It hurt too much.
The lie about the contract, the truth about Xie Xue, the deception Xie Qingcheng had created, the way he fled without so much as a backward glance…
It was as if He Yu had lived the past nineteen years in a dream. He'd thought that he had disguised himself very well and tricked everyone, but in reality, he was the wretched lunatic who had been deceived.
He Yu clutched his head and howled grievously, like a trapped, blood-soaked beast that had fallen into a snare. The voice that came out of his throat was so hoarse and wrecked that it didn't even sound human. In his eyes, vacant confusion was mixed with frantic madness. He sat in his corner, curled up, hugging himself as though he was afraid of the cold.
What articles of faith?
All lies!
What warmth?
An illusion!
He was a madman; a delusional invalid; an ugly, laughable, absurd, comical idiot who had exposed his scars to everyone without even realizing it!
He seemed extremely pitiful, like a fetus that was about to die within its mother's body—isolated from the outside world, his umbilical cord cut, unable to breathe, sinking into an endlessly oppressive suffocation. He could only cry out from underwater, but no one ashore could hear him.
He could only hold tightly onto himself. The only warmth he could feel came from him alone… It had all been his own sad attempts to comfort himself.
He Yu clawed at his hair, then froze in place for a stretch of time. His eyes grew redder and redder as his sense of self grew dimmer and dimmer. Finally, he stopped wailing and sat up calmly, his body unfurling as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.
Then, he stood up.
His eyes were drawn to the display cabinet—reflected inside was his unbearably wretched silhouette.
So frighteningly unfamiliar.
The suppressed darkness and violence in his bones abruptly burst out as he grabbed a metal ornament from the side and smashed it into the cabinet with a loud bang. It was as if he had gone insane!
The evil dragon had been unleashed from its shackles. The devil inside him emerged from the cave and soared into the sky, summoning a vengeful rainstorm as it roared and bellowed. He Yu was completely swallowed by madness, howling as he smashed practically everything in the house, ripping open his wound even further in the process. The sickly stench of blood filled the air, but he didn't care at all.
He tore down the curtains and smashed the television, laying waste to every single thing within reach.
Surely, some offerings ought to be made to commemorate the death of his inner self.
He didn't know how long this crazed venting went on for, but regardless of how good the soundproofing was in his building, his neighbor downstairs couldn't take it any longer and ran up to knock on his door. He Yu abruptly opened it. His hand, holding a length of steel pipe that he had wrenched from the window, was still dripping blood. The room behind him was in shambles.
He Yu stared at the neighbor with a pair of bloodshot eyes. "Can I help you?"
The neighbor was so terrified he nearly pissed himself as his legs gave out, but He Yu grabbed him by the collar and pulled him upright. A heavy metallic stench flooded the neighbor's nose as He Yu's blood stained his luxurious silk nightgown.
He Yu asked menacingly again, "Can I help you?"
"No, no, no!" The neighbor hadn't expected to be faced with such a bloody and violent spectacle. The pale young man with the handsome face standing inside the apartment had an aura so evil he seemed like one of those crazy vengeful spirits on TV. The neighbor didn't dare say anything more. With his jowls trembling and thighs quaking, he clasped his hands together in a placating manner. "Ge, da-ge! Do whatever you like, whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you happy."
He Yu shoved him away and closed the door with a bang.
Stumbling, the neighbor practically crawled his way back into the elevator. Even before reaching his own door, he had already begun wailing in a trembling voice, "Wifey—wifey, save me…"
He Yu's rampage had been interrupted by this person's arrival.
Panting, he turned his head and looked around. How did this place look at all like a home? It was clearly the site of a chaotic battle.
After surveying the room with his bloodshot eyes, He Yu concluded that there was indeed nothing left for him to smash. He tossed the steel pipe aside, stepped over the ruins, and walked into the bathroom.
He looked at his ashen face in the cracked mirror. His reflection was fractured, just like the many different faces he showed to society.
He Yu stilled and allowed his breathing to return to a steady pace as his lips slowly stopped trembling…
His grief and madness had passed. Now the only thing he had left was serenity—a terrifying serenity. He had finished violently venting his feelings, and his entire lair was destroyed. What should he do next?
He still had to go outside. By now he had reached a point where he didn't even care whether he was normal or not—he wanted to reveal this abnormal appearance of his, to unfurl his craggy wings and fly out of his dark cave to roar at those so-called normal people.
