"A whole month left until we enter the Gate of Corruption, huh."
Elena sighed beside me, worrying about the near future.
She had become more beautiful over the past months but her high still 170cm she tied her hair back in a ponytail that revealed her neck completely.
As for me, my body grew stronger and I gained more muscle; my height became 180 cm, my facial features sharpened, and I had my hair cut — well Elena did it for me; it turned out she knows how to cut hair.
We were sitting in the academy's small garden after today's training ended.
"Yes, it was a very hard few months," I said, remembering what had happened during those months.
In short: Silas gives us theoretical lessons and then beats us hard. We did develop, yes, but he hit us harder each time — especially the three of us. We improved greatly and I became capable in physical combat. As for manipulating the Shards—
"I failed. I didn't truly develop. I don't know why, but I couldn't understand the Darkness Shard. I feel as if there's a barrier between us," I thought with deep disappointment and regret.
"My relationship with Sora has improved and we became friends, but he kept his distance from Elena, maybe because of their backgrounds — noble families don't like each other much. As for Elena and me…" I turned my face and looked at her; she was staring ahead, lost in her own thoughts.
"It was hard. Many embarrassing situations happened because she lost control of herself. It got worse day by day. She asked me to pat her head, then hugged me, and sometimes she would sleep with her head resting on my shoulder or in my lap. It was extremely embarrassing. I wonder how no one noticed."
I felt embarrassed remembering all the awkward moments Elena had done in the past months.
"In fact, she's here because she wants to spend time with me. Why does it seem like she doesn't mind those unknown feelings? Am I the only one fighting them with all my might?"
"Nox, I want to tell you something."
Elena said with a resolute expression on her face that made me become serious immediately.
'This is the first time I see her with that look; the matter must be serious,' I thought while waiting for Elena to speak.
"Nox, may you noticed that but it's hard for me to control my feelings. I don't know how you resist them. Is it because of your previous lifestyle? Maybe because you're a cold, detached person mentally, able to control yourself. But I…" Elena stopped; I saw her lips tremble with nervousness as she spoke again, gripping her hands.
"I'm not used to this. I've lived my life openly about my feelings: I smile when I'm happy and cry when I'm sad. You might think I'm not trying seriously given my actions and all the embarrassing things I did, but this is my way of resisting these feelings that filled my mind and were driving me crazy." She paused to think of her next words.
"I tried everything. I read books about self-control; I tried to find an artifact to calm my emotions, but all failed. Worse, I felt disgusted with myself for trying to stop these feelings."
She put her hand on her heart and bent over in sorrow.
"Nox, I started to wonder— is it wrong to accept those feelings? True, they appeared suddenly, but I have been with you for four months. I have seen the kindness you hide behind your cold behavior. I know you care about others. I…"
She raised her head, staring into my dark eyes, tears gathering around them.
"I've started to feel that I like you. No — I've started to love you, Nox. But these feelings are very painful. I don't know if they're my true feelings or if I was corrupted. I don't know what to do, Nox. Tell me, is it wrong to confess that I love you?"
The words came out with difficulty as she tried to hold back her tears. She looked at me like a desperate person asking to be guided to the right path.
I was frozen, staring into her eyes, not knowing what to do. I did not expect Elena to say all that.
'She's suffering a lot. Her small body trembles violently. But what should I do? How am I supposed to respond to her confession? I can't accept it. I refuse this. I'm afraid my agreeing would be because of strange feelings affecting my decision. I don't want to lose myself. Who knows what would happen if I gave in to those feelings? But…'
I took a deep breath as my tension increased.
'But what if my refusal is out of stubbornness? What if I love her too but can't realize it? No — what if I reject it thinking those are strange feelings as well? In that case, I don't know what to do.'
My thoughts were in chaos and emotions conflicted inside me. After some time I finally opened my mouth.
"Elena,"
I called her name calmly.
"I don't know how to answer you. I don't know the truth of my feelings, so I can't give you an answer. But…"
I paused, hesitating to continue.
