and the colorful light instantly reached its peak.
Everyone felt their vision turn white, and then their feet stepped onto solid ground.
Asgard, we have arrived.
The scene before them was like a fairyland from Norse mythology; a massive golden palace shimmered in the distance, beneath their feet was the crystal-clear Bifrost Bridge, and an endless sea of stars swirled overhead.
But this magnificent scenery clearly failed to impress the old veterans of the Vought tour group.
Quicksilver was the first to pull out his phone and skillfully made a peace sign: "Click!"
"Damn, there's no signal here! How am I supposed to post on Twitter?"
Cyclops pushed up his sunglasses and looked around: "The architectural style here is too retro. I feel like they don't even have a decent sewage system."
Captain America Steve was observing the terrain very seriously, his professional habit kicking in: "If a machine gun emplacement were set up on that bridge ahead, we could completely form a crossfire network..."
Tony even had his armor's scanner running wildly: "Good heavens, the material of this bridge is actually some kind of high-dimensional energy crystal! I'm rich, I'm rich! I must chip off a couple of pieces to take back!"
Thor looked at this group of Earthlings who were looking around and whispering to each other, and his originally tragic vengeful mood instantly collapsed by half.
His mouth twitched, and he muttered: "Why does it feel like... I've joined some elderly tour group?"
Lin An completely ignored Thor's complaint; he was busy adjusting the cross-dimensional quantum live-streaming drone he had just bought for three million.
"Hum!"
The palm-sized silver drone ascended, its red light blinking, and the global live-streaming room instantly crossed the dimensional barrier and reconnected.
In one second, four hundred million people flooded in!
The servers across the entire network let out a groan of overload in that instant.
"Hey family!"
Lin An switched into that cynical, smiling face in a second and waved directly at the camera.
"Welcome to the special project live stream: 'Checking in at Asgard with Homelander'!"
"Click follow so you don't get lost; today the streamer will take you on an immersive experience of an alien demolition site!"
The bullet comments instantly covered the screen like a blizzard.
"Holy shit, holy shit! We're really on an alien planet!"
"These special effects—Hollywood would have to go out of business a hundred times over!"
"Homelander is awesome! The American Stars and Stripes have finally been planted on alien territory!"
Lin An watched the rapidly rising popularity with satisfaction, transforming into a seasoned, unscrupulous tour guide, and began explaining to the audience in the live stream.
He pointed at the Heavenly Palace in the distance, spouting nonsense.
"Do you see that pure gold palace ahead that looks like a giant upstart's toilet seat?"
"Yes, that's where that bitch, the God of Mischief, Loki, is currently living."
"Honestly, this taste is so tacky; it feels like some small-time hood who hasn't seen the world took his big gold chain, magnified it ten thousand times, and built a house out of it."
"But it doesn't matter. I swear, today I will definitely bring Vought International's advanced philosophy and kick that Loki's ass!"
Once these words were out, the live stream room completely boiled over.
"That's so dirty! But I love it!"
"Whenever Homelander opens his mouth, the entire internet's ban system crashes!"
"Loki is in danger! Are you ready to welcome the whip of American freedom!"
Just as Lin An was spouting nonsense with flying spittle, a uniform sound of metal clashing suddenly came from the end of the Bifrost Bridge ahead.
The Asgard Royal Guard, led by several generals in heavy armor, aggressively blocked their path.
Golden spears pointed at the group like a forest, and the leading general shouted sternly: "Halt! Ants of Midgard! By the order of God King Loki, we are to take you down!"
Thousands of guards lined up, and a murderous aura rushed towards them.
Thor's expression darkened, and he was just about to swing his hammer to reason with them.
Lin An grabbed his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at the camera.
"Yo, family, the Heavenly Palace security is here to check our temporary residence permits."
He leisurely pulled a handful of melon seeds he had swiped from Tony out of his pocket, and stepped back twice while cracking them.
"How could I let our distinguished top-ranking donors watch me do such rough work as smashing and grabbing?"
"Vought International—we raise soldiers for a thousand days to use them for a moment."
Lin An turned his head, his smile completely vanished, and as his gaze landed on the employees behind him, the temperature plummeted.
