Ah, a new chapter in the Decyclopedia! And with a protagonist who is, without a doubt, proof that being legendary doesn't mean being competent. I present to you Pedameo, the werewolf who lost a battle... to the cold.
Me: "First, let's get down to basics. The guy's a werewolf, a creature of the night, a force of nature. And what's most remarkable about his record? 'Aggravated damage from exposure.' He's a supernatural warrior who caught a cold!"
Friend: "It's like Batman going out into the night and coming back with a doctor's note. 'I know what you are,' says the villain. 'You're a guy who needs chicken soup and a dry towel.'"
Me: "And his plan? Hiding in plain sight, but the sight was an old truck and the 'plain' was a pile of frozen garbage. Pedameo, the Popsicle Man. He's not a night wolf, he's a wolf from an afternoon snack that fell into the freezer."
The Resume of an Epic Disaster
Me: "Let's analyze his skills, because that's what truly defines a hero, right? Survival skill… Zero! He doesn't even know how to stay alive, and he still has Aggravated Damage. It's like trying to play Mario without knowing how to press the jump button."
Friend: "But look at the good part! He has high Persuasion and Charisma. He can't hide, he can't fight, but he can probably convince Hobland Nash to lend him a blanket. 'You know what I am? I'm a really nice guy, and I have hypothermia. Give me a blanket and I'll give you a hug.'"
Me: "And Wits, his intelligence? Both with '●○○○○'. He's as smart as a potato. His 'investigation' must be something like 'I looked at the ground, saw some footprints, tripped over them, and fell in the mud.'"
Friend: "Not counting 'Galliard,' the storyteller wolf. His story would be a monologue about the time he turned into a human popsicle inside a truck. It's the 'Legend of Pedameo,' the most tragic and hilarious tale of all time."
The Confrontation and the Magic Item
Me: "And what's the most dangerous item in a supernatural being's inventory? The knife? The hunting suit? No! 'A library card.' Pedameo's true superpower is access to books. He'll face evil with the power of literature, and probably with a book on how to build an igloo." Friend: "The confrontation with Hobland Nash isn't an epic, it's a disastrous romantic comedy. The guy walks up to Pedameo, who's shivering from the cold, and says, 'I know what you are.' And Pedameo, with his Persuasion skills, will probably reply, 'You know? So tell me, how do I regenerate Aggravated Exposure Damage? I need help!'"
Me: "In the end, the big question is: Is Pedameo a hero or a villain? The answer is: he's a problem. A walking problem who dresses like a wolf and has 'Gorbachev' in his name. He's not here to save the world; he's here to be the protagonist of a story we can't take seriously. And maybe that's his true mission."