#Jk's POV~~~
{ โผ๏ธ๐ด๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ & ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.โผ๏ธ}
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Sunday mornings are peaceful in our house. My Appa lets himself sleep in. My Papa lets himself not fix breakfast. And if my brothers have been out late playing with their band, you won't even know they're around until noon.
Usually I tiptoe out to collect eggs while everyone else is asleep, then spirit a bowl of Cheerios back to my room to have breakfast in bed and read.
But that Sundayโafter spending most of the night feeling upset or uneasyโI woke up wanting to do something physical. To shake off the confused way I was still feeling.
What I really needed was a good climb in my sycamore tree, but I settled for watering the lawn while I tried to think of other things. I cranked open the spigot and admired how rich and black the dirt looked as I sprinkled back and forth across the soil. And I was busy talking to my buried seedlings, coaxing them to spring up and greet the rising sun, when my Appa came outside. His hair was damp from a shower, and he had a grocery sack rolled closed in his hand. โAppa! I'm sorry if I woke you.โ
โYou didn't, sweetheart. I've been up for a while.โ
โYou're not going to work, are you?โ
โNo, I โฆโ He studied me for a moment , then said, โI'm going to visit Woozi.โ
โUncle Woozi?โ
He walked toward his truck, saying, โThat's right. I โฆI should be back around noon.โ
โBut Appa, why today? It's Sunday.โ
โI know, sweetheart, but it's a special Sunday.โ
I turned off the spigot. โWhy's that?โ
โIt's his fortieth birthday. I want to see him and deliver a gift,โ he said as he held up the paper bag. โDon't worry. I'll rustle us up some pancakes for lunch, all right?โ
โI'm coming with you,โ I said, and tossed the hose aside. I wasn't even really dressedโI'd just pulled on some sweats and sneakers, no socksโbut in my mind there was no doubt. I was going.
โWhy don't you stay home and enjoy the morning with your Papa? I'm sure he wouldโโ
I went over to the passenger side of his truck and said, โI'm coming,โ then climbed inside and slammed the door back in place.
โButโโ he said through the driver's door.
โI'm coming, Appa.โ
He studied me a moment , then said, โOkay,โ and put the bag on the bench seat. โLet me leave a note for your Papa.โ
While he was inside, I strapped on the lap belt and told myself that this was good. This was something I should've done years ago. Uncle Woozi was part of the family, part of my father, part of me. It was about time I got to know him.
I studied the paper sack sitting next to me. What was my Appa bringing his brother for his fortieth birthday?
I picked it up. It wasn't a paintingโit was much too light for that. Plus, it made a strange, muted rattling noise when I shook it.
I was just unrolling the top to peek inside when my Appa came back through the front door. I dropped the sack and straightened up, and when he slid behind the wheel, I said, โIt's okay with you, isn't it?โ
He just looked at me, his hand on the key in the ignition.
โI โฆ I'm not ruining your day with him or anything, am I?โ
He cranked the motor and said, โNo, sweetheart. I'm glad you're coming.โ
We didn't say much to each other on the drive over to Greenhaven. He seemed to want to look at the scenery and I, well, I had a lot of questions, but none I wanted to ask. It was nice, though, riding with my Appa. It was like the silence connected us in a way that explanations never could.
When we arrived at Greenhaven, my Appa parked the truck, but we didn't get out right away. โIt takes some getting used to, Jungkookie, but it does grow on you. They grow on you. They're all good people.โ
I nodded, but felt oddly afraid.
โCome on, then,โ he said, taking the sack from the seat. โLet's go inside.โ
Greenhaven didn't look like any kind of hospital to me, but it didn't look quite like a house, either. It was too long and rectangular for that. The walkway had a faded green awning that covered it, and flower beds alongside freshly planted pansies that looked muddied and slightly askew. The grass was patchy, with three deep holes dug near the building.
โThe residents tend the grounds,โ my Appa said. โIt's part of their occupational training program, and it's therapeutic. Those holes are the future homes of Peach, Plum, and Pear.โ
โFruit trees?โ
โYes. The vote caused quite a commotion.โ
โAmong the โฆ residents?โ
โThat's right.โ He swung open one of the glass double doors and said, โCome on in.โ
It was cool inside. And it smelled of pine cleaner and bleach, with something vaguely pungent underneath.
There wasn't a reception desk or waiting area, just a large intersection with white walls and narrow wooden benches. To the left was a big room with a television and several rows of plastic chairs, to the right were open office doors, and beside us were two pine armoires. One was open, with half a dozen gray sweaters hung neatly in a row.
