By the time the lunch bell rang on Tuesday, I had already developed a theory.
The theory was simple: every new day increased the chances of my accidental death by harem.
Yesterday, it was Ayaka's scolding, Miyu's accidental chest-first collision, and Kana's "love-bite taiyaki."
Today, I was sure I'd get hit by a stray kendo sword, fall into a compromising position with someone, or get confessed to in front of the entire cafeteria.
Spoiler: I was right.
The cafeteria was buzzing like a hive. I sat down with my curry bread, trying to keep my head down. Ayaka, of course, sat directly across from me, her chopsticks clicking ominously like twin weapons.
"You're eating carbs again," she scolded.
"…It's bread. Everyone eats bread."
"Not you. You promised you'd eat healthier this semester."
"I never said that."
"You said it with your eyes."
Before I could argue further, Miyu gracefully slid into the seat beside me. Somehow, even sitting down looked like a royal decree when she did it.
"Good afternoon, Riku," she said in that calm, soft voice of hers.
"G-Good afternoon," I stammered, half choking on my bread.
Ayaka narrowed her eyes. "Why are you sitting there?"
"This seat was open." Miyu tilted her head. "Is that… a problem?"
Ayaka's chopsticks snapped like brittle twigs. "Not at all," she said through a smile that could curdle milk.
And then, as if the gods wanted me dead, Kana popped up out of nowhere.
"Senpaai! You didn't save me a seat again?!" She pouted, hugging her lunchbox.
"You weren't here yet—" I began, but she had already plopped down directly on my other side, practically squishing me between her and Miyu.
"This is fine!" Kana beamed, leaning her head on my shoulder like we were some kind of couple.
Ayaka slammed her chopsticks on the table. "KANA! Move over!"
"Ehh? Why should I? I'm his precious kouhai~!" Kana sing-songed.
Miyu just sipped her tea like she was enjoying a private opera. "Riku seems… popular."
"Don't encourage them!" I begged, but my voice was lost under the sound of Ayaka and Kana beginning what could only be described as the Lunchtime Wars.
It started with subtle jabs.
Ayaka: "He only likes homemade food."
Kana: "Then I'll feed him!"
It escalated quickly.
Ayaka: "Stay out of his personal space!"
Kana: "We're soulmates, so we don't have boundaries!"
And before I could blink, Kana was literally holding up a piece of tamagoyaki with her chopsticks.
"Say ahhh, senpai~"
"Do NOT 'ahhh'!" Ayaka barked, lunging across the table like she was storming Normandy.
Of course, I chose the absolute worst time to try to take a sip of water.
Because just as Ayaka shoved Kana's hand away, the tamagoyaki flew through the air—directly into my mouth.
"See?!" Kana cheered. "Destiny!"
I choked. Miyu patted my back delicately, though I swear she was hiding a smile.
"This is ridiculous," Ayaka muttered, face red.
"You're just jealous because senpai likes my cooking better~," Kana teased.
And that was when Ayaka dropped the nuclear bomb.
"Oh really? Then why does he still keep the spare house key I gave him?"
The cafeteria went dead silent. Chopsticks froze mid-air. Even Miyu's eyes widened slightly.
"…Spare key?" Kana repeated slowly.
"W-Wait, Ayaka, don't—!" I stammered, but she was already smirking triumphantly.
"Yes. Riku's had my spare key since middle school. I can come over anytime." She leaned forward, eyes gleaming. "Anytime."
Kana's jaw dropped. "S-Senpai! That's cheating! Childhood friend cheat code!"
"I-It's not like that!" I protested, waving my arms. "She just… kind of… never gave it back!"
"That's even worse!" Kana shrieked.
Miyu, meanwhile, tapped her chin thoughtfully.
"Interesting… so Ayaka has home-field advantage."
"Don't say it like it's a sports match!" I cried.
The three girls all stared at me, each one with their own terrifying expression:
Ayaka looked smug.
Kana looked betrayed.
Miyu looked… intrigued.
That was when I realized my theory wasn't a theory anymore.
It was a prophecy.
After school, I tried to escape the chaos by hiding in the library. A foolish decision.
"Skipping club, Riku?" Miyu's voice drifted over from between the shelves. She glided into view like she belonged in a romance drama, her schoolbag dangling elegantly.
I blinked. "You… come here often?"
"That's such a cliché line," she teased, a rare smirk tugging at her lips.
My brain short-circuited. Transfer students weren't supposed to tease. They were supposed to be untouchable, mysterious, and make everyone else feel inferior. But Miyu had just raised the stakes by showing actual personality.
Before I could recover, Kana burst in like a firecracker. "Senpaaiii! I knew you'd hide here!"
And five seconds later—
"Riku! You forgot your math notes again!" Ayaka stormed in, holding my notebook hostage.
All three of them. In the library. Together.
The librarian hissed at us to keep quiet, but it was already too late. The chaos had followed me here.
That night, as I collapsed face-first into my pillow, one thought echoed in my head.
This wasn't just a string of coincidences.
This was the official beginning of my harem war.
And the worst part?
…Somehow, a tiny part of me wasn't entirely against it.