Pain is something to envy. If given the choice to heighten any of my senses, it would be touch. That way I could feel the impact coming. However, there was nothing but the shouting and screaming that followed after the fall. In my blurred vision, I saw nothing but shadows. It was difficult to make out faces and other human details. If anything, there were shadowy figures everywhere. Then I began to float, and it was not the smoothest of rides. Settle sharp pains ignited every now and then, mostly around my head.
"Get away from him!" a familiar voice screamed.
That could have been anyone. I'm floating again, then large hands caught me. For the next minute, my sensations were taking hits from everywhere. It's getting difficult to stay awake. Nothing wants to move. I can't kick myself out of this numb nothingness that surrounds me.
Something pinched me, it hurts, and it's filling my veins with something hot. It's burning me. No, stop, please. I'm sorry. It's too much. My mouth opens, I can feel my face again. Slowly, the rest of my body reignites with sensations that I haven't experienced before. I'm screaming, I can't hear myself, but I can feel the effort from within my body. The pain won't stop, no matter how hard I scream. What is this? Am I dead? They're everywhere. These pretenders. They have me held down. Whatever they are, they aren't my family, everything about them is wrong. Their clothes meshed in with their skin. The details of their face and hair blurred together like different-colored paint. I can't look away from them, it's so horrible. When they try to speak, I can only focus on their gaping mouths. Those empty holes that stretched on into a pit of acid. It made me sick. The last thing I remember is passing out into a haze of darkness.
My eyes shot open once again, and I let out a scream that shook my body. I scrambled off some elevated position, and my breath caught in my throat as I felt the same sensation as before: weightlessness.
"Owen!" Mylo screamed as he tripped over scrap and half-finished projects to get to me. "Agh, all this trash. Powder!"
Reaching my hand up, I felt for Mylo. When I touched his chest, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and forced myself to see his face. He looked scared, worried, but more importantly, he looked like Mylo.
"You idiot," he started, as he began sniffling. What is this? "Vi is going to kick your ass all over again as soon as you get better."
It hurt, but I managed to crack a grin as I exhaled a chuckle. Then my chest buckled, and I curled into a ball.
"Whoa, you're still beyond hurt. Powder!" he yelled.
"You don't have to ye-" Powder complained until her eyes settled on me. "Owen!" She ran to me and was afraid to touch me.
"Help me lift him to the couch. I told everyone that he'd roll from his bed, but noooo." Mylo complained.
"Alright, alright." Powder grumbled, and they both guided me to the couch. I tried to talk, but I couldn't push any words out, it's like I forgot how to speak.
"Vander said to just let him rest, but...oh damn..." Mylo shifted from side to side while rubbing his forearms.
That didn't fill me with much confidence.
"I'm going to tell Vander that he's awake." Mylo said as he ran off upstairs.
Powder looked at me with her soft eyes. Her face twisted in anguish over my broken form. I couldn't have looked that bad, I'm sure I feel worse. My mouth is kind of dry. Taking in a deep breath, I'm relieved that I can do so without too much pain. So, my chest isn't as damaged as I thought. When I opened my mouth, I tried to speak and frustratingly failed to do so.
"Don't talk." Powder said with a trembling mouth, red nose, and eyes from hours of sobbing. "Just rest."
I know. I reached out for her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed back. I pointed at my bed with my other hand. Powder's eyes squinted with confusion as she looked over to where I was pointing. Thanks to her sharp mind, she eventually discovered what I wanted. Letting go of my hand, she ran over to my bed and retrieved the gift she gave me and brought it back.
Tears came back to her eyes as she held it in her hands. "You really like this, huh? It's not even that good, I could have done better if I didn't rush."
Raising my hand, I placed it over the ornament she held and locked eyes with her.
Powder brought her forehead to mine. "If I'd made you something better..."
I squeezed her hand again, not wanting to hear her regrets. What she has done for me was more than enough. Just being my friend, my little sister, is more than enough. Hurried steps rang down the stairs. It was Vander with Vi and Mylo. They all held medical supplies.
"Those animals..." Vander growled as he placed the medical equipment down. "Mylo, take Powder upstairs, she doesn't need to see this."
