Stephan POV
Hi, my name is Stephan. I come from a simple, ordinary family and lead the life of a typical college-going guy. But while most people develop their first crushes in their teenage years, I can't explain why, my heart found its first true love much earlier—back in my childhood. And that love was a sweet, adorable little boy named Allen.
He appeared daily in vlogs with his mother, and every time I watched, he seemed irresistibly cute and full of life. Beyond his charm, he was also incredibly smart, earning constant praise from his mom for his good grades. From a young age, I found myself utterly captivated by him. I would connect my phone to the TV just to watch him, and soon even my entire family knew about him, sharing in the delight of seeing him grow up.
Days passed by quietly, yet my fascination with Allen never faded. Eventually, my family started warning me against watching his channel. They claimed that sweet, perfect Allen was being mistreated by his mother, even exploited in some way. But I couldn't see it that way. Every video showed him laughing, talking cheerfully, and enjoying himself. I was certain that in real life, he must be just as happy, surrounded by friends. Still, my parents, looking through the lens of parental instinct, insisted otherwise, they felt Allen didn't seem to genuinely care for or love his mother.
Whenever his mother approached or tried to lay a hand on his head, Allen would flinch, as if guarding himself from harm. Every so often, a shadow of sadness flickered in his eyes, and his mother gave off an unmistakably false and unsettling vibe. At the time, I couldn't fully grasp it, being so young, but my parents, wanting to protect me from negative and insincere influences, decided it was best that I stop watching that channel.
I would often insist loudly, "I want to watch Allen!" I had always been drawn to him, whether it was real or just a facade, I don't know, but I felt a connection with him. I even thought to myself, if anything bad ever happened to Allen, shouldn't we just stop it? But, of course, my parents weren't going to take responsibility for someone else's household. So, in the end, against my tantrums they let me watch Allen anyway.
But a few years later, the channel's views began to dwindle, and eventually, it quietly shut down. I was genuinely saddened by it. Yet, as life went on, I gradually forgot about those days. Little did I know, fate had its own plan, giving me the chance to see Allen once more, this time in person. By sheer coincidence, I caught sight of a grown-up Allen on the very first day of college. He didn't notice me, of course, but from that very moment, I felt an undeniable pull toward him.
I'm not a stalker, really but somehow, I found myself drawn to Allen, watching him everywhere, quietly observing. I wanted to know everything about my dream boy, every little thing. Day by day, I began to understand him more, his routines, his quirks, his every little habit, like I was piecing together the essence of who he was.
He was incredibly helpful and kind, always ready to lend a hand. Academically, he excelled and was a favorite among his teachers. Yet, despite all his qualities, he had very few friends, almost none. He rarely spoke about his family and seldom went home. Most of his time was consumed by studying or work, as if he never had a moment to just breathe and enjoy life.
Slowly, I started to see past his gentle, kind exterior and realized the depth of the pain he carried. Beneath that calm demeanor was a deeply overworked, burdened, and melancholic soul. Just as my parents had once warned me, his mother had left him with lasting psychological scars. He rarely attended any parties, feasts, or fun gatherings. Money was always scarce, and often he would wear the same shirt and pants for two weeks straight, changing only when absolutely necessary. I had never imagined that Allen's real life would be so difficult.
I had never truly seen his genuine smile ever.
It pained me deeply, but I didn't know how to help. I worried that if I suddenly approached him, he might see me as a threat or even as a stalker. After much thought, I finally found a subtle way to reach out: on a rainy day, I left my umbrella for him, along with a little note. As was typical of him, he ended up giving the umbrella to someone else.
I chose the red umbrella because it symbolizes love, and I had picked it out especially for him.
Even the smallest acts of helping him filled me with joy, but naturally, my curiosity about him kept growing. Eventually, I could no longer hold myself back, I went to meet him, just with a single call from him. I could hardly believe I was standing there, face-to-face with my dream boy, actually able to speak to him. My heart pounded wildly, yet as I spoke, I felt an even stronger urge to support him, to make his life a little brighter.
Slowly, almost without realizing it, I had fallen in love with him.
Seeing my happiness, behaviours, it was clear that my family understood me deeply. I had shared with them everything, how I met Allen, what I observed of his life, because I trusted them completely. They always offered advice with my best interests at heart. In fact, they had long warned me that I was a little too obsessed with this Allen boy. Ever since childhood, I had harbored a kind of parasocial attachment to him. At the time, I hadn't taken their concerns too seriously. I always told them that I simply wanted to meet Allen and, as much as possible, be a positive presence in his life through friendship.
But they were absolutely right. Before I even realized it, I had fallen in love with Allen. I had never really thought much about my own sexuality. Sure, I'd been on a date or two with girls, but nothing had ever clicked, and my dad had always emphasized focusing on my career first. I hadn't paid much attention to the idea of being in a relationship with Allen either. But as soon as I recognized my feelings for him, and spent more time by his side, it became undeniable, I couldn't imagine my life without Allen.
I came to realize this and decided to confess everything to my family. I told them that if they weren't allowed me to be with Allen, then I would be also forced to leave the house, and my father could even cut me off if he wanted. But I knew I had to help Allen, knowing how truly alone he was.
Naturally, there was some initial resistance, between me and my parents and yet my elder sister, always supportive, stood by me. She is quite open-minded and modern. Even my mother, for the sake of love, eventually agreed, despite initially holding the same old-fashioned views as my father. In the end, seeing the depth of my love for Allen and understanding him, they both came around.
When I first brought Allen home, my dad wasn't entirely comfortable. He had always believed in the traditional idea of relationships between a man and a woman, and concepts like homosexuality, bisexual,
pansexuality, or LGBTQ identities were far outside his experience. But I made sure to treat Allen with respect and care, showing him how genuinely good he was. Slowly, as he witnessed Allen's kindness and intelligence, realized the hardships he had endured, he gradually came to accept us especially after seeing Allen confront his terrible mother.
Yes, regarding Allen's small act of taking that money as a bit of sweet little revenge, I don't see anything wrong with it. He truly deserved to stand up to that cruel woman. Besides, Allen wasn't meant to stay there any longer, and living with a boyfriend's family for too long would have been awkward anyway. In the end, I moved in with him, and together we decided to start fresh in a new place, building a life of our own.
Now that we've both graduated, I'm relocating my father's department store business to another city, while Allen is thoughtfully considering what he wants to do next, he's leaning toward becoming a teacher. Everything feels right: a fresh place, a new environment, and a sense of freedom. As his boyfriend, I'm fully supporting him, even arranging a professional therapist to help him heal from his past traumas. Together, we are happy, growing, and building our future side by side.
I hope we keep growing together, side by side, just like this, Until the day our hair turns white.
And I still wish I could one day tell him exactly how deeply I love him, and how long I've loved him all along.
— The End.
(A/N; Parasocial attachment is a one-sided emotional bond with a celebrity, influencer, or fictional character, where you feel close to them even though they don't know you exist.)