Kanika's POV
-Flashback-
Soon, we started talking more and more, and with every conversation, we were getting closer. We got to know about each other's likes, dislikes, and favourites, and we were opposite in many of them. I am addicted to tea, and he was a coffee person. I loved rain as if it were part of my soul, and he hated it from the core. But now he started drinking tea, and coffee became my charge when I was drained and needed a change, and every rain became a reminder of him.
We both had our own ambitions and goals. I wanted to be a writer known internationally, and he wanted connections and power. But one thing we both strongly believed in was the idea of a luxury life in a beautiful home with a loving partner and 2 mini versions of us.
But we didn't limit ourselves to that; we talked about our families and shared our darkest secrets, our fears, and our past. The more we talked, the more I wanted to know him and understand him. The urge to make him feel loved increased with it. I wanted to make him feel the same way I felt with him: loved, protected, comforted. He made me feel like I was seen and heard. I wanted to show him what being loved feels like. I wanted to be his peace, his comfort, his home, just like he was mine.
And I guess it did happen, even if it was for a short time. I know it wasn't fake. The person who used to be jealous of me because he thought I am taking away his friends after he added me to his close friends group was now getting jealous of them if I gave them a little too much attention, those words of utmost love and admiration, those feelings, those 2 am paragraphs that he deliberately wrote when I was sleeping so that I can smile when I see them as the first thing when I come online, they were real.
But real life isn't Disney, and like every other love story, there always comes a point when God decides to test your love and honesty, which shows whose love was actually real and whose wasn't, and so the time came sooner than expected.
Things started to change, even though he assured me it wasn't like that, and his love remained pure. He told me I was overthinking, but I knew I wasn't. I knew it wasn't just in my head.
He started giving me less time, making me beg for the bare minimums. He told me he was busy, and I believed it even when I knew it was a lie; I couldn't prove it. I needed peace. I didn't want to argue. I was already tired of the family drama, and I didn't have the energy to deal with it anymore. I needed a person to help me out of it rather than becoming just another one of the problems, and Anant was becoming exactly that.
We started fighting and arguing over the smallest of things, but I was fine with that too as long as he remained close and tried to explain himself. It showed that he cared, maybe not in the most desirable way possible, but still, he was there, and my thoughts mattered to him.
But that also didn't last after that call, where we fought with no filter and pure frustration.
"Anant, why are you not talking to me? You are active in group chat, but why not with me? I am just asking for a little time. I know you are busy, but am I not the same? I am also busy, and yet I am trying to make time for you. You ain't even starting college before November," I demanded. I was furious with him. He was soon joining a college in Bangalore for B.Tech, but that was still far away. My college already started in August. I know things require time, and he needed to get paperwork done and permissions for many things, apply for a hostel, and be ready for many things, but if he could spare time to mess in a group, then why is he busy when I ask for time?
"Kanika, why are you not understanding? I have my own problems. Please think before you speak; you are really rude. Do you even know what is happening in my home or in my family or to me?" came his loud voice from the other side of the phone. He was angry with my behaviour. I could sense it from his voice, but I wasn't sorry or feeling bad about it. I know what I deserved, and I wasn't in the wrong for demanding it from my man.
"Oh, sorry for not being a psychic witch who dreams about your situation and already knows everything. Like, how the hell am I supposed to know anything if you don't tell me? Why do you think I go around asking you how you are doing or what you are doing all the time?"
"I don't want to tell," he shouted at me like I was the one to blame.
"Then how will I understand?" He was really getting on my nerves. Now I wonder if he is the girl in this relationship or me.
"You don't have to. I don't feel the same comfort with you anymore, and you don't understand that you are immature. I need a break from you," he announced in a grumbling tone and hung up.
I was too shocked to process those words. It was the first time he ever said that to me. I started calling him again, but no response. I spammed messages, but no response to them either. I decided to wait till dinner time. I thought he might contact me once he calmed down, but even then, nothing from his side. Panic started to rise in me. I was worried where he might be, or was this our end? I didn't want this. I moved to and fro in my room, thinking about what to do. Our mutual friends had nothing on him, too. I finally called his brother, and he picked up after three rings.
"Anant kaha hai?" My voice trembled as I asked for his whereabouts.
(Where is Anant?)
"Satna gaya hai." He was calm, like this happens every day. Satna was a place near their place. They had a farmhouse there, and it was his favourite place to visit when he was not in his right state of mind.
(He went to Satna.)
"Calls and messages?" I was now a bit relieved to know at least he is safe.
"Phone yahin chorke gaya hai."
(He left his phone here.)
"Kb tk ayega?" It was starting to feel as if I was doing some police inquiry now.
(When will he come back?)
"2-3 din mai yah jb bhi matha sahi ho jaye." his voice held confusion in it now. And that confusion was expected. We never really talked personally, and this was the first time I ever called him, and in so much worry, asking question after question.
(2-3 days or maybe whenever he is calmed down.)
"Ok, thanks," he hung up after a little hum to my thanks. I slumped in my chair, and a sigh of relief left my mouth as if I was holding my breath for a long time.
That night, I lost count of the paragraphs I spammed in his DM on how much I cared for him and how worried I was when my calls and messages didn't go through, how much I loved him and needed him in my life, and how I wanted him to lean on me for comfort. But I don't know how much of it reached his heart because when he came back, there wasn't a single apology or explanation for his actions.
He was back like everything was normal and nothing ever happened, and that just made me even angrier because it felt like my efforts and worries just went down the drain.
"Where have you been? You know how worried I was? At least you could have told me." I demanded an explanation for his actions.
"Well, I am back now, right. Finally, my mind is calm, so don't start arguing again already. You know how fun it was there," and he waved it off. He clearly didn't acknowledge my worries and my words.
"And here I was worried sick about anything. Did you even read those paragraphs?" I wanted acknowledgment and a little of anything to show me that he really did read them.
"Oh yeah, I did, thanks, I feel good. But you wanna know what I did there."
Something snapped in me at that thanks, I felt like murdering him. I don't know what it was, but in that moment, my mind went black, and suddenly, I felt drained of every emotion. I don't know if it was my ego or my self-respect, but at that moment, I realised that I deserved someone better, who would care enough to at least give me a decent explanation and show me that he needed me. I wanted to make him feel the same way I did in those 2 days. I wanted him to feel the same hurt and worry about the fear of us ending for good.
But who knew it would backfire on me so badly?