He didn't care how anyone else felt. Maybe there were decent people at the banquet, but when Lowell was attacked, Felix had been the only one to act. It was human nature to prioritize those close to you. Lowell couldn't blame anyone for that—and he had no reason to concern himself with the others.
"It's all for show. Nobody truly enjoys those banquets."
It was a clumsy attempt at comfort, but a sincere one.
"Better to be hooked up in here than mingling with those smiling, backstabbing nobles."
Apparently that hadn't felt sufficient, because Felix added another line. In that awkward addition, Lowell saw his kindness. It wasn't hidden very deeply—just carefully overlooked by everyone until now, which was both infuriating and sad.
"Still, it only happens once a year. I wish there could've been at least one happy memory."
"Wait—were you looking forward to it?"
Felix seemed to reconsider things from Lowell's perspective. The thoughtfulness in that shift made Lowell want to applaud, but the mood was too serious. He sent silent praise instead.
"Not exactly looking forward to it,but... It was our first banquet together."
They'd barely gotten through their practiced dance, and the evening had ended in trauma. Lowell hadn't expected much, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed.
"The...what about a village festival?"
Felix spoke without thinking and immediately frowned. His eyes darted as if unsure where to look. He didn't take the offer back, but the slight twitch of his lips betrayed his nervousness at his own words.
"We're heading to my estate next week anyway...I thought maybe... you'd be disappointed."
He offered the explanation like wringing water from a stone, and even that felt unlike him. When Lowell had been unconscious, Felix hadn't had the capacity to notice his own odd behavior. But now, something told him he wasn't quite himself.
Negative thinking had its own inertia. People clung to it because change might be worse. Felix, too, was trying to return to his "original self". But Lowell's pull on his was far too strong.
"Alright."
That simple answer threw Felix's world out of order. The thought that things might get worse didn't even register. His heart surged before he could stop it. It wasn't pheromones—it was just Lowell.
"I hope our last memory in the capital is a happy one."
In that moment, Felix truly wanted to make Lowell happy. His thoughts, his heart—everything burst past the limits of his control.
"....Yeah. I hope so too"
Being with Lowell made the world feel upside down. The rules he'd known no longer applied. Lowell didn't push him away—he approached. He didn't hate—he embraced. He didn't demand anything—he simply accepted him. And for things one had no immunity against, there was no defense.
Still, even if Lowell's world was strange and overwhelming, Felix didn't find it unpleasant.