NEFERTARY
¿Más cerca de la verdad?
I can assure you that today has been one of the most overwhelming days in my pathetic, dramatic, and perfectly messed-up life. And the fact that it's only just beginning doesn't help. I've had to endure congratulations and gifts from miserable, filthy, hypocritical rats who treat me like we're best friends. Simply spectacular.
—Why did everyone know it was your birthday except me? —I look at Mathias; the blue in his eyes is hypnotically fascinating.
—It's nothing important.
—If it wasn't important, the whole school wouldn't be congratulating you.
—It's just because of the party my mother is forcing me to throw. Most people are waiting for an invite. What they don't know is they're screwed. At least Lucia has been a big help this time.
—Didn't you feel anything when... you know what I mean?
—She was really annoying, though tolerable. She messed everything up by bringing that Martina. I already had enough with her to put up with another. She screwed it when she ignored my warnings. If those years of "friendship" really didn't matter to me, maybe Aitor... maybe, just maybe... but there'd be one flaw that idiot wouldn't notice, which is why I stepped in. Still, it was already too late, she knew too much.
—How come I know too much and I'm still here?
—You're different, Ludwig. Just stick with that and don't ask more questions.
After no reply, we kept walking until we reached the stairs where the childhood friend trio were waiting - the most loyal.
—Look who we have here. Is it true there's a party? —I roll my eyes at Aitor's question.
—No, since someone kidnapped my friend.
—Then why are we meeting here?
—I need you tonight. Something more fun than a party.
—Shouldn't we talk about this somewhere else?
—I'm only telling you about a friend, Aida. His name is Brayan Razetti, you'll get along well with him. Also, he's the son of one of Italy's wealthiest men, Oliverio Razetti. Those are your favorites, dear -I give her a crooked smile—. Steven will give you more info.
—What role do Michael and I play if Aida is enough? —I smile at him.
—If you care about your sister, I'd go to make sure nothing happens to her.
—Why now?
—Lorenz, before we were in the warming up for the Olympic Games. Now they've started, and believe me, those new friends of mine will do anything to win. Got any doubts? You can ask my father. He'd be more than happy to meet you —I sarcastically add the last part—. Any other questions?
—Permissions to go out? —I hand the folder to Mendes.
—Since that's all, we're leaving. —Aitor and Mich walk off, leaving us with Aida.
Lately, I feel like they're planning something, causing a sick feeling inside me. Just a few days... a few days to get rid of those who might be a bigger problem than it seems. And all because of Lorenz, undoubtedly the head of that genetic pair.
We remain silent for a few minutes, as if enjoying just being like this... simply listening to nature... just appreciating it.
—How do you manage it all?
—What do you mean by "all," Mendes?
—Having two lives in one.
—The same way you do.
—I do it thanks to your help.
—How did you do it before coming here? —That makes her laugh.
—Before, I controlled myself. I only practiced on wild animals. It's only now that I've started fulfilling my most twisted fantasies.
—Don't you feel remorse? —Ludwig joins our conversation.
—No. When I see that crimson color flowing away, knowing where it's going without realizing it leaves chaos behind, it's like seeing what peace means, how it feels to be free... it's a way to escape our reality, from those invisible chains society and its stupid rules and norms put on us, because really...
—We're not completely free —I finish for her.
—Exactly. If we were, we wouldn't have to face consequences for hurting someone. They just wouldn't care.
—We're controlled by regulations that try to keep a balance to be human, Mathias, repressing many in the process.
—Though we're not the case. When you find people who share your tastes, why hide?
The bell rings, announcing the start of a new class at the institute. Aida goes her way, Ludwig and I go ours. Upon entering the classroom, we sit in the last row. Looking ahead, I remember those days with Lucia. That bench has felt emptier since her death. I thought the problem was over, but a new one was staring right at me. I looked in her direction. There she was, with that look of sleeplessness or rather, torment, demons of her own. And that's because of me, since I've noticed her following me at times, being in less frequented places at school. Miller, you had to look for the monster. I'll give you what you want. You'll see the monster, I focus forward.
We were already in the last hours of class. The biology teacher was projecting the topic for the project we'd have at the end of the month. Though I seemed to be paying attention, my thoughts were on Mathias, who had fallen asleep, and I decided to wake him five minutes before the bell. Our relationship has improved. As long as Demir isn't around, of course.
I must admit therapy is helping him a bit. At first, he refused to take the meds, so I had to force him. I thought he was mentally stable, so his bipolar diagnosis caught me off guard. I never read anything about it. After all, his mother was a psychiatrist, which makes me wonder how he coped after her death. The doctor treating him has helped ease his crises, lift those burdens tormenting him. I remember telling him he could openly talk about everything with the doctor, which surprised him. Why would I tell a stranger things I've forbidden myself to talk about? He thought I was mocking him, but I wasn't. He's the head doctor for the Ziegler family, and married to one of my aunts. I left that little detail out.
Seeing him sleep so peacefully, as if in that moment he could escape reality, be free. But that's just an illusion. If he could truly rest, he wouldn't have those damn nightmares at night. I'd never seen someone so terrified of the dark. Having to be by his side every night seems pathetic to me, since I'm the cause of those nightmares. I can't help but feel... guilty? Do I really feel that? I take a deep breath, fix my gaze ahead, and erase those absurd thoughts from my head.
✧────── ༉───✦───༉ ─────✧
The rest of the afternoon went by quickly, overwhelming, receiving gifts, listening to congratulations from the most insignificant, despicable rats in this damn school. And as if that wasn't enough, putting up with my hypocritical mother singing "Happy Birthday," while inviting Mrs. Gridith.
The good thing is it's a private thing, at least fifteen people minimum. I've never felt more ridiculous in my life than standing in the middle of the room waiting for them to finish the stupid song, pretending to be happy and sad at the same time. When I was about to blow out the candles, that idiot Aitor gets the bright idea to ask me to make a wish. I pretend to think about it like a pathetic person with a boring life. I blow out the candles. Immediately, applause.
—What did you wish for?
—To find Lucia —saying those believable words...
I can't even imagine my expression with invading tears and see Gridith trying to hold back her own while giving me a knowing look. I can confirm how miserable I am being so hypocritical. I may complain and hate half the world, but they're not as bad as I am.
—Well, who wants cake? —interrupts Vanessa, and they all answer quickly.
Meanwhile, I go out to the garden for some air. Upon arriving, I gaze at the night sky, starless thanks to the city lights, turning it into a black hole. I think some inventions have hidden the beauty of nature. Electricity is one of them. It's a shame such things have to be hidden... that makes me laugh. Light serves to make things easier but also dims something even more beautiful than itself. We only see its positive side; we only believe what our eyes see. I've always been surprised by how easily they don't reproach me, don't question me, because I haven't shown them the monster. My double life will always make me unhappy until I finally decide to surrender to just one.
—Why do I have to live chained? —I whisper mostly to myself.