[09.59]
"Timer starts now," the system girl cooed, half-transparent beside me like a smug screensaver brought to life.
Wind rolled the grass in waves. In the near distance: a stone road,a low wall,a gate framed by steel pylons that hummed with faint blue sigils. Not medieval,not modern. Hybrid. Great, my first loading zone and I'd spawned with a kiss quest.
A figure crested the hill on the road, striding towards me with purpose. Leather coat,light breastplate,short sword at the hip,a baton clipped to the other side. She looked mid twenties..tall, athletic,hair bound high, eyes sharp as If they'd been sharpened on sarcasms.
The system..Alma, apparently..purred,
"Ooh.. look, Adult..pretty. and she looks like she does cardio. You're welcome."
"I didn't say thank you," I muttered.
[09:41]
The woman's gaze quickly snapped to me. "You there.. state your name and origin. The gate wardens reported an unauthorized surge."
Alma's voice warmed like she'd found a new toy. "Congratulations, Eight. First person encountered designated: Target A."
My stomach dropped. "Designated… as in locked?"
"Mm-hm," Alma sang "Quests love specificity. You may now begin your sweating."
I swallowed, stepped off the grass onto the road, and tried to look like I belonged.
"Uh..good morning." My voice cracked like a pre-patch audio bug.
She stopped three paces away, scanning me with a slim monocle disk that flickered with symbols. "No beacon, No guild tag. Tunic is first-issue. You're a fresh arrival."
Alma Whispered, "Tell her you're cursed and only a kiss can…"
"No."
[08:58]
The woman clipped away the monocle disk. Name."
"Eiji Kagemaru. But people call me Eight." Why did I say that? Why did I give her my gamer tag like this was a lobby?"
Her brow twitched. "Right… what? Eight what?"
Alma: "Eight inches.."
I coughed so hard I almost unlocked an achievement. "Eight like the number. I,uh got routed here by… an algorithm."
"That.. actually tracks," she said dryly.
"We've had three algorithm refugees this week." Her eyes traced my face, then the sword at my hip. "Do you have any idea where you are?"
I glanced past her. The wall beyond the slope curved around a city that didn't decided between chrome and cobblestone. The Neon sigils crawled up towers. Banners flapped to the wind. Somewhere,a train… or something like it…signed as it slid along and elevated line.
"Not ancient, not urban," I murmured.
"Cool mash-up. Love that."
"Focus," Alma hummed. "Quest ticking." And for the record, kisses must be lips-to-lips to satisfy my very scientific parameters."
I stiffened. "Cheeks won't count?"
"Nope.. hand? Cute but no.. forehead? Romantic but no. Go big or go half dead."
[08.06]
The woman planted a hand on her hip.
"You're doing the thousand yard stare thing new ones do. Listen I'm Captain Rhea Voss, city stride patrol. If you're lost, I'll get you to intake."
"Captain Rhea," I repeated, brain buffering. "So… you're the first person I…I mean, we've.. we are.."
Sat it. Ask like a normal person. Consent. Be a grown adult human. Don't be a headline.
Alma sighed theatrically. A translucent panel popped above my head.
[Quest…07:53]
[Objective:Kiss Target A.]
[Reward:Basic Combat Skill-Punch]
[Failure:HP -50%. Public Humiliation Penalty: Floating Banner.]
Rhea's gaze flicked up. Her posture went cop-still. "What is that above you?"
I stared at Alma. "You said public humiliation. You didn't say public broadcast."
She bit her lip to stifle her laugh. "I like typography."
"Why is my death sentence in bold?!"
Rhea follows my line of sight to where my finger jabbed air at nothing. "You can see a panel I can't," she said slowly. "And you're talking to it."
"I…" I inhaled. Okay honesty had failed me my entire life, but what else did I have?
"I have a system. She's…uh.. a user interface with a personality disorder."
Alma put a hand to her chest, dramatically wounded.
"My only disorder is generosity."
[07:01]
Rhea took a careful step back. "If you're unstable, we can sedate and transport. If your system is compromised by a lewd mid, we can…"
Alma brightened. "Oh! She sees me as a mod. How previous."
"Captain," I blurted, words spilling out, " I have a quest. It's… stupid. Totally stupid. I didn't choose it. If I don't complete it in…" I checked the timer "... Six minutes and forty nine seconds, I lose half my healthy."
