I'm hard at work, all alone in the barn. I'm so focused that I startle when I hear the barn door swing open. I turn to see Jisung. His eyes blaze with desire. In a few strides, he crosses the room. Then he's upon me, kissing me fiercely.
"Do you know how much I want you, (Y/N)?"
"Show me."
I feel Jisung smile against my mouth as he takes my hands in his, raising them over my head to pin me against the barn wall.
"Do you like that, (Y/N)?"
"Jisung, please don't hold back. I need you so bad..."
"Your wish is my command."
His hands drop to the curve of my ass, and he pulls me hard against him. Lips never leaving mine, he presses his body along mine, his desire for me hard and insistent against my hipbone. Jisung's mouth moves along my jaw and down my neck. I gasp when I feel the scrape of his teeth against the soft skin of my throat.
"I can't take it anymore, (Y/N). I need all of you, now."
Jisung pulls away just long enough to tug my shirt up over my head, bending to press his lips to the swell of my breast. I frantically pop the button of Jisung's jeans while his hands grip the bare skin of my hips.
"God, (Y/N)...I've wanted this for so long..."
As I pull his underwear down, I gasp at the sight of him, so hard he's practically throbbing. Jisung's skin is hot against my own. I grip onto him, the sensation of every inch of me touching every inch of him electrifying. I can just feel his hand moving lower, when a loud clanging rings out through the barn.
Where the hell is that coming from?
The noise grows louder and louder. I cover my ears to block it out. I blink awake in my bedroom, damp with sweat. I reach over to my phone to disable the alarm, then flop back onto the bed.
It's not enough that I daydream about Jisung, now he's interrupting my sleep? How am I ever gonna work alongside him?
Minho's voice drifts up from the kitchen, severing the last tether to my dream. I swing my self out of bed.
I can't let this distract me. Nothin's gonna get in the way of me contributing to this place.
In the kitchen, Jisung's already at his regular post by the stove. I smell bacon, but on the countertop next to the stove are...
"Wait, those are pancakes!"
"That's right, my home-smoked pork belly pancakes. There's bacon all through 'em. And before you judge, try 'em alright?"
"They've already been approved by yours truly, so you know they're good." Minho chuckles.
Jisung sets a platter of pancakes on the table. While Minho forks a short stack onto his plate, I take a tentative taste.
"Jisung, these are incredible."
"Glad you like 'em."
"Gotta say, Pip, surprised to see you up and at 'em so early." Minho tells me while shoving food into his mouth.
"I told you, I'm here to help. Whatever time we start on the ranch, that's when I'll be up."
"Speakin' of... I oughta apologize. It's not your fault you don't know how this place works. I'm gonna make sure you learn the ropes."
"Wow, Minho, about time. I've been chomping at the bit since I got here. I know you're set in your ways, but help is help!"
"I know you're up for it, and I'm glad. A pair of extra hands really makes a difference, especially on days like today."
"What's happening today?"
"Got a big meeting with a rancher from parts near Amarillo. His stallion's a real favorite on the circuit. Huge promise as a stud. If we get the horse for the right price, I reckon we'll have the best breeding horses in Oklahoma for years to come."
"That's incredible, Minho. So when do we go?"
"I'm heading off now. You and Jisung are holdin' down the fort while I'm gone. He'll teach you what's what."
"Me and Jisung? Sounds great. I'm sure we'll find plenty of ways to keep busy..."
I quirk a brow at Jisung when Minho isn't looking. His eyes dart away, but I can see his throat working hard.
"I'm sure you will. Jisung, don't let her outta your sight, y'hear? I'm trustin' you to show her the ropes."
"The ropes, hmmm? Sounds like fun..."
"You can count on us, Minho. We won't let you down." Jisung tells my brother.
"Don't let Jisung shake you off, y'hear? Make sure he shows you everything."
He slams down his mug and hurries out, leaving me and Jisung alone. After a long pause, Jisung shakes his head and rises from the table.
"You should go get dressed. Make sure to wear something a little more suited to the job than what you have been."
"Got a problem with my clothes?"
"You heard Minho. We need to work today, and I for one don't plan to disappoint him."
I bite back a retort and head upstairs to my bedroom to consult my closet.
"They say 'dress for the job you want'. I think I have just the outfit..."
"Can't imagine Jisung will have an complaints about this. I'm workin' it all kinds of ways."
I head outside and find Jisung waiting on the porch, hands in his pockets. His eyes widen as they take in the sight of me.
"What do you reckon? This workin' for you?"
Jisung's eyes move up and down every inch of me, his gaze so intense it's almost like a touch.
"You look good."
