Rock Lee jumped down from the upper balcony, landing in the center of the hall with military precision, back straight, arms at his sides, chin proudly raised. His thick brows furrowed threateningly, and his round eyes narrowed—to the degree only Lee could manage.
"I want to fight you two! Right here and now!" he declared, shifting his gaze from Menma to Naruko and back.
"What's the rush?" Menma asked calmly, hands in his pockets. "Make it to the third stage of the exam, and we'll test our strength there."
"But those will be one-on-one fights!" Lee objected, immediately dropping into a fighting stance. "And your strength lies in fighting together. I must test myself against your paired nin-taijutsu!"
Menma skeptically raised a brow. "Does it have to be right now? Half an hour before the exam?"
Lee suddenly spun toward Karin, and his expression transformed. He made a series of strange motions: clenched his fists, stretched out his arms, squeezed his eyes shut, inhaled loudly, then spread into a wide grin.
"Karin-chan!" his voice thundered through the hall. "Today your beauty has pierced my heart! Please be my girlfriend! I will always protect you!"
Naruko doubled over, choking with laughter. Menma's lips barely twitched, but his eyes betrayed a suppressed smirk. Karin froze as if struck by lightning. Her cheeks flared scarlet, panic flickered in her eyes—how to refuse politely? But then an unexpected, cunning smile lit up her face.
"Sorry, Lee, you're a wonderful guy," she said with maximum politeness. "But I can't date you… because I'm already dating them."
She stepped back and stood behind the twins.
Lee's eyes went wide as saucers. "Gai-sensei was right!" he shouted, smacking his fist into his palm with full force. "It's exactly like his teachings! First you must find a beautiful girl, confess right away, and get rejected!"
He hopped in place, glowing as if he'd just discovered the secret of the universe. The fact that Karin had just implied she was dating both twins—one of whom was a girl—didn't bother him in the slightest.
"The next step," Lee continued, loudly quoting his sensei's "manual," "is to impress the girl with your taijutsu! If I defeat both her boyfriend and her girlfriend right now in front of her, she'll definitely become mine!"
"Don't even think about it!" Karin, her face as red as a poppy, shoved the twins forward indignantly. "Kick his ass!"
[I wasn't planning on fighting today… But how could I refuse our girlfriend?]
Lee burst forward so sharply that to an outside eye he turned into a blur of green. Incredible speed for a genin.
But for the Uzumaki twins it was still far too slow. Their heightened senses let them pick out every motion as if he were running through thick syrup.
A couple of blocks, a few dodges—and Lee was caught.
Naruko's chakra flared on the left, Menma's on the right. Their palms shot out gleaming adamantine chains. They wrapped around Lee's arms, pinning each one to a twin. In the same instant, both planted on one leg. The other legs worked like pistons, and the beating of the century began.
Naruko, grinning predatorily, drove kicks into his stomach, each strike punctuated by a cheerful, "Hop! Right in the guts!" Menma, methodical and almost bored, hammered blows into his kidneys.
"You really wanted a fight?" he said coldly between kicks. "Here's the result."
Lee groaned and gasped, jerking forward and back with each impact. He tried to open the First Gate and launch upward, but the twins immediately pumped chakra into their feet, pinning both themselves and him to the floor.
His back and stomach were quickly turning into minced meat, but he refused to yield.
"I won't lose… for the sake of love!.." he forced out, and with a growl opened the Second Gate.
Power burst outward. His skin flushed crimson, a wave of heat rolled across the hall, his hair bristled. Karin gasped as her own hair lifted in the wind. Lee kept forcing the Gates open: the Third… the Fourth…
At that moment, a stern, almost commanding voice rang out: "Enough, Lee!"
Everyone turned at once. At the other end of the hall stood… a giant turtle. A Konoha forehead protector gleamed around its neck, and its shell was painted with spirals.
The twins released him in sync. The chakra chains vanished. Burning, barely breathing, Lee slammed the Gates shut, skin fading back to normal, then flopped onto his backside.
"Lee!" the turtle squinted at him. "That's a forbidden jutsu!"
"Forgive me…" he groaned, bowing his head. "I was only… fighting for love!"
The Uzumaki trio politely stepped aside, leaving the stage.
"Well, Karin-chan?" Naruko winked. "Did we protect you from the green monster?"
"I hope so…" Karin muttered, peeking out from behind them and clearly not rushing to believe she was safe.
"FOOL!" the turtle thundered so loudly the echo shook the hall. "Do you think a simple 'forgive me' is enough?! Do you know what it means to prematurely reveal shinobi secret techniques?! You must be punished!"
"Yes…" Lee agreed meekly, not even trying to excuse himself.
"And here it is!!!" roared an even louder voice.
From nowhere, Maito Gai appeared atop the turtle's shell. He shot his right arm skyward, bent his left hand into a circle at his eye, stuck out his rear, twisted into an impossible pose, and flashed a dazzling white-toothed smile.
"Oh yes! I feel the power of youth in the air!"
Without hesitation, Gai drove his fist into Lee's jaw with full force.
[Poor kid. His insides already mashed, still reeling from Gate backlash, and now—topped off with a punch of love from his sensei.]
But it didn't end there.
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
The twins simultaneously covered Karin's eyes and ears.
Teacher and student rushed at each other, embracing against the backdrop of a suddenly manifested genjutsu: an orange sunset, waves crashing against rocks, pink dolphins leaping over the water. And in the middle of it, Gai and Lee, glowing, clutching each other.
"Thank you for saving my sanity," Karin whispered when the twins finally lifted their hands.
"Yeah…" Menma replied vaguely. The twins themselves hadn't dodged the gay-bomb in time.
Gai suddenly spun toward Karin. "So you're the one who caught my Lee's eye?" He gave her an appraising look. "Then I gift you this!"
He pulled from nowhere a hideous green spandex suit and held it out ceremoniously.
"Wear it every day!"
"Not. A. Chance," Karin said in a graveyard voice.
"I don't understand how you could refuse!" Gai said with genuine surprise. "These clothes are so comfortable, so stylish…"
"Hey, Bushybrows!" Naruko cut in. "Quick question. Is Lee your son?"
Gai froze. So did Lee. Both were struck dumb in sync.
"Uh… unfortunately, no…" Gai muttered.
"Are you sure?" Naruko pressed.
"Uh… I have to go! Good luck, Lee!" And without thinking of anything better, he bolted, opening the Fifth Gate just to escape faster.
Naruko spun toward Lee, grabbed him by the shoulders, and stared him straight in the eyes. "Don't you see? He is your father! He's just too embarrassed to admit it!"
"You… you really think so?" Lee, bruised and shaking, looked at her with hope.
"Absolutely! Menma, back me up!"
Menma took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Well… you do look a lot alike."
"Exactly!" Lee's eyes lit up. "I always suspected! It's true! Thank you, my friends!"
Unable to contain his joy, he shot off at once and ran away.
Silence fell in the hall.
"Um… Naruko," Karin said cautiously. "That thing you said about his father…"
"What's the difference?" she waved it off. "Now Lee won't let Gai out of his sight. That's my revenge for the spandex. He wanted to ruin your beauty—well, take that!"
"Fully justified," Karin said firmly.
"Heh," Menma smirked. "Looks like this exam's going to be fun."
"Oh, I'll make sure of it!" Naruko promised with a wide grin.
/////
Author notes:
I do have a Patreon, where the story is already 10 chapters ahead.
If you'd like to support me personally as an author, I'd be truly grateful.
patreon.com/Vetrax