Ellis succession war over EX Tradings continues as neither brother yields.
Rumored party to be hosted at the Holt residence! (Sorry to all the fangirls; it's close friends and family only)
All the lights were on in the mansion Noah's best friend Darius had spent his childhood calling home. There was a small group of people scattered throughout the first floor, all of them personally invited by Daniel and Darius.
Noah wove his way among them until he found the man of the hour. He hugged Rowan around the shoulders quickly and gently. "Happy birthday, Rowan."
Rowan smiled, his eyes brighter and happier than Noah had ever seen them. He kept morphing into someone gentler and sweeter every time Noah saw him.
Noah was going to start calling it "the Darius effect."
Rowan hugged Noah back. "Thank you! I'm so glad you could come! You know," he added, leaning in conspiratorially, "you're one of the only people here I know."
Noah grinned. "Who else do you know?"
Rowan frowned, mentally calculating. "Pretty much just Darius' family. And Nancy. She's nice."
Noah laughed when Rowan mentioned the secretary who had been a part of Holt Enterprises for so long that she was practically family. "So everyone else is a stranger?"
Rowan nodded. "I know they're Darius' friends or cousins or whatever, so it's fine."
"It is your party," Noah reminded him. "If you told Darius to throw out everyone you don't know, he's obligated to do it for you."
Rowan snagged cheese and a cracker off of a plate on the island. "I'm not going to do that, you crazy gremlin. I'm just glad Darius is happy and Aiden is sleeping out of the sight of all these people."
Noah grinned at Rowan's nickname for him. Apparently, Darius had called Noah a chaos gremlin or something like that when he and Rowan had gotten back together, and Rowan had adapted the title with Noah's permission. Noah would gladly give his permission to anything that made Rowan smile, since he knew how happy that made Darius. "How is that little stinker?"
With a roll of his eyes, Rowan replied, "He doesn't stink, Noah. He's perfectly clean, healthy, and happy."
Noah shrugged. "Whatever you say. Darius would be furious if I even implied that you're a liar."
Rowan's smile slipped slightly.
Crap. Noah had forgotten that Rowan and Darius' relationship had been founded on lies, and really good ones from Rowan's side. Rowan had lied that he was someone else for almost eight months, and Darius, by all signs, had been completely in the dark. That was not something Noah should have brought up in casual conversation. "Sorry," he apologized ashamedly. "I didn't mean it like that."
Rowan forced his smile to come back. "I know you didn't. I'm just a little emotionally sensitive right now."
Noah cocked his head. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Rowan glanced around before grabbing Noah's arm and dragging him up to the quieter second floor, where he shut the two of them into a dark bedroom.
"Um, Rowan…" Noah started to protest.
"Shut up. Darius knows I would never cheat on him." Rowan pulled the cord on the lamp by the bed. "I just don't want to say anything in a place I'd be overheard. And I don't know how you're going to react."
Noah raised an eyebrow. "Okay…so what's so sensitive that we had to come upstairs and lock ourselves in an abandoned bedroom?"
Rowan rolled his eyes. "My god, Noah, the door isn't locked."
Noah slammed his hands onto his hips. "You're the one who dragged me up here. Now spill."
Rowan sat down on the bed heavily, biting his lip in a way that reminded Noah suddenly of Camille.
Dammit. Noah had sworn not to think a single thought about Camille outside of hospital property, and he had just broken his vow. This was shaping into a wonderful night.
"I'm pregnant again, and I don't know if I want to keep it."
Noah's jaw dropped. "What?"
"Yeah," Rowan muttered. "And that's why we came upstairs."
Noah held up his hands. "Hold on. Slow down. Go back. Darius got you pregnant again? So soon?"
Rowan exhaled heavily. "That's why I don't know if I want to keep it. I don't think I can go through that again. Not so soon."
Noah carefully sat down on the bed next to Rowan and cautiously placed his arm around Rowan's back. "Do you want to talk about why you think you can't handle it?"
Rowan stared at the lamp, his eyes unfocused. He was probably dissociating. "I know it's trauma. I don't need you or any other doctor to tell me that. But my brain was trained to think that pregnancy means that I have to hide who I really am and prepare to kill the man I love." A tear slipped down his cheek. "I can't handle those kinds of thoughts. I can't do it."
Noah rubbed Rowan's back slowly in a soothing way. "That makes sense." After a pause, he asked, "Have you told Darius how you feel?"
Another tear joined the first. "Darius doesn't even know I'm pregnant. If I decide to get rid of it, I don't want him to know that it ever existed. I can't break his heart, Noah. I can't!"
Noah took a deep breath. There were two ways he could take this conversation. He could be a hundred percent on Rowan's side or he could try to convince Rowan to compromise. "I get it. But Darius is a really smart guy. Do you think that he won't ever find out? He knows you so well at this point that I'd be surprised if he hasn't already started suspecting what's going on."
Rowan's shoulder slumped. "I know." He sounded so defeated when he had been so defiant a moment before. "I just…I don't know how to tell him and then say I don't want it."
Noah gently turned Rowan's head to face him. "Darius loves you so much, Rowan. He'll support whatever makes you feel safe. You know he will."
Rowan fiercely scrubbed away the tears on his face. "I know. This is all just me being a fucking coward."
Noah blinked at the swear word, surprised to hear it come out of Rowan's mouth. Then he quietly addressed what Rowan had said. "You're not a coward. You're one of the bravest people I know. Your emotions and trauma don't make you a coward. They make you cautious. Caution and cowardice are very different things, Rowan. You're not weak or stupid for feeling the way you do. It's reasonable. If you didn't feel this way, I might wonder if something was wrong."
Rowan swallowed and nodded.
"But you do need to tell Darius. By the end of the week at the latest. He needs to know what's going on."
As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Darius' voice came through the wood. "Noah? Rowan? You guys okay?"
Rowan got up and pulled open the door.
Darius hugged his fiancé the moment he saw his face. "Hey, what's going on?"
"You can't freak out." Rowan was going to tell Darius now. "Promise me that you won't."
Darius nodded. "I won't freak out. I promise."
Rowan did not lift his head from Darius' shoulder. "I'm pregnant. Again. And I don't think I can keep it. For a lot of reasons." He sounded extraordinarily calm. "It's not a decision, but that's how I'm feeling right now."
Darius looked stunned for a moment, like he could not quite process what he had heard, but he kept Rowan anchored against his chest. "Okay," he said, eyes begging Noah for help.
Noah shrugged and mimed hugging and patting Rowan's back.
Darius did it immediately, like a lost puppy who needed direction for each moment.
Noah rolled his eyes. He could not coach Darius through his relationship. So he got up and cleared his throat. "Well. You both have a lot to talk about. I'll just see myself out." He gave a little wave as he walked out. "Good luck," he mouthed to Darius and shut the door behind himself. Sighing heavily, he headed back downstairs. Maybe he could get drunk enough tonight to forget everyone who was tormenting him: Rowan, Darius, and Camille.