His voice drops to a mumble as he palms the back of his neck.
"You know...ready to work."
His gaze linger on me for a moment longer, then he turns away, forcing himself to break his stare.
"Right, let's get goin'. Try to keep up."
He sets off at a fast clip. I do my best to match his pace, but Jisung's stride is longer than mine.
"No...problem..."
Jisung crosses the paddock and heads into the stables, turning to wait for me, hands in his pockets.
"We're starting with the stables? It wouldn't kill you to talk to me first."
"I'm trying to do what your brother asked. And he didn't ask me to get friendly. Last night, he as good as said he'd run anyone outta town that did."
"I'm sure he didn't mean you."
"Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I don't mean to let him down. With the ranch...or otherwise."
"Okay, then. Show me how it's done."
"First things first. Fresh food and water twice a day, keep the trough and the buckets clean. I like to clean out their hooves while they're eatin', they're usually calmer then. You know where we keep the tools?"
"Same place as always, right?"
"Yup. We rotate which animals exercise in the paddock, and which ones go out to the pastures. Check 'em for injuries while you're leadin'em out. If they all look good, go ahead and muck out their stalls, then put down some fresh bedding once they're out. Got it?"
"First food and water, then clean them, and don't forget to check for injuries when I send them out to the pastures."
"Minho asked me to watch you run through it once. I thought maybe you could try on Agusga."
" 'Try'? You're being ridiculous. But for Minho's sake, I'll start by filling up the food and water."
I carefully think through the steps. After food and water, cleaning the horses hooves comes next.
"Next I'm gonna clean her hooves."
"Looks like that outfit ain't just for show. You've got this down to a science."
"I'm not sure it's as complicated as all that, but I do know a thing or two about workin' this ranch."
Soon enough, I've finished every task. Jisung smiles.
"Well done. Agusga is due for a day of grazing. Lead her out to the pasture, and we can continue down the line."
"You're lucky, Agusga. A whole day out in the pasture!"
Together, we get through all the animals and stalls. By the time we finish, we've both worked up a sweat and the sun is high in the sky.
"Well done, partner. Let's keep movin'. Next stop is the tack room."
But as I pass through the barn doors, I notice the bronco nosing his latch. Jisung strides ahead.
"Hey, hold up! The last stall didn't latch quite right. Our bronco is smart. He'd work it open in no time."
I dart back and fasten the latch correctly, and pull on the stall door to be sure...much to the bronco's disappointment.
"Good catch. I don't need any hell raisin' from him today."
At least someone sees that I'm good for something around this place.
"Obviously you're familiar with the tack room. But you might not be as familiar with the rodeo-specific tack."
"I've always wanted to try training the horses to take roping reins."
"We have a set of those. It's what you use in barrel racing."
Jisung reaches for the reins at the same time as me, and our hands touch. When I glance his way, he squeezes my hand lightly. I draw closer until we're just inches apart. I can feel his breath on my cheek. My pulse quickens as I turn to him.
"I could show you how to use a rope like this."
Jisung's eyes drop to my lips, and his gaze darkens. For a moment, it feels like anything could happen. Then, with a shake of his head, Jisung takes an unsteady step backwards, exhaling heavily.
"Not today, though. Some other time. Minho'll be the one to tell you what you need to train each horse. For now, let's head to the barn."
Inside, I smile and inhale the familiar hay and equipment-oil smells. I turn to Jisung, smiling softly.
"Reminds me of curling up with a book when it rained. It was so hard to find time alone around the ranch. I loved comin' here to escape to a different world for a while."
Jisung looks over at me thoughtfully. A thrill starts up on my skin at his gaze.
"Still lookin' to escape this place?"
"No, not anymore. Real life is plenty interestin' for me now."
"Sounds like this place is full of good memories."
I can't help but notice the way Jisung's eyes slide over the curves of my body, so slowly it almost feels like a caress.
"It is. And now that I'm back, I expect I'll be makin' a lot more memories here soon."
"Is that right? What sort of memories are you plannin' to make?"
The dream that woke me up flashes back into my mind, so vivid I can almost feel Jisung's hands roaming every inch of my body.
"I plan to bring you up there, for starters."
"Is that right? And when do you see me agreein' to that? We've got a schedule to keep, you know."
"C'mon, Jisung. It's just the hayloft. The ranch'll keep a few minutes longer."
Jisung laughs, but then he catches the sparkle in my eye. He gestures to the ladder.
"Fine, then. Go ahead. But let me give you a hand. That ladder's gotten pretty rickety lately. I keep meanin' to replace it."