"Magneto, go, and show these local bumpkins what a real magnetic Storm trooper is."
Magneto gritted his teeth, silently cursed that capitalists have no heart, but honestly floated into the air and suddenly spread his hands.
All the metal weapons around began to shake violently.
"Pietro, your KPI is still zero; start running and pull off all their belts for me!"
Quicksilver rolled his eyes, turned into a silver afterimage with a "whoosh," and charged into the enemy formation. The next second, the Asgardian guards collectively clutched their crotches and exclaimed in surprise.
"Scott, take off your sunglasses and melt that damn gate for me!"
"Steve, don't you like commanding? Today I'll let you have some fun—take your shield and charge in as a meat shield for me!"
After arranging everything, Lin An brushed the melon seed shells off his hands and revealed that perfect, impeccable toothy smile to the drone camera again.
"Alright family, now let's continue our previous topic..."
"Regarding how exactly to fine Asgard for their illegal construction, and how to reasonably and legally dismantle their gate to take back to Earth and sell as scrap metal."
"Send some small gifts, spam those yachts; if we don't fleece the Heavenly Palace bald today, we won't end the stream!"
Screams, explosions, and laser roars intertwined behind him.
Lin An stood at the very front, the smile he revealed to the camera was so bright it made people shudder.
Chapter 90: Odin's Compromise
Boom!
The solid gold gates of the Asgard palace were uprooted by Magneto, transformed into two giant slabs, and smashed deep into the great hall.
The marble floor shattered into powder, over a dozen heavy-armored guards were sent flying by the shockwave, and screams echoed throughout the hall.
The battle ended even more perfunctorily than expected.
Nonsense, a group of the most perverted Superheroes on Earth teaming up to farm a rural newbie village—can this even be called a war?
This is called a one-sided slaughter.
Quicksilver turned into silver lightning, crazily pulling down the enemies' belts in the crowd;
Scott took off his sunglasses, and crimson lasers swept through everything;
Steve used his Vibranium shield as a bulldozer in the front;
Tony was even suspended in mid-air, with shoulder missiles pouring down like rain.
Lin An didn't even lift a finger.
He held up that cross-dimensional quantum live-streaming drone, walking inside like a travel blogger, stepping over the mess on the ground.
"Family, look at this interior design style; it's tacky as hell. It's all gold, and other than being blinding, it's useless."
Lin An pouted at the camera.
"I think we can tear down this great hall later, ship it back to Earth, melt it into gold bars, and give it away as a lucky draw for the top donor in the stream. If you agree, type 'Homelander is generous' on the public screen!"
The bullet comments were instantly flooded with "Homelander is generous" and "Robbing aliens".
The popularity points in the system backend were skyrocketing at a rate of hundreds of thousands per second.
Struck it rich.
Lin An was overjoyed; this trip was worth it.
The group marched triumphantly across the ruins of the great hall, heading straight for the throne.
At the end of the high golden stairs, Loki, wearing flashy green leather armor with exaggerated long horns on his head, was gripping the Eternal Spear tightly, his composure long gone.
What on Earth is going on with this bunch of mortals?!
Loki's gaze swept across that group of unstoppable Earthlings, finally settling on Lin An, who was walking at the very front.
He could see clearly that the man wrapped in a ridiculous flag cape was the leader of this group of freaks.
Even his idiot brother, Thor, was standing behind him like a sidekick.
As long as he controlled him, the situation could be reversed.
Catch the ringleader first; this was the trickster god's favorite tactic.
"Thor!" Loki stood before the throne, suddenly raising the Eternal Spear, roaring righteously, "You dare to bring the ants of Midgard to profane the palace of Asgard! This is an insult to Father King..."
"Cut the crap."
Lin An impatiently interrupted him, pointing at Loki's nose.
"Hurry up, roll off that chair, kowtow twice, and hand over the treasury keys. I'm in a rush to get back to Earth for a late-night snack."
The entire great hall fell into instant silence.
Thor's mouth hung open, and the corners of Tony's eyes twitched wildly under his mask.
