"When was it? When did I realize I grew up in a different kind of family?"
It must have been when I was in first grade. I remember having a class where we made origami. I think I made a hair ornament. Not very good with my hands, my creation was a crude mess: a crumpled paper flower taped to a cheap hairpin.
"..."
My mother worked nights, so she slept all day. Normally, I would read quietly so as not to wake her, but on that day, I must have been so proud of my work that I wanted to show her. The high-pitched voice of a young boy echoed in the cheap, decades-old apartment we lived in.
"Mom, look! I made this at school!"
"Hey, wake up! Mom-"
"SHUT UP!"
"Ack..."
A hysterical scream, and a sharp sting on my cheek. I was shoved away, stumbling into a pile of empty beer cans scattered around the room. The cans clattered around me. Lying on the floor, I looked up at my mother, who spoke with a trembling voice.
"...Mom's tired. There's money on the table for dinner."
"But... okay."
It's been almost 30 years. I don't remember what I was feeling back then, but I can imagine. It wasn't the shock of being hit, but the guilt of disturbing her sleep that hurt the most. That's the kind of kid I was. I placed the crumpled hair ornament on the pillow next to my mother, who had pulled the covers over her head, and left the room.
---------
After leaving the apartment, I walked to a convenience store a few minutes away. I wasn't there to buy food, but to "meet someone." With the children's cell phone I was given in my hand, my heart fluttered with excitement for the meeting I'd been looking forward to for a week.
"I wonder when he'll get here... Oh!"
A black luxury car pulled up in the parking lot. I walked unsteadily toward the passenger side, and the window rolled down. The smell of cigarette smoke drifted out. And inside, the person in the driver's seat spoke.
"It's been a while. Get in."
"Okay!"
It was my biological father, a blond man in a suit, smoking a cigarette inside. He looked shady, but he was my dad. I opened the door and got into the passenger seat, where the smell of cigarette smoke was mixed with the scent of a woman's perfume.
"Aren't you working?"
"It's my day off. I'll take you wherever you want."
"Really! Then... I want to go to McDonald's!"
"McDonald's? ...Well, I guess. Isn't there anything else? Like a fancy yakiniku restaurant? I've got plenty of money."
Unlike my mother, my father was a flashy guy. I remember him bragging about how he "gets women to pay for everything." As his appearance suggested, my father was a host. He had recently become a manager and was running his own club.
"My friend showed me the toy from their Happy Meal! I want one too!"
"A Happy Meal, huh... Fine. But make sure you hide it when you get home, okay? It'll be a pain if she finds out."
"She" must have been my mother. I didn't understand why I had to hide it back then. But since he told me I wouldn't be able to see him anymore if she found out, I hid everything he gave me in my school bag or in the back of an unused drawer. Now, I understand what he meant.
"I made a hair ornament at school today. I gave it to my mom as a gift!"
The conversation shifted to my day at school.
"Oh, that's great. How did she react?"
"...But I woke her up, so she hit me..."
As I said this, stroking my cheek, my father sighed and put a hand to his forehead.
"God, she's a mess. She gets so hysterical. I mean, it was just a little mistake when I cheated."
"She used to be a tough, great woman..." he muttered. His cheerful demeanor from before was gone, and I stared out the window at the passing scenery. I hated it when he talked about my mother from before. It made me feel lonely, remembering the kind mother and warm family we used to be. I think I also hated it because I vaguely knew that I was part of the reason that warm family had been destroyed.
---------
After that, I spent the rest of the day with my father, visiting various places until sunset. Along the way, I talked to a well-dressed man he called a friend and a flashily dressed woman. When my father introduced me as "my son," they all patted my head and fussed over me. I couldn't understand half of what they were saying as they drank and laughed, but I could tell they all liked my father.
"Ugh... I drank too much. Sorry to have to ask for a ride, Niijima."
"It's fine, I'm used to it."
"Haha, what's that supposed to mean?"
My father laughed happily at the response from Niijima, a driver who worked at his club.
"Shall I take you to the young master's home?"
"Stop with the 'young master.' Why do I have to be treated so formally? Right?"
"I... I don't really get it."
My father tousled my hair, a rough gesture without a shred of gentleness. But I liked it when he did that.
"You're a strange kid. You should come live with me instead of with her."