โGood morning, Suga!โ a woman called through one of the office doors.
โGood morning, Josie,โ my father replied.
She came out to meet us, saying, โWoozi's up and about. Has been since around six. Mabel tells me it's his birthday today.โ
โMabel is right again.โ He turned to me and smiled. โJosie, it's my pleasure to introduce my Son, Jungkook. Jungkook, meet Josie Gruenmakker.โ
โWell now, isn't this nice,โ Josie said, clasping my hand. โI recognize you from Suga's photo album. You're gettin' ready to graduate into high school, isn't that right?โ
I blinked at her, then looked at my Appa. I'd never really thought of it that way, but I could see that he had. โYes, I โฆI suppose I am.โ
โJosie's the site administrator.โ
โAnd,โ Josie added with a laugh, โI'm not graduating' to nowhere! Been here seventeen years, and I'm staying put.โ The phone rang and she hurried off, saying, โGotta get that. I'll meet up with you in a bit. Check the rec room, then his room. You'll find him.โ
My Appa led me around a corner, and as we proceeded down a hallway, the underlying pungent part of the smell got stronger. Like the place had had years of Mystery Pissers, with no one quite neutralizing what had been tagged.
Down the hall was a small person hunched in a wheel-chair. At first I thought it was a child, but as we approached, I could see it was a woman. She had almost no hair, and as she gave my Aopa a toothless smile, she grabbed his hand and spoke.
My heart bottomed out. The sounds she made were choked and lost on her tongue. Nothing she said was intelligible, yet she looked at my Appa with such intensityโlike of course he understood what she was saying.
To my complete surprise, he said, โYou're absolutely right, Mabel. It is today. Which is why I'm here.โ He held up the grocery sack and whispered, โI've brought him a little gift.โ
โGwa-aaal,โ she said. โHow'd you know?โ
She gurgled at him until he patted her hand and said, โI'm much too predictable, I'm afraid. But he enjoys them, andโฆโ He noticed her gaze shift in my direction.
โHoo haa,โ she said.
โThis is my first son, Jungkook. Jungkook, I'd like you to meet the extraordinary Miss Mabel. She can remember everyone's birthday, and she has a real passion for strawberry milkshakes.โ
I managed a smile and whispered, โNice to meet you,โ but all I got in return was a suspicious scowl.
โWell, we're off to Woozi's,โ my Appa said, then shook the bag. โDon't spill the beans if he happens by.โ
I followed him to a bedroom doorway, where he stopped and called, โWoozi? Woozi, it's Me! Suga.โ
A man appeared at the door. A man I would never have picked out as my father's brother. He was stocky, with thick brown glasses, and his face looked puffy and pale. But he threw his arms around my Appa's chest and cried, โWobbad! Yaw heew!โ
โYes, I am, little brother.โ
I followed them into the room and saw that the walls were covered in a collage of puzzles. They'd been glued directly to the walls and even up on the ceiling!
It was cozy, comfortable, and interesting. I felt as though I'd entered a quilted cave.
My Appa held his brother at arm's length and said, โAnd look who I've brought along!โ
For a split second Woozi looked almost frightened, but then my Appa said, โIt's my first son, Jungkook.โ
Woozi's face broke into a smile. โJu-ungoo-goo-geh!โ he cried, then practically tackled me with a hug.
I thought I was going to suffocate. My face was buried as he squeezed the air out of me and rocked from side to side. Then with a giggle he let go and flopped into a chair. โIs mooy bwuf-day!โ
โI know, Uncle Woozi. Happy birthday!โ
He giggled again. โFwank eoow!โ
โWe brought you a present,โ my dad said as he opened the paper sack.
Before he had it out, before I saw the actual size, I remembered the sound it had made when I'd shaken it in the truck. Of course! I thought. A puzzle.
Uncle Woozi guessed it, too. โA puwwwle?โ
โNot just a puzzle,โ my Appa said as he pulled it out of the sack. โA puzzle and a pinwheel.โ
Appa had wrapped the puzzle box up in pretty blue paper and had taped the red-and-yellow pinwheel on as a bow. Uncle Woozi snatched the pinwheel right off and blew. First gently, then fiercely, in great spitty bursts.
โOwnge!โ he cried between blows.
โOwnge!โ
Very gently Appa took it from him and smiled. โRed and yellow do make orange, don't they?โ Woozi tried to grab it back, but my Appa said, โWe'll take it outside later. The wind will blow it for you,โ and pressed the puzzle back in his hands.