Too arrogant; this was practically having the word 'bandit' written on his face.
Loki's face instantly twisted into a liver-colored hue.
"Presumptuous! I am the God King of Asgard! I am a true god!"
He leaped from the stairs, transforming into over a dozen identical green phantoms, surrounding Lin An from all sides.
Every phantom raised the Eternal Spear, the tips erupting with blinding, eerie green magic light.
"Kneel!"
Loki roared.
This was his strongest mind-control magic, enough to instantly turn a Frost Giant into an obedient puppet.
That immense magical energy, capable of tearing apart sanity, slammed into Lin An's brain.
Everyone subconsciously held their breath.
However.
One second passed.
Two seconds passed.
Lin An stood in place, blinking.
Not only did he not kneel, he even yawned out of boredom.
Is that it?
I just spent a full fifty million popularity points to buy the [magic immunity] trait in the system shop!
Even causality-based weapons might not be able to kill me now; you're trying to fool me with this newbie-level mind magic?
It felt like being bitten on the forehead by a mosquito.
"You..." Loki's true form appeared, standing less than half a meter from Lin An, his eyes wide, his face full of disbelief, "This is impossible! Why wasn't your soul... "
"My soul is thinking about whether you, green-skinned frog, have a hole in your brain."
Lin An sneered, his right hand shooting out.
The speed was so fast that Loki couldn't react at all; a hand grabbed his throat like an iron clamp, lifting him into the air.
"Ugh—!"
Loki struggled frantically, his hands prying at Lin An's wrist, his legs kicking in mid-air, but he realized this man's strength was terrifyingly unreasonable.
"A 'true god,' right?"
Lin An grinned, revealing a bone-chilling smile.
He flipped his wrist and grabbed Loki's ankle.
Next came the moment to witness a miracle.
Bang!
Lin An swung Loki around like a ragdoll and smashed him hard onto the solid gold floor on the left.
The huge impact smashed a half-meter deep crater.
"God!"
Bang!
Backhanded him to the right, smashing another deep crater, gold bricks shattering and flying everywhere.
"You mother—!"
Bang!
Left!
"—f—!"
Bang!
Right!
"—ing—!"
Bang!
"—!"
Bang!
"—God!"
On the last hit, Lin An tossed Loki onto the ground like garbage.
He had literally used Loki's body to smash a shocking cross-shaped crater into the solid gold floor in the center of the great hall.
Quicksilver subconsciously clutched his own lower back.
Magneto's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.
Behind his faceplate, Tony quietly increased his thruster power by 5%, ready to run at any moment.
This scene was too brutal.
The bullet comments in the live stream, after a three-second pause, completely exploded.
"Holy sh*t, holy sh*t, holy sh*t!!!"
"This is so f*cking satisfying! This is how a Superheroshould fight!"
"What a weak god! Hahahaha!"
"This giant windmill move by Homelander just made me orgasm!"
Lin An looked at the popularity points on his system panel, which had broken through ten million again, and felt incredibly thrilled.
Worth it, those fifty million were well spent!
Loki lay in the deep crater like a puddle of mud, his gorgeous leather armor shredded into rags, face covered in blood, eyes rolled back, only unconscious whimpering left in his mouth.
"Is that it?" Lin An walked over and kicked Loki's face with his boot, "Get up, perform another magic trick for me."
Just as he was preparing to land another kick and have someone search the treasury for the Infinity Gauntlet.
A terrifying pressure, impossible to describe in words, suddenly enveloped all of Asgard.
Hum—!
The sky suddenly darkened, and a thick golden thunderbolt struck the center of the great hall out of thin air.
The blinding light made everyone close their eyes.
Lin An also felt a heavy oppression that didn't belong to the physical realm.
This feeling, something's not right.
The light faded.
A one-eyed old man wearing golden armor and holding a scepter appeared out of thin air before the throne.
He just stood there, and he himself represented the rules of the Universe.
That was the true might of a God King, accumulated over countless centuries.
Odin.
This old schemer who had been sleeping all this time finally couldn't keep up the act.
"Enough."
Odin's voice wasn't loud, but it exploded directly inside everyone's head.
