Chasing a girl boils down to a few key points.
First, you've got to make a stellar first impression. Then, you need to spend time together—ideally alone—to show off your best qualities. If there's no opportunity, you make one. After that, it's a slow build: keep raising her affection bit by bit until it hits the sweet spot, and boom, you're in.
Sweet talk scores extra points, thoughtful gestures are a must, and little gifts? Practically mandatory.
Under the scheming of the Disciplinary Squad, a plan dubbed "Operation Potter's Love Quest" quietly kicked off.
Ron, Neville, and Malfoy—three guys with zero romantic experience—suddenly found a shared mission, brainstorming and offering Harry advice like they were love gurus.
What kind of brilliant ideas could they come up with? Dudley had his doubts.
It was like asking your perpetually single roommate for tips on how to woo someone.
Dudley mentally lit a candle for Harry's doomed efforts.
When it came to chasing girls, Dudley wasn't exactly an expert himself, so he couldn't offer much help. He just let them fumble through it.
What, was he supposed to chase the girl for Harry? Or, what, kidnap her and toss her to him?
Ha, just kidding—that'd be illegal. Dudley Dursley was a proper gentleman who reasoned with people and won them over with virtue.
That said, he wasn't optimistic about Harry and Cho Chang. Their vibes just didn't mesh.
Hermione, on the other hand, was all in on the plan, but her ideas were even more absurd. She suggested Harry "disguise" himself as a girl to get close to Cho and infiltrate her inner circle.
Harriet Potter?
Dudley could only marvel at Hermione's wild imagination.
Sadly, no matter how many perfect alone-time opportunities the Disciplinary Squad engineered, Harry turned into a stuttering mess the moment he saw Cho. His hands froze, his feet froze, his whole body went stiff as a board. Sometimes he even forgot to breathe. Forget making a good impression—he could barely string a full sentence together.
That wasn't even the worst part. Either fate was conspiring against him, or they were truly doomed, because every encounter went haywire, pushing their relationship in bizarre directions.
Their first alone time? They got lost and trapped in a Hogwarts room with a mysteriously broken lock that an Alohomora couldn't budge. Cho missed a crucial Quidditch match (she was Ravenclaw's Seeker and loved the game), and Ravenclaw lost.
The second time? Barely a minute into their meeting, Peeves showed up, lobbing dungbombs like a madman. Cho got hit.
The third time? A rogue Flying Broomstick came out of nowhere, dangling Cho upside-down from the top of Hogwarts' castle. Harry struggled to get her down, failing his spells multiple times in his panic, causing her to bonk her head on the ceiling repeatedly.
Cho started to wonder if Harry had some personal vendetta against her.
Before this, Harry had never flubbed a spell in public. The famous Harry Potter, messing up? It had to be on purpose.
The fourth time? A flock of owls, apparently suffering from food poisoning, unleashed a rain of droppings during their return to the Owlery. Cho got drenched. The smell lingered, resisting every cleaning charm they tried.
Every time they were alone, something went wrong—and Cho was always the one who suffered. Worse, Harry was the only witness to her humiliation.
The result? They'd created opportunities and gotten plenty of "contact," but the outcome was a disaster.
Now, whenever Cho spotted Harry from a distance, she bolted in the opposite direction like he was the plague.
Harry couldn't even dream of giving her a small gift, let alone have a proper conversation.
If affection were a number, Cho's would probably be in the negatives.
In her eyes, I'm probably some kind of weirdo, Harry thought despairingly, then added to himself, And a jinx.
First love was supposed to be magical, but Harry's hadn't even sprouted before it was crushed.
After yet another failed attempt at alone time, Malfoy clutched his forehead in exasperation. "He's hopeless."
If Harry had any charm—quick wit, fast moves, the ability to read a girl's mood—there might've been a sliver of hope.
But Harry? Yeah, no chance.
"You talk like you're some expert," Ron snapped, defending his best mate.
"Of course," Malfoy shot back, smirking. "Every Malfoy is a master of romance."
"Oh yeah? How many girlfriends have you had? How many girls' hands have you held? How many kisses?" Ron fired off a soul-piercing interrogation.
Malfoy didn't miss a beat. "I don't believe in playing the field."
"Tch," Ron scoffed, unimpressed.
They were all at zero in the love department. No need for the pot to call the kettle black.
"Harry, let it go. Maybe you two just aren't meant to be," Neville said, patting Harry's shoulder consolingly.
Harry sighed, mourning his lost love.
Truth be told, he really liked Cho, though he wasn't sure exactly why. Wasn't that what first love was—vague, dreamy, and hard to pin down?
He started wondering if he should take a page out of Dudley's book and write one himself. Inspiration was flowing, and he even had a title: Those Girls We Chased Back Then.
He had a feeling it'd be a hit.
With his recent track record, it might actually sell. Though the title would need tweaking—maybe Harry Potter and His First Love.
"Where are D and Hermione?" Harry asked, suddenly noticing their absence.
Ron, mid-bicker with Malfoy, answered, "D and Hermione are off assessing a new member."
"A new member? Since when?" Harry said, shocked.
The Disciplinary Squad was getting a new recruit? How had he missed this?
Malfoy didn't hold back. "Potter, what do you know? You've been so smitten with Cho Chang you've barely paid attention to the Disciplinary Squad."
He was one of the most enthusiastic about helping Harry with his crush, but that didn't stop him from throwing shade.
Harry didn't bother arguing. That was just Malfoy's personality—he was used to it. Getting into it with him was a losing game. The guy had Snape's knack for snarky jabs; you'd never outtalk him.
"Who's the new member? Do you guys know?" Harry asked.
Neville answered, "Cedric Diggory, the top fourth-year from Hufflepuff."