Makoto leaned in and caressed both of their cheeks. "Hmm, I can play that role. And I can't wait to punish both the demon slayer and the demon."
He looked between them, his eyes sparkling. "Somehow, I suddenly feel quite happy, having you two by my side like that." He turned away, scratching his cheek with feigned innocence.
Yuna flinched away from his touch. A blush exploded across her face, spreading from her neck to her ears. "H-Happy?!" she stammered, voice climbing to a squeak. "Don't say weird, sentimental crap like that! You're just happy because you think you're going to get a cosplay threesome!"
She turned away, staring hard at a poster of a smiling cartoon crepe on the wall. "And you can stop scratching your cheek like some lame anime protagonist. It's pathetic."
Mika leaned into his touch instead. Her eyes softened, and a small, genuine smile graced her lips. She didn't say anything, just closed her eyes to savor the contact.
When she finally broke the silence, a soft giggle escaped her. "We're happy, too," she said quietly, her voice warm. She opened her eyes. They sparkled with affection.
"Even if you are a fat, disgusting pig." She said it with such warmth and sincerity that it sounded like the sweetest compliment he'd ever received.
Makoto coughed. "Ahem, you see, Yuna? Even the way Mika calls me a pig sounds more lovely." He looked at Mika with a mischievous glint. "I should have recorded that for my alarm clock."
His grin turned wicked. "Would you mind saying that again, like you were trying to wake me up? Hehe."
Yuna let out a sound between a sob and a growl. "You—!" She pointed a crepe-covered fork at him, hand trembling. "You're not allowed to like her insults more than mine! Mine are better! They're more creative! And they have more passion!"
Mika giggled. "Of course," she said, voice dropping to an amused purr. She leaned close, breath warm against his ear. After clearing her throat, she said in a soft, motherly tone. "You can wake up now, my sweet, darling pig. It's time for your breakfast."
It was the most loving, endearing, and emasculating thing he'd ever heard. And somehow, also the hottest.
Yuna looked ready to have a heart attack. "That's not how you do it!" she shrieked, voice raw with competitive fury. "You have to be more… more aggressive!"
She grabbed his shoulders, grip surprisingly strong. She got right in his face, eyes blazing. "WAKE THE FUCK UP, YOU FAT, LAZY, INCEL SLOB!" she screamed, a little too loud, a little too cheerful. "YOUR WAIFU ISN'T GOING TO FUCK HERSELF!"
The entire crepe shop went silent. Every single person stared at them.
Yuna beamed, her grin manic. "See?" she said, voice dropping to a dangerous growl. "It's better."
Makoto stood up. "Uhm, well, I must say it's Yuna's win this time. But… maybe we should go before people start giving us weird looks."
Yuna practically vibrated with smug energy. "Told you," she said, too loud and too cheerful. "I'm the best at everything. Even insults."
Mika tried very hard not to laugh. Her shoulders shook, lips pressed into a thin line. "You're… you're very passionate, Yuna," she said breathlessly.
He made a hasty retreat, quickly paid for their crepes, and headed for the door. The memory of a dozen horrified and amused stares burning into his back. The moment they were out of earshot, she dissolved into helpless, wheezing giggles.
"Now, we'll go home. And you," she added, voice turning sweet, "are going to show me just how much you appreciated my… wake-up call, big bro."
Mika, who had finally gotten her laughter under control, linked her arm with his other one. "And I," she said, voice too sweet, "am going to watch and take some notes."
Makoto shrugged. "Sounds like something to look forward to." He planned to drive them home, but then his phone buzzed with a message.
Makoto could only glance at the sender, Ayane, before someone plunged their hand into his pocket and snatched his phone with the speed of a striking cobra.
Yuna's movements were sharp and vicious. Her thumb moved with frightening speed, unlocking the phone and pulling up the full message. She held it up, angling the screen so both he and Mika could see.
Then she read the message aloud, her voice a flat, venomous monotone.
Ayane: Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'll need a fake boyfriend for this weekend. My parents are setting me up with some rich idiot, and I'll need an out.
Ayane: You're the only person I can trust not to be a creep about it. Can you help a friend out?
Each word was a polished, poison-tipped dart. "So," Yuna said, voice turning dangerous, "it seems that your weeb friend… needs a favor. Well, big bro? Are you going to be a good, dependable friend and help her out?"
Makoto drove slowly. "Umm, I guess I should… help her, right? It isn't like we're going to do anything shady, anyway." The reluctance in his voice was painfully obvious.
Yuna laughed. It wasn't a happy sound. It was sharp, brittle, and terrifying, like glass breaking. "Not shady?" she repeated, voice dropping to a whisper. "You're going to go and pretend to be another woman's boyfriend, meet her parents, and you don't think that's shady?"
She leaned over the center console, face inches from his. Her eyes blazed with possessive fire. "Let me spell it out for you, you dense, horny idiot," she snarled.
"Fake boyfriend is just step one. And step two is, 'Oops, we accidentally kissed.' And step three is, 'Oops, your dick accidentally fell into my pussy.' And step four is you coming home, smelling like her cheap, tacky, nerdy perfume, telling us it was all just a big misunderstanding!"
Her voice dropped lower. "You belong to ME. To US! And you don't get to go and play house with some other bitch just because she asks nicely."
Mika let out a soft, thoughtful sigh from the back seat. "She has a point, Yuna-chan," she said, voice a calm counterpoint to Yuna's rage. "It would be incredibly rude of him to refuse a friend in need."
Yuna whipped her head around, ready to attack, but Mika continued, voice sweet and innocent. "But you also have a point," she conceded, gaze shifting to him in the rearview mirror. Her eyes sparkled with a wicked idea.
"Perhaps we should go with him," she suggested. "As his… concerned little sisters." A slow, beautiful smile spread across her face. "And we could meet her parents, too. Make sure that this 'rich idiot' she's avoiding isn't a better match for her than you are."
Makoto grunted. "Umm, that doesn't sound… too bad, to be honest." He glanced at Mika in the mirror. "How about you help me send the reply and ask her, Mika?"
Mika's smile turned radiant. "Of course," she said softly. She took his phone from Yuna's limp fingers. Her thumbs flew across the screen with elegant precision.
Makoto: Hey, Ayane. Of course I'll help you out! I'd be happy to. But there's just one small thing…
Makoto: My little sisters are a bit overprotective. And they insist on coming along to meet you and your parents, just to make sure that you're not a bad influence on their big, impressionable brother.
Makoto: They're really sweet, I promise! You'll love them.
She hit send. Ayane's reply came almost instantly.
Ayane: …
Ayane: You've got to be fucking kidding me!
Mika giggled. She leaned forward, resting her chin on the back of his seat, breath warm against his ear. "She seems excited," Mika whispered innocently.
Yuna finally rebooted. A slow, predatory grin spread across her face again. "Oh, this," she breathed, voice triumphant.
"This is going to be so much fun."