Chapter 54 – Continue to Poach
Shikaku had been considering forcibly assigning the unresolved mission in a few days when Fugaku spoke.
"Could it be Hokage-sama already has someone in mind?" Shikaku asked, surprised but hopeful.
"Yes," Fugaku said confidently. "I have a perfect candidate. If you're willing, I'll send him to you." He winked.
Shikaku blinked at his Hokage's… less-than-dignified manner. Was this really the village's supreme leader?
Seeing no reaction, Fugaku cleared his throat and declared seriously, "Maruboshi Kosuke. He can handle this mission."
"...Maruboshi Kosuke?" Shikaku muttered, reaching for the ninja registry. He flipped through until he found the name in the Genin section. The picture showed an old man with a hunched back, carrying a giant cooking pot, one leg missing. Shikaku raised his head, giving Fugaku a look that clearly said: Are you kidding me, Hokage-sama?
"Hokage-sama, you mean… this Maruboshi Kosuke?" Shikaku asked, pointing at the entry.
"Yes, that's him," Fugaku nodded firmly.
"...But he's a Genin," Shikaku said awkwardly. He wanted to add: Send a Genin to mediate two clans with Chūnin? Won't he just get beaten to death?
Fugaku smiled knowingly. "You don't understand. He looks unimpressive, but his true ability is on par with any Jōnin. Trust me—if he goes, nothing will go wrong."
Shikaku hesitated, then sighed. "Alright. I'll trust Hokage-sama on this one." He immediately sent word for Maruboshi Kosuke to accept the mission.
Satisfied, Fugaku returned to his office.
Inside, his loyal retainer Uchiha Ryoichi was waiting.
"Sit," Fugaku gestured.
"Yes, Clan Head-sama." Ryoichi bowed and sat down respectfully.
"How's the Pansi Cave doing?" Fugaku asked casually.
The Pansi Cave wasn't some secret base. It was the name of the new massage parlor on Asakusa Old Street—an Uchiha-owned business, and Fugaku's pilot project.
Massage parlors, he was certain, were guaranteed money-makers. No matter the era, no matter the place—LSPs (lonely single perverts) would always exist.
Restaurants were too expensive and risky. The Akimichi clan dominated Konoha's food industry, and without money, connections, and good publicity, the Uchihas couldn't compete. After years of being pushed to the outskirts by Hiruzen, their coffers were dry. The clan needed fast, low-cost income.
Massage parlors required little startup capital. Staff needed only two days of simple training. And with most shinobi idle at night—beyond drinking or eating—there was little entertainment. Demand was guaranteed.
Fugaku had actually gotten the idea one night while cutting through an alley, where he'd stumbled across a shady "yellow shop." The sight of those working girls sparked inspiration.
Now, with the Pansi Cave's opening, he was eager for results.
Ryoichi, well-prepared, produced a notebook. "Clan Head-sama, here are the records of the past three days—customer count, number of massages, total revenue, and so on."
Fugaku skimmed the data, satisfaction flashing in his eyes. "Good. Well done."
He offered some operational instructions, then dismissed Ryoichi.
Left alone, Fugaku poured tea and pulled out his notebook of plot events—his personal guide to the timeline.
He studied carefully. The next major event wouldn't happen for another five years, when Sasuke and Naruto graduated and the main plot began. Until then, not much of significance.
So why not… recruit more talent?
Itachi and Yakushi Nōnō had rested enough. Time to send them out again. And Kisame, currently useless sitting around in the village, might as well go with them. With his strength, the team would be untouchable unless they ran into a Kage.
Good thing he'd eliminated Uchiha Obito early. Otherwise, Kisame would've been tricked into Akatsuki.
Now, Fugaku found himself enjoying this game of poaching. If Itachi had his Mangekyō, and Kisame was a walking tailless Bijū… then why not scoop up others before Akatsuki could?
"Deidara and Hidan joined Akatsuki later, right?" he thought. "Perfect. Let's grab that brat Deidara first."
After double-checking the timeline, Fugaku sealed the notebook away.
"Someone!" he called.
An Uchiha entered. "Hokage-sama."
"Tell Itachi he has a new mission. Have him bring Yakushi Nōnō and Kisame to me."
"Yes, Hokage-sama."
When the clansman left, Fugaku slumped back, bored again.
No novels. No games. Work was torture. He stared blankly out the window until a bookstore caught his eye.
At that moment, Kakashi appeared.
"Hokage-sama, there's trouble on the street again," Kakashi reported in his usual dead-fish tone.
No reply. He looked up—and froze.
The Hokage was staring at him blankly.
Confused, Kakashi shifted uneasily. Then, Fugaku suddenly said:
"Kakashi, you've got Icha Icha Paradise on you, don't you? Let me take a look."
Kakashi's eye twitched. Wait—what?! Did Hokage-sama find out I read smut at work?
Impossible. He was always careful never to open the book near the Hokage building. Unless…
Don't tell me the Third's crystal ball ended up in his hands?!
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