Magneto and the others felt their knees go weak, almost kneeling on the spot.
Thor was so moved he had tears in his eyes, and with a "thud," he knelt on the ground: "Father King!"
It's over.
Tony cursed under his breath inside his suit, his heart sinking.
Beat the small one, and the old one comes out; this time he really kicked an iron plate.
But who is Lin An?
Is he the type to read his boss's expression?
Absolutely not.
Facing this legendary God King, Lin An didn't back down; instead, he straightened his back and stepped on the back of the still-twitching Loki.
"Yo, finally willing to come out to clean up the mess, old geezer?"
This address scared Thor, who had just managed to stand halfway up, causing him to fall back down again.
Odin's only remaining eye stared fixedly at Lin An.
He had lived for thousands of years and seen countless arrogant fools, but this was the first one who dared to step on his son's back in the Asgardian great hall and call him an old geezer.
Veins bulged on the back of the hand Odin used to hold his scepter.
In the past, he would have definitely used the Eternal Spear to nail this Earthling to the pillar of shame.
But when his single eye used divine power to try and see through Lin An's reality, his heart sank.
Couldn't see through him.
Not only was this mortal covered in a layer of magic-immune barrier that even gods couldn't parse, but the energy contained within that physical body was like a supernova ready to detonate at any time.
If they really fought here, he was confident he could suppress the opponent, but... more than half of Asgardwould be buried with them.
Moreover, it was indeed Loki who started it this time.
Odin took a deep breath, forcibly suppressing that world-destroying rage.
"Human, let go of my son." Odin's voice carried a helpless compromise, "Your anger has been vented. The grievances between Asgard and Midgard end here."
"End here?"
Lin An laughed out of anger.
Wanting him to make a wasted trip? No way.
"Your son drove a broken tin can onto my turf to commit a terrorist attack, scared thousands of taxpayers, and delayed a multi-billion dollar project for our Vought International!"
Lin An spread his arms, activating his practiced extortion mode.
"Emotional distress, intergalactic lost wages, reputation compensation, and the equipment wear and tear for my employees! Adding it all up, it has to be at least one hundred billion U.S. dollars, right?"
"I don't want your Asgardian broken bricks and tiles; cash it out! Cash it out immediately!"
Tony, in the back, couldn't help but cover his face with his suit.
This bastard really wants to fleece even the aliens bald.
Odin's mouth twitched violently twice.
He had campaigned in the Universe for so many years; being extorted to his face by an Earthling was definitely a first in his life.
"Asgard does not have your human currency." Odinsqueezed this sentence out from between his teeth.
"No money? No money is easy to handle."
Lin An's eyes lit up; this was what he was waiting for.
He snapped his fingers, his smile instantly becoming incredibly friendly: "If you don't have money, you can pay with goods. I heard that His Majesty the God King's underground treasury has collected quite a few rare items from across the Universe?"
Odin's only eye narrowed sharply.
This bastard was actually eyeing the treasury.
But looking at the nearly suffocating Loki under Lin An's foot, and then at the heavily armed, eager Earthlings around, Odin knew that if he didn't cut some flesh today, these plagues would never give up.
Just consider it getting rid of a plague.
"Fine."
Odin gripped his scepter tightly and turned around, his back seemingly aging ten years in an instant.
"I allow you to enter the Asgardian treasury. But remember, human greed only leads to destruction. You may only choose one item from within as compensation. After you have chosen, never step into the Divine Realm again."
Success!
Lin An was ecstatic.
The Asgardian treasury—that's a famous wholesale market for equipment in the Marvel Universe!
Just grabbing any piece of junk from inside and bringing it back to Earth would make that bunch at S.H.I.E.L.D. bleed with envy.
"Generous! His Majesty the God King is truly a classy person!"
Lin An immediately withdrew his foot from Loki's back, changing his face faster than turning a page.
"Thor, why aren't you leading the way? Don't keep His Majesty waiting!"
He rubbed his hands, his eyes shining as he walked toward the treasury.
As for only being able to take one?
What a joke.
If Homelander leaves without accidentally dismantling the treasury door, it's only because he's in a good mood today.