"Don't." The word left Ryan's lips in a low, almost desperate whisper. He hadn't planned to say it. He hadn't even thought. His hand just moved, gripping Maya's wrist firmly, pulling her back from leaving. The second his skin met hers, he felt it. Warmth.
It was absurd how something so small could undo him. The warmth of her wrist beneath his palm was spreading like fire through his veins. His fingers trembled, but he didn't let go. Not this time.
Maya froze. She didn't jerk her hand away. Didn't twist out of his grasp. Didn't slap him like he half-expected her to. She just… stood still.
The night wind moved softly around them, lifting strands of her hair. The city stretched below, glittering in colors, alive with sound, but none of it mattered. For Ryan, the world had stilled into just this one moment. He slowly raised his eyes to hers. And then silence.
It wasn't an empty silence. No, it was thick, suffocating, almost sacred. A silence that carried every word unsaid, every regret swallowed, every feeling buried. Their gazes locked. Hers sharp, hurt, questioning. His raw, unguarded, desperate. Ryan's chest rose and fell unevenly. He didn't know how long they stood like that, seconds, minutes? Time blurred when he was staring into her eyes.
His lips parted, then closed, then parted again. He wanted to say something...anything but the words clogged in his throat. And then, finally, something slipped out.
"I was born like this," he whispered after a long silence. "Cold. Empty. Without it. I didn't lose emotions, Maya. I never had them. And for me, that was normal."
He laughed bitterly, his voice harsh. "For me, the world was weird people smiling, laughing, crying. I thought they were strange. I thought they were weak. I thought…"
His voice faltered. He turned back to her slowly, his eyes glistening, "…until you."
"You came into my life like sunrays," he whispered, his voice raspy, almost breaking.
Maya's brows furrowed slightly.
Ryan swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he struggled to steady his breath. His grip on her wrist didn't loosen, but it wasn't harsh. It was… pleading. Like if he let go, he'd lose her forever.
"You were the sunshine I was always trying to escape," he continued, his eyes never leaving hers. "But I couldn't. No matter what I did, I couldn't."
The words weren't practiced. They weren't rehearsed in front of his mirror like the countless apologies he had once tried to prepare. No, these words were clumsy and raw; they escaped without warning, cutting him open as they spilled.
He inhaled shakily, his voice dropping lower. "Every time you came near me, something inside me… changed. And I hated it."
Maya blinked, her lips parting, but she stayed silent.
"I wanted to push it away. To ignore it. So....I.... pretended." His jaw clenched. "I pretended your voice annoyed me. I pretended your endless chatter drove me insane. I pretended I hated it."
His chest heaved, his eyes glistening faintly beneath the terrace lights.
"But I didn't....," he admitted, his voice cracking. "....I didn't hate it. I loved it. I wanted to hear it. Every word that comes from your mouth,..I wanted all of it, all of those words."
A lump formed in Maya's throat, but she said nothing.
Ryan's breath stuttered. He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing with pain. "Do you know why I pushed you away?"
The silence between them stretched, pressing down on him like a weight. His voice dropped into a fragile whisper, barely holding together.
"Because I was afraid." The word shattered the stillness like glass. Afraid.
Ryan's grip trembled against her wrist. His brows knitted together, his lips pressing tight before the confession broke free again.
"I was afraid I'd get used to you. Afraid that I'd need you. Afraid that if I let you in, I'd never know how to live without you again."
Maya's eyes softened, just barely, but he caught it. His chest tightened, his breath catching. His voice grew harsher, like the words were burning him. "And I can't afford that. I can't afford to need anyone."
His gaze wavered, just for a second, but then found hers again. There was no armor left in his eyes, no mask. Just vulnerability naked and raw.
"You weren't like the others," he whispered. "You didn't run when I was cruel. You didn't leave when I ignored you. Even when I threw the sharpest words at you, you came back. With that smile…"
His lips twisted painfully. "That damn smile. That smile that faded because of me, that smile that kept you alive. I didn't observe it...''
Maya's breath trembled. Her eyes glistened, but she didn't move.