"What?" Powder's voice trembled, and she looked between me, Vander, and a person behind me. "I want to stay."
"Powder, don't argue." Vander insisted as he looked at Mylo.
"Come on, he needs this, we can visit him when he's all better." Mylo explained as supporting as he could while struggling to drag an inconsolable Powder upstairs.
Well, that doesn't sound good. Vi covered her mouth, looking down at me with eyes wide in disbelief.
"Vi, I need you to focus." Vander insisted as he prepared the supplies. Wait a minute, these herbs, powders, and liquid vials—they look familiar. "And you."
Vander directed his attention to a person out of my view, but when I heard her voice, it filled me with a dreadful hope. She walked into my view. It is the woman who I have always bought my drugs from. Here's to hoping that my voice never recovers, because I would be damned to tell them how often I bought her supplies.
Kneeling next to me, she looked over my broken body. "This...he has only ever looked this bad once before."
No, please, no, shut up.
Vander's face scrunched in suspicion, and he looked back at me, and I couldn't meet his eyes. I turned away from him like a coward. He rubbed my chest.
"Then I assume you can bring him back to health, like you've done before?" he asked as he peered into her eyes.
The herbalist looked down at me once again. "You know my price."
"And you know I'm good for it." Vander stated with finality.
Damnit, without gold, she'll want something more. If only I could speak. Instead, I manage to throw my arm towards Vander, catching him off guard. He looked at my hand, then at my eyes, but he couldn't read my intent. His mind is filled with the recent events of the riot.
"You two, clean your hands and follow my instructions," the herbalist ordered as she knelt closer to me and sprinkled a familiar powder over my face. Vander and Vi did as she instructed by rubbing oils over their hands. "When will it be enough, boy? When will you be satisfied?"
Never, I suppose. I can read my own dreams, I'm not long for this world. No disease or injury is going to free me. Nothing will but my own obsession to chase a sensation that I can't name. The effects of the powder compound are known to me. It relaxes the nerves, numbs the muscles, and overpowers the mind to slumber. It wasn't long before I felt the familiar sensation of darkness taking me away. The last thing I saw were the eyes of the herbalist and the glistening veils of stars watching over me.
I awake with more pain than before, screaming at the top of my lungs. It feels as if acid is eating away at my veins. The herbalist placed a rag over my nose. Whatever she gave me the last time clearly didn't do its job. I'll have to rethink my patronage with her if I ever want high-quality painkillers. I continued to thrash around, unable to control myself.
"Owen, be still." Vi demanded as she held me down by pushing my chest into the couch. My legs and arms are restrained with leather straps. I must have been a real problem before I was conscious. Claggor held my legs down before I could knee Vi. Soon the drugs calmed me, and once again, all was quiet within the dark.
Opening my eyes to the smell of Vander's cooking skills is not the good morning I wanted. The room is empty, and I am alone. Hm, no pain intense enough to send me into a screaming fit. I can get out of these restraints easily enough. Pressing my arms against my body, I shift them in a circular motion. The strap travels down to my hands, allowing me to unbuckle them. Soon after I freed my legs, now for the semi-ultimate test: standing. Taking a deep breath, I placed my legs on the floor and pushed myself up. No falling yet, now the ultimate test: walking. I made my way to the stairs, every step gave me confidence as I wasn't eating the floor as I feared I would. That herbalist is truly talented. As I began climbing the steps, I used my left hand to support my weight as I took rests against the wall. Upon the 10th step, it occurred to me that I still held the ornament, clenched tightly in my right hand. I hope I didn't crush it. But upon bringing it to my eyes, it indeed was broken. The two figures were crushed together, shoulder to shoulder. In a sense, I like it this way, but it doesn't change the fact that it's broken. Then the door opened. It was Powder. Her face was a mixture of emotions that fought for control.
"Owen!" she screamed in delight as she stumbled down the steps and nearly crashed into me. I caught her upon impact and nearly went stumbling down the steps. Powder reacted quickly by securing me in an underarm hug and pressing me against the wall.
"I thought we lost you," she muttered through her sniffs as she pressed her face against my neck. I embraced her as we leaned against the wall.
