Content Warning
This chapter addresses the topic of suicide directly. If this type of content could affect you, please consider avoiding it or proceeding with caution. This chapter does not seek to mock or minimize this issue; however, it approaches it with sarcastic and dark humor, which some may consider insensitive.
2:03 AM — The Hour When the Ghosts of the Future Visit the Konbini Aisles
The Konbini was so quiet you could hear the crunch of the refrigerator compressors. I, Hiroto, was counting coins (because the manager thinks it "keeps us productive") when the door opened with a ding that sounded sharper than normal.
A girl walked in.
A wrinkled school uniform, puffy eyes, and that hunched posture that screams "the world has kicked me so much it doesn't even hurt anymore." She walked straight to the household supplies aisle.
"Uh-oh," murmured Aoi next to me, chewing her gum with a malicious smile fixed on the girl. I noticed her smile freeze for a second. "I bet you, basic combo: rope, pills, cheap whisky. And she probably doesn't even know how those pills work."
"It's not funny," I said, even though I knew she wasn't really joking.
"Yes, it is," she replied, but she wasn't smiling anymore.
As if following Aoi's script, the girl walked to the pharmacy aisle, grabbed some generic sleeping pills, and then to the drink aisle. A bottle of cheap whisky.
"You think she knows whisky with pills tastes horrible?"
"Shut up."
The girl reached the counter and placed the items with trembling hands. As if it were a normal purchase. As if she weren't planning to leave a swollen corpse hanging from her bedroom ceiling.
Aoi smiled. But it wasn't her usual smile. It was a hollow smile, as if she were watching a bad comedy on a Saturday night or was about to witness a live murder.
"Irrashaimaseeeen~!" she sang, way too cheerful for the situation. "Don't you want some Pocky to go with that? Dying hungry is uncomfortable."
The girl blinked.
"W-what?"
"Kidding, kidding~" Aoi waved a hand. "But seriously, did you plan it well? Because knots are hard to tie. And the worst part is, if you fail, you end up with brain damage and then you're on the morning news."
"U-uh... It's not what you think... It's for a friend."
"Hey, if you're gonna do this, at least make up something believable," I sighed, putting the whisky in the bag. "'It's for a school project,' or 'my parents asked me to do the shopping.'"
The girl fell silent, looking at the floor as if she wanted to disappear.
"Besides," Aoi added, scanning the pills with a beep that sounded ironically cheerful, "are you sure you don't want to add some Pocky or a free ice cream? Sure, it's free if you die before it melts."
The girl blinked again, confused.
"Really...?"
"What she means," I interjected, leaning on the counter with a tired smile, "is that if you're going to do something stupid, at least enjoy something sweet first."
"Don't make fun of me..." the girl replied, her voice breaking. "What would you know? My life is garbage... school, my parents... everyone... everyone..."
"Oh, no?" Aoi leaned on the counter, playing with her dog collar, interrupting the girl. "Well, I tried four times. Pills, scissors, using socks... well, pantyhose, actually. I guess it would be five, but the jump off the bridge just left me with soaked clothes."
The air grew heavy.
I said nothing. Because what the hell are you supposed to say in that situation?
She looked at Aoi, searching for lies. But there were none.
"...Why?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"Because some idiots at my school decided my body was public property," Aoi said, smiling as if telling a joke. "But look, I'm here. You know why? Because no one who really wants to die buys a suicide combo at a Konbini. If you really wanted to die, you'd already be dead."
...
I felt a knot in my throat listening to her.
The girl stood still. Then, her hands began to tremble.
"...I just want all of this to end..." she whispered. "The exams, the arguments, the problems..."
"Exactly," said Aoi, stretching to grab a package of Pocky. "Then buy this instead of that stuff. Sugar is better for the mind. And cheaper."
The girl looked at the sweets. Then at the pills.
"What if everything stays the same?" the girl asked, her voice trembling.
"Then you go to therapy, even though that costs more than the whisky," I said. "Or you change schools. Or you leave home. Or you steal an identity and move to another country. The options are endless, as long as you're still breathing, of course."
"Or you join an underground idol group like me!" Aoi added, smiling. "Though that almost counts as another form of suicide."
She looked at her hands. At us. At the things she was about to buy in the bag. Or maybe she wasn't really seeing any of it.
After a few seconds, she smiled as if she'd realized the absurdity of it all. She looked towards the sweets displayed near the counter.
"...Which one is the sweetest you have?"
Aoi handed her a cat-shaped chocolate bar.
"This one. I guarantee it's better than cheap whisky; that just leaves you vomiting in the bathroom in the middle of the night."
The girl took it along with the Pocky. She paid. And as she left, for a moment, I thought I saw something almost like a smile on her face... or maybe it was just the effect of the night shift fatigue.
Finally, the Konbini returned to its usual silence.
...
...
4:24 AM
"About those classmates who touched you..." I finally said, because I'm an expert at starting conversations and I couldn't get it out of my head.
"Nyaaa~ Worried about me, Hiroto-kun? How sweet!" she replied, recovering her mocking tone. "It doesn't matter, those idiots probably can't even remember my name now. Besides, if I had died, I wouldn't be here to annoy you. Wouldn't that be tragic?"
"Yes, but for different reasons."
"So mean!" she laughed, jumping to sit on the counter. "But, you see. In the end, no one really wants to die. People just want to see their problems die, or for someone to tell them that life can be shit, but at least there's candy."
"I'm not joking, Aoi." My voice sounded graver than I intended.
She went still, and for the first time that night, her smile faded.
"...Nothing serious happened. They just touched me a few times. But..." Her little shark teeth gleamed under the fluorescent light. "When one of them tried to go further, I bit his finger off." She made a gesture with her mouth as if biting something invisible. "Crunch. Blood everywhere. The teachers found out about everything, and they got expelled. They never got to... you know, do that to me. End of story."
"...Ah."
"Don't worry, Hiroto-kun." Her smile returned, but it was softer, almost real. "I'm fine."
I didn't know how to respond. So I handed her a Pocky.
"Here. So you don't do something stupid."
"Ooh! Is this a gift from Hiroto-kun? Should I keep it forever?"
"Shut up and eat it."
"Nyaaa~ That's more like it!"
And so, amidst stupid jokes, the night continued.
Because in the end, that's what we do: we laugh at the scars so we don't remember they once bled.