Leilani.
"Come home now! Chalice is worried about you!"
"If you do not return by the end of today, I'll find you and I'll end you!"
"Do you know how inconsiderate you seem by fleeing without informing anyone of where you are? Did you ever stop to think of Chalice?!"
My heart raced as I scrolled through the dozens of messages left by my so-called family members and mates, all of which did not fail to express their worry over Chalice and not about the fact that I was missing.
Angry tears welled up in the corners of my eyes but for some reason that I found strange, I couldn't bring myself to shed them. I simply stared at the lit up screen of my phone, wondering how stupid they must think I am… and hating myself for putting up with this kind of torture for so long.
One particular message sent by Caelum however stuck out to me, and in annoyance I clicked it open, gritting my teeth in rage when it read;
"If this is how you intend to get mine and my brothers' attention, then I put it to you that you're wrong. Chalice is the only woman we'll ever want and love; so you better get your fucking ass back here so we can go on with the rejection ritual."
Pain hotter than molten magma lanced through me as the words glared back at me, and all the tears I've been keeping at bay came running down my face in torrents so high, I could barely breathe.
And I hated myself for being so weak.
So affected by their shallow words.
It hurt so much to think that despite everything. Despite my cries for help and the torments I've been put through, this was all he could come up with. All he ever thought of me.
My lips trembled violently as my vision blurred, and for a moment, I even lacked the strength to hold myself together, nor my phone.
"I don't deserve this. I really don't deserve this." I chanted over and over as more tears poured out, and more threatening messages streamed into my inbox.
At one point, even Chalice sent me a message but because I was too cowardly to open it, I simply stared at her name displaying on my screen while my heart pounded frantically against my chest.
"You've been staring at that phone for the past hour, what is it, Sweetcakes?" Jarek's voice snapped me out of my reverie and I flinched in surprise, subconsciously dropping my phone to the ground as I turned to him.
"Were you talking to me?" I gasped, not missing the way his eyebrows shot into his hairline.
Jarek said nothing but strode further into the room, and when he arrived just beside my bed, he picked up my discarded phone, placed it on the bedside table and then helped me to sit, his hands careful so as not to graze against my healing injuries.
A girl, not above twenty came right in afterwards, carefully placed a tray of fruit salad beside me and walked out after mumbling something to Jarek.
"You seem off." He finally commented after a moment of dragged silence. "Is something the matter?"
My eyes snagged on his when he spoke, and the intensity of his stare had me momentarily freezing in place. I shook my head. "It's nothing."
"And do you know that your face usually flushes whenever you lie?" He said so suddenly, so casually that I was stunned.
I raised my head slowly to meet his gaze, and in that moment, my body betrayed me. Tears streamed down my face as flashes of their messages flashed over and over again in my head.
I couldn't bear it anymore.
I couldn't stand the pain… the hurt… the neglect. I broke down completely.
I only came to when I felt Jarek's protective arms wrapped around my body. He pulled me close, his touch gentle yet firm as he whispered sweet nonsenses into my ears.
And I should feel better. I know I should. But for some reason, having someone hold me so carefully. Having someone look after me in this way, brought more tears to my eyes. So I sobbed hard. And for a long time.
"What is it?" When Jarek spoke this time, his tone was gentle and soft. His arms wrapped around me didn't loosen even when he pulled back a little too look at my face.
I lowered my head. "My parents have been sending me tons of messages." I said softly.
"And?"
"They say Chalice was very affected by my disappearance. She's sick and they want me to donate some blood to her. They think I left to shy away from helping her whenever she needs it and they've been calling me all sorts of names and have even resorted to threatening me."
"Do you want to press charges?" Jarek asked so coolly, so nonchalantly that one would think he was discussing the weather.
My jaws dropped. I immediately shook my head. "Of course not!"
He sighed. "Can I see the messages?" He asked and I nodded.
I watched him quietly as he picked up my phone and gave it to me to unlock it. Even in the process of unlocking it, I realized that more messages had been sent to me— the latest ones looked even more ill meaning than the last. I shuddered.
"Don't worry, you don't have to read them. I got you." Jarek whispered, and with that, he fished the phone out of my hands and fell silent as he began to read through them.
However, I didn't miss the way his eyes darkened even more with each passing second, and then suddenly, he dropped the phone, his face hard. He seethed;
"Now, those are full blown threats in there. Are you sure you do not want to press charges?"
"No." My voice was small. I felt… defeated. "I just want to be away from them."
"And you should." He spat, rising to his feet.
I slowly picked up my phone when I noticed that he was no longer watching, and then seizing the opportunity, I clicked on Chalice's text, surprised when I noticed that it was a link to one of her TikTok videos. Again, I clicked on it.
My breath hitched immediately when I saw her laying on a hospital bed with my family and mates crowding around her like she could disappear from their sights in a moment.
Her skin looked pale and clammy, and her hair… The hair she always wore in trendy styles was left hanging down her skull like a curtain.
However, it wasn't the video of them fussing over her that made me feel like I was about to suffocate. It was the caption. The comments. The words my parents and brother said in the background. It was
my mates simply standing there, ignoring it all while I was being cursed out, and catering after her like she was a demigod.
The caption read: Me holding up after my twin tried to steal my boyfriends and then left in rage after refusing to donate some blood to me, despite knowing I'm anemic.
The comment section was gaga. People who didn't know the full story cursed at me. Some were even asking for my pictures in order to 'pay me a visit' while my sister replied with emojis or comments telling them to let me be, because we were still 'a family'
Rage coiled within me so tight, I almost snapped my iPhone into two. But beneath the rage… beneath the anger was a child desperately crying out.
A child who wanted to be loved.
A child who wanted to be attended to just like they did with Chalice.
A child who was tired of being attacked all the time.
The child who was me.
I didn't even know I was crying until Jarek gently wiped my face with his thumb. He leaned close… so close that his warm minty breath tickled my face and brought heat to my cheeks.
He drawled; "Will you like to go to Oxford?"
For a minute, I was stunned into silence. I wanted Oxford. I wanted to be an engineer. But above all, I wanted to be loved… needed to be loved too.
"You have the brains for Oxford or any other Ivy League school you want to go to. But I have people at Oxford that can help you settle in better. Frostclaw also has a program there. It can help you work and learn. And I…"
"I'll do it." I snapped, wiping my tears and sitting up to face him squarely.
Maybe when I worked harder, when I became better, I would be cherished by the people in my life.
Or maybe then, I'll be too busy to care about my family anymore.
I picked up my phone from the bed, gave the now offensive object to him and spat; "I'll go. But first, help me discard that filth please. I no longer want to see it again. I no longer want them to have any access to me."
Jarek said nothing but simply did as told. He ruffled my hair affectionately and placed the bowl of fruit salad onto my lap; And with that, he walked off with my phone and a smile.
—
Years later, that scene never left my mind. Those words; "I no longer want to see it again. I no longer want them to have any access to me." never stopped echoing in my head.
It was the same words I thought about when I stared at my very different reflection in the mirror; and even though I looked a lot different than when I had made that statement, I still felt the same on the inside.
My hair was longer now. A nose job had my nose looking pointier now. I even started attending the gym so I looked way bulkier and healthier.
But all these external fronts didn't stop my heart from racing like it was about to explode when I stood at the airport bathroom, staring at my reflection. Because now, I am back in my country.
To the place where all of these started in the first place.
Back to my nightmare.