"Did I choose wrong?" Tippy's concerned expression wiped the happiness from her face.
"No," I scritched her ear. "You chose the Neko way, so I'm proud of you."
"Ah, you're right, though. I don't think I can do those other things. They sound hard." She lowered her head and her tail drooped of the edge of the sofa. "I wasn't good at school, Bexley. And I just don't think I could manage the more complicated ones. Are you disappointed?"
"Of course not!" I kept scritching her ear. "I may have been a little bad at explaining these things. But I was doing it from memory and trying to give you an idea of what you could be with them. Arcane is simpler, for sure. But it's not weaker. Not at all. It's got some very useful spells. You have no idea how busy you'll be with it. Everyone will love you for the things you can do."
"Really?"
"Truly."
"Okay, it's asking if I want to research any new spells."
"That's what the Arcane Research does. It will put you here into the library. It won't question your School again. What you should be seeing is all the spells you're capable of learning right now. There's more, but they'll be locked. You won't see them until you raise your levels."
"Okay."
"What spells do you have available?"
"Umm…" She mouthed a few first, then; "Arcane Bolt, Arcane Pocket, and Ionic Field."
"Ionic Field?" I was surprised by this one. I hadn't heard of this one.
"What does it do?"
"I have no clue. We might have to look online at what Ionic is. That might help us guess what it can do. The System seems to be adjusting to Earth terms."
"What should I do now, then?"
"Select one of them. Arcane Pocket might be better for you right now, as it's useful and you'll be able to cast it without causing panic. I think if you cast an Arcane Bolt in public, even outside, it'd get a lot of attention."
"We could use the basement?"
"Only if you want to turn the house into a crater…"
"Oh." She cocked her head. "Maybe later, then."
"Select Arcane Pocket for now. You'll have a chance to get them all. You only have to follow this process again."
"I could get them all now, then?"
"No. When you're done, you're going to feel very sleepy for a while…"
"Is that your way of trying to get me into bed?"
I chuckled at her. "I'll take you to bed after this, for sure. But you won't remember it."
"Dammit."
"Remember Shadowpaw said her head was burning when she read the Pattern?"
"You're saying it's going to hurt?"
"A little. Not as much as hers did. Patterns force you to learn something which may not be a part of the System's normal path for you. If I was cynical about it, I'd say the pain is the System's price for you taking shortcuts. This will be more like a pressure. Like you're being squeezed inside a vice. Then, you'll go pop."
"You're not making this sound very fun."
"After that, you're going to feel extremely tired like I said."
"Still not fun."
"Then, when you wake up, you'll be able to cast a spell!"
"Okay, you've hooked me." She took a deep breath. "Just select it?"
"That's right."
"Okay… Eep!" This as her body went rigid.
I knew how she was feeling. I'd seen it hundreds of times. Extreme pressure pushing at her from all directions. Extreme and claustrophobic.
She let out a strangled moan as I gently stroked her hair.
"You can do it," I told her, my fingers combing through her soft hair. "Just relax, Tippy."
"F-F-F…"
"I know…"
"Ca-ca-call me…"
"Tippy?"
"F-F-Finch! Call m-me…"
I smiled, knowing what she wanted. I put my arms around her and kissed her neck. "You can do this, Tippy Finch. My sweet little Tippy Finch. You can do it."
She shivered and I felt her body stiffen suddenly.
Then she let out a little mew before the book slid out of her hands and she collapsed into my arms. I held my floppy little Neko for a few minutes, rocking her back and forth.
Not that she would know.
She was as unconscious as she could get.
But I knew that, somewhere in her soul, she'd feel me there. At least, that's the excuse I used to cuddle her.
After a while, I reached for her book and opened it. Sure enough, on the first page was a rune. Mage runes looked like a mix between a circuit diagram and an occult symbol. It seemed to vibrate with power.
"You did it," I told her. "You've researched your first spell and turned your book into a proper spellbook! Nice work."
I couldn't wait for her to try casting it. Of course, she'd need a wand, first. Hopefully Licorice and Shadowclaw could help with that.
I carried Tippy to one of the beds and lay her down. As I covered her with a blanket, she let out a long groan.
"Bexley," her little voice called weakly.
"It's alright," I told her. "Get some sleep. You'll feel better when you wake. I promise."
"Bexley…"
I stroked her hair. "I know. It was really hard."
"No… No, that's… not…" She curled up, her little hand pawing at my hip. "I'm… not… I'm not Susan… am I? Susan is gone. I wasn't… I wasn't really… her. Was I?"
I pulled the blankets up to her chin and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
"Who do you think you are?"
"I'm…" She let me go. "Tippy."
"That's right." I patted the blankets over her shoulder. My head was beginning to feel like it was in a vice, too. "And nothing else matters. Get some rest, Tippy Finch."
"Y-yes… Master."
I left her to sleep, knowing she'd be fine in a day or two.
Sitting alone in the living room again, I considered her words. Nekos had often asked such questions early in their life. Some struggled with it more than others.
A quiet voice in the back of my mind told me I was evil. That everything I did was worse than what the demons had done. Perhaps, it said, I was a demon.
Worse.
Worse than a demon.
If Tippy was not Susan, what had happened to Susan?
What had happened to the woman Shadowpaw had been?
Were they gone? Had their selves been dissipated into the ether? Or did they still carry them deep inside, contained within a cell created by the System?
This wasn't the first time I'd let my thoughts spiral like this.
My head hurt.
I reached for the coke and aspirin. Dropping a few tablets into my mouth, I swallowed them fizzing into my belly.
Was I Bexley? How many times had I teleported? Or when I levelled up and I was unmade and remade? Was I still me?
Had I ever been Bexley?
How could I be sure?
The System crawled through my consciousness. I knew that much. I'd gained achievements just for thinking something. It was in my skull. In my brain. In my soul. It knew every little thing about me.
It only stood to reason that it knew everything about them, too. It knew my Nekos.
"I am what I am," I whispered, finding comfort in the familiar words. "The Nekomancer."
Susan's words echoed in my head one more time.
I'm not Susan… am I?
My cheek felt warm and I touched it to find a tear. Warm and salty. Where had that come from? I didn't feel sad. My eyes suddenly blurred and I scrubbed at the wetness in confusion.
I wished the System had an emotional status indicator so it could tell me what I was feeling.
Still. What it lacked in emotional support, it made up for in achievements. I felt the familiar warm bell as a notification hit me.
Achievement Granted!
Achievement: Master's Remorse
Achievement Bonuses: Congratulations, you touched the Concept of Equivalence. Gain The Velvet Leash Title. Additionally, memories with potential to increase subversive thoughts have a higher chance of being sanitized.
I read that one twice. Did it apply to the Nekos? Or to me? Or to both?
Had I seen this before? I'm sure I had. A cold chill came over me as I tried to remember when I'd seen it before.
Was it in Neyteria? In the beginning. When Jade was…
The notification flickered and disappeared and a blast of static made me wince.
What?
I lifted the coke and took a sip. I can't tell you how much I missed coke while I was in Neyteria. I'd tried so many drinks in my time over there, but never anything quite like coke.
Staring out the window at the blue sky soaring over the hills, I took another sip.
It was a beautiful day.
Really.
It was.