As the wrapping paper fell in shreds on the floor, I leaned in to see what sort of puzzle my father had bought him and gasped. Three thousand pieces! And the image was simply white clouds and blue sky. No shading, no treesโnothing but the clouds and the sky. And a multi cartoon theme set.
My Appa pointed to a spot in the center of the ceiling. โI thought it would fit just right over there.โ
Uncle Woozi looked up and nodded, then lunged for his pinwheel and said, โOwsiiide?โ
โSure. Let's go out for a walk. Feel like going down to McElliot's for a birthday ice cream?โ
Uncle Woozi's head bobbed up and down. โYaaah!โ
We checked out through Josie, then headed down the street. Woozi can't walk very fast because his body seems to want to move inward instead of forward. His feet pigeon-toe and his shoulders hunch in, and he seemed to lean on my father pretty heavily as we moved along.
But he kept that pinwheel in front of him, watching it spin, crying every now and then, โOwwwange, owwwange!โ
McElliot's turned out to be a drugstore with an ice cream parlor inside. There was a red-and-white-striped awning over the ice cream counter, and there were little white tables and chairs set in an area with red-and-white-striped wallpaper. It was very festive-looking, especially for being inside a drugstore.
Appa got us all cones, and once we were sitting down, Appa and Woozi did talk to each other some, but mostly Woozi wanted to eat his chocolate fudge swirl. My Appa smiled at me from time to time, and I smiled back, but I felt disconnected. How many times had the two of them come here for ice cream? How many birthdays had my Appa celebrated with his brother like this? How long had he known Mabel and Josie and the rest of the people at Greenhaven? How could it be that in all these years, I'd never spent any time with my uncle? It was like my Appa had a secret life away from me. A complete family away from me.
I didn't like it. Didn't understand it. And I was getting myself pretty worked up about it when Woozi's cone crushed in his grip, causing his ice cream to flop onto the table.
Before my Appa could stop him, Woozi picked up the ice cream and tried to cram it back onto the cone. But the cone was shattered and the ice cream fell over again, only this time it landed on the floor.
My Appa said, โLeave it, Woozi. I'll get you a new one,โ but Woozi didn't listen. His chair shot back and he dove after it.
โNo, Woozi! Let me get you a new one.โ My Appa pulled him by the arm, but he wouldn't budge. He grabbed the ice cream and crammed it back onto what was left of his cone, and when the bottom part of his cone crumbled completely away, he started screaming.
It was awful. He was like a two-hundred-pound infant, throwing a tantrum on the floor. He was yelling words I couldn't understand, and after a minute of trying to calm him down, my Appa said, โJungkook, can you get him another cone?โ
The man behind the counter scooped as fast as he could, but in that short time Woozi knocked over a table and two chairs with his flailing and managed to smear chocolate everywhere. The checkers and customers at the registers seemed frozen with terrorโlike Woozi was some sort of monster out to destroy the world.
I gave the new ice cream cone to my Appa, who handed it to Woozi, right there on the floor. And while Woozi sat there eating it, my father and I worked around him, putting everything back in order and wiping up the mess.
On the walk back to Greenhaven, Woozi acted like nothing had happened. He spurted into his pinwheel and cried, โOwwwange!โ from time to time, but when my Appa held open the front door, I could tell that Appa was tired.
Down in his room Woozi placed the pinwheel on his bed and picked up the puzzle box. โWhy don't you take a rest before you get started on it?โ my Appa asked.
Woozi shook his head. โNaaow.โ
โOkay, then. Let me help you set it up.โ
My Appa pulled a card table from beneath the bed, then swung the legs out and snapped them into place. After he had it shoved up against the wall near the bed, he moved a chair close to it and said, โThere you are. All set up.โ
Woozi had the box open and was already sifting through the pieces.
โAaaas a gou wwwone, Wobbad.โ
โI'm glad you like it. You think you might have it done by Wednesday? I can come back and glue it on the ceiling for you then if you'd like.โ
Woozi nodded, but he was already intent on the puzzle, carefully laying pieces on the table. My Appa put his hand on his shoulder and said, โI'll see you Wednesday then, okay?โ
He nodded.
โWill you say good-bye to Jungkookie?โ
โBaaawye,โ he said, but he didn't look up from his box of pieces.
โSee you later, Uncle Woozi.โ I tried to sound cheerful, but I didn't feel that way.