"But if I left, Mom would be all alone."
When I said that, looking down, my father scratched his head. To break the gloomy mood, he pulled me onto his lap. My body fit perfectly on his lap, which must have been over 180cm tall.
"Alright... Listen carefully to what I'm about to say."
He held me facing him, his eyes filled with a strong will, different from his usual frivolous look.
"You're too kind for our son. No one will blame you if you become a bit heartless."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Niijima muttered in exasperation.
"You shut up... Anyway, listen. Tell me, do you think I'm cool?" my father asked with a childish grin, dismissing Niijima's comment.
"Yeah! You're cool!"
"Good. Then here's a piece of advice from your cool dad."
---------
And with that, my father cast a "curse" on me.
"Never fight against your own desires. If you want to eat something, don't hold back. If you want to sleep with a woman, do whatever it takes to win her over."
"?"
I didn't quite grasp what he meant, but my father just grinned.
"You won't understand now, but you'll definitely find something you want to do. And anyone who gets in your way, you just get rid of them. Just be smart about it so you don't get caught."
I didn't know it back then, but the well-dressed man drinking with my father was a high-ranking yakuza leader in the area. It was easy to guess what my father had done to climb to his position.
---------
The same routine continued for several years. Then, one day, my father suddenly stopped responding to my calls.
I was in middle school, wandering around town on a holiday with no particular destination. I was trying to avoid the constant shouting at home.
"Sigh... I should just go pick up some girls."
I was thinking of hitting on some high school or college girls to get a free meal and pass the time, as I usually did. Most decent adults would be worried, but there weren't many people like that walking around the bustling streets of Tokyo. I had forgotten about my father long ago.
"Huh...?"
So, it was a miracle that I recognized him when I saw him. His hair was black, and he was wearing casual clothes instead of a flashy suit. But for some reason, I didn't doubt it was him.
"Dad...?"
I called out to his back as we passed each other.
"Hmm?"
He turned around, and I looked closely at his face. I could see the signs of aging in the fine wrinkles, but it was undoubtedly the father I had admired as a child.
"It is you! I was worried because you didn't reply to my messages!"
"Ah... . It's been a while."
I ran up to him, shouting with an innocence you wouldn't expect from a middle school boy. He, on the other hand, didn't seem particularly happy to see me.
"Since we finally met, why don't we go for a meal like we used to-"
My father's phone rang, cutting me off.
"Oh, sorry."
He looked at the screen, a brief look of joy crossing his face before he put the phone to his ear.
"Hello? ...Yeah, I know, I'll be right back. I just ran into an old 'acquaintance.' Don't worry, I'll be home for dinner."
He sounded so happy talking to the person on the phone. I had never seen him look so joyful.
"...Who was that? What about dinner?" I asked without thinking after he hung up.
He scratched his head awkwardly.
"Uh... well, it's a bit of a story. Why don't we talk over a meal? You haven't had lunch yet, have you?"
"N-no."
He took me not to a fancy restaurant or a yakiniku place, but to a regular family restaurant. After we were seated and ordered, my father started talking about what had happened in the last few years, fidgeting with his right hand.
"Sorry I didn't reply to you."
"...Well, I was worried, but it's fine."
It was a lie. It was just a front. My father was my rock back then.
"I see."
A tense silence fell between us. The cheerful, lively father I knew was nowhere to be found.
"...So, who was that person on the phone just now?"
I had to ask. I had never seen my father, who only cared about climbing to the top, smile so warmly. And the word "dinner" bothered me. I thought I knew what was going on. It was easy to guess the situation from the way he hid his left hand under the table and the fact that his club was gone.
"She's my wife. I'm married now, and I have a kid. I quit being a host and I'm doing an honest job now."
"Oh. ...Congratulations."
I squeezed out the last words, trying to hold back the jumble of emotions inside me. By then, I understood that the reason my mother had become so wretched was the man sitting in front of me. Even so, it's human nature to want to see him. And there he was, living happily with his new family. Of course, I had things I wanted to say.
"I'm happy we met again. There were so many things I wanted to talk about. When can we meet again?"
But I couldn't be a burden on his happiness. Just as I was suggesting that he shouldn't stay away from his family dinner for too long, he cut me off.