Clearing my throat, I forced out what I wanted to say. "I'm still here." My voice was raspier than usual.
Powder drew in a sharp breath as she pulled back to look at me. Admittedly, I couldn't help but shy away.
"Come on." She pulled my left arm over her neck to support my weight. "We have to show Vander that you're okay."
We made it to the top and turned the corner. Vander was standing tall in the doorway of the bar. Covering his hands were metal instruments of destruction that I should have thought of. There were the gauntlets that fit him perfectly. Covering his hands up to his forearms in carefully constructed metal layers of modern ingenuity.
"Vander." Powder called out as she carefully sat me in the booth. "He's awake and talking!"
Vander's head snapped around and greedily took in my image. Then he did something that made me want to recoil in terror, if only I had the strength to do so. He stumbled towards me, releasing his gauntlets in the process. Dropping to his knees, his weight alone shook me awake from drowsiness.
"A lot's happened, my boy," he said as he laid his massive hands on my shoulders. Oh damn, it's my fault, isn't it?
"I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'll fix it. My mind raced to formulate a plan to make up for the chaos that I caused, but Vander hugged me to his chest.
"It wasn't you. All this crime, the gangs—I allowed it to get this far," he confessed, but I know better.
"Come on." I began, then I looked at Powder, who caught my eye. It pains me to admit this in front of her, but I'm cornered, and I can't hide who I am anymore. "You know what I've done. Every day, I made power vacuums that drew in the worst of the worst. All of this is the result of what I've done over the years."
He released me and looked me square in the eyes. "I will never blame you for doing what you need to do to survive. The fact that you did so at all until we met you is a miracle."
Echoes of furious and pained wailings rang through the Lanes. I looked through the windows to see the streets littered with more trash than usual and a few bodies and trails of blood leading off in random directions. It wasn't normal. Everyday life down here isn't so dangerous that no one can live to a ripe old age, but this...
Vander used his giant hand to direct my face towards his. "This is not your fault, understand?"
To hear him say this, knowing it's not true, weighed a guilt on me that I've never experienced. Whatever happened out there, whoever got hurt, I caused it all.
"Go back downstairs. I'll gather your siblings together, they would want to see you." Vander insisted as he patted my head and kissed Powder on the forehead. All I could do was nod. "I'll fix this."
He stood up and equipped his gauntlets once again and strode into the streets. Two of his trusted men stood guard at the entrance.
"Come on, can you move?" Powder asked, and she lent a hand. I took it and stood to my feet. As she was about to take my arm again, I held it out to her, signaling for her to stop.
"I can walk on my own." I insisted as I made my way towards the stairs.
"Are you sure?" Powder asked as she held the back of my collar, just in case. It was annoying, but I'm grateful. It was only a matter of time before my foot slipped on a step. As fast as I expected, Powder managed to throw her arms around my torso to keep me from tumbling to my demise.
"You are just as stubborn as Violet," she complained as she dropped my left arm over her neck and guided me towards the couch. I lay on it facing up, while Powder decided to sit on the floor next to me.
"Violet's stubborn? I just thought she was headstrong." I jibed.
Powder frowned, then shook her head with a smile. "That smart mouth is the only thing I missed about you."
"That can't be the only thing." I shot back without thinking.
Snorting, she pulled her legs to her chest. "I thought you were going to die."
"Me too. Good thing I didn't, that would have sucked." Ah, denial and deflection, I'm back.
She turned to me with a look that let me know how much trouble I'm in.
"Stop that," she snapped, inching forward as if to lunge at me. "Stop acting like your life doesn't matter. As if it's a joke."
I don't know what to say to that. The fact that Powder's gaze was sharper than usual didn't help.
"Sorry, it's just difficult to accept. This is all still new to me." I admitted.
"What's so difficult about this?" She inched closer and pried my hands open to remind me what I held so tightly. She took the ornament and ran her fingers over it. "I like what you've done with it."
"Sorry." I struggled to sit up. "I'll fix it."
Powder looked up at me. "You already did."