When we got back into the truck, my Appa clicked on his seat belt and said, โSo.โ
I just looked at him and tried to smile.
โAre you as exhausted as I am?โ he said.
I nodded. โEverything was fineโexcept for the ice cream.โ
Appa chuckled. โExcept for the ice cream.โ Then he turned serious. โThe trouble is, you never know what โthe ice creamโ is going to be. Sometimes it's a fly in the room. Sometimes it's the feel of his socks. It's hard to predict everything. Usually getting ice cream is safe.โ He shook his head and closed his eyes, thinking things I couldn't imagine.
Finally he turned the ignition and said, โWoozi lived with your Papa and me for a while. Before you kids were born. We thought it would be better for him to live with us than to be in a home, but we were wrong.โ
โBut overall, everything went okay todayโฆ.โ
He ground the gear shift into reverse.
โWoozi has many, many special needs, both emotional and physical. Your Papa and I couldn't handle them all. Fortunately he's happy here. They have programs to teach him how to care for himselfโ how to dress and bathe and brush his teeth, how to act around others and communicate. They go on outings, and he has a job doing mailings for a doctor's officeโฆ.โ
โHe does?โ
โHe goes there every morning during the week to fold mailings and fill envelopes. Greenhaven has been so good for him. He gets an incredible amount of individualized attention. He has his own room, his own friends, his own life.โ
After a minute I said, โBut he's part of the family, Appa. And it just doesn't seem right that he's never been over for a visit. Not even on Christmas or Thanksgiving!โ
โHe doesn't want to, sweetheart. One year your Papa and I insisted he spend Thanksgiving with us, and it was the biggest disaster you can imagine. He broke a window out of the car, he was that upset.โ
โBut โฆ Why haven't we been visiting him? I know you have, but the rest of us. Why not?โ
โWell, it's draining. Your Papa finds it incredibly depressing, and I understand that. We both agreed that it was no place to take small children.โ
He accelerated onto the highway, silent behind the wheel. Finally he said, โThe years just seem to slip away, Jungkookie. One day you have a baby in your arms, and the next you realize she's very nearly a woman. Or he is very nearly a Man.โ He smiled at me sadly. โI love Woozi, but he is a burden, and I guess I wanted to protect you from that. But I realize now that all of this has affected you and the family.โ
โBut Appa, it's notโโ
โJungkookie, what I'm trying to tell you is I'm sorry. There was so much I wanted to give you. All of you. I guess I didn't see until recently how little I've actually provided.โ
โThat's not true!โ
โWell, I think you know my heart's been in the right place, but if you line it up objectively, a man like, say, Mr. Kim adds up to a much better husband and father than a man like me does. He's around more, he provides more, and he's probably a lot more fun.โ
My Appa wasn't one to go fishing for compliments or signs of appreciation, but still, I couldn't quite believe he actually thought that. โAppa, I don't care how it looks on paper, I think you're the best Appa ever! And when I marry somebody someday, I sure don't want him to be like Mr. Kim! I want him to be like you.โ
He looked at me like he couldn't quite believe his ears. โIs that so,โ he said with a grin. โWell, I'll remind you of that as your someday approaches.โ
That turned the rest of the trip around. We laughed and joked and talked about all kinds of things, but as we neared home, there was one thing the conversation kept turning back to.
Pancakes.
My Papa, though, had other plans. He'd spent the morning scrubbing floors and mixing the pancakes. โI need something with more staying power. Like grilled ham-and-cheese. With onions,โ he said. โLots of onions!โ
โScrubbing floors?โ my Appa said. โIt's Sunday, chim. Why were you scrubbing floors?โ
โNervous energy.โ he looked at me. โHow'd it go?โ
โOkay. I'm glad I went.โ
He glanced at my Appa and then at me. โWell, good,โ he sighed, then said, โI also felt like scrubbing because I got a call from Jin Hyung.โ
โKim?โ my Appa asked. โIs something wrong?โ
My Papa pushed a few wisps of hair back and said, โNoโฆ.He called to invite us over for dinner on Friday.โ
We blinked at him a moment; then I asked, โAll of us?โ
โYes.โ
I could see what my Appa was thinking: Why? All these years of living across the street, and we'd never been invited over. Why now?
My Papa could see it, too. He sighed and said, โYoon, I don't exactly know why, but he was insistent. He was practically in tears, saying how sorry he was that he'd never invited us before and how he'd really like to get to know us better.โ
โWhat did you tell him?โ
โI couldn't very well say no. He was being so nice, and Hobi has really done a lotโฆ.โ He shrugged and said, โI said we'd go. It's set for six o'clock Friday night.โ
โReally?โ I asked.
