"I took a vacation." Was the first thing that came to mind.
"A warning would have been great." She scoffed.
"Sorry about that," I let out then chuckled. "look at us having our first relationship fight."
She didn't laugh and instead just glared at me. Her cold demeanor didn't bother me at all, especially when I noticed she made dinner for two despite not knowing if I would show up at all. I was particularly appreciative of this due to the fact that I just spent a week on another world without trying a single bite and tomorrow I had to return to that place.
"Did you go to the desert or something?" Tasha asked as she watched me wolf down dinner.
"Something." I shrug then continue eating.
"Maggie and Patrick, they're getting serious." She commented.
"I see." They're moving too fast, but things are always fast with Patrick. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up eloping to Vegas on a random weekend or something like that.
That night I couldn't sleep on my bed like I wanted, but waking up to a nice breakfast did wonders for my mood despite my aching everything. Tasha was already off to work like usual, but something was different. I overslept because my alarm didn't go off.
"Damn clocks!" I shout as I adjust my tie, my suit jacket in a hand and a toast on the other. I need to store some fat for today's assignment like animals during winter. Not just that, now that I was aware that sub spaces didn't work in that world I made sure to prepare some supplies I could need during the journey. The system manager vetoed some of the items I wanted to bring, like my service gun and anything made of plastic including the plastic wrappers and tupperwares. It's a shame because I didn't have any food that would last for long periods of time, but at least this time I wouldn't be empty handed.
At the white room right before they sent me back to Lithurien I crossed my fingers wishing not to throw up. I appeared in the exact spot I was recalled from which was nice and I looked around to confirm things were as I left them.
"You are finally here!" The elf queen greeted me. She wore a hat to conceal her ears, though everything about her told she wasn't human.
"How long has it been?" I ask her, but the system instead replied.
"Time passed just like in our world."
"I need to know how did you turn a useless village into this." The queen demanded.
"Bureaucracy," I shrugged. "how was the night?"
"Easy, they're all dead." She puffed her chest out like she wanted a medal. I just ignored her and proceeded to drop on the ground the supplies I brought for the journey. Two backpacks filled with food and the pristine sword I acquired from the criminal I defeated. I don't know much about swords, I just think they're cool like any other guy on earth. Despite that, I can tell this one is very well made and quite expensive.
"Do you really expect me to carry luggage like a commoner?" She glared at me then at the backpack.
"Only if you want to eat like a commoner." She seemed to understand the meaning of my words and agreed to carry the backpack. It wasn't heavy but it still surprised me the ease with which she carried it. I had already guessed she was strong, but to what extent remained a mystery to me.
I've been warned about other races being naturally adept at specific tasks or that they sometimes possess advantages over other races, but watching it with my own eyes was still surprising. According to the system manager, humans are considered average at everything and elves surpass us in every regard. From intellectual capacities such as magic or scientific development, to even physical prowess. And they don't even age, it's just unfair.
After all my suffering and preparing, I was finally at the point that could be considered the first step on the adventure and we finally set out towards her castle. Thanks to the system I didn't even need to ask Loraina for directions. It wasn't long until I noticed the one thing humans are superior to elves.
"I need to rest." Loraina, the queen, declared as she dropped the backpack on the middle of the road and sat on a rock to massage her royal feet. It wasn't even noon and she already had blisters, though she took care of them on the spot with a healing chant.
"How does that work?" I probe. Maybe I can learn it.
"I speak to nature."
"So you just told the trees that you're injured and what? They just heal your blisters?"
"Not the trees, just nature. How ignorant." She scoffed.
"I don't remember making fun of you when you didn't know how to work the remote for the TV, or when you gawked at the light switches, or when you asked how did toilets work..."
"That's fair," She cut me off nervously then turned into the most agreeable magic teacher I ever had. Mostly because she was my first. "my body is attuned to the nature..."
"So humans can't do it?"
"No, only elves."
"Meh, you should have started with that." I grab my backpack and start walking again.
"Hey! A gentleman would at least offer to carry me!" She cried from behind.
"I'm not going to do that."
"Why?"
"Because you might say yes and I'm not taking that risk." The rest of the walk went on the same until a dense fog came down upon us. Loraina insisted it was completely normal weather in her world.
"Watch out!" Loraina tackled me to the ground.
"This is sexual harassment." I shake her off from me.
"Are you blind? We're under attack!" She looked around as though we were surrounded, but I couldn't see anything.
"Loraina, what do your elf eyes see?" I'm not at Peter's level, but I couldn't miss the opportunity to say it.
"You're useless." The elf scoffed before disappearing into the fog. I can't believe she abandoned me.
Well, I can believe it. She's been entitled and a general nuisance since we met, precisely the kind of people who would do something like that. But then, the tackle she just gave me makes no sense. I was occupied in these thoughts when the silhouette of a person walked in moving like a puppet with loose strings. I readied my sword and prepared for combat, but then...
"It has a sword!" I witnessed in horror how the undead was fully vested in leather armor and dragged a sword which it used to slash at me. Despite my shock I tried parrying thinking its sword would be sent flying away, but the strength behind the attack was actually impressive for a dead person and its grip on the weapon was rigor mortis tight.
"It's probably a medium level undead, they can use tools and weapons. They're also capable of basic level thinking like opening doors or posting on social media." The system manager explained.
"Good thing there's no internet here." I grinned then proceeded to engage the hostile with my full attention.
I took some distance, readied my stance and slashed at the creature. I cut a piece of its armor off thanks to the slash skill, but the arm remained unscathed. The undead countered with the sword and I received a shallow cut in the shoulder. If he was alive this would have been a challenging fight, but I have my ace up the sleeve.
"I took care of it, you can return now," I announce to the cowardly elf queen that ran away. It took me some time to get a chance to cast some water onto the creature, but once I did it weakened instantly. Enough for me to finish it with a powerful slash from my cool looking sword. "I'm starting to get the hang of this adventuring thing."
"Impressive...," The elf queen sneered after the fog started clearing revealing countless undead scattered in pieces across the road. "you're even more useless than I thought."
"You missed one." I pointed behind her and this cocky elf queen blasted it away with magic without even looking. I struggled to defeat a single undead and this elf woman just casually popped like a hundred of them. I'm as useful as a cat flap on a submarine right now.
So five minutes later I'm walking the same dirt road with an elf queen straddled on my back. I went from bodyguard to a means of transportation, but one has to adapt on the circumstances. She's light as a feather, but wiggles way too much and makes it uncomfortable all the way to the next town.
"Bed and table for two will be four silver coin a day." The innkeeper says as we walk in. Loraina looks at me expectantly and only then I realize.
We don't have any money.