I couldn't look away from her. Finally, I know exactly what it meant. The metal, the connection, our bond—it's unbreakable. She cupped my face in her hands, spreading a warmth through me akin to a fever. I'm between a series of short and deep breaths. It looks as if she's not doing any better, appearing lost between worlds. Slowly, she brought her face closer to mine. Finally, our mouths met, my drug-laced and dry skin to her soft, salty lips. In truth, considering the circumstances, this is quite awful. I've...observed...people engaging in this mating ritual, and this is not quite how I'd imagine it would go. This sensation, however, is the most stimulating thing I've ever felt, better than drugs, honestly. Imagine my genuine misery when she pulled away. Powder let out breaths as if she was holding them. That might have been the case, I wasn't keeping track of time. I grabbed her hands and pulled them down.
Shaking my head. "You shouldn't have done that."
Powder recoiled as if she'd been slapped. "What?"
"Look what I've done." I started to explain, but she yanked her hands free and looked at me with offense.
"Vander said. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault." Powder insinuated every word with an elevated voice.
"Without me, doing what I've done—" I began, but Powder cut me off.
"What did you do? You keep saying that. What did you do?" Powder pressed as she waved her hands in frustration. This is going to be painful. I'm terrified to come clean to Vander. I've already said enough to Vi. Mylo seems too skittish to tolerate that kind of life. Claggor seems to begrudgingly accept me as a stepbrother, even less as a possible health hazard.
"There was a time when I was smart enough to know how the human body works." Here we go. She's going to hate me if I manage to get to that point. I began speaking slowly, only because I'm terrified of losing everything and everyone. Powder leaned forward, pushing her gaze into me as a method to push out my story.
"I'd just turned 6 when I decided to take care of a bad guy and his apprentice." I explained with every word weighing me down.
"Take care of...you mean you?" Powder asked.
"Yes." I cut her off, my mouth suddenly became too dry to speak.
She laid her hand on mine. "Keep going."
"I started with poisoning at first. Then I learned how to make chemicals, manufacturing them to seem harmless. But they were slow-acting agents. Basically, a chemical bomb." Powder listened intently, without a hint of judgment on her face. Can I really trust that face? What was she really thinking?
"I started a system of who's not a threat and who needs to be put down. As I've grown older, I realized that most of the crime bosses don't profit from destruction. They just want to keep their territory in order from the other bosses who are monsters in the flesh." My voice trembled as I recounted the screams of the victims those beasts tortured.
"These...animals, I've seen them do things to people for no reason but for their sadistic pleasure. No true human being could do that to another living being." I inhaled deeply.
"So I killed them. Sometimes slowly, sometimes they sickened me so much, they didn't know they were dead until their next breath." I explained, my chest getting tighter by the second. "Did someone turn the air off in here?"
Powder looked over me with concern. "That's enough, just lay back down."
I did as she said. That's it, I lost her. She kissed me on my forehead, then stood up.
"I'm going to see if Vander made it back yet with the others." With that, she calmly walked away. Such a graceful exit to an otherwise heartfelt and sincere confession. Sighing, I steadied myself. My body is struggling to breathe properly, for whatever reason. Having 10 years of experience in breathing should count for something, but nope. Running away isn't an option, I need functioning legs for that. So I have no choice but to wait for my execution.
I wake to see everyone together, surrounding me. Mylo and Claggor are off messing with the arcades. Powder and Ekko are hard at work, crafting and repairing weapons. Vi lay against the couch, her head resting back nearly touching my thigh. Seeing her so close to me made my heart beat too hard, too fast. Last but not least, Vander stood across from me, wiping away bloodstains from his gauntlets. His back is turned to me, I can see his back muscles flex beneath his shirt with every scrub. This is it then, they all must know now. They're going to throw me away. They're going to look at me as if I'm some disgusting animal that needs to be caged. My chest, it's...oh shit, my chest.
"This is it. Tonight is the last push to force these rats into battle." He turned around. "No one leaves this room, understand?"
"You got it. I already had my fun this week." Vi stated as she laced her hands together and crossed her legs.
"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere." Mylo declared as he concentrated on aiming at the targets.
"Yes, sir." Claggor said as he watched Mylo struggle to hit a target.
"Have fun with your new toys." Ekko waved at Vander.
Powder walked over to Vander with a contraption in her hands.
