Declan
"You shouldn't have left," I mumbled, pressing my face against his chest and deeply inhaling the scent of coffee beans and vanilla. It was such a simple scent. One I had smelt so many times but it never smelt the same. Never like how it smelt on his skin.
His heart was steady. The perfect heartbeat that always calmed down my nerves after a very long day. His slight chest hair always tickled the sides of my face whilst his strong arms pulled me in close. Protecting me even when he knew I didn't need any protection.
I could feel him in every part of me. He was somewhere. Buried deep within my soul that at times I just wished I could pull him out with my bare hands. I wanted to see him. I wanted to open my eyes and study his face like how I had done countless times.
Yet whenever I tried to pull my eyelids apart they wouldn't budge. As if two heavy cement blocks held them down. I tried to stay calm. Not let it panic me but everything in me needed to see him.
See him exactly the way I remembered him otherwise I feared I would lose my mind. I tried to open my mouth to tell him but my voice wouldn't come out. I couldn't breathe soon after that. As if I was being pulled under water away from his heat. His touch and his scent.
I tried to scream. Beg. Yet nothing worked.
I woke up with a loud gasp instantly coughing as if I had truthfully drowned. My body rolled to the side thinking that I would see the water pour out but it didn't. Only dry heaves and desperate gasps for air.
"Declan!" Malachi opened my bedroom door and instantly knelt down on my side of the bed. "Are you okay? I heard you screaming," his cool hands rested on my bare shoulder helping my hot skin feel cool. He pulled off the covers for me and helped me sit up then went over to open the window.
The cool breeze from outside flooded the room and it took me time to relax before the tension left my body.
"Want to go outside?" Mal smiled as he knelt down in front of me. "You look like you need a good walk."
I tried to swallow but my throat felt awfully dry. "Yeah," I croaked, I needed a walk desperately.
"Let me go make you some tea then we'll head out. Maybe it can help," he stood up and silently left the room leaving me with my thoughts.
I sat on the edge of the bed, rested my elbows on the top of my thighs then buried my face in my hands before tugging on my hair. The nightmares were new. It had barely been a few days before I had to leave New York that I started having them.
I thought it was a bad omen. For me not to leave but I couldn't take the city anymore. I hadn't been able to for a long time and this was the perfect excuse for me to leave. I thought here, things would have been different but it seemed even that part of me followed me.
A bit of shame formed in my stomach. This isn't what I wanted.
I went to the closet and threw on pyjama pants over my boxers, a hoodie and held my sneakers once I remembered Mal's one house rule. I'd put them on before we left.
With quiet footsteps I went downstairs and found Malachi dressed in grey sweats with a matching jacket. He was just pouring hot water into the cups when I entered. "It's lavender, honey and chai. It always helps me when I can't sleep."
"Thank you," I gently took the cup and sat down on one of the chairs at the island. He leaned back on the counter whilst he held his cup. His eyes silently stared at me without much of an expression, just curiosity. "Look I'm sorry about the nightmares. I know the past two days I've been here have been hell. I just- Once I get my footing right I'll get my own space."
He waved his hand dismissively, "Declan, I could care less about the nightmares, trust me. It's better you're here that I'm able to help you through it than you dealing with it alone."
"You can't tell me you've gotten much rest this weekend and it's already 3am you're starting to work in five hours."
"And so are you," he grinned. "It doesn't make a difference. Plus I sometimes work at night. I'm used to not getting much sleep in. There's nothing for you to feel bad about. Considering what you've been through. Trust me, I can manage without sleep."
I kept quiet and looked down to my cup before taking a sip. I thought about it more and more then sighed. "I'm really sorry. Either way."
"And I'm rejecting your apology," he looked into my eyes to stress his point, "I get nightmares from watching The Texas Chainsaw Killer. One day you'll be dealing with me too. Don't you worry."
I nodded and finished off my tea. "Thank you Mal."
"What are friends for?" He beamed. Once we were both down we went out to take a walk.
This was one of the reasons I wanted to come here. The freedom of going outside and feeling something alive around you.
Mal and I kept to light conversation which helped me understand him more. Every time I met him I always found out something new about him. He was highly intelligent, understanding and perfectly in tune with his emotions.
He was a very level headed man whilst I was well, I was who I was. However, maybe if I took a page out of his book, I could learn how to cope with my own tsunami of emotions without completely falling apart.
"Oh I have a surprise for you," he brightly smiled once we came back from the forest.