Sure enough, I slip a few steps up. In a moment, Jisung's behind me, his hands clasping my waist to support me. I glance over my shoulder and realize Jisung's face is inches from mine...I can feel the heat of his breath on my skin.
"Jisung..."
His eyes drop to my mouth, and I see his breath hitch... Then he pulls away, dropping his hands and tilting his head up to the loft.
"Go on. But be careful."
I reach the top and take a long look around the familiar, beloved space. Jisung joins me a moment later. I feel his eyes on me as I move around the loft.
"The smell sure brings me back."
"Nothin' like it. Can't say I mind the way you spiffed the place up, either. But you look like somethin' else is on your mind..."
"I was just thinkin' how private this loft it. A person could get up to a whole lotta trouble here without anyone else ever knowin' about it."
"Oh? And what sorta trouble are you referrin' to, (Y/N)?"
"The sort that feels so good you can't help but make a little noise while it's happenin'."
Jisung returns my wicked grin, eyes going hooded as he rubs a hand along the stubble of his jaw.
"Not sure I take your meanin', (Y/N)."
"Not sure I believe you, Jisung."
I hold his gaze a moment longer, the air between us seeming to crackle, before forcing myself to turn away. I take a few more steps across the loft, and a little nook tucked up behind one of the beams catches my eye.
"Wow. I can't believe I'd forgotten about my secret stash!"
"Stash? What sorta stuff would you need to stash, (Y/N)?"
"All kinds of things. Notes from friends, carnival toys a crush won for me...I may have even swiped a bottle or two beers from the kitchen on occasion."
"A bonafide rebel."
Jisung bends over me as I pry up the loose floorboard that hid my treasures. I can't help but notice how close his body is to mine.
"So? Are you gonna show me what you kept inside?"
I pull out an envelope with some old photos.
"Oh, wow... Remind me to never cut my hair like that again."
He squints to get a closer look at the photo.
"Who's that, with their arm around you? One of your friends?"
"You don't recognize him? That's Tom Koval. We dated, gosh, beginning of my freshman year?"
Jisung's brow furrows with disapproval.
"I guess I didn't realize y'all were a thing."
"Probably because I never talked about it. It never really felt right."
"Oh? Why not?"
"Because the only person I had eyes for was...well, you."
"Even then?"
"Absolutely, I tried to fight it, dated other people, but none of it worked. You were always there, just outta reach, my dream man."
Jisung grows silent as he stares at the faded photo in my hand. When he turns to me, there's heat in his gaze.
"I didn't realize you felt that way."
"Really? I doubt I hid it very well."
"Sure, I guessed that you had a crush, but I figured it for puppy love."
"Maybe it was back then...but it's different now."
He moves closer, his body just inches away now, the heat off his skin warming the air between us.
"So what's changed?"
"Honestly? Nothing. Every person I've ever been with. I've held up against you. I've had my heart set on you since as long as I can remember...and I still do."
"So I'm some mystery you have to solve? An itch to scratch?"
It's not an accusation. Jisung's clearly intrigued, as evidenced by him inching closer yet.
"No, it's just a fact. I've always wanted you. I still want you. I want this."
Slowly, Jisung raises a hand to my cheek, cupping it softly with his work-rough hand, eyes never leaving mine.
"Are you sure, (Y/N)? Because you should know...I'm bad news. I always have been."
"I know what I'm getting into, Jisung. And I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
Eyes blazing with desire, Jisung's hand slides around to cup the back of my neck. In a moment, his lips are on mine. The spark between us bursts into flames immediately, and I wrap my arms around Jisung, pressing my body against him. Jisung slides a hand over the curve of my waist to the small of my back, pressing me against him as his kisses grow fiercer.
"Is this what you've been dreamin' of, (Y/N)?"
"Yes...but it's not everything I've been dreamin'..."
I press my lips to Jisung's again, relishing the low groan that escapes him. As my kisses grow fiercer, almost desperate with need, I run a hand over the taut muscles of Jisung's back, the other sliding down the length of a mucsled arm.
"Oh God..."
His voice is rough with desire as he murmurs my name between kisses. It sends a shiver down my spine.
"Stop fighting this. We both want it..."
"(Y/N), I..."
He pulls back, sucking in a sharp breath, and shakes his head.
"I'm sorry. I...I don't know what I was thinkin'."
"Jisung, what are you talking about?"
"What would your brother say if he saw us, (Y/N)? What would we say to Minho?"
Without another word, he retreats down the ladder, leaving me to follow in silence. I follow Jisung out of the barn. He crosses the field to a fence that encloses one of our pastures.
Seems like that kiss in the hayloft has Jisung shook. He's clearly tryin' to put as much distance between us as possible.
Suddenly, he whirls on me.
