In the classroom, hushed conversations buzzed around us, their content indistinct, while numerous eyes were drawn to our group. The sentiment behind these gazes was a mix of genuine curiosity and bewildered opposition, with a hint of resentment from some of the male students, who likely saw us as dark horses.
"Gouji-kun, ignoring me is getting harder. Let's walk home together."
I distinctly remember telling her to call me by my surname in public. Does she really not understand?
When I looked up, I saw Tsurugi Shino's tall, slender figure, her face wearing an exaggerated smile.
For Shino, who rarely conversed with others outside of class, to approach Gouji Takatsuki—a boy she had little connection with—of her own volition, and to do so with such familiarity and warmth, was apparently more than enough to create an uncomfortable atmosphere in the classroom.
What Shino and I did already happened yesterday. Right after I came, during that post-orgasmic philosopher's moment, Shino dropped a bombshell. Just then, the door opened, and another couple—a boy and girl, probably here for a proper, sweet, and sour conversation—walked in. Seeing them, Shino simply said, "We'll continue this tomorrow," and hurriedly left. I'm really glad I managed to get dressed in time.
Today, from morning until after school, Shino acted completely normal. So I planned to talk to her after school, but I never expected her to make such a big scene.
I know the inevitable grilling from everyone later is already set in stone, but we can't clearly define our relationship, and honestly, I don't fully understand what it is myself.
It's best to leave before we get caught, then we can just brush up on the superficial relationship we need to explain to others later.
"Sorry to keep you waiting. Shall we go?"
As I slung my bag over my shoulder and stood up, Shino smiled happily and lined up beside me.
I knew she didn't have any friends, but maybe that loneliness is even worse than I imagined. I don't know if Shino feels that way, though.
"I'd like to stop somewhere first. Do you mind?"
"No, it's fine. We have time."
"Thank you. Then let's make it a date."
The word "date" finally caused the whispers to turn into a buzz.
Shino is probably doing this on purpose. But why? I don't know.
Is she trying to show she's not a loner? Or is she mischievously trying to shock everyone? In a more paranoid vein, I suppose she could be trying to make everyone believe Gouji Takatsuki and Tsurugi Shino are dating, thereby cutting off my escape route.
"A date? Well, that sounds nice. I'd be happy to go."
I know this will become troublesome later, so I figure it's only fair to let her enjoy a little superiority complex while she can.
I answered loudly, making sure everyone around us could hear, and deepened my smile, urging Shino, whose grin was already ear-to-ear, out of the classroom.
*****
"Everyone was surprised, weren't they? Did they really never expect me to make a friend?"
Shino's lips softened into a suppressed chuckle as she took a bite of her crepe. The paper bag propped against the chair she was sitting in contained clothes she had just bought.
"The surprising part is that the friend turned out to be me. Even I never thought I'd end up eating crepes with Tsurugi Shino one day."
We were at a food court in a shopping mall, and I faced Shino across a corner table, a crepe in my own hand.
It wasn't particularly close to school. But in this town, it was one of the go-to spots for hanging out, so among the passing crowd, I could spot a few people wearing the same uniform as us.
Still, nobody would come all the way out here just to keep an eye on others, and since we'd chosen a discreet corner, we didn't get any reactions like we would in class.
"From the outside, it looks like a date. We just seem too close."
Nothing was on the table, but Shino's chest was practically spilling over like a bowl of balls. Or more accurately, like a plate of pudding and jelly. The way they jiggled with her stifled giggles was truly a sight to behold. To focus on the conversation, I forced myself to look up.
"We still don't know each other very well."
"True. But at least you now know I have a sweet tooth, and I've learned that you don't dislike sweets. Our mutual understanding is progressing nicely."
Shino shifted her gaze from the crepe to me as she spoke.
When I looked into her eyes again, I found them strangely captivating. Perhaps the brown was too dark; it felt as if I might be drawn into their depths, falling into an abyss.
I remained entranced by her eyes until Shino let out a soft chuckle.
"To deepen our friendship, why don't we each try the other's crepe?"
"I'd be up for it, as long as we're alone."
"Ah, that's a pity. We can't do it here. We'll have to try again another time."
Another time... would there be another time?
In these past two days, I've learned a few things about Shino Tsurugi. In class, she maintains a poker face, but that's a deliberate act. In reality, she's quite talkative, with jokes and quips flying out of her mouth.
Because of this, it's hard to tell where her serious remarks end and her jokes begin. Everything she says could be completely serious, or it could all be a big joke.
Actually, our friendship has probably grown a little. As Shino said, seeing me happily devouring the crepe revealed that, contrary to my preconceptions, I have a sweet tooth. Going shopping together confirmed my earlier guess that her civilian clothes are mostly black-and-white two-tone. And since she casually bought clothes that seemed a bit pricey to me, I suspect she's not short on money.
Actually, spending time with Shino and getting to know her isn't a bad feeling... but there's something more important I need to figure out first.
"Shino."
"What is it?"
"In the end... you slept with me because you wanted me to continue writing, even though I was in a slump. Is that all? Is that really all?"
That had been bothering me ever since I got home yesterday.
I don't understand what Shino was thinking when she acted that way. I want to know.
Was that really all?
Yesterday... I don't know... the atmosphere in the room, or maybe I just got swept up in the moment, acting a little thoughtlessly. But when I lay in my bed at home and started thinking about it, nothing but questions came to mind.
Just because I love a novel, does that mean I should give my body to some guy I barely know just to get him to continue writing it?