The young man in the mirror slowly looked up. A hand dripping with blood stroked his cheek, then slowly clawed at it. A faint smile appeared at the corners of his mouth—it seemed gentlemanly and refined, but was, in reality, more unfeeling than it had ever been.
Meanwhile, far off in Huzhou Medical's faculty dorm, Xie Qingcheng's eyelid twitched a few times as a vague sense of unease settled over him.
He and Chen Man had finished eating dinner, and once he'd helped clean up the table, Chen Man prepared to head home.
Before leaving, Chen Man said, "Ge, I'll drop by again tomorrow night. Um…"
"Hm?"
"Don't go online for the next few days," he said softly. "It's not worth it."
Xie Qingcheng knew he was talking about the internet's reaction to the videos that had been displayed on the broadcasting tower, but Chen Man was overthinking it. Xie Qingcheng wasn't the kind of person who paid much attention to online news in the first place, especially when his real life was already such a mess.
But he assented. After seeing Chen Man off, he went downstairs to buy another pack of cigarettes. He called Xie Xue as he smoked.
Xie Xue's condition wasn't much better, but she was a bit more comfortable since Auntie Li was staying with her. As the siblings talked, Xie Qingcheng suddenly received another call. He said a few more words to
Xie Xue, then hung up.
The call was from Zheng Jingfeng.
"Hello, Lao-Zheng."
"Xiao-Xie, a member of our unit just saw the kid who was with you at the archives."
Xie Qingcheng's chest tightened. "He's been discharged from the hospital?"
Zheng Jingfeng grunted in affirmation, but this was obviously not what he wanted to talk about. "Yeah. Oh, right, how old is that kid? Eighteen? Nineteen? I've forgotten…"
Xie Qingcheng paused for a moment before replying, "Why do you ask?"
"Do you think I want to? Weren't you the one who told me to let you know if anything happened?"
Xie Qingcheng's knuckles turned white. "What happened to him?"
"It's not really a big deal. Ah, I've realized that there really is a gap between the bourgeoisie and us proles. Fuck, at eighteen or nineteen, I was still spending all my time in training. Anyway, my guess is that even though that little friend of yours was discharged from the hospital, he's still in a lousy mood—he drove a fancy car to the Skynight Club… Oh, look, there are even messages about it in our work group chat. Apparently, he drove the sports car like a rocket, and they only finally managed to pull him over in front of the club. He cooperated, but his attitude was so fucking vile. When he got out of the car, he slammed the door and told them to just tow his car and fuck off to save him the trouble of finding a driver."
Xie Qingcheng had no response to that.
"And you're familiar with the Skynight Club, right? It's not a decent place at all—you can't say it's illegal, since it conducts its business properly and doesn't cross the line, but everyone knows how shady things can get at nighttime entertainment establishments…"
Xie Qingcheng took a deep breath, and He Yu's gentle, thoughtful visage seemed to appear before him once more. Regardless of whether that appearance of his was feigned, it still transformed into the cold, bloodstained face that had turned to look back at him in front of the broadcasting tower.
"I see." Xie Qingcheng pressed a hand to his forehead as he leaned against the window. "Thank you, Lao-Zheng."
"All right, then. You should listen to me more in the future and stop obsessing over your parents' case. You need to let your heart breathe. I can't bear seeing you like this."
"Okay."
After hanging up, Xie Qingcheng put on his jacket and headed over to the Skynight Club.
He thought of a younger He Yu standing in front of the sofa, unwilling to sacrifice his self-respect but also reluctant to see him leave; the sorrowful, stubborn boy who had forced himself to act as though nothing was wrong as he looked at Xie Qingcheng.
"Xie Qingcheng, I have a lot of allowance. I can…"
I can hire you.
I don't want to sink into this maelstrom. Please save me…save me, okay…?
He never saw the words He Yu couldn't say, the cries for help he couldn't utter. He Yu's own self-respect allowed him to preserve the last shred of dignity he had in front of Xie Qingcheng, but he missed his last chance to ask for help.
That year, Xie Qingcheng left He Yu. But when they met again, He Yu didn't seem to resent him all that much. And in Xie Qingcheng's time of greatest need, it was this child who had gone with him into the perilous lair of a beast—and nearly paid for it with his life.
When He Yu reached his hand out to Xie Qingcheng, he said that someone had once done the same thing for him. But Xie Qingcheng had done that because of his position, because of his job, because he had been performing his duties as expected of his station.
So then, why did this child do it?
Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes.