"(Y/N)...we need to talk about last night."
"You think? There's nothing to talk about. We were drinking, things got heated. It happens."
"That kinda heat ain't normal for me, (Y/N). That's why I want to talk."
"If you're worried I regret kissing you, I don't. the fact that it happened a second time ought to tell both of us something. Which is why--"
Jisung raises his hand to stop me.
"Just let me say my piece, (Y?N). I know violence isn't a solution. And I'm sorry that you had to see that."
"Wait, wait, wait... You think the problem is that you resorted to violence? C'mon, Jisung. The real problem is there's something between us, but you insist on pretendin' it ain't there."
"It ain't about pretendin'. I'm respectin' the fact that you're Minho's sister. Minho would want me to protect you, not...not..."
"What wouldn't Minho want you to do, Jisung? Think about me alone in bed at night?"
"How did you--"
He catches himself a moment too late. I rest my hand on his forearm. He glances at my hand, sighing heavily.
"What you're feeling, Jisung...I feel it, too. Difference is, I've felt it for a long time. You're just catching up."
With a shake of his head, Jisung opens his eyes. The fear and doubt have disappeared.
"Fine, I admit there's...somethin' there. But we both know we can't let it go any further."
"It's too late for that, Jisung. That horse started runnin' a long time ago."
"No. Kissin' you was a mistake. But it's one that I won't make again."
"Please don't say that."
He takes a step back to separate himself from me, hands raised defensively.
"Look, I'm sorry about last night, okay? All of it. It was a mistake. And that's all I'll say about it."
With that, he turns and stalks off toward the property line without another backward glance, leaving me to finish my chores alone. At the end of the day, I ache down to my bones and have blisters on my hands, but I've finished every task.
Once Minho sees what I've accomplished, he'll have to agree. I'm made for this.
I finish up by brushing down Agusga.
"Thatta girl. Don't that feel nice? How do you think I did today, girl?"
Agusga whinnies in agreement.
"I passed? Good to know, I'll hand that report back to Minho first thin in the mornin'. Sleep tight."
My stomach growls as I make my way back to the house. Inside the house, Jisung's already at work chopping vegetables for dinner. He glances up when I enter, but says nothing.
"So, are you looking for some help?"
"I have it handled."
"Then do you want to talk? Maybe apologize? Again?"
He sighs. Jisung's a man of so few words, it's almost endearing to watch him struggle with them.
"I shouldn't have stormed off like that. I just needed some space. Can we take a mulligan on this one?"
"Sure. As long as you plan on sharing whatever it is you're cookin'."
"I think I can manage that."
I take a seat at the kitchen table as Jisung continues with the food.
"Where's Minho? I thought he'd be back by now."
"He just called. Won't be back 'til around midnight. Something to do with closing the deal."
"If Minho can't make it home for supper, what's all this for? You've got enough food here to feel a small army."
"I'd already gotten started when he called. But if you wanted to help me out, we could still turn this into a damn good pot of chili. Plus the leftovers freeze well. It might be nice to have a chance to, y'know...talk. I promise I won't run off this time."
"I'd love to."
Jisung lets a rare, relieved grin shine through.
"Great. That's great."
"So, I'm guessin' this chili is somethin' special if it requires all this."
"That's right. Can't make a world-famous chili without the best ingredients."
"World-famous, huh? I should make the cornbread."
"Good thinkin'. It comes in a box, so it's damn near impossible to screw up."
"Even better. I'm excellent at followin' directions."
"Oh yeah? Coulda fooled me."
"Ask any of my professors. Accordin' to them I was 'attentive, quick to learn, and a pleasure to have in class'. "
"Clearly those folks don't know you as well as I do."
"Maybe you just need to change up your teachin' style."
Once the prep is done, Jisung adds oil and onions to a pot on the stove. I'm captivated at the level of care he takes to get it right.
"I didn't realize how good you'd gotten at this, Jisung. You're a serious chef."
"You sure cookin' out of a college dorm hasn't clouded your judgement?"
"If anything, all that ramen has only made me appreciate a good, home-cooked meal."
A genuine smile spreads across his lips.
"You know...your dad's the one who got me into this. Cookin', I mean."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"Yup. The summer after my mom died, I was here...pretty much all the time."
I was so young when Jisung lost his mom, it's easy to forget what a big deal that must've been for him...
"Your dad told me every cowboy should know how to polish his own boots, fix his own car, and smoke a real brisket."
"Those aren't the only things a cowboy should know..."
"Oh yeah? What sorts of things might you be referrin' to?"
"Can't you guess, Jisung?"