"But what, Nox? Please tell me," Elena begged, looking at me as if I were her salvation.
"Elena, do you remember how you felt when I told you we should stop seeing each other? Do you remember that feeling?" I said, waiting for her to speak.
"Yes, I felt an unparalleled sadness, but what does that have to do with what you're saying?" she asked, puzzled.
"I thought, what if we use that thing to influence our feelings? Think with me: it affects us because it wants us to be together. So what if we exploit it and make it stop influencing us?"
"How?"
Elena became serious, waiting for my explanation.
"It's simple. we'll spend the next month and our time in the Abyssal World with no influence from those feelings — and I mean any influence, even the smallest. If we see that we love each other, I will gladly date you. If we don't love each other, we'll just be friends. But!"
I became serious and continued in a firm tone.
"But if those feelings try to influence us in any way, we will cut off our relationship completely. We will return to being strangers who don't know each other. This will put those feelings before three options."
I raised three fingers and continued my explanation.
"Option one: Trying to influence us will lead to severing our ties — something those feelings definitely don't want.
Option two: They don't interfere, but we decide to stay friends only. Those feelings would be dormant because staying in contact is better than cutting ties completely.
Option three: They don't interfere and we fall in love with each other through our own feelings. This is the outcome those feelings want, so they will bet on this option. Also, we won't mind accepting those feelings if we truly come to love each other. So what do you think?"
I lowered my hand and waited for Elena's choice.
"Nox, this— this is a brilliant plan. I agree to it."
Elena shouted with obvious joy, replacing her sad face with a big smile as she swayed happily.
'I'm sorry, Elena, but if the worst happens and those feelings try to influence me, I won't just cut my ties with you — I will kill you for fear that these feelings will control me. I will solve the problem when it happens.'
I thought harshly; the thought made those feelings tremble violently and fearfully. For the first time since I met Elena, those feelings receded and shrank as if saying they would not interfere anymore, so please do not hurt her.
I looked at Elena, who sighed in relief as if a burden of years of exhaustion had been lifted from her.
'Let's hope this doesn't happen. I don't want to kill my first friend.'
I thought, hoping the coming future would bring good news.
"Elena, it seems it worked on my side — the feelings shrank. How about you?" I spoke after a short while, trying to check her feelings.
Elena smiled and spoke quickly.
"I feel good , Nox. Those feelings disappeared strangely fast, as if they were afraid of something."
'Hmm, could it be they realized I would kill Elena if they interfered again?' I thought about the possibility of feelings communicating among themselves.
"That's good news anyway. Elena, we must make sure we enter the same Gate of Corruption. Can I leave that to you?"
"Don't worry, I can convince my grandfather of this. In fact, I planned this for a while. I wanted to include Sora too, but our family didn't want two members of the noble families to enter the same Gate. True, the chance of success would be higher, but they fear Betraying one of us and killing the other
Elena explained her readiness from the start and mentioned the noble families' concerns.
'Okay, I understand their fear, though it's shameful, but I don't really care,' I thought inwardly, then stood up.
"Then I think we both have things to do," I said, looking at Elena who also stood after hearing me.
"Yes, see you later."
She said as she ran lightly ahead, probably to her grandfather.
'Oh, it seems she no longer needs a farewell hug — that's convenient.'
I smiled as I watched her figure fade down the corridors.
'Oh, I seem a little sad — it's strange to feel my true emotions, but it's not bad.'
I shook my head and walked in the opposite direction.
"Maybe I like her a little. Yes, just a little," I murmured with a smile and continued walking.
My smile faded and was replaced by a serious, cold expression — the look of someone who decided to do something extremely dangerous.
'To ensure those feelings don't try anything stupid, I'll ask Silas to bind my soul. I'll restrain myself and force her to kill Elena if those feelings manipulate us.'
I thought, and the intention to kill filled my mind.
The feelings trembled and screamed inside me, shaking in unprecedented terror, yet they didn't dare move even a little — which showed that Nox was serious in every word he said.
....