My first instinct against his confession is…
Push him away. I can't afford another heartbreak.
I push his shoulder gently, my heart bleeding invisible to bare eyes. "Aaron… I can't give you a chance."
His Adam's apple wobbles, his expression contorts in pain and helplessness.
But I have to protect myself. Not again. Not again.
"I don't love you as you deserve to be loved," I whisper softly, cracks in my voice giving away the turmoil in my heart.
He shakes his head, licking his lips as he brings his hand to frame the side of my face. "Princess, you don't have to love me right away. Just give me a chance…"
I clench my jaw, remembering how nearly five years ago someone said those same words to me.
("Give me a chance, I will show you how it's like to be loved right.")
And twenty-year-old me believed it foolishly. She was so love-starved that she fell for a monster posing as a savior.
For two entire years, I gave him my body, mind, and soul. I let him treat me however he wanted in return for the love he gave me, in return for the flowers and whispers of sweet nothings, in return for dancing in the rain and snow, in return for love letters, and in return for the promise of family.
But what happened after that?
I found out I was being cheated on the entire time. The man I made the center of my universe, the one I poured every ounce of my love, care, and softness into — I was just an available, submissive, controllable partner who happened to be the best in her field, which made him look good.
Why?
Because all those two years, I was helping him with his pitch decks, presentations, legal work , everything for which he got recognition and admiration while I sat at an entry-level title.
I was told I was clingy, hard to love because I gave too much attention and demanded too much time and affection. I was insulted in front of 230 people at a business gala for begging to be loved and not being left behind. I was called a gold digger by his mother for coming after the perfect heir of one of London's most powerful families.
I was kidnapped and forced to go through a medical procedure which…
Which took away my five-month-old twins from my very womb.
Because any child born from me would be a burden on his name and a taint on his family's honor.
I woke up feeling an emptiness no mother would ever want to feel. Not just one, but two little lives whom I had already begun loving and dreaming for even before I felt them properly.
And after all those things… how can I even dream of giving love another chance, when the previous one came like a daydream of promises only to ruin me inside out, leaving nothing but scars and unhealed wounds on my soul?
Even if I am falling in love with Aaron…
I know it well in my gut.
Anything related to this beautiful man won't end up well.
"Aaron, put me down."
He shakes his head, tightening his grip around my waist.
I gasp in disbelief and say more sternly, "Put me down, Aaron!"
His eyes flutter, clouded with immense pain, but I can't melt.
I have to protect myself because there is no one else to protect me. I have a family who wouldn't mind disowning me if I ever told them I had gotten into trouble. Instead of saving me, they would taunt and stab me with words.
"Aaron, you cannot just touch me like you own me or something," I say coldly, my tone unfamiliar even to my own ears.
His eyes widen, something quickly flashes in them as he puts me down slowly, carefully, his tall frame towering over mine.
The sadness in his eyes, the slight slump in his shoulders, it all cuts me open painfully. But what's the guarantee that today's Aaron won't become another ghost who haunts me?
"I'm done saying. The faster you understand, the better," I say harsher than I've ever spoken to someone.
Steeling myself, I turn on my heels to leave.
But whatever happened next… it's something I wish I could have stopped.
With a thud, Aaron falls to his knees. His hands find their way to my ankle, and my stomach drops at this gesture of desperation and pleading.
"Pl-please…"
His voice cracks, his hands shake around my ankles, and I feel pain I never thought I was capable of feeling.
"Ple-se, I-I can't le-t go of the onl-y bein-g who makes me feel… feel like a hu-man!" he sobs.
A painful, silent sob leaves his mouth. My hands shake violently, my chest tightening so hard that I can't even breathe.
This pain, this desperation, this pure agony…
I have never heard it in anyone before.
I slowly turn around and see him crouching down like he just wants to disappear because the misery he is feeling is too much to handle.
"Tr-y to-o love me," he breaks, his sobs becoming heavier, tears streaming down his face, drenching his sleeve. "I-I am no-t that hard to lo-ve." His voice goes down, almost a whisper of a fact he's tired of nobody acknowledging.
My lips tremble, my eyes start to blur, and no words come out of my mouth , because what should I do?
Torn between past trauma and scars I am yet to heal from, and this man who is knocking on my walls like his life depends on it.
Aaron's shoulders shake violently, his cry is silent, too silent, like he's scared of crying.
His grip around my ankle is tight , his way of pleading and begging me.
"I-I neve-r plann-ed falling for someone at first sight. If anything," he chokes and rubs his eyes against his shoulder, not looking up at me.
"If anything, I never wanted to fall in love at all because I really don't know what this entire love is about." His voice shudders, the question of love hanging heavy in the air.
"But you came and changed everything." Shaking his head, Aaron chuckles bitterly, and my gut twists.
"Princess… I have never begged. Never to be saved, never to be supported, and never to be loved." Aaron looks up, his eyes red and full of tears, a pained smile tugging at his lips.
"Here I am, begging you." He blinks, tears rolling down his cheeks. The hum of the city is the only background noise.
"Please give me a chance. And if I fail you, I give you my promise…" He pauses, waiting for me to process everything.
"What promise?" I ask, too afraid of what promise he might make, because the look in his eyes is too dangerous and maddening, something that tells me he'll keep that promise at any cost.
"I will kill myself the day I let you down."
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