"Ah... sorry. I don't think I can see you anymore."
"...What?"
I couldn't believe my ears. Why would he? I never thought the father who had been so good to me would cut me off so easily. But reality was cruel, and he continued to speak to my dazed face.
"Look, I hid the fact that I was divorced when I got married. So it'd be bad if they found out I have a kid this old. Her family is pretty strict about that stuff."
"...!"
"That's one of the reasons I didn't reply to you, so-"
"That's enough," I interrupted. I thought of my mother and asked him a question.
"Do you know what kind of life my mother is living now...?"
"Don't know. I paid a lump sum for child support, and I have no obligation to take care of her beyond that. A woman who gets hysterical just because of one affair-"
I couldn't hold it in. For the first time, I felt angry at my father. When I came to my senses, I saw him holding his left cheek.
"It's YOUR fault Mom is like that! Do you have any idea what kind of life she and I have had to live?! And you think you can make a new family happy? You can't!"
I screamed in my fury. A waiter came to stop me, and I calmed down, glaring at my father from my seat.
"Hah. You've grown up to be just like your mother. ...Let me tell you something, you're mistaken. Do you really think I'm the only reason she's living that shitty life?"
"...What do you mean?"
"I don't know what she's like now, but she was always the top earner. She had a great face, a great body, and a great personality. She was a good woman who knew how to treat a man. ...She was only in her mid-20s when we broke up. If she wanted to, she could've found someone to marry her. If you weren't there."
"..."
My father was lashing out in anger, his frustration evident in his words.
"No one's going to marry a beautiful hostess with a kid."
"That's...!"
"Get it? You're a jinx. To me, and to her."
He left 5,000 yen on the table for the meal and walked out. He, no, the man who used to be my father, left without a backward glance.
"What... was that..."
We were blood-related, and he was so kind to me when I was little. But all those thoughts vanished as I watched him walk away without looking back, holding back tears and trembling.
In the end, my father never truly loved me. Or maybe he did, but his love for me was so insignificant that it could be replaced by his new family and child.
"Mom, Dad, why is that man crying?"
"Shh! Don't look."
"Hurry up and eat, your food is here."
"Yay!"
"Ugh... hngh... "
It was a busy afternoon on a holiday. The family restaurant was full of happy families enjoying their time together. Seeing them so undeniably happy, I couldn't hold back my tears.
---------
In the end, I followed the "curse" my father put on me, and I continued to go through one relationship after another. I didn't go to college or get a job. I lived with a rich girl, getting a huge allowance every month, or I sold my body to women who had money but no one to be with.
One day, while I was earning my daily bread and living as a kept man, I met a woman at a bar I frequented.
"Hey, are you free, sis?"
"...What?"
My first impression of her was that she seemed serious. I figured a prim-looking woman who came to a place like this by herself on a Friday night must be single.
"Hey, you little brat. Are you hitting on customers again? I'm gonna ban you for good."
"Come on, don't ban me. I like the food here, and I've decided this is where I'll have my first drink when I turn 20."
"...Tch. Don't cause too much trouble."
I don't know if the owner, who saw me come in alone almost every week, had some kind of soft spot for me, but he was a pushover.
"Sorry about that. He's a good guy, even if he talks a lot."
"...Are you a minor? Why are you at a bar by yourself?"
"Well, let's not worry about that. I'm bored, why don't we eat together?"
"I don't think I'm very interesting to talk to."
The vibe was good. When a good-looking guy talks to a woman drinking alone, she's bound to be interested. She knew I was a minor, but I was able to gloss over it with a little help from the alcohol.
"It's fine, it's fine. Bartender! Can I get an orange juice!"
"Haha, what's that? You're hitting on me and you're ordering an orange juice?"
"I'm 17, after all. I want to drink beer too."
"Hmm. You're younger than you look. I wouldn't have guessed you were a minor."
I had to be careful not to get caught, so I made sure to dress nicely. I was tall, so it was easy to get away with.
---------
After talking for a while, I found out that the woman, Sayaka Kiyoka, had a past similar to mine. She lost her mother at a young age and was raised by her father. After graduating from high school, she got a job as an office worker in Tokyo.
"I really wanted to go to college, but my dad wouldn't let me. Isn't that horrible?! He told me, 'Women don't need to go to college, just get a job!' He's got a old mind-set!"
