"Lord Hades," I bowed my head respectfully. I mean, come on. It's obvious. "It's an honor to meet you."
"Oh please, there's no need to stand on ceremony," Hades said good-naturedly, waving his hand. He had a warm, inviting smile—the kind of smile that made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Before I realized it, I was smiling, too.
He snapped his fingers, and my pants sewed themselves together. My ruined shirt was switched out with a plain black shirt that had a skull on it.
"None of that 'Lord' stuff with me, little nephew. My ego isn't as big as the big drama queen up there." Thunder sounded outside, rumbling the whole diner. The lights flickered for a moment, and everyone in the restaurant continued eating as if nothing had happened.
"See what I mean?" Hades shook his head, leaning back into his booth and fiddling with one of his rings. I grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes.
"Between you and me, my little brother has always had a flair for the dramatic. Your pops? Pretty cool for the most part, but he's got his moments, too. We all do."
For the god of the dead, Hades was pretty lively. On my list of Olympians, he was easily at the top of the list in terms of relatability. My dad was, too. Then, Hestia and Aphrodite—they were both nice, but Hestia was still a bit too stiff, and Aphrodite was too hot for me to focus.
Hades reminded me of that one uncle everyone had that was just chill. You know, the one that was a little too old to hang out with the kids and a little too young to hang out with the adults—the one all the kids wanted to be around anyway.
Piper was staring at him, her mouth agape, "Piper, you okay?" Hades snapped his fingers, and Piper suddenly slumped against the wall of the diner, softly snoring.
"Sorry, bud, but she doesn't have to be awake for this part."
"Aw, man," I complained, anticipating her future reaction. "She's going to grill me about this when she wakes up."
"I've heard she has a temper," Hades agreed, and we both shared a grimace. He cracked his neck, "Now, then. Onto business, little nephew."
I got serious. "What is it, uncle?" Hades didn't beat around the bush.
"I'm sure by now, you've got an idea of who the thief is."
"I have an idea or two."
"Smart boy," Hades complimented. The waitress came back with heaping trays of food—cheeseburgers, fries, onion rings, and chocolate shakes. Hades grabbed a tinfoil-wrapped burger and a helping of onion rings. I nabbed a vanilla shake for myself—a tall, frosty glass brimming with thick, creamy goodness.
The swirl of pale white rose like a snowy peak beneath a small mountain of whipped cream, and the sweet vanilla aroma practically shimmered in the diner's neon glow. One sip, and I could taste that comforting, old-school ice cream parlor sweetness dancing on my tongue.
Hades was having a similar experience with his food. "Fuck, this burger tastes good. When the cook back there dies, I'm hiring him as a chef." I looked behind him to the kitchen, "How do you know he's going to your hell ?"
"His hard drive," Hades spoke around the food in his mouth, "Anyway, I know what our little thief going to do with you."
That got my attention. I looked up from my shake. "What?"
"My two cents? He's going to give you the lightning bolt," Hades said.
"Then, he'll try to kill you and your friend. Bringing your dead body with the bolt to Olympus would solidify my brother's belief that you're the thief and cause a war on Olympus. Zeus doesn't even truly believe you're the thief—there's virtually no evidence to suggest that—but your body would be proof enough. He'd rather a war start on Olympus than admit he's wrong, trust me on that."
"I always thought that the thief would be in league with the god of war, but after a, uh, conversation I had, I got the sense that he was deeper into this whole thing than I could've imagined," I didn't know what else to say.
I looked down, my shake no longer seeming as appealing as it did before. War itself was bad—but a war with gods? I tried to imagine the sky and sea at war with each other. That sort of thing would result in countless deaths—we were talking millions, at least.
"I see you understand the potential threat, here. Don't worry, though —this idea hit me last night, in the middle of a How I Met Your Mother marathon, so I knew I had to track you down," Hades continued. A smirk formed on his face. "Simply put, fuck the thief— we aren't letting him finish his plan."
"How?"
"Gods can't steal each other's symbols of power. It's not allowed. That's an ancient rule. Sure, Ares could have just come across it, but I highly doubt that's the case. I suspect that with a little prodding, you can get him to admit to actively playing a role in the theft of my helm," Hades explained, his visage growing darker. A gleam started to form in his eyes. "Once he does that, he invokes the rite of battle, and I can fight the spoiled brat."
"Fight him? Won't Uncle Z—"
"My foolish little brother can't stop me from teaching that little shit a lesson he won't ever forget," Hades growled. He stabbed a plastic knife into his burger, and some juice seeped out from the sides, "The tough part here is that, well, you'll need to survive in battle with him long enough to pry the truth out from him. Once that's the case, I'll come to get the job done. Sound good?"
"I...well, in theory, I guess. I just don't know how I'll keep up with him long enough," I admitted with a frown, "What's the rite of battle, though?"