Jisung licks his lips, the muscle in his jaw tensing. I feel our bodies drift closer, as though magnetized. Jisung's eyes hook on my lips as I lean towards him.
"Why don't you enlighten me."
"Clearly I'm talking about doctorin' boxed cornbread so it actually taste better than Styrofoam."
Jisung exhales sharply, shaking his head, a hint of a smile twisting the corner of his mouth.
"I'll leave that to you. This chili's at a critical stage."
The two of us continue preparing the food. I notice Jisung's pensive look as he carefully stirs the pot.
"Your folks treated me like family, y'know? No questions asked, just folded me in. I needed that more than I was able to say at the time. When they died, Minho became more than a friend. We all know my dad's a damn deadbeat. Minho's my real family."
He looks mournfully across the small distance between us, somehow both unfathomably far and uncomfortably close.
"Don't you get it, (Y/N)? That's why it has to be this way between us. I can't hurt the only family I have."
"I see why you'd feel that way...but you're wrong. If anything, Minho should want us to see this thing through. Who could possibly know me better? Care about me more?"
"You can't begin to know how much I wish that were true...but I jsut don't see it that way. I can't risk hurtin' the people who mean the most to me. I've seen the consequences of reckless decisions firsthand."
His expression darkens.
"I won't hurt people that way. At least not on purpose. This is how it has to be. Please say you understand."
"I may not agree...but I understand why you feel that way."
"Thank you, (Y/N). I appreciate that."
We continue cooking in silence. But it feels more comfortable somehow. Honest. Before long, a timer dings and Jisung pulls the lid from the pot. A delicious aroma wafts over us both, prompting my stomach to growl.
"That smells heavenly."
"Just wait 'til you try it."
Jisung may not want to accept what's going on between us...but he can't deny it if I show him.
"Didn't my dad teach you anything? A chef always needs to taste his food first."
I dip a wooden spoon into the pot and offer it to Jisung. His eyes never leave my face as he closes his mouth around the curve of the spoon.
"Mmm..."
"How's it taste?"
"Delicious."
"Oh, you've got..."
The tiniest drop clings to the corner of hi mouth. Without thinking, I swipe my thumb across his lip. I let my thumb linger there, the stubble along his jaw grazing against my hand. The touch feeling dangerously intimate.
"(Y/N)..."
His voice has dropped to a husky whisper. I lean in instinctually, until my lips are just inches away from his.
"Is this okay?"
My fingers brush his cheek. He raises a hand to cover mine, keeping me close.
"Yes. Is this?"
I swallow hard, my entire body thrilling to the tiny touch. When I speak my voice is barely a whisper.
"It's more than okay."
In an instant, the flames I swore were dormant flare to life. He pulls me flush against him, chest to chest. I place a hand over his heart and feel it pounding through the fabric of his shirt.
"Dammit, you..."
Suddenly, his lips are on mine, and I kiss him back, holding onto one another tightly, almost desperately. Jisung's hand slides down to the buckle of my belt, eyes aflame with need, when the sound of a cell phone rings. Jisung startles away from me, eyes wide, clearly surprised at how quickly things progressed.
"Jisung, just wait a second..."
He shakes his head, snatching the phone from his back pocket and taking another step away before answering.
"Hello? Yep, all good here. Okay, see you soon."
He hangs up, swallowing hard.
"Minho's on his way home."
"He'll be happy to know he's got a warm meal waitin' for him. Finer than anything he could get in Amarillo, too."
"Speakin' of...let's dig in while it's hot."
As we take our seats at the table, Jisung raises his glass.
"Here's to you comin' home."
We clink out glass to his, and I can't help but think how complicated this could be...if only Jisung would let it. long after I've gone to bed, I'm awoken by a mournful howl in the distance.
Just a coyote. Sounds lonely...
I try to go back to sleep, but my eyes are wide open. Finally, unable to shake the vague unease, I decide to fix myself a cup of tea. I'm about to head into the kitchen, but from the bottom of the stairs, I hear two voices talking low. I stop just short of the door. I see Minho and Jisung sitting at the kitchen table. A bottle of whiskey between them.
"I know I shouldn't have done it, Minho, but...I just couldn't seem to help myself."
"(Y/N) is my priority. You know that, don't you?"
" 'Course. I've always known that."
Minho leans in close, forcing Jisung to look him in the eye.
"I'm only gonna say this once. Crossing the line with (Y/N)'s a capital offense. She's about all I hold sacred in this world."
I don't catch Jisung's mumbled reply, just the sound of chairs scraping. I creep back upstairs, worry sitting heavy in my stomach.
Does Minho know what happened between me and Jisung? And if he does... What're we going to do?