I shut the door behind me with a quiet click, but it did nothing to silence the storm raging in my chest.
The way Ellie's eyes lingered in my mind, and her words that were almost soft but sharp is enough to cut through my defences.
"I don't mind complicated," she said.
But to my defences, I don't think she understand what she was saying. She wouldn't know how much it takes for me to stop myself from crossing the line again.
I stalked down the corridor, forcing my steps to remain steady and purposeful. The house staff nodded as I passed, and no one, I mean no one is daring enough to look at me closely, but I could feel their curiosity was like a weight on my back.
It wasn't them I feared. It was myself.
Ellie Everett had always been a familiar presence since my childhood days, she is always there trailing behind Sophia with a laughter in her eyes and innocence in her smile. Back during that time she had been safe and untouchable in her simplicity.
But now, she is no longer the weak girl that I need to keep saving. She is becoming a woman now. A strong woman who is daring enough to look at me with no fear, while everyone else would trembled at the sights of me.
I pressed my hand to the bannister, gripping hard enough for that polished wood to bit into my palm.
It's not what it looks like.
That is what I had told her. A lie, a plain and simple lie.
How can this be a lie when it was exactly what it looked like. Even my mother could sense it, I can still hear Jamie teased, and even Charlie's silence spoke of it.
But no one understands that admitting to this would mean dragging Ellie into a life she that didn't deserve.
Our family name came with a huge shadows. Deals were made in smoke-filled rooms, debts was collected with a quiet menace. I had inherited not only the business but the stains of it, the blood in my hand that could never be washed of clean.
While Ellie's world was untouched by all of that. Her life was defined by light and what right did I have to want someone like her?
I reached my study, closing the door firmly behind me, letting the silence swallow me whole. My reflection in the glass of the window looked every bit the man my father had raised me to be.
Controlled, unyielding, and untouchable.
But mother's words echoed still echoingin my ears, "You're only this protective when it comes to Ellie."
Protective.
That much is something I couldn't deny. The thought of her being dragged into the darker part of my world had tightened something deep in my chest.
So I have decided that I would protect her with the only way I knew how. By keeping her at arm's length, even if it meant lying to her face.
Even if it meant lying to me, myself.
-
It was a few moments after I'm left alone in this room, when I heard a loud scream of my name and a thud.
"Ellieeee...., is that you? How do you know I miss you?" Sophia hugged me tightly. It's Sophia, that one presence I miss so much. Now she is back, I can retreat back to be her little shadows once again.
-
In the study, a soft knock came at the door, and there was Charlie's voice carried through the door, calm but firm.
"Brother. We need to talk, and it's about Ellie."