"I think you'll be fine, kiddo. You don't need to fight him, just survive against him long enough for him to mess up. Get near some water and you'll be surprised how long you can keep going," Hades dipped a fry in his shake.
"The rite of battle…think about it like a prerequisite to fighting. Gods generally aren't allowed to go one-on-one for no reason. This was a rule instated a long, long time ago. Can you imagine if your dad and Zeus fought every time there was a problem? Earth would've been demolished millennia ago, easy."
"That's a good point. Does that apply to all of the gods and goddesses or just the major ones?" I asked curiously. I'm sure my dad and uncles could cause damage, but what about, like, minor gods? Could they really do that much?
"All of them. Every single deity adheres to the ancient rules. Anyway, under a certain set of circumstances, the rite of battle can be activated, and gods can fight," I listened with rapt attention.
"That's what I need you to do. Theft of another god's symbol of power is one of the ways to activate the rite, so all you need to do is get him to admit he played a part in stealing my helm."
"I'm going to need your help in securing something in return," I said, hoping he wouldn't take offense to my request. Instead, he just smiled at me knowingly.
"You want him to swear to never touch Aphrodite again." I started choking, coughing on my fries. "How do you know that?" Hades rolled his eyes. "Perce, Aphrodite spends most of her time avoiding people. The fact that you're doing this gigantic favor for her is probably the nicest thing anyone's done for her, well, ever. She met your dad and me last night."
"Dad? My dad knows?"
"Yep."
"Great, just great. I was under the impression that our deal was private."
"Eh, we're close-ish," Hades waved his hand. "I would've found out eventually. So, you and Aphrodite, huh?"
"Uh…" Aphrodite flashed through my mind, and my mouth went dry. I imagined her looking at me again with those big blue eyes, "I…uh…" Hades busted out laughing, "Relax, man. It's just not every day that Aphrodite talks about a guy. I'm just yanking your chain."
"Yeah, no worries," I swallowed. Now since I'd already started thinking about her, it was like I couldn't stop. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her smiling at me from across the table. "None at all."
"Right," Hades smiled at me again, the grin reaching his eyes, making them even warmer than before. "Well, hey, listen. Just a bit of advice from my side. Man to man. Regardless of your intentions, Aphrodite has taken your help as an act of affection, and believe it or not, that's already made her a bit stronger."
My eyebrows scrunched together. "Forgive me if I speak out of line here, but shouldn't she still be like, I don't know, strong, anyway? I get that the idea of love itself has sort of changed around these days and that her image is all warped, I do. Still, though, there are billions of people out in the world right now, which means that more people should believe in love than back then, even if they don't necessarily believe in her. Shouldn't that already make her more powerful?"
"Ah. I can see you've thought about this," Hades said, leaning forward and bringing his fingers together in a ball. "Tell me, Percy, do you know how much pressure your average human body can handle?"
I shook my head.
"Shame. The average human body, dear nephew, can withstand 50 psi—that's pounds per square inch—and that's if it's a sudden impact," Hades explained to me. "However, if it's sustained pressure, the body can withstand up to 400 psi if the weight is gradually increased. 400 pounds on every inch of your body…do you think you could handle it right now?"
"No, no way! There's no way I'm doing that right now!"
"I'm not asking you to," Hades deadpanned, munching on some onion rings. My cheeks felt warm. "The point, kelp head, is that what you're capable of and what you're comfortable doing are two very different things. The same goes for gods—we have a certain amount of power at our disposal, but it's up to us to do what we want with it. Oftentimes, a god's power is determined less by how much they have and more by how much they actively use."
Hm. That kind of made sense. I swallowed a bite of my burger.
"So, some gods are just weaker than others?"
"Well, naturally," Hades said. He pointed at himself. "I'm an Elder God. Me, your pops, your uncle, Hestia—we were all Kronos' kids. We inherently have more power than any other Olympian, like Ares or Apollo, for instance. Hestia is a good example, actually. She has enough power to take on Ares and not even break a sweat. Instead, she tends to the fire at your camp and on Olympus."
"That makes sense," I agreed with him. "Her domains are family and the hearth, right? So, she plays to her strengths."
"Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it. My older sister could easily flip her switch and be an offensive star, too. This leads back to my point—she's capable of truly monstrous power, but she doesn't use it because it isn't what she believes in." I still felt confused. "Uh, but what does that have to do with Aphrodite?"
Hades sighed loudly. "You truly are your father's son. Okay, let's go simpler. Let's talk about your dad—does he look like he enjoys the water? Is he the kind of guy you want to go fishing with?" I thought back to when Poseidon had visited me in my cabin. A small smile formed on my face.
"Yeah, he does. When he visited me, he was dressed exactly like what I'd expect a fisherman to look like. I guess it could be fun, why?"
"Now, imagine if he didn't like the water. At all. What if he had rabies?"