"Take Pandie, he'll protect you," she claimed as she clipped the thing to Vander's belt.
"I'm counting on it," he said, then his eyes fell to me. "Hang in there."
That's all he said to me as he walked upstairs. What does he mean by that? Activity buzzed around me as usual. It's surreal. Lying on my back as if nothing's wrong. Ekko and Powder are brainstorming on the workbench, debating what can and can't work, and doing it anyway. Mylo and Claggor were messing around with the arcade machines, trying to find the best way to jury-rig them to life. Then there's Vi, who is uncharacteristically calm. My chest, I think it's imploding. Something's going to happen. Something, I don't know what.
"Hey, Owen." Vi's voice hit me like gravity.
I answered with a shallow breath. "Yes?"
"Are you feeling alright?" Vi asked in a soft voice. She tilted her head back further to lock eyes with me.
Alright? Am I alright? Is she playing dumb? Is she trying to drive me insane? There's no way that she doesn't know.
"No. I'm not." I answered truthfully. Powder and Ekko turned their heads around.
Vi turned around and looked me over. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Besides my chest not wanting to breathe. I can't take this anymore." I'm close to breaking. The anticipation of inevitable retribution is setting my skin on fire. Mylo and Claggor stopped what they were doing and slowly approached us until they reached the couch.
Vi appeared confused. "What? What do you mean?"
Nausea, perfect. That look of concern she's giving me—it's pure torture.
"Just do it already. Do what you have to do. Just stop playing with me." I'm pathetic. Hearing myself beg like this. Mylo shrank back upon hearing that. Once I'm done feeling broken, I'm going to cut my tongue out.
Vi gasped. "What? I would never do that." She shakes her head. "You're just tired. Close your eyes and sleep it off."
"I don't believe it." I began to move my legs. Despite the healing process almost bringing me to full health, I'm pretty sure moving, as if I could run on air, would set me back another week.
"Oh no, you don't." Mylo held me down by the shoulders. "You're not going anywhere, weird lady with the funny stuff said so."
"Just do it already, I deserve it." I demanded as I shifted my body to throw Mylo off. As soon as he lost his grip on me, I pulled my legs to my chest, leaned forward, and stood up. Claggor pulled me into a bear hug.
"Relax, man, we're here for you." Claggor insisted, but we know better.
Vi stood up. "No, Claggor, put him down."
Powder and Ekko looked on with terror adorning their faces.
"Are you sure, sis? He's not exactly all there in the head." Claggor judged, and he might be right, who knows.
"I'm sure. Since words won't get through to him," she shrugged.
He sighed and begrudgingly released me. I fell on my feet, surprised that I'm as sturdy as I felt. All was silent as I shook my legs loose. Yep, sturdy as a mountain.
Vi crossed her arms. "Not so quick to lose your head, huh?"
"Hm? Oh no, I'm still distressed over this whole thing." I took the chance to rotate my hips and am surprised that I'm not on the ground writhing in pain. A bit tender in a few places, but other than that, almost as good as new. "Emotionally anyway, I feel so good I could cry."
They all gave me a mixed reaction of groans and chuckling. But Vi gave me a serious face.
"Is your head clear enough to give me a straight answer?" she asked.
"I don't need a clear mind to play with yours." As soon as I said it, regret filled my tender bones.
Mylo and Claggor sighed deeply and retreated to the back of the room, next to the mini boxing ring. A smile spread over Vi's face.
"You're really wanting another round, huh?" She asked as she began popping her knuckles.
"Only because I earned it." I replied, If I'm going to be punished, this is how I want it to be.
Vi looked down at her hands. "I might not go easy on you."
"And I know why. You know my dirty little secret." I said as I rolled my feet in a circular motion.
"Secrets. You've done a lot over the years." She began walking towards the boxing ring, I followed her. "To be honest, I'm surprised all of us are still alive."
"I would never hurt any of you." I said with finality.
"No need to get too serious. I know you aren't that kind of person." Vi responded while swinging her arms loose.
Powder approached the ring along with Ekko.
Squatting down, I stretched my hips. I don't feel up to this, honestly. My body feels lighter than ever. Not as bony as I used to be, but that's not saying much. It's comparing an appetizer to a full course meal of protein. But this has to be done. This guilt is going to destroy me. This just might be the start of making up for all the lives that were lost because of me.
