At the same time, Jing Shu thought, "I've already helped a few people give birth, so why the hell can't I help a goose do the same?" Maybe if she controlled the goose's breathing, long and short, she could assist it like a real delivery.
Too bad she couldn't control the egg inside. She closed her eyes and focused, letting the goose struggle for a long while, but no matter how hard it tried, the egg just wouldn't come out. It couldn't even be pulled out by hand, and if she forced it, she'd probably crush it.
If worst came to worst, she'd just have to crush the eggs inside.
This was probably because Da Hua hadn't laid eggs for a long time. It seemed feeding it too well wasn't always a good thing. Sure, she could break the eggs this time, but what about next time? The Lion Head goose had to face this hurdle sooner or later. Maybe after a few tries, it'd just... loosen up naturally.
Grandma Jing squatted down and pried the poor goose's rear open. "Tsk tsk, these eggs are huge, but the exit's tiny. Maybe we should pour in some soapy water to loosen it up? People used to do that for hard labors."
"Sure," Jing Shu said without hesitation.
Half a basin of soapy water went in. Grandma Jing kept massaging and widening the area, while Jing Shu controlled Da Hua's muscles, urging it to push harder and harder. Both woman and goose were exhausted, and Da Hua's cries made the tension worse.
Grandpa Jing sat aside puffing on a cigar, blinking helplessly. He couldn't really help. Even Gou Dan had stopped goofing around and just stood anxiously nearby. Xiao Dou cocked her head in confusion, wondering what the hell everyone was doing crowding around the goose.
Still, Grandma Jing's "expansion technique" worked. After a while, the exit had widened significantly. Jing Shu smeared more oil for lubrication, and finally, with a bit of force, the first egg squeezed out. Clearly, lubrication was key.
Once the first egg was out, the rest came much easier. Da Hua honked excitedly, as if she'd discovered a new world. One egg after another came out, and after each one, she let out a long, relieved breath.
Damn, the goose was finally free.
There'd been over ten eggs jammed in her belly, each one larger than a human fist. No wonder it'd been stuck. The Spirit Spring's nourishment had made everything grow too well, even the eggs.
The whole family let out a collective sigh of relief. They still couldn't believe they'd just helped a goose give birth. From human midwife to avian obstetrician... Jing Shu was really expanding her career.
"Ring ring ring—"
Her phone went crazy. She glanced at it. It was from the 'Starve-No-More Food Regulation Bureau'. Great, they must've seen her post in her Moments.
"Hello, hello! How's Da Hua? Was it an egg blockage? How could that happen? She's never had that problem before! Do you need us to send a specialist for surgery?"
Jing Shu exhaled. "Mission accomplished. Mother and eggs are safe. Da Hua laid seven eggs, all healthy. You can expect a batch of baby Lion Heads in a month. Congratulations." She purposely said seven instead of ten-plus, because that'd sound insane.
"Oh, thank goodness! You've worked so hard, Jing Shu. We knew Da Hua was safe with you. You really are a miracle worker, a Hua Tuo reborn in the apocalypse! But we miss Da Hua and Gou Dan so much, could you send a short video?"
"No problem, I understand how excited you must be."
She filmed Da Hua sitting contently in her nest, eyes half-closed, glowing with maternal bliss, while Gou Dan lay loyally beside her. The Bureau sent her an 888 virtual coin red envelope as thanks.
Grandma Jing stroked the trembling Da Hua, who looked traumatized. "Don't be scared, girl. Every woman's must go through this. It's part of being female."
...Something about that sounded weird. Time to leave.
Anyway, after this ordeal, Da Hua was definitely... stretched out. The exit was much larger now. Jing Shu figured she wouldn't have trouble laying again. Just like Wu You'ai's mentor had once wondered about Xiao Dou, "Wouldn't a hen get loose after laying too many eggs?" Jing Shu glanced at Da Hua and nodded silently. Yep. Definitely loosened up.
When she returned to her room, her phone was flooded with over a hundred new messages.
"Come on, take my Imperial Jade Seal and crack some walnuts, my dear!"
"Heh, sure it's the goose? Sounds more like your own problem. Never seen a goose that can't lay an egg before."
"Breaking news! A rich woman suffers unbearable pain and offers a high price for laxatives in the apocalypse!"
Stone Lei: "Breaking news! Learned a new flex today. Other people raise chickens, I raise geese. Others walk their dogs, I walk my goose!"
Dr. Zhang: "Young people, no need to be embarrassed. Just inject some saline, wait five minutes, and block it with a cork."
He Shouwu: "666, Master is wise as always! Learned another move today!"
Butler Cai: "Dr. Zhang's amazing!"
Jing Shu: "…emmmm."
And then things went downhill fast. Someone had shared her post in the group chat. A bad feeling crept up her spine.
In a few days, this whole thing would probably go viral. "Impulse is the devil," she thought grimly.
She quickly posted another update with a photo of Da Hua happily nesting on her eggs.
"Problem solved. Mother and eggs are safe. No need for laxatives. Thanks, everyone."
It didn't help. The comments kept rolling in.
"I don't even dare comment now. I'm afraid someone'll use the Green Dragon Crescent Blade to slice apples, a nine-foot rake to part my hair, a halberd to pick their teeth, or play Ten Faces Ambush on me with 100,000 volts."
"Dr. Zhang's awesome! Solved Director Jing's constipation problem in no time!"
"Dr. Zhang 666!"
"The more I explain, the worse it gets..." she thought. Whatever, her Moments only lasted three days anyway. Once the hype passed, she'd be fine.
But that wasn't the end of it.
Not long after, Hao Yunlai finally woke up. Yang Yang called Jing Shu in a panic, saying he had... aftereffects.
"Aftereffects? That's normal. What kind?" Jing Shu asked calmly, like a doctor diagnosing a patient complaining about aches.
It'd be stranger if he didn't have any. She still remembered how, back in the mountains of America, she'd suffered for ten straight days. Couldn't even walk, had to be carried down the trail. She'd practically clawed her way out of hell itself, so yeah, his body was bound to pay the price too.
Yang Yang hesitated before whispering, "He hasn't slept in two days. Says he's afraid to."
"What?" Jing Shu frowned. "A grown man afraid to sleep?"
Yang Yang's voice dropped even lower. "He said every time he falls asleep, he goes straight to the eighteenth level of hell. He's tortured nonstop, and it all feels real. He swears he spent the past ten days down there and thought he'd never escape. But he's grateful to you—he says you're the one who pulled him out of hell."
Jing Shu rested her chin on her hand, cold sweat forming on her forehead.
"Shit... maybe he's not joking. Maybe he really did go through that."