"Hey." Murong Jin sat on a rock in the courtyard, calling out to the man's back.
The white-robed scholar tilted his head slightly. "What is it?"
"When will I be healed?" She picked at the gravel, her face clouded with worry. It had been half a month. Every day, she sat in this courtyard, drinking the medicine he gave her, and every day, her legs remained useless. She couldn't even sit up without help.
He had saved her life. If he wanted her dead, he could have left her for the wolves. But she wasn't getting better. Even when he coldly explained that her injuries were severe, her suspicion lingered.
"I don't know," he answered calmly.
She pursed her lips. The same answer as yesterday.
"I want to go back." She pressed her hands onto the rock, straining to lift herself.
Her body rose an inch, then collapsed. She tipped forward, about to hit the ground.
"Careful." He was there in an instant, catching her arm. "Must you try this every day?"
He chided her, but his hands were gentle as he settled her back on the rock and smoothed her messy hair.
She pulled away. "I still can't stand. When will I heal? What happened to Wuchuan? And Xue Liulan… is he safe?"
His hand tightened on her shoulder. "You can barely protect yourself, yet you worry about others."
She rolled her eyes. "Can you cure me, or not?"
"And if I say no?" He stood tall, looking down at her bowed head. She would never stop trying to leave, even in this hopeless state.
"Then," she said quietly, "why am I still alive?"
His eyes narrowed. Was she threatening suicide?
"Murong Jin, you are a general." His voice dropped, edged with anger. "Sun Bin lost his legs and still commanded armies. Besides, you were forced into this life. In the end, you are a woman who should be helping her husband and raising her children, living a peaceful life."
"I know all that." She looked up, meeting his gaze. "But not now. My father is missing. My brothers-in-arms are dead or lost. My husband faces danger in Jindu. How can I hide here and live in peace?"
"If your legs are truly gone, you will only be a burden to them." His gaze was icy, but beneath the frost lay a hidden pain.
"A burden. Yes." She sighed, lowering her head again. "So, if I cannot walk, why should I live?"
"You…" He was speechless. He didn't know what she lived for. He just wanted her to have peace. But she was born to shield those she loved. If she couldn't protect them, she couldn't accept being protected.
"Can you send me back?" She looked at him carefully. She didn't fully trust him, but she knew he meant well.
"Your corpse?" he gritted out.
Silence. An admission.
"You know that's impossible." He turned and walked to the herb rack, busying his hands with the dried plants.
"Forget it, then." She gave a desolate laugh and looked away.
Xue Liulan, are you thinking of me?
The silence behind him was heavy. He crushed the herbs in his hand, then whirled around, anger blazing in his eyes.
"Why are you so stubborn? What are you holding onto? Your father? Murong Yan is back in Wuchuan. The Emperor is alive and safe. Your husband is fine."
"Good." She let out a long breath, her shoulders relaxing.
"Now will you stay put?"
She looked at him, confused. Why did he want her here? Why did he want to give her a peace she hadn't asked for?
"Who are you?" The simplest question, and the hardest to answer.
He froze, then looked away, avoiding her probing gaze. It felt like she could see right through his secrets.
"Why ask again?" He turned to leave.
"Have I met you before? Why do you feel so familiar?"
"Perhaps it is fate."
"A poor excuse, Senior Brother." She laughed suddenly, snatching up a pebble and throwing it at him.
He reacted instinctively, catching the stone between two fingers, spinning with the momentum, and flicking it into a nearby tree stump.
Thwack. The stone embedded itself deep in the wood. He froze. It was a reflex, faster than thought.
"I knew it!" Her face lit up. "It's been ten years. You've changed."
Years ago, her father had hired masters from the jianghu to train the Vermilion Bird Camp. One master had brought a disciple, specifically to teach her lightness skill.
The master wasn't a healer, but his lightness skill was unmatched. And his first disciple, the man in white before her, was a prodigy. Since he had started before her, she called him Senior Brother.
"Ten years, and you still like throwing rocks." He gave up, smiling indulgently.
"Bai Ze, if you came back, why hide your identity?" she scolded. "Why all the mystery?"
"I'm just tired, Jin." He sat beside her, his smile lonely.
"Where have you been? What happened to make you so weary? I remember you loved to roam the world, free as the wind." She tilted her head, studying the lines on his face.
Ten years was enough to change anyone. But surely it couldn't erase his nature completely.
"Nothing much." He looked away.
She didn't press him. Just as she hadn't asked when his master took him away all those years ago. They were jianghu people. They didn't belong to Wuchuan.
"They are your teachers, and only your teachers," her father had said.
That evening, he carried her back inside. She leaned against the headboard while he read a medical book by lamplight.
"Why medicine?" she asked.
He glanced up. "Maybe I felt my hands were too bloody. Wanted to wash them clean."
She looked at her own hands and laughed. "Then I should be doing good deeds too."
"Then stay here and heal the sick with me."
Her smile froze. If he were just a benefactor, she could refuse, even threaten suicide. But this was her friend. Her only senior brother. The boy who had once saved her from a pack of wolves.
"You know I can't," she said softly after a long silence.
"You gave your youth to build a wall for your family. You traded your marriage for their safety. Jin, why must you be bound by this? You are a daughter of the Murong clan, yes, but you shouldn't have to carry it all alone."
Silence, broken only by the crackle of the candlewick.
"If I don't stand up, who will? My father is old. I am his only child."
"So you gave up your peace for chaos?"
"Yes." She looked at him, her gaze firm. "It is my only choice. Before, it was for my family. Now, it is for my husband and son too."