Zheng Jingfeng's words echoed in his ears. He said that He Yu had gone to patronize the Skynight Club, that He Yu had a vile attitude…
Xie Qingcheng knew that He Yu had never acted like that in the past.
For the sake of acknowledgment, for the sake of others' gazes, for the sake of reintegrating into society, and for the sake of stubbornly resisting his illness, He Yu never yielded to his desires; he never drank from Mephistopheles's poisoned wine. He refused to sink into depravity, refused to admit defeat; he lived by working ten times, a hundred times, harder than ordinary people, striving for perfection in everything that he did. He was too afraid of disappointing others.
As a patient, he tried to rely on his own efforts so that others wouldn't give up on him, so that they wouldn't equate him with the deceased cases of #1, #2, and #3.
He had been doing his utmost to cry for help the entire time.
That was why he was so afraid of making mistakes, afraid that he wasn't outstanding enough, afraid that others would be disappointed in him.
But in the end, he had still been abandoned.
"Xie Qingcheng, you might not be mentally ill, but you're even more heartless than me."
The words contained a restrained mockery, but that mockery had carried a heartfelt plea. And although Xie Qingcheng had heard those words, he'd failed to hear the boy's hidden imploring as he wept tears of blood.
Xie Qingcheng knew.
In all of that, he had truly let He Yu down.
That child used to trust him so much. Even though he'd never been particularly kind to him, always dealing with him in a strictly businesslike manner, it was already an instance of sincere and equal treatment that was difficult to come by for He Yu.
He Yu hadn't been wrong when he'd cursed at him. Xie Qingcheng was the heartless one, the one who had gotten everything wrong and failed to do anything right.
The club manager of the Skynight Club was a clever old man. His suit was crisply ironed, his face was overdone, and his personality was as slick as a rat that had scuttled out of a puddle of grease.
"Aiyo, Young Master He," he groveled. "A rare guest, a rare guest…"
He'd overheard everything that had happened just now between He Yu and the traffic officers. Although He Yu didn't come to Skynight very often, he was still considered part of the clientele. In the past, when he needed to network on behalf of his family, he'd brought clients here to relax. He usually only ever stayed for a brief while. He would chat for a spell with the people he brought over in that gentle, refined way of his, stoking the atmosphere, then he would head downstairs and sign the check, telling the manager to put the balance on his card before leaving.
But today, things were different.
The manager's eyes gleamed as he noted that Young Master He had come alone today. The entire city had heard about what had happened at Huzhou University by now. Given He Yu's leading role in that fiasco, the manager thought it completely normal that he would feel unsettled or behave erratically. He supposed that getting shot had made this young man reconsider his life and that he must have come to the conclusion that his days should be filled with more excitement. Thus, after finally seeing the light, he had come here to search for the true meaning of life, just like the other young masters of his generation.
To the manager, He Yu was a walking black Amex. He rushed forward and welcomed him with a smile. Even if Young Master He said that he wanted the manager's mom to come sit and talk with him, the manager likely wouldn't have hesitated to make a fucking long-distance phone call and buy her a ticket for the earliest flight in.
"Young Master He, which floor will it be for you tonight? I'll arrange the best service for you right away…"
He Yu had only done the bare minimum to patch up the gunshot wound on his arm before heading out. He was still wearing a simple, long sleeved black turtleneck shirt with a pair of jeans. He'd even put on a baseball cap that gave him a student-like aura. But from beneath the shadow cast by the brim of his cap, one could see that his almond eyes were enshrouded by an uncommon darkness.
When He Yu lifted his head, the extravagant, dazzling lights of the Skynight Club shone in his overcast eyes.
"The top floor," he said.
This level consisted of a number of large private rooms. The waitstaff of these rooms were exceedingly secretive and had been personally trained by the owner, each one cleverer than the next. It was a place that was perfect for discussing all manners of business.
Of course, the price was likewise sky-high.
The eldest scion of the He family was really something else, the manager thought; he hadn't even bothered to dress up properly and yet he was demanding access to the top floor. He was lucky that he ran into the manager himself today. If he'd been dealing with one of his slow-witted underlings instead, with this incredibly casual student getup he was wearing, Young Master He likely would have found himself denied entry.
The manager thanked his lucky stars that he had been able to avoid such a scene of carnage. Given He Yu's unusual appearance and attitude today, this young man might actually end up tearing the place up if he was angered.
"Lead the way," He Yu said mildly as he stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
The manager hastily bowed and said with a smile, "Yes, yes, come this way, Young Master He."