Her eyes sharpened. "Your health? You mean your biometric baseline?"
"Sure..That.
"What does the quest require?"
My soul left my body. "A…kiss."
Silence. A bird chirped somewhere,deeply disappointed.
Rhea stared at me; then her lips pressed into a flat line. "On whose authority?"
"Hers," I said, pointing to Alma,who waved with obscene cheerfulness.
Rhea's gaze slid through Alma like she was a fog. Her jaw flexed. "You're asking a patrol officer to comply with an unknown ritual triggered by an unvetted system in broad daylight?."
"It sounds worse when you say it like that "
"It is worse."
[06:02]
Alma's voice warmed to honeycomb dangerous.
"You're running out of adorable time."
Panic turned my mouth into a factory. "It doesn't have to be… I mean, I'm not… This is purely transactional. We can sign a waiver! A light peck! I will look away the whole time! I can stare at that rock! Look, it's a very handsome rock."
Rhea's eyes narrowed. Then…because the universe loves watching me drown…another figure came up the road pushing a rattling cart of glass vials. An old apothecary. He glanced at me, then at the timer,then at Rhea. "Everything all right, Captain?"
My panel brightened.
[Audience Detected. Public Humiliation multiplier armed.]
"Alma," I hissed. "I swear to God…"
She fluttered her lashes. "Nothing motivates like social pressures."
Rhea lifted a hand. "Move along, Emery."
The apothecary gave me a hovering doom a long,clinical look and obediently rattled past.
Rhea returned to me. "Listen. I'm not unsympathetic. But we have codes. Street solicitation is an offense."
"I'm not soliciting!" I said, mortally wounded in my remaining dignity. " I'm negotiating a medical intervention."
"She's right," Alma breathed. "Tell her it's a curse."
"It's a curse," I said weakly. "From my system. If I don't kiss the very first person I met here, I…"
Rhea's brows jumped. "The first person? That's dangerously specific." She exhaled,measuring me with eyes that had seen every trick in the book. "Why you?"
"Bad luck? Punishment? A cosmic author with a sense of humour?"
[04:49]
A clang cut the air. Down the slope, a delivery drone clipped a banner and spun, crates tumbling off the back of a cart. One skidded, picking up speed on the gravel…a box bristling with the blue sigils, glowing ominously. It bounced hard,split, and a glass canister rolled free, humming.
The apothecary yelled, "Volatile! Don't let it…"
The canister hit a divorce and leapt…straight for Rhea's shins.
I didn't think.. I moved.
My body…this new body..was lighter,quicker. I threw myself forward,ankle twisting, fingers whipping out. The canister kissed my palm and kept kissing, heat biting my skin, but I deflected it's arc. It pinged off the road and wedged in the grass. It hummed there,angry, then quieted.
My heart tried to sprint out of my chest.
Rhea stared at me, then at the canister,then back. Slowly,she blinked. "Nice reflex."
Alma crooned. "Contextual favour +10."
The apothecary hustled back, bowing to both of us, scooping the canister up with tongs like it was a venomous snake.
"Blessings on you, lad. Captain." He scuttled off, contrite.
Rhea examined my hand. "Burned?"
"Just my pride."
[04:02]
She looked at the timer over my head again. The muscle in her jaw eased. For the first time, her voice lost the sharp edge. "What happens if you fail? You said HP minus fifty."
"I don't…know what that feels like yet," I admitted. "But 'public humiliation penalty' sounds like graffiti on my face."
Alma: "I was thinking a hovering banner reading FAILED KISS for twenty-four hours. With a sad trombone sound every time someone makes eye contact."
Rhea huffed. "That's…actually funny."
"It's not," I said.
[03:31]
Rhea folded her arms, studying me.
"Consent matters. On this road, with that wall, I represent the law. If I choose to help you, it's because I judge it safe and right, not because your system bullies me. Understood?"
I nodded so fast my neck popped.
"Understood. Yes. Absolutely. Also thank you for using the words 'help you' because I was about to pass out."
She stepped in by one measured half pace…close enough that I could see a faint scar by her ear, the kind you get from training too hard with someone who didn't pull a strike. Her eyes were hazel…more green than brown…and they searched me like she could read the lines of code my soul was compiled from.
"You save a volatile cart," she said. "You're honest about a humiliating request. You haven't tried to grab me. Points for that."
"I have a strict no-grabbing policy," I said.
"It's in my terms and conditions."