"Can gods get rabies?"
"Godly rabies," Hades huffed. "Let's say he has godly rabies. Imagine him being scared of the water, wanting nothing to do with it at all. Do you think he'd make a good sea god? Is that the sort of dude you'd want even manning your ship, let alone controlling every single body of water in the world?"
"No," I said, scoffing. I tried to imagine my tanned and smiley dad without the fisherman outfit, pale and afraid to step in the water. There's no way a guy like that could have all of the seas under his command. "No way."
"That's Aphrodite's situation. Ever since she got to Olympus, she's been hounded after for her looks, belittled, made out to be whore, and treated like dirt. Percy, the woman is averse to the very idea of love," Hades stressed. "As a result, now she literally can't tap into her own domain. That well of power that she once had feels alien to her now. Not that I blame her, of course. In any case, you're right. In today's day and age, she'd be more powerful than ever. She just subconsciously chooses not to be. That's where you come in."
"Me?" I repeated.
"Gods don't go through childhoods. We don't grow up and experience life and gain new mental perspectives—not in the traditional way, anyway. So, for literally all of her life, Aphrodite hasn't experienced any form of love. Can you imagine that, even for a moment?" I'll admit, I didn't like it one bit. Trying to imagine my life with my mom wasn't fun at all. I didn't have a great childhood at all, but my mother made it all worth it.
Even though we were poor, she'd always made me feel loved and had fun. She'd worked multiple jobs so that I could always have presents, always have clothes on my back. I'd never once actually felt worried about our financial standing. I knew that no matter what, as long as we had each other, it would be fine. My mom had always been and would always be one of the brightest parts of my life. Imagining life without her left me feeling cold and hollow. I felt like shit. Hades nodded as if he wanted me to feel bad.
"Imagine that, but with a constant ache. No one around you wants to ever give you that love…no one at all. Some say they do, but you know they just want to use you and throw you away. Now, take it a step further. All of history views you as the world's biggest whore. Not a single soul wants you for anything beyond a one-night stand. It's reached a point where you can't take it. Even the mental connections you make with humans seem fake."
"I…" I didn't even know what to say. Hades had just verbally checkmated me—I was completely overwhelmed.
"The weakening of her powers has been slowly happening for eons, nephew. It has already continued to the point where she was very close to being unable to fend off Ares' advances," He, on the other hand, was on a roll now.
"As a new demigod with a week's training, you agreed to save her from the god of war, from a fate worse than death. You made a deal, sure, partly for your mother, but partly to save her or die trying, whether you truly meant to or not. Have no qualms, nephew, succeeding in this task would be more romantic and meaningful than any recent event in history—and she's on the receiving end of it, sort of. It's no wonder you've made her comfortable using even a modicum of her power. Deal or not, you've unintentionally made her start to develop feelings for you."
I was completely silent. Hades calmly slurped some of his shake through his straw, as if he hadn't just shown me the intricacies of godly power—some of them, anyway.
— - —
~ You have gained a [+1] to your [INT] for sitting through Hades' lecture!
— - —
"Why…me?" I somehow found the words. All of this…was just overwhelming. I felt like having a breakdown. The game, the gods— hell, I was sitting across from one of the strongest beings of all time. Who decided it was my destiny to do that? "The deal, the quest...just everything..."
"It has been many years since a child of the Sea God has been born," Hades gave it to me straight, which I appreciated, if I was being honest. "People are watching you with great interest, nephew. Beyond that, let's not pussyfoot around this. Few heroes could accomplish what you have so far, given the timeframe. It's been a while since the gods have been this curious about a demigod." I knew he was right. Hestia, my dad, Aphrodite, Ares, and Zeus— they'd all taken some sort of special interest in me. Even if it was for the wrong reasons, in some cases.
"Thanks, uncle."
"Don't thank me yet," Hades warned. "Go to Santa Monica. Alecto told me she saw Ares there, waiting. I'm guessing he's hoping to intercept you on your way to the Underworld. Meet him there, get him to invoke the rite of battle by admitting theft of my helm, and we'll kick his ass. Deal?"
It sounded easy enough on paper. I steeled myself. I could do this. I would do this. "Deal."
"Ah, shit. I'm needed back in the Underworld," My uncle stood up. He reached inside his jacket and tossed a wad of freshly pressed hundred-dollar bills on the table. "That should get you there—you need more, just give me a shout. Literally. Just scream into a shadow or something. When he invokes the rite of battle, I'll know, okay? Just get over to Santa Monica in one piece. See you." I blinked, and he was gone, almost like he'd never been there in the first place. Piper woke up and looked at me expectantly.
"Did I dream that? Or…"
"Nope. Our quest has been updated," I said, staring at the wad of money on the table.
"We're going to Santa Monica and I'm going to fight the lightning thief."
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