The day after my first match, coach Martinez called me to his office in the evening.
"Hello Kaká. How are you feeling today?"
"I feel fine coach" was my dry response. My smile didn't reach my eyes and he noticed it immediately.
He didn't say anything about it immediately. He tried to make small talk.
"Did you celebrate yesterday? I heard that your little brother demands Italian food every time you do something big"
This time I did smile genuinely,
"Yeah! He loves Italian food. And he waits for those chances to eat out"
"You didn't answer, did you celebrate?"
"Celebrate what coach? I knew that I was going to dominate in these matches. It wasn't that big of a deal, first contract and first matches are fun to celebrate. But, this was just like any other day"
As soon as I said it, I realised that I am not being myself. I didn't even know where this was coming from. Who am I? Why am I talking like a spoiled brat? Is this the 15 year old kid's behaviour that is spilling out? Or is it the system?
"So, do you not think that it is big that you had your chance at U17?" he said calmly. There was no ice in his tone.
So, I answered honestly "I mean, it is, if I were any other kid. But, I know that I could get on the field and do what I did. So, it kind of takes away the thrill you know."
I knew it. I am being a moody teen. An overconfident, moody, emotional teen. Great! Just great. I need to get a grip on it later on.
"Hmmm. Let us have this conversation properly then. Let me tell you what we see as coaches and as parents. I spoke to your father as well at length and he agrees as well. Listen to what I have to say"
I just nodded to let him go on.
"Not one person who has seen you play in the past 3 months believes that you are not talented. That is evident for everyone to see. Ever since your growth spurt, your speed, dribbling, power behind passes and the strength in general are off the charts for someone your age.
And that's where our problem comes in. 6-7months ago, you were talented, but not this good according to coach Joao. He has seen you since you were 8. So, I think I am safe to say that he knows how you play.
You've grown too quickly. We haven't seen anything like this before. Such a burst of natural ability. So, we have been consciously managing everything. We have kept you in observation for the lack of a better term. We have been observing you, how you play, how you're progressing, how the increased workload is affecting you etc.
From a purely footballing perspective, not one person has any doubt about you.
Our worry comes from the fact that you're still growing. We want to let you grow into your body first. There are 4 people, with medical degrees, watching your training regimen. Everybody agrees, let the boy grow first, then we mould him."
He let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, and continued.
"I have been doing this for more than 20 years, Kaká. Football is everything to me. There is a great reward in training young talent. To watch them become stars. I could have gone into higher positions, I am not at U17 because I am not good at my job, contrary to that I am here because I want to be here."
"I have seen incredible talents come through these halls, and in some of those cases they went on to achieve great things. But, with experience, comes caution as well. I have seen personally, kids picking up injuries that ended their careers.
A 15 year old is not ready for the training regimen of a professional footballer. Your body is not yet ready. Your hamstrings, your ligaments, even your bones, they haven't settled yet. And if any of them gets damaged, without them having fully developed, it is unsalvageable. There is no coming back from that even with the advancement in medicine and even if you end up spending money.
Your talent deserves first team football. Agreed. But, I keep repeating this. We do not want to damage you. We want to protect you. That includes managing your play time. Managing your work load. If you were just a good talent, people might have taken the risk. But, seeing what we have seen, you could be a superstar. You have all the right tools for it."
"During our talks, you came off as a matured kid. I was surprised many times by how well your thoughts were formed, how eloquent you were, how clear cut your ideas were, how advanced your goals were, but I guess I forgot that you're still 15 and impatience is a trait that's going to hit you."
"Before you go on the defensive, and start thinking about how it isn't impatience but that it is justified, think about the repercussions. Say we promote you to the senior squad. What then? First, your school schedule will need to be changed. Why? Because the training demands are different for first team football. Your stamina is not tested yet. Playing a 40minute game or an 80minute game is different to playing 30-40 games a season. And I am putting that number mildly. Because knowing you, you would want to participate in all 53-55 matches a season in every competition and play 90minutes each game."
