I still couldn't get over the fact that a wannabe milf from a cheap VR video game was standing in front of me. The list of mental shocks kept growing. Now that I think about it, I was literally shocked too. Damn, what is this cosmic hell of a horror?
I mean just look at her. This loli comes to life and my first reflex was, "Oh, hell nah!". The "MUMSY, IS DISAPPOINTED. 0 / 5 STARS" from the game right before my death was still really fresh on my mind. Like seriously, has it even been a full day? If it has been then, damn it tops every day as worse of them all. I started out with a fresh dose of death, then wrongfully imprisoned in a job I didn't want for an 'extended until further noticed' clause attached to it by a pretentious asshole. Then followed that by a small Asian lady who is supposed to help me, but instead keeps being dodgy and saying fun facts about food. Time really does move weird here.
As I am off in my own world having a mini crisis, Mumsy reached over and began fiddling with the VR headset. "OK, all set. Here you go, close your eyes." she said as you proceeded to hand the headset to me then turn into a big ball of flashing light again, giving absolutely no fucks and blinding me in the process.
"Ah, you bitch!" I cried and I was blinking black dots from my vision.
"Hee hee, sorry." she sheepishly replied, "Fun fact..."
"Shut up! You can shove your fun facts!" I spat pulling the VR over my head. "Let's just get this over with."
"If you say so." she said from inside of the helmet.
My eyes finally started to readjust when I heard the familiar swooshing sound as the systems logo appeared. However, the logo this time wasn't the normal symbol, but a new moon with a scarab beetle in the middle. 'That's weird, isn't that one of those desert poop bugs?' I thought confusedly. 'Well, whatever, I have more important shit I need to worry about. No pun intended.'
The emblem disappeared as quickly as it showed up, and now displayed on the screen was none other than the witch of the hour, Mumsy. She stood there waiting for the load bar to fill, but unlike last time with the egg and frying pan, this was a big pot on a stove with some brownish runny fluid in it. There was a spoon jetting out the center of the pot that was stirring itself in a clockwise motion. As the number got closer to 100% the contents of the pot grew thick like a stew. Once it was completely downloaded the spoon was shown pouring a good helping on a bowl of rice.
Then Mumsy hit another magically appearing dinner bell and yelled, "Order up!" again.
"Welcome to headset mechanics, where we will go over how the systems framework functions."
The scene in front of me changed again, and this time it was back on an unwanted sight of naked legs and a lot of bush.
"This is your avatar. At the moment all you can see of life in this realm is from their perspective, so their head moves and when you look what you see goes along with it. It does have its uses, but it isn't overall practical." she mused. "Now go ahead and lift up the mask, and open the stores tab on the desktop, you should have a 'Beginner's Bundle' for sale."
I pulled the headset up and rested it on my forehead. Opening the shop, I could see a banner that wasn't there before, claiming it was an appetizer package. I also noticed that 5 credential credits were added to my account.
"Alright, Lemon. I have awarded you enough credits to purchase the 'Beginner Bundle'. Buy it and see what all is included." she explained through the headset. Complying, I clicked the red banner and was presented with a pop-up prompt, "Lemon is choosing to spend 5 credential credits on 'Beginner's Bundle' would you like to continue? Yes, or no?" I clicked yes and was greeted with another message. "Congratulations user, Lemon. You have unlocked 'Real Time Character Status', 'Quest Board'. 'Messenger', 'Pop-Up Storefront', and 'Perspectives'. Click or focus on resource for info."
"Ok. Now put the headset on and I will go over it with you." said the loli.
"Stop being so pushy." I said under my breath before reluctantly pulling the VR down over my face.
"Welcome back," she remarked, "I forgot to mention it before, but this headset is special. We should be able to communicate telepathically now. Just think about what you want to say, and it will make its way to me. Any spoken words with the headset on will automatically try to translate to speech for the selected player."
"I figured, as that is what happened when I first wore it, but my words were changed or didn't even come out at all." I replied.
"That is correct, at the moment you only have the basic package of speech, and although you can speak, that doesn't mean the avatar can understand you." Mumsy explained to me while gesturing to the messenger feature. "All of your speech will translate and be displayed as text afterward here. The messenger box comes with level 1 telepathy allowing you to roughly understand your system users wants or needs."
"Well, that sounds useful, kind of." I said telepathically, sort of letdown.
"It is," she said with confidence," and you can spend credits for higher levels in the future." She moved then hovered over the bottom right of the screen and out slid a box with text and bars. The first bar said health, followed by mana, and stamina respectively.
"Oh, I see. It's like a run-of-the-mill RPG. Nice." I said while pulling the box around with my hand.
"Exactly. Also, you can hit the right corner and pin it, but it can be pretty blocky covering a good chunk of your view; so let's move to perspective. This skill is activated by either your ocular muscle movements or by simply tapping next to your eye to shift through viewpoints. This includes first, second, and third person view as well as overview which allows you to see both the realm and your functions screen, however, it becomes more semitransparent only going back fully lit when intentionally choosing to."
"If you notice on top, it has a small list of basic characteristics like name and species. His class is Neanderthal, but it seems he currently is labeled 'No name'. This is a new realm, and so names are something not yet given. You can choose to call him anything, and it will be set as their name if they don't currently have one, otherwise it will be a sub name or nickname. If you would like my suggestion, since I am an excellent name giver; I would call them Bramble or Briar based on the number of shrubs they have growing between their legs."
"Like I would take name suggestions from you! And those names sound too pleasant; it doesn't suit him at all; it would be more like Thicket Outback or The Wild Hedge. Besides, he is my first and I want to pick the name this time!" I pouted.
She clicked her tongue. "Tch, fine have it your way. I will just continue. If you hover over the left side of the screen, you will see the quest board menu. This shows you the user's progress of the missions you have given them, and the rewards associated with them. Lastly, at the top left you will see the shop icon. Go ahead and click it."
"Good. As you can see this is your store that is connected to your desktop cabinet. It's like the handheld app version so you don't have to constantly remove your headset. It also includes a search feature and is the only thing your player has no visual of on their own system screen."
"Ok. I'm getting it, so things on the bottom is shared, but they can't see my mobile market. This seems easy enough." I concluded.
Mumsy threw her hands on her hips and stuck her A's in the air and exclaimed, "That's because I am such a wonderful instructor!"
I had to disagree (inwardly).
"Now if you would, you can change perspectives and finally see what your very first user looks like." she explained.
"Ok, give me a sec. I just tap the side of my eye like this right?" I said as I double tapped the outside of my right eye.
We both let out mortified gasps!
"WHY DOES HE LOOK SO FUCKED UP?!" I choked reflexively over the sounds of Mumsy virtually throwing up pixelated puke. He was repulsive from his disfigured nose to his unsightly head that jutted forward. His eyebrows were like his own built-in hair umbrellas; it could literally shade his beady eyes from the sun. He was some next level kind of hell no.
I named him Louhan after a fish with a big ass forehead I saw on a nature show once.