"Are you ready?" Vi asked, standing a good distance away with a hand covering her fist.
"Never, but that doesn't matter." I settled into a grappler's stance.
Vi raised a brow and rotated her shoulders, shadowboxed to settle into her form, and then shifted side to side, showing off her footwork. As light on her feet as ever. Soon, she dashed forward. I stood there, not concerned with actively reading her moves. Vi bent her knees, she's going for a lead uppercut. An unusual opening, perhaps it's to throw me off. It's a good attempt, unconventional to the fundamentals of boxing. Fighting in itself is a mind game, 10% physical and 90% mental. I stepped into her punch, catching her arm with mine, turning her around, and pinning her into the corner.
Vi grunted as her back collided against the padded pole. "Okay, I don't have to hold back anymore."
Vi struck my ribs with an open palm, then wrapped her hand around the back of my head and used her weight to pull me into the corner. Succeeding in switching places, we're still locked together, holding onto each other. I hooked my leg behind hers, then thrust my thigh against her hip, pushing her to the floor. I pinned her against the canvas with my head pressing into her chest. Vi shifted from side to side, struggling to push me off. But she's still green when it comes to grappling. Eventually, she stopped.
"Well, this isn't fair," she huffed.
"It's only fair when you win, huh?" I asked as I sat up and reached my hand out.
"Ugh, yeah?" She answered with a smirk as she grabbed my hand.
As I pulled Vi to her feet, I almost forgot about my moral dilemma.
"By the way, you still owe me lessons," she reminded me as she rubbed my head.
"Oh yeah. I didn't forget, I was too busy ruining everything I touch." I demean myself.
"There you go again," she said with a look of disappointment on her face. She pushed my chest, causing me to stumble backwards and crash to the floor. I could have stopped her, but my fighting spirit is waning.
"When are you going to realize that it's not your fault?" Vi asked as she knelt next to me.
"How can I? I can't ignore what I've done. I should at least be out there. Finish what I started." I professed.
Vi shrugged. "You're 10. If you were an adult, then you could be the hero you want to be. But since you're a kid, you have to be a kid."
"Is this wisdom coming from a fellow kid?" I asked with a raised brow.
"Yep, if I can't fight out there, none of you can," she concluded.
"Huh, kind of selfish." I judged, and she pushed me over.
"Hypocrite," she countered.
"Of what?" I asked as I held myself up by the elbow.
"You're destructive hero complex. Fighting crime all by yourself," she ascertained.
Well, she got me, so I came clean.
"You're wanting to be my sidekick? Is that it?" I assumed, sporting a grin.
"Oh no, I'm no one's sidekick. If anything, I should lead the team," she asserted.
"So instead of jumping from rooftop to rooftop, we get into brawls in dark alleys?" I assumed as I pushed myself to my feet.
"It would be better than falling to your death." She shot back aggressively, losing her playful nature.
"Yeah, better to be beaten to near death or be stabbed by some coward with a hidden blade." I retorted, getting closer to her face.
"At least you wouldn't be alone," she argued.
That was it, I couldn't find a way around it. The sole reason for all of this is that I chose to do it all alone. Lowering my gaze, I nodded my head, silently agreeing with her words.
She lifts my head by the chin. "You're sticking with us from now on. If you go anywhere, one of us is coming with you. Got it?"
"Yeah." I whispered.
Letting go of my chin, she embraced me. "I never want to see you like that again, ever."
Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her, almost squeezing as intensely.
Mylo interrupted our intimate bonding moment, blowing his nose loudly into a rag.
"That was beautiful. I should write that scene down and sell it to a topsider. It would be an instant hit," he jested as he seemingly appeared at the side of the ring.
"I would pay to see it." Ekko chimed in.
"Hmm, an instant hit, huh? So you're into dramas?" I asked as I let go of Vi.
He shrugged. "From time to time."
"That's good to know." I responded as I gave Vi a quick wink. Then I jumped out of the ring towards Mylo. His face contorted from disbelief to shock, then to terror as I descended on him like a cat preying upon a helpless rat.