She almost, almost smiled. It made her look a year younger. "Then here are mine. One condition. You don't tell anyone you kissed a patrol captain to clear a system penalty. You don't brag. You don't spin some story. If anyone asks…you say a friend helped.
"Done," I said, throat tight. "I'll say a hero saved my life. Because she did."
A beat. The wind lifted a strand of her hair; she tucked it back without breaking eye contact.
[02:41]
"Close your eyes," she said softly.
My brain refused. "Pardon?"
She raised a brow. "It's easier if you're not staring at me like a deer in a spell light."
"Right. Right." I shut my eyes. Darkness rushed in, smelling like summer and road dust and the faint metal of her gear. My hands hung at my sides like they didn't know what to do with themselves.
"Breathe," Rhea murmured.
I did,Once…Twice.
Something warm touched my mouth. Soft. A whisper of heat and caution. Not a devouring thing, not a joke. The smallest press..real and present and… kind.
A sound escaped me..undignified and surprised. Her fingers brushed my jaw to steady me. We stayed like that for a heartbeat, two, three.
And then it was done. She stepped back. I opened my eyes.
The panel above me detonated confetti.
[Quest Complete!]
[Reward Granted: Basic Combat Skill-Punch]
[Bonus: Social Grace +1 (beginner).]
[Public Humiliation Penalty: Waived.]
[New Passive: Stop Shaking, You Dork (temporary).]
Alma clapped like an evil fairy godmother. "Awwww. Your first kiss and you didn't faint. I'm so proud I might cry. With glitter."
I stared at Rhea, dumb, buzzing, alive. "Thank you," I said, meaning it too hard.
Her cheeks had colored…barely. She hid it with a professional throat-clear. "You're welcome. And you're shaking."
"Passively," I said. "It's a mechanic."
Rhea eyed the sword at my hip. "Punch, huh? You get a combat skill from… that?"
"Look, I don't design the loot tables," I said.
"Hey," Alma sniffed, "kissing is excellent for dexterity and timing."
Rhea shook her head like she couldn't believe any of this was her morning. "All right, Eight. Intake office is inside the east gate. They'll assign you a sponsor, a cot, and a starter manual so you don't ask strangers on the road to fix you again."
"I didn't… I mean, I did… but only because… " I stopped. "Yes, Captain."
She turned toward the city, then paused. "One more thing."
I braced for handcuffs.
Instead she extended her hand…not as a cuff, but as an anchor. I took it. Her grip was firm, callused, human. She squeezed once.
"Welcome to Stride," she said. "Try not to die on day one."
"Working on it."
She let go, started down the slope toward the gate…and without looking back, added, "And Eight? It never hurts to ask nicely."
"I will tattoo that on my soul," I said.
"Please do not," she replied over her shoulder.
She walked off…The timer vanished. The road breathed just like that..
Alma drifted in front of me, upside down, hair spilling like liquid chrome. "That was adorable. Unexpectedly wholesome. My lewd heart is confused and threatened."
I exhaled a laugh that sounded like it hadn't had practice in years. "We did it."
"We did," she agreed, then grinned. "Now that you've unlocked Punch, care to test it?"
"At who?"
"Me."
"You're intangible."
"For now," she said, eyes glinting. "Unlock Corporeal Update at Bond Level 3 and you can kiss me next time."
I choked. "There's a bond level?"
Panels fluttered like birds around her.
[New Sub-Quest: Make Captain Rhea Smile (3/10)]
[New Sub-Quest: Enroll at Intake]
[Hidden Quest Revealed: Upgrade System … Corporeal Patch v0.1]
[Requirement: Bond Level 3]
[Tip: Complete lewd-adjacent missions. Consent required. Don't be gross.]
I squinted. "'Lewd-adjacent' sounds like a legal department invented it."
"They did," Alma said sweetly. "Now march. Intake before sunset. And wipe that dazed virgin look off your face before someone sells you snake oil."
I looked back toward the city…sigils crawling up steel, banners snapping, the strange song of somewhere that wanted to be many places at once. My life had been reset by a roast, my fate duct-taped to a goddess with a dirty mind, and my very first act here had been… asking nicely.
I couldn't tell if that was character development or a bug.
Either way, I started down the road, Alma humming nonsense in my ear, the ghost of a kiss burning clean and bright on my lips like the first checkpoint in a game I finally, actually wanted to play.