He (Jm) shrugged again. โI think it might be nice. A little strange, but nice.โ
โWell, okay then,โ my Appa said. โI won't schedule any overtime for Friday. What about the other two boys?โ
โThere's no gig on the calendar, and they're not scheduled to work, but I haven't talked to them about it yet.โ
โAre you sure they want us all over there?โ my Appa asked.
My Papa nodded. โHe insists.โ
I could tell the whole idea of dinner at the Kim's was making my Appa pretty uncomfortable, but we could both see that something about this invitation meant a lot to my Papa. โAll right then,โ he said, and got to work slicing cheese and onions.
For the rest of the afternoon, I sort of lazed around, reading and daydreaming. And at school the next day, I couldn't seem to concentrate. My thoughts kept turning back to Woozi Uncle. I wondered what my grandparents had been like, and what they'd gone through, having a son like him.
I daydreamed a lot about the sycamore tree, too, which at first I thought was because I was feeling melancholy. But then I remembered how my Papa had called the sycamore a testimony to endurance. It had survived being damaged as a sapling. It had grown. Other people thought it was ugly, but I never had.
Maybe it was all how you looked at it. Maybe there were things I saw as ugly that other people thought were beautiful.
Like Olivia Rodrigo. A perfect example! To me there was absolutely nothing to recommend her, but the rest of the world seemed to think she was the cat's meow.
Me-ow.
Anyway, I sort of drifted through the week like that. Until Thursday.
Thursday our social studies class went to the library to do research for our famous historical figure report. I'd chosen Susan B. Anthony and her fight for the right to vote, and I was in the middle of tracking down some books when Hirai Momo flagged me from the end of a stack.
Momo was in a few of my classes, but we weren't really friends, so I looked behind me to see who else she might be flagging.
โCome here!โ she mouthed, frantically waving me over.
So I hurried over. She pointed through the column of books and whispered, โListen!โ
It was Wooshik Hyung's voice. And then Tae-Hyung's. And they were talking about โฆ me. About my chickens. And salmonella poisoning. And how Tae-Hyung had been throwing away my eggs. And about me fixing up our yard.
Hyung was sounding like he felt really bad, but then suddenly my blood ran cold. He was talking about Woozi Uncle!
And then Wooshik laughed and said, โA retard? Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it? You knowโฆ about Jungkook?โ
For a second, there was silence. And at that moment I was sure they must be able to hear my heart pounding in my chest, but then Hyung laughed and said, โOh, right.โ
I positively crumbled onto the floor. And in a flash the voices were gone. Momo checked around the corner, then sat beside me, saying, โOh, Koo, I'm so, so sorry. I thought he was about to confess that he's been crushing on you.โ
โWhat? Momo, Hyung does not have a crush on me.โ
โWhere have you been? Haven't you noticed the way he's been looking at you? That boy is lost in Loveland.โ
โOh, obviously! You just heard him, Momo!โ
โYeah, but yesterday, yesterday I caught him staring at you and he said there was a bee in your hair. A bee, girl. Is that the lamest cover-up you've ever heard or what?โ
โMomo, the way things have been going, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bee in my hair.โ
โOh, you think you're that sweet, huh? Just attract bees like honey? Well, honey, the only bee you're attracting around here is T-a-e-h-y-u-n-g. Cute, yeah. But after what I just heard, I'd stomp and grind, girl. Stomp and grind.โ She got up to go but turned and said, โDon't worry. I won't jabber.โ
I just shook my head and forgot about Momo. How wrong could a person be?
It was what Hyung and Wooshik Hyung had said that I couldn't forget. How could they be so cruel? And so stupid? Is this what my Appa had gone through growing up?
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What right did Hyung have to make fun of my uncle? How dare he!
I felt fire burn in my cheeks and a cold, hard knot tighten in my heart. And in a flash I knewโI was through with Kim Taehyung. He could keep his brilliant blue eyes. He could keep his two-faced smile andโฆ and my kiss. That's right! He could keep that, too. I was never, ever going to talk to him again!
I stormed back to the section of books on Susan B. Anthony, found two that would work, and then went back to my table. But as I was collecting my things to check out of the library, I remembered. The next day we were going to the Kims' house for dinner.
I zipped up my backpack and threw it on my shoulder. Surely after what had happened, I had the right to vote against going!
Didn't I?