"I do not want to treat you like a kid, so I am asking you the question, do you think that your body is ready for that stress? Would you have said that 3months ago, that you were ready to play first team football? When you were still 5ft7 and weighing 55kg? Yes, now you're close to 5ft10 and weigh a good 70kg, but you're still growing. Your movement is not yet finalised. Your power and pace are not yet finalised. I think you will still grow more, adding on pace and your balance would be affected with your height increasing.
We do not want you to fail big. We want you to fail small, under our care, and we fix the issues as they pop up. We are not talking about holding you hostage here. For now, we want to see you settle down here at U17 level for one year. One full season, irrespective of how dominant you are at this level, we shall wait till your growth stabilises. And then we push you slowly."
"As I said, I spoke to your father as well, and he agrees 100% with this approach. You spend the remainder of the season at U17, starting some matches, coming on as a sub in other matches, and we monitor you. Your reaction times, your stamina, your pace, your movement, we log everything. And I am telling you that next season, in the year 1998, you shall be a regular starter."
"And once we are sure that your body could take it, we promote you to the senior squad. And they will handle you from there"
"Think about it, use that mature brain of yours and genuinely think about what you want and what you need right now."
"The way you acted yesterday, after scoring goals, the seriousness on your face, I didn't like that. Till now, every day, I saw excitement and joy. Yesterday, you played like you had a point to prove and you went into that mode. You didn't celebrate anything with the team, you didn't celebrate with your family. And for what? Do you think that if we see you score 4 or 5 goals, we will immediately throw you to the wolves at senior level?"
"I have said this to you before when we agreed on the deal, players are my first priority. Their development is. Everything else comes second."
"The state of mind from yesterday, everybody felt it Kaká. It may have helped you push yourself more than usual and score and assist more, but it is not good in the long run. Play with joy. Put in the effort. And with your talent, you will be the best player on the planet. But, if you want to go for the Sun before you're even 18, you're going to burn yourself out in the pursuit. It could be through an injury. It could be because you lose the love for the game, it could be because you push your team away, there are many things that could go wrong. It wouldn't be worth it. I want you to do it the right way. One step at a time."
That was a difficult few minutes for me. To have everything laid down and for him to explain everything clearly. I may not outright say it right now, but I appreciate him taking the time to talk me through it.
I was impatient. I did snap. I know that everything he spoke about was right. But I was being emotional and I wanted an improvement.
For all the great successful stories like Pele, Kluivert, Cruyff, Mbappe, Messi, Fabregas, Rooney, Yamal and many others, we have some cautionary tales as well. Owen comes to my mind first.
Take Ronaldo for example. He is a teenage prodigy. But he played so much football so soon, and because of bad management he picked up many injuries. And those injuries ended the career of the greatest striker ever.
His point about me playing angry stuck with me though. I realised that I didn't gain anything from it.
I should have celebrated yesterday, I should have been happy with the progress, I didn't even celebrate much with my family afterwards, and for the coach to bring it up means that he must have heard from my father about this.
I should clear it up with my family. I didn't know where this impatience suddenly came from. I mean, what am I realistically hoping to achieve? I didn't want to burn out. I didn't want to pick up an injury because I pushed too hard too soon.
I am not at a club that is competing in the UCL or of international repute. I am in Sao Paulo, which has a moderately decent team. Nothing spectacular. I am not going to achieve great things here alone. What am I pushing for?
I had my goals which I was happy with. Play the U17 world cup, play the Olympics, and be a starter for Sao Paulo by 1999. Why am I rushing it suddenly? It is still 1997. I am still 15.
Is it because of the system? Having quantifiable stats messing with my mind to aim higher and to take steps like this?
I was so lost in thought that I didn't realise that I was mid conversation with the coach.
He gently called my name a couple of times, to catch my attention again.
"Sorry coach. I was lost in thought."
"I can see that Kaká. Go home today, spend some time with your family, and come back fresh tomorrow."
"I understand coach. Thank you for taking the time to do this. I appreciate it."
He just nodded and that was the end of that.
I went home, had a similar conversation with my father. My mom just stayed silent throughout all of that, at the end, she just hugged me and just said
"Irrespective of what anyone says, you know what you want Kaká. We have decided long back to put your happiness and success forward. But, we also want to make sure that you stay healthy to achieve all of that. There is no point in rushing things now. Play football while enjoying it baby. Rewards come on the way. If you let it become a chore, you would end up losing something you loved."
