Jay's PoV
Keifer's eyes flicked to mine, but looked away. His lips parted but no words came out. Silence streched between us, taut like a thread about to snap.
He swallowed hatd, his jaw tightening "From….from the first time I lost you" he said voice cracking "when you woke up and didn't recognise me. Jay—I thought it was a punishment. Like the universe was telling me that your not meant…we're not meant. That I'd fail you...again" the last word was barely above a whisper.
My chest tightened p. I wanted to stay angry, but his words were raw, bleeding into the air between us.
"That's not love, keifer" I finally maneged to whisper
He shifted "I know. But I was scared." He took a deep breath "from the silence. From the nights I woke up reaching for you and found nothing. From that look on your eyes" he closed his eyes "from the ache of being forgotten by the only person who saw me" he said voice cracking as he sunk into the ground
I didn't realise I was crying until a tear rolled down my cheek, I didn't wipe it away
"You think I didn't feel the same" I asked voice softer now "when I woke up surrounded by the people I should have known. And didn't recognise anyone. I felt like dying and you know what's worse. None of them felt like home. Not even you" I crouched beside him
"I wasn't trying to control you" he whispered "I thought that maybe if I hid the truth I could protect you…..from the pain" he let out a sigh "or maybe I was trying to keep myself from shattering again"
I looked at him — really looked. He wasn't like the keifer I knew, who had carefully mapped the truth, who had every answer. Except this.
And it broke me to know that the person I trusted blindly broke my trust, to know that— that he faked it. The truth
"I wish you'd told me" i closed my eyes "even if it hurt. Even if I'd break. Because I would rather break with you….than have you carry it alone"
A long silence streched between us. Only tiny whispers of sniffles audible. Crying. Hurting. Breaking all over again.
He finally reached out, hesitant, and held my hand. I didn't pull away.
"Do you think" he started, oice breaking "that there is anything left of us to save"
"I don't know. But I wanna try"
He let out a shaky breath, his hands barely touching mine. Like he held on too tightly I'd disappear again.
"I—I don't know how to fix this" he said "I've played every version of this conversation in my head and none of it sounds like this"
"I know" I gave him a small sad smile "that's because love doesn't follow a script. It"s messy. It hurts. And sometimes it heals. But only if we let it."
He looked at me as if he was trying to memorise this version of me. Chosing to stay even I could've walked away. Because I knew that if I walked away again I would break into the tiniest piece that can ever exist
[end of chapter 11]
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