In that case, it would make more sense to say that Shino used me as a source of material so she could have sex with me. But I can't think of any reason Tsurugi Shino would want to have sex with me, so I can't believe that's true.
I want her to continue writing. I want to have sex with her.
The logic might hold up, but... it feels like a pretty weak motive. In the end, I still can't believe I actually had sex with Tsurugi Shino.
It was a slightly awkward question, but...
"Yes. That's exactly how I feel," Shino said casually, taking a bite of her crepe.
"I want to read the rest. Masturbating while reading your novel is the most pleasurable thing. There's nothing else that compares, at least for now."
"Well, you see..."
To be honest, I was just writing it, hoping someone would jerk off to it.
I never imagined it would be a woman, let alone the model herself, using it as erotica.
"And then... well. One of the reasons was that I was interested in sex, wanted to experience it, wanted to do it. The more I masturbated, the stronger that feeling grew. But I had no one, so I spent each day frustrated."
"I see. So both factors aligned, and I ended up being the perfect choice for a no-strings-attached relationship."
"Exactly."
Apparently, that's really the reason, but it still doesn't feel real.
That Tsurugi Shino took an interest in me. That I took her virginity.
What's happening to me right now is so surreal, my brain can't fully process it.
"...There's something I want you to understand..."
As I stood there, lost in my thoughts, Shino's smile vanished, and she looked at me with a serious expression.
"It's not just anyone. I didn't ask you out because I was compromising or settling for less."
Her words were unexpected. If she hadn't compromised, that would mean she holds me in quite high regard. If the bar for being a man she'd allow to touch her were very low, that would make sense, but then it would contradict her claim that it wasn't just anyone.
"To be honest, if I really tried, I could probably find someone more charming than you. I might even be able to experience a refreshing, bittersweet romance with someone else."
"Right... I suppose so."
I couldn't see where this conversation was going, and I felt a little bewildered.
It goes without saying that I never thought I was worthy of Tsurugi Shino. But to have it stated so bluntly... it still hurts.
I can't deny the truth, but just as I was about to protest, I noticed Shino's expression soften. Her pale fingers reached out and gently overlapped mine, where I was holding the crepe.
"But you see," she continued, "this is just how I am. If I were with an ordinary person, I'd disappoint them, and more importantly, I wouldn't be satisfied myself. That's why compatibility is key. You have to be someone who enjoys humiliating me. Since you possess both my hobby (masturbating) and my practical needs (sex), you're the perfect partner for me to offer my body to. You, who leer at my chest with such filthy eyes... Do you understand now? Did I make my reasons for choosing you clear?"
Her final words brought me to a realization.
It seemed Shino had seen through my inner turmoil—the lingering disbelief that she had entrusted her body to me, and my confusion about what she was truly thinking.
"...Ah, I understand now. I'm sorry for making you feel awkward... And I'm sorry for staring at your chest."
"No, I'm the one who should apologize. I've been too hasty since yesterday. I knew my explanations were insufficient, but... you looked so bewildered, like you didn't understand why I was doing this, so I thought I should clarify properly."
Just as I thought. I hadn't managed to hide it at all, and I'd even made her feel guilty for trying to be considerate. The shame burned my cheeks.
"You know, you could have more voyeuristic moments like that. Touching me isn't necessary to make me climax—it's one of my fantasies."
"That's pushing it a bit too far."
She added a joke to lighten the mood, but I still felt the atmosphere sinking.
Based on her previous image and yesterday's sudden developments, I'd thought of Shino as a strong-willed, self-directed person... But I guess this is the kind of moment when you use the phrase "a woman of quality."
Understanding, even if only partially, why a beauty like Shino chose me as her first, I felt a sudden lightness in my chest. Maybe I'd been anxious all along. Without a proper reason, I never knew when she might turn her back on me.
"...Thanks."
"You're welcome. Shall we head out soon?"
Shino crumpled the wrapper from her finished crepe into a ball and stood up.
We'd had some fascinating conversations, but there was still something important I hadn't asked her about: her parting remark from yesterday.
Just as I was about to ask her to stay a little longer—
"There's one more place I want to go."
She brought it up herself. It depended on where she wanted to go, but at least it meant I still had a chance to ask.
Dinner time was approaching, and the place was starting to get crowded. To begin with, this conversation shouldn't have been held in a public place, no matter how quiet it was, but I wanted to reduce the risk of being overheard. It would be better to change locations. Having reached this conclusion, I nodded.
"Anywhere is fine with me. We still have time."
"Oh, I thought it was almost dinner time... Are your family very lenient?"
Did she expect me to refuse? Shino's eyes widened, and she blinked rapidly. After her smile, this was the first time I'd seen a genuine expression of surprise on her face. Well, aside from her usual poker face, I'd never seen anything else before.
"Lenient isn't quite the right word... My parents are currently working abroad and won't be back for a while. Since I live alone, I can come home whenever I want."
"Oh, I see. That must be difficult... But for me, it might be fortunate. I'd like to go to your home."
I was so startled, I nearly choked.
Shino took my arm, helped me stand, and gently leaned closer. Along with the softness of her touch, a faint, peach-like sweetness wafted to me.
I'd always thought that the idea of girls being soft and smelling nice was just a fantasy for guys like me who never got any action, but it seemed that wasn't entirely wrong.
"Considering your family situation, I was going to suggest another time that's more convenient for you. But if that's the case, Gouji-kun... wouldn't you invite me to your home? You still have things you want to talk about and do, don't you?"
Her whisper in my ear, ticklish and seductive, left me no room to refuse.