I didn't need any more explanation about this issue.
I want to put it behind me.
Let me enjoy football now, and by 18, I could plot world domination. Also, these 2 years would allow me to perfect my skills to be at a very good level for Serie A standards. I am good now. But, good is never enough. I want more.
With that done, the next day I went to practice and people could see the change in me immediately.
A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Even though it was just one match, they saw the way I moved and played. They knew something was off. And today, I was back to normal.
I passed the ball around freely, tried to play fun football, and tried to learn tricks after practice.
Coach Martinez didn't need to say anything else. He was happy with what he had seen and I didn't need to go and speak to him. Instead of explaining things, I could just show him.
For the next three weeks, things were a blur.
We played 5 matches in 3 weeks. 3 in the U17 league and 2 in the youth cup.
I started from the bench in all 5 matches, but I ended up scoring 4 goals and assisted 5. Including the first match, that's 6 goals and 7 assists. In 6 games. With hardly 150 minutes of play time.
Those numbers are incredible.
But, I felt a difference. The U17 league wasn't as easy as I expected it to be. I couldn't break down the defense in one of the games, we ended up losing it 2-1. I assisted the goal, but overall, we were taken to the cleaners. It was Palmeiras U17.
They were all over me from the moment I came on, I was not given room to breathe and they read my passes perfectly. They were really well coached and it showed. They are an incredible team.
The more matches I played, the more I understood that at this level, football works differently . I mean, I am good. But, I am not a force of nature that's dominating. I wanted to know what was wrong.
In my mind, with my pace, dribbling and passing vision, I should be scoring loads and assisting more.
Then it hit me. I wasn't playing the full 90. What a simple thing to miss. That made me secure.
Once I start games, I am going to get a feel of how good I am compared to others. Stats on paper could be one thing, they don't mean that I have the end product or win everything.
Tomorrow we have a match on our home ground. After the practice, coach Martinez surprised me by announcing my name in the starting squad. I had no idea that it was coming. None of my teammates looked surprised though.
After playing 6 games, they all understood that I deserved it.
Oscar was the first to find me afterwards and congratulated me. He said that it would take for me to fuck it up monumentally to be dropped from the starting eleven now.
I just laughed and went home to rest.
Tomorrow, my first start at U17 level. A small smile crept up on my face.
I woke up early, feeling relaxed and refreshed. I didn't tell my family that I was starting. I wanted to surprise them on the ground. I was more relaxed at home these past few weeks and everyone appreciated it. I was more present, and I loved every little interaction.
I left early for some practice drills and team talk. My parents would join in later. All the families of the players were given a dedicated area, so it wouldn't be hard to spot them once they reach. I wanted to see their reaction when they first saw me in the starting eleven.
Today's match is a big one. It is the Majestic. It is the derby between Sao Paulo and Corinthians. Corinthians are one of, if not the most decorated team in Brazil. They're behind only Flamengo and Palmeiras. Even at the youth club level, the rivalry is intense. They have a bigger rivalry with Palmeiras, but we are not chopped liver.
We had a packed house today. This would be interesting. My first game in the starting lineup for the U17 team and it was a big one. This is huge and I couldn't stop smiling. What a day, what a lovely day!
Once the warm ups were done, players took to the field, and I cheekily winked and waved at my family as I was going in the middle.
Their eyes were as big as saucers and my father immediately pulled out the camera. He didn't record anything yet because he thought that I would come from the bench.
It was my first time playing when the house was full here and fans were loud from the beginning. Chants were going crazy. There were even some Corinthians fans in the corner and they were louder than they were expected to be.
I took it all in, let out a deep breath.
It's showtime!
Author's Notes:
This will be the last chapter addressing the whole situation of Kaká still at the youth level.
Thank you for your patience. I didn't want to drag it on too much, but I also didn't want to ignore it. I think I have made it clear that the coaches here wanted to protect him from injuries and wait for him to finish development before pushing him on to the big stage.
There will be some time skips in the coming chapters before the U17 national team call up and the U17 world cup. After that, it will be the senior debut.
MC will debut in 1999 when he is 17.
Let me know what you think.