"Alphas are never weak by nature," explains psychologist Carl Evans in interview. "To put it simply, it takes a lot to bring them to their knees."
The differences between loneliness, depression, and mate deprivation: explained!
The floor was blurry. His knees hurt. The sound of his own sobs was muted. His eyes hurt. The apartment door shrank further away each time he looked at it. His heart hurt. It felt like his body was about to spontaneously combust from pure pain. He tried to use the couch to claw to his feet, but his hands slipped. He stayed on the floor.
"Hey, Darius, I know it's late, but–" Noah came around the corner and stopped dead. "Darius? Are you okay?"
Darius quickly swiped the back of his sleeve across his face, but tears still poured uncontrollably down his cheeks. "Owen left."
Noah's eyes went huge. He hurried over and crouched in front of Darius. "Like, what? You're taking a break or–"
"Like he left left." Darius hid his face behind trembling, aching hands. "He said he'd kill me if I tried to follow him."
Noah's warm hands found his shoulders. "Oh, Darius." His voice was soft and caring. He pulled Darius into a fierce embrace. "I'm so sorry."
A dam of ice broke at the physical contact. "It's my fault," Darius sobbed out. "I lied to him and hid things from him. It's my fault."
Noah just hugged him tighter. "It's okay," he whispered. "It'll be okay." He repeated that and other similar-sounding nonsense until Darius calmed. Then he hauled Darius to his feet. "Come on. You're going to go take a shower and then go to sleep. You have work tomorrow, and I'm not going to let you spiral."
Darius wanted to fight, but all his limbs felt like concrete and Noah knew exactly how to deal with him. He stripped and got into the shower, where the pain bloomed again. He leaned against the wall beneath the shower head and watched his tears drip down the drain. He did not remember how he got out of the shower, into pajamas, and then into bed. The next thing he knew, his alarm went off and it was morning.
Noah, who had apparently stayed the night somewhere in the apartment, came in and pulled him out of bed. He made Darius pick an outfit and then went to prepare breakfast. He returned a few minutes later, handed Darius a tie, and hauled him out to the kitchen to eat. He watched every single one of Darius' bites and kept motioning for Darius to eat more, even when Darius said that he was not hungry. "You're not going to starve yourself for a guy who dumped you," Noah told him, his tone harsh but his eyes kind. "At least not on my watch."
Darius smiled weakly and finished the food on his plate. He was grateful when Noah took him to work and scolded him again before leaving for his own job down at the hospital. It was weird to be grateful for harsh words, but his best friend spoke them out of love. He could not be mad at that.
He froze when he opened his office door and saw his father sitting on the couch inside. Of all the people he did not want to have to speak to right now, his father was at the top of that list.
Daniel Holt looked up from the biography he was reading and gave Darius a shallow nod. "Noah called and asked me to keep an eye on you."
Darius strode over to his desk and started sorting through the mess he had left last night. "Did he tell you why?" If Owen were here, he would not have had to sort through anything. That thought made the fractures in his chest start to expand into chasms once again.
"No, not really. But I do read the news, Darius, so I have some idea."
Darius swallowed and sat down in his chair, powering on his laptop and the monitor. "If you read the news, why are you here? Don't you know that I'm not the son you thought you had?"
Daniel Holt sighed and lowered his gaze back to his book. "You think I'm disappointed that you're not like me."
Darius looked up sharply. "Well, aren't you?"
Daniel Holt did not take his eyes off of the pages open in front of him. "Maybe when it first came out and I had to find out through news articles instead of you telling me."
Darius stood up, his hands braced on his desk. "You're disappointed that I didn't tell you? That's it?"
Daniel Holt glanced up. "Yes. Why would I be angry or disappointed in who my son is? That would make me the world's worst father."
Darius sat down hard, the breath whooshing from his lungs at the impact. "You're not mad that your company is in the hands of an alpha?"
Daniel Holt shrugged. "I could care less, Darius. Yes, I built this company up from the ground without any extra strength or social privilege, but that doesn't mean that I'd withhold it from you because you're an alpha instead of a beta. I wouldn't do that to my own son. That's not the kind of person I am. I don't care to fight nail, tooth, and claw to purify my legacy like others do. You're my legacy, Darius, and there's never been a moment that I've wanted you to be someone or something else." He returned to reading like his words had not just taken the weight of the world off of Darius' shoulders.
Darius stared across the room at the back of his dad's head, every thought whisked away in the tidal wave of disbelief. He quickly busied himself when his dad looked up again, ashamed to be caught gaping like a kid presented with the one thing he really wanted on his birthday. With relief flooding his body, he threw himself into work, sorting through proposals and contracts. He did not allow himself to think about Owen, but he did miss the well-timed cups of coffee and the soft-eyed smiles that had accompanied them. Darius tried to outwork Owen's memory, but he kept looking up at every sound, hoping that it was Owen walking into his office.
Daniel Holt did not let Darius stay alone for a moment. He did not do anything remotely helpful other than stay on his couch and read his book, but his presence was all Darius needed.
Darius went home that night, back to his dad's house instead of his own apartment. The last thing he wanted was people taking care of him, but he did not want to be nagged either. So he came home.
His mom, a graying blond omega in her early fifties, hugged him the minute he walked in the door. And she did not let go for a long time. She kissed his cheek with unshed tears in her eyes and did not say anything except, "I missed you."
He smiled and kissed her cheek in return. "I missed you too, Mom."
She gave a watery smile and quickly extracted herself. "Let me go warm something up for you. You can come to the kitchen or I can take it up to your room," she said over her shoulder as she hurried away.
Steps thundered halfway down the stairs, and Sario leaned over the banister at the landing. "Hey!" He hurled his light form down the rest of the stairs and jumped on Darius immediately. "You're back!"
Darius peeled Sario off and held him away at arms' distance. "I didn't ask for an ambush."
Sario grinned. "No worries, bro. I give those out for free!"
Darius groaned and rolled his eyes, but the joke did ease a tiny fraction of the pain in his heart. He set Sario down and slapped his shoulder so hard the younger, skinnier boy winced from the impact. "Thanks. Any update on that girl from physics class?"
Sario's whole face turned red as their dad raised a singular eyebrow as if asking, Yeah, is there an update?
Darius laughed and slung his arm around Sario's shoulders. "No matter."
Sario's expression suddenly turned wickedly mischievous. "Dad said you got yourself a boyfriend." He did not notice how Darius stiffened beside him. "And that you already got him pregnant." He clapped slowly. "Wow. You managed to hook an omega so fast?" He bowed to Darius with his hands pressed together. "Teach me, oh wise master of flirtation."
Darius stepped away from Sario, the fractures in his heart aching like broken shards of glass. "You don't want me to teach you anything, Sario. I'm the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends."
Sario's forehead furrowed. "Don't tell me you broke up with him."
Darius stared down at the floor. "He broke up with me. And it was entirely my own fault."
"Did you kick him in the stomach or something?"
"Enough jokes, Sario!" Darius snapped, glaring at his clueless little brother. "I fucked up, and now he's gone and I can't do a thing to get him back!"
Sario's face went slack, and he retreated a couple steps.
Daniel Holt quietly put his hand on the back of Darius' neck. "Go put on a fresh suppressant patch before dinner." There was a gentle kindness in his voice, something Darius had not expected after his snap at Sario. "You're tired and your pheromones are making things worse."
Darius nodded mutely and went into the bathroom to change the worn out patch. But he took one look at himself in the mirror and broke down. What he had said to Sario was the ugly truth: Owen was gone and there was no way Darius would ever get him back.