Hanging from the slightly open door's interior side was an impressive laminated poster of a handsome looking fanged man who seemed to sparkle in the light. What made this poster different from the ones found in a normal girls room were the colorful assortment of quill pens sticking out of the impromptu dart board. With a casual glance back Luvia beheld the terrifying sight of a red faced Lorelei Barthomeloi who was panting as she glared at the sparkly vampire with a single minded hatred…
With a shriek Luvia pushed the two oblivious male magi out of the room and quickly slammed the door shut behind her. And just in time too.
Thump Thump Thump
Several new holes formed in the now vibrating door as an array of quill ends poked through from the force of their hypervelocity impacts.
"Huh" commented Shinji as he stared at the pointy ends sticking out of the door before turning to the drill haired girl with a thumbs up "good job."
"…You guys are all twisted in madness" said Luvia as a tranquility she did not know could exist washed over her after the near death experience.
"I know" said Shirou as he looked at the blonde with a slow blink "is there any specific reason you felt the need to repeat my aria? I'm pretty sure that it doesn't work like that."
"There is no word in any language to describe whatever it is you people do so I'm stealing your phrase" said Luvia reasonably "why are you all so very twisted in madness?"
"Hm" said Shirou Emiya as he considered her question "it was either that time when I was eight and watched hundreds of people slowly burn to death in hell fire or it was that time Fuji-nee took me to Disney Land."
"The sad thing is that both are equally likely" said Shinji with an understanding nod.
"Not many people can claim to have seen hell twice" said Shirou stiffly "…sometimes I can still hear Goofy's screams when I sleep at night."
And just like that the tranquil feeling was gone. Luvia found herself so very, very curious and yet so utterly terrified of what she might hear. Somebody really needed to make a survival guide on how to deal with these people because cold brutal magus logic just wasn't cutting it.
On the bright side it did not take them long to get back to Zelretch's office. On the down side it did not take them long to get back to Zelretch's office. She was starting to understand some of Shirou's previous concerns about the room. When did the room suddenly become a hunters lodge and where in the world did Zelretch manage to find half a dozen jackalopes of all things?
Those weren't supposed to be real.
"You actually survived?" asked Zelretch sounding as impressed as he was disappointed at their return "…of course you did, what was I thinking?"
"We couldn't have done it without Shinji here" said Shirou causing the ancient vampire to raise a single brow as he stared at the… seaweed "he did most of the work and even saved our lives. I'm afraid that my abilities as a barber would have stood no chance against her martial arts tea ceremony. It was a bad matchup."
"Yes" agreed Shinji nodding his head sagely with a smile at the praise directed towards him "lets go with that."
"I see" said Zelretch as he took the ornate box from his minions hands with a perplexed expression "and just how did he manage that?"
"Because… these… people" growled Luvia lowering her head and allowed drill shaped hair to shadow her face "…are all twisted in madness!"
"I think I might actually be impressed" stated Zelretch as he turned to the redheaded young man "did you actually manage to drive someone insane on only your second day working under me?"
"Yes" snapped Luvia almost trembling in anger from where she stood glaring at them all "yes he did!"
"My nameless minion" said Zelretch as he put on his serious face and placed a hand on his minions shoulder "I just want you to know that I am very proud of you right now. I'll even allow you to call me uncle."
"No" said Shirou without any hesitation.
"Here" said the vampire as he handed the wooden container over to the redhead "you can go ahead and keep this little souvenir to celebrate your first successful mission."
"…I thought you said that lives were at stake?" asked Shirou taking the box as he stared at the vampire.
"Of course there were lives at stake" said Zelretch with a small shrug of his shoulders "you all could have died in unimaginably horrific ways at the hands of the vice director or tripped and snapped your necks walking down the hall. Such are only a few of the many dangers of life."
The redhead tilted the container as he stared at it in annoyance. A feeling that Luvia shared as she moved over to the redhead and grabbed the box from his hands.
"So" said Luvia as she glared at the ancient sorcerer "what you are saying is that we risked our lives for absolutely nothing?"
"Pretty much" conceded Zelretch now bored of the whole affair as he stared at the clock on the wall "I really don't get what you are complaining about. Sending out apprentices and minions on pointless suicidal missions for amusement is basically what all powerful wizards are supposed to do. It builds character."
"No" said Shinji as the second highest authority in video games and tropes right behind Lord El-Melloi II "that really isn't how it is supposed to work."
"Really?" asked Zelretch sounding puzzled "are you sure?"
The other two young adults nodded their heads showing consensus with their blue haired… ally? For some reason that term left a bad taste in Luvia's mouth when used to refer to the Matou.
"Well" muttered Zelretch with a small unconcerned shrug "I'm off the clock now so I'm going to go home."
Then the sorcerer was gone as if he had never been there in the first place.