"Right? No one talks like that anymore."
The first impression of her being serious vanished after about 10 minutes of talking. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she was surprisingly talkative. She drank half of her beer in one gulp and was swinging the mug around.
"I worked so hard to get into a good high school, but all my friends went to college while I was the only one who got a job! If I had gone, I'd be having fun drinking with my friends from a club, and I'd have a boyfriend... Ugh!"
Most of her complaints were about her company or her father. She must have been really stressed. Usually, I'd say something nice to comfort her, but before I could, she put her mug down and spoke softly.
"...But, I say all that, but my dad is actually really nice. He didn't have enough money for me to go to college, but he said that to me on purpose so that I wouldn't resent my mom who passed away."
To be honest, I thought she could have gotten a scholarship or a loan to go to college. From what she was saying, it sounded like there was another reason why she didn't choose to go.
"My dad is a sensei at a dojo for our family's martial art. That's where he met my mom. It's so funny, right? It's not even a famous style in this day and age."
I'd never heard of it. I could tell from her tone that the dojo wasn't doing well.
"So we had a tough time making ends meet. I felt like I had to earn money for him."
I know it's not a common thing to think about someone older than me, but... she was amazing. Honestly, I was probably making twice as much as her. I had contracts with several women who paid me a lot of money, far more than any part-time job a student my age could get.
But I never gave my mother a single yen of that money. I was living in an apartment I rented through a friend's connection and hadn't been back to her place in a year.
"...That's amazing. Are you still living with your dad?"
"Yeah. He used to be really strict about my curfew, but lately, he hasn't said anything."
She glanced at her watch.
"...Oh no! The last train is gone... Sigh, oh well. Bartender, check please!"
While she was gesturing for the check, I looked at the receipt. It was a lot. We had a great time talking.
"I'll pay. I have a lot of money on me, you know."
It might have been the first time I offered to pay for a meal. I didn't know why, but I felt like I couldn't let her pay.
"Don't be silly. A kid shouldn't be showing off! I'll pay."
"No, but-"
"No buts! This is nothing!"
She insisted, and I gave in. We left the bar together. After walking for a bit, she sighed.
"Sigh... What am I doing? Complaining to a kid like you."
"Hey, I'm not a kid. I'm 180cm tall."
"Haha, that's what makes you sound like a kid."
"..."
Normally, I wouldn't have been so stubborn or embarrassed. But talking to her somehow made me drop my facade. The "womanizing kept man" mask came off, and my true self emerged. This was a first for me.
"Well, it was fun talking to you... The taxi fare is a little painful, but that's life, I guess!"
Her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. She looked incredibly charming. I must have been so captivated that I made a proposal I wouldn't normally make.
"Wanna stay at my place? It's less than a 5-minute walk from here."
"Huh...?"
Even I was surprised. I only had these kinds of relationships with rich women. Why was I offering to a woman who felt guilty about paying a few thousand yen for drinks? Must have been the alcohol.
"Ahaha... You have a dark sense of humor. You shouldn't make fun of adults like that."
She was surprised for a moment, but she politely declined, trying to act cool. Her darting eyes showed she wasn't as cool as she was pretending to be. I felt a pang of frustration and took a step closer to her, looking down at her.
"W-what? Your face is a little scary. -Ugh!"
Let me just say for the record, this was a moment of youthful impulsiveness. I wouldn't normally kiss someone without getting permission first. She stumbled, but I put my arms around her waist to hold her up.
"...Are you really a high school student?"
"I don't go to school, but I am 17. So, what do you say? I'm serious."
"...Please be gentle with me."
---------
And so, we started dating.
Until about 10 years later, when I was stabbed to death.
============
🚀 Want Full Access NOW & Bonus Content?
"Loving this story so far? You can read ALL chapters RIGHT NOW by joining my P4tr3on!
✨ Unlock instant access to the full completed novel
✨ No waiting for daily updates
✨ Support your favorite degenerate author (that's me!)
Only $5.99 for the full experience!
🔗 Check my profile for the Link!!
Free readers - don't worry, I'll still be posting daily updates here. But P4tr3on members get the VIP treatment!
Your support helps me create more wild stories like this. See you on the dark side! 😈"