Ryan exhaled shakily, his voice lowering even further, almost like a plea. "But in that hospital…" His voice faltered, breaking into silence. His grip on her wrist tightened instinctively, as though bracing himself. His throat worked, but no words came out for a long moment.
"I can't forgive myself for what I said to you there." His voice was barely a whisper, but it hit like a knife.
"I thought it would be the same as always," he continued, his lips trembling. "I'd push, and you'd smile. But then..."
He stopped. His chest shook, his eyes flickering with something sharp and unbearable. "Then I saw your tears."
Maya inhaled sharply, her lips pressing tight.
Ryan's eyes darkened, his voice rough with guilt. "Not just anyone's tears. But yours." His words hung in the air, heavy and unshakable.
Ryan's throat tightened, his lips pressing together before he forced the words out.
"I've seen people cry before, Maya," he whispered, his gaze fixed on her eyes. His fingers trembled against her wrist, as if clinging to the memory. "I've seen pain. I've seen grief. And it never touched me. Not once."
His chest rose with a ragged inhale. "But when I saw you cry..." His voice faltered, his jaw working as if the words were knives. "It broke something in me. Something I didn't even know could break."
Maya blinked, a single tear clinging stubbornly to her lashes. She quickly turned her head slightly, but Ryan caught it. His chest clenched.
"I hated myself that moment," he said hoarsely, each word shaking. "I hated myself more than I've hated anyone. Because I realized...I was the reason behind those daam tears."
His hand loosened just slightly around her wrist, not letting go, but softer now. As if afraid of holding her too tightly.
"You don't understand…" His voice cracked, the words dragging out like confessions from a sinner. "I've spent my whole life watching people walk away''
He stopped, his Adam's apple bobbing violently as he swallowed down the burn in his throat.
Whenever I get attached to someone, in the end, they'll leave me'' he continued, his eyes glassy. His breath hitched, his chest heaving.
Maya's lips parted, her gaze softening with something unspoken, but she said nothing.
Ryan looked away, breaking their contact for the first time. His grip shifted restlessly on her wrist. "So I told myself I didn't need anyone. Those emotions were useless. That people were temporary." A bitter, shaky laugh escaped him, but it wasn't humor; it was self-loathing.
"And then you came," he whispered, his head bowing slightly, his breath trembling against the night air. "And everything I believed in… collapsed." He looked back at her, his gaze burning.
"You made me feel. You dragged feelings out of me I didn't know existed. And it terrified me, Maya." His lips quivered, his voice breaking into a whisper.
"So I hurt you. Because that's the only thing I knew how to do." The silence stretched again. Heavy. Suffocating. Maya didn't move. Didn't pull her hand away. Her breaths were uneven, shallow.
Ryan exhaled sharply, his voice lowering into raw, pleading tones. "I regret every second of it. Every word. Every time I made you cry. I regret it like it's carved into my bones."
His eyes flickered wildly, shimmering under the terrace lights. "You think I don't care," he whispered, his voice trembling. "But I do. More than I should. More than I know how to."
His grip tightened on her wrist again, desperate. "Teach me," he pleaded suddenly, his voice rough. "Teach me how to live like you. Teach me how to smile. How to breathe without walls. How to not be afraid."
He paused, his chest rising and falling in a shaky rhythm. His hands shifted, sliding gently from her wrist to hold both her hands now. His thumbs brushed over her skin, trembling.
Maya's eyes widened slightly, her breath hitching at the warmth of his touch.
Ryan's gaze softened, though pain still shadowed it. "I lied for the first time because of you," he said quietly, almost like a confession. "I made pancakes at midnight. I played songs. Taylor Swift songs."
Despite herself, Maya's lips twitched the tiniest spark of amusement breaking through her stormy eyes. Ryan saw it. And for a second, he almost smiled too. Almost.
"You changed me," he whispered. "And I don't even know how to go back. I don't want to go back." His chest shuddered, his breath uneven.
"Will you forgive me?" His voice dropped lower, weaker, almost breaking. "I know a five-letter word, 'sorry' can't heal what I did. I know it's not enough. But tell me how, Maya. Tell me how I can make it right. I'll do it. Anything."