Luvia threw the small wood container through the Dead Apostles former position into the wall which it bounced off of before coming to a stop between the three magi. The lid to the ornate container opened up and a spray of powder flew into the air causing the triad to sputter and choke.
With a grimace Shirou pulled out a small note from the opened box and read aloud.
'Congratulations unholy abomination of the Type-Moon. You have been selected as a test subject for our latest anti Dead Apostle formula. If you should survive, please fill out the form on this sheet and share with us your experience with our product so that we may provide better services in the future. Remember, customer satisfaction is very important to us so please be thorough in your description of any effects you may experience. Sincerely the Harwey Foundation. Warning: This box will now self-destruct.'
"Well" mused Shinji irritably as three magi and six jackalopes all stared at the box on the ground "that didn't sound ominous at all."
And then the box exploded.
SCENE BREAK 5
In an undisclosed location there was a dark room. This on its own was not unusual. What made this dark room slightly different from the majority of other dark rooms out there was that this room bore countless strange and arcane symbols all over the floor and walls. This too was not necessarily unusual as the world was filled with plenty of angsty teenagers. What made these symbols different than those made by your average angst driven teenager was that these symbols just so happened to glow in sinister hues of purple and red.
The room was in a state of disarray as if a force of nature had swept through and left nothing untouched. Books were strewn about along the floor and left open at seemingly random pages with countless scribbled notes written on their surfaces. Several items that could only be described as unnatural to the world of man were placed about the runes in positions that appeared random at best. For anyone who was foolish enough to look into the room, there could be no doubt that some horrible and dark ritual was about to take place.
It was more than evident that this was the room of a diabolical practitioner of the dark arts. A heretic of the highest order. Well, it was either that or the owner was a goth going all out with the dark and sinister theme even going so far as to buy glow in the dark paints. Both were equally likely.
Most however would agree that it was the occasional bouts of soft innocent humming that added the most disturbing and eerie aspect to this scene easily swinging the pendulum in favor of the diabolical practitioner of the dark arts theory.
A shadowed feminine form moved with a machine like precision brought about by years of dedication and practice. With each movement more and more symbols were placed where needed as a greater formal craft circle was formed at random from seemingly innocuous parts. It would not be long before the final preparations were completed. At this stage even a single mistake could spell disaster.
Knock Knock
The shadowy figure flailed about in a spectacular display and crashed to the ground causing books to fall from their shelves and smash down onto the floor. Fortunately nothing exploded.
This time…
"It's time for dinner" a male voice called out from beyond the door to the room.
"…I'm busy" the girl replied in irritation.
"I thought we agreed that you are no longer allowed to skip meals for your experiments anymore" said the voice from the other side of the door "hunger effects your judgement."
"I don't wanna" whined the young women "I'm really close now!"
The door was slowly opened from the outside to reveal a mop of red hair and golden eyes looking at her in fond exasperation.
This is what Shirou Emiya usually walked into when getting home. Rin of course did not care about that as she looked back at him with blood shot eyes. The scent of fresh home made soup filled the air tempting Rin with it's tantalizing aroma but her stubbornness allowed her to push through her newly discovered hunger and remain where she was. Twelve hours of non-stop work would not be sullied over something as trivial as Shirou's cooking.
Not even the feeling of her stomach slowly digesting itself could convince her otherwise.
"So what is your project this time Rin?" asked Shirou having sensed her resolve.
"Why, I am glad you asked" said Rin with a smile before pulling out a jewel with the same flare expected from a used car salesman "this here jewel that I managed to get for free has the blueprints on a very invaluable artifact. Now eat it."
"Is that safe?" asked Shirou as he warily looked at the jewel.
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" said Rin avoiding the question entirely. It probably wasn't. Fortunately Shirou was very capable at surviving things that he really shouldn't and made for an invaluable test subject. His suffering had already saved her tens of thousands in the last month alone.
They really were all just minor experiments. Nothing too painful, really!
"Considering how highly magi tend to hold equivalent exchange" said Shirou with crossed arms "I think it is only natural to be suspicious of any free gifts."
"Huh" commented Rin as she stared at him wide eyed "you can be taught after all."
"…It's mostly that you are such a good teacher Rin" said Shirou his face completely straight without a hint of deception in his eyes.
"Of course I am" said Rin nodding her head in agreement "and that is why you do what I tell you to, right?"
"Yes" said Shirou reluctantly nodding his head.
"Good" said Rin holding out the jewel "now eat it."
With a grimace her minio- apprentice popped the jewel into his mouth and swallowed it whole. Something he had gained a lot of practice in his time studying under her.
Rin wondered just what kind of information the old vampire had put into it. She hadn't been stupid enough to allow Zelretch direct access to her own mind and had instead chosen to store his memories within a mana lattice matrix inside one of her jewels. There was little doubt that there would be some sort of a nasty surprise hidden in there as a test by the sorcerer. Fortunately, Shirou was far too simple minded for whatever complex traps Zelretch might have placed in the jewel.