From Larry Brown to Isiah Thomas… New York has been the NBA's biggest sucker of the 21st century, paying luxury tax year after year while consistently finishing at the bottom of the standings.
Despite being a perennial bottom-feeder, they failed to acquire a single reliable rookie because they had traded away almost all of their lottery picks in previous deals… For example, the Bulls' second overall pick in 2006 was handed over in a flashy three-team trade orchestrated by Isiah Thomas, the infamous "buyout general manager." In that trade, they acquired the weight-loss enthusiast Jerome James and Eddie Curry.
Currently, the Knicks' main rotation is made up mostly of minimum-salary role players. Those big men with multi-million-dollar contracts prefer to sit comfortably on the bench and gain weight, while the "Son of New York" focuses on fighting with the media, feuding with Isiah Thomas, and demonstrating a hundred ways to use Vaseline on livestream.
D'Antoni found himself in a miserable predicament, forced to deal with the mess left by his predecessor.
These high-paid old veterans have zero trade value and eat up most of the salary cap.
This forced D'Antoni to build his team through the draft. But he only had one lottery pick.
Snoopy performed exceptionally well in the tryouts, clearly outperforming the fringe rookies. He dominated defensively in both rebounding and shot-blocking; he even completed two powerful dunks after driving to the basket.
"He possesses characteristics of Stoudemire, Marion, and Diaw all at once," D'Antoni told Raman, the assistant coach he brought with him from Phoenix. D'Antoni was very pleased with Snoopy.
But...
"We have to choose between him and Gallinari," Raman reminded him plainly.
D'Antoni fell into a dilemma. In his system, the importance of three-point shooters is obvious. On top of that, Gallinari is the son of an old friend. Back in D'Antoni's Italy-coaching days, the Gallinari family treated him extremely well. He feels obligated to help.
However, Snoopy is equally tempting, he alone could fill the roles of the three main Phoenix forwards. This would be crucial for establishing the run-and-gun system in New York.
"If only we had two lottery picks at the same time…" D'Antoni sighed.
He turned to the assistant GM beside him. "Tom, are there any lottery picks available for trade? I need a top-ten pick. I want both Snoopy and Gallinari."
"That's difficult. We have no leverage," Tom replied truthfully.
Draft rights are poison in trades, whether it's the first pick or a late lottery pick. You have to attach something else to make teams bite… and looking around the Knicks' roster, aside from David Lee, almost no one has trade value, unless you take on an even bigger bad contract.
This is the current state of New York.
D'Antoni was truly stuck. He had to choose between Snoopy and Gallinari.
Meanwhile, Snoopy had a headache of his own.
He had to choose between Miley Cyrus's concert and the iHeartRadio Awards.
He was invited to the iHeartRadio Awards because his single "Shake-it-Off" had won an award, and Taylor Swift wanted him to accompany her onstage for the acceptance and live performance.
In the end, Daphne made the decision for him.
Attending Miley Cyrus's concert offered a $100,000 payday. Attending an awards ceremony might increase exposure, but… it required flying to Las Vegas, and there was no appearance fee, only travel expenses.
Who would choose that?
Snoopy bowed to money.
Then, he bowed again at Miley Cyrus's concert…
"Last night, Miley Cyrus's U.S. tour arrived in New York. Snoopy, who had been rumored to have broken up with Miley Cyrus, made a surprise appearance. His role as a featured guest ignited the entire arena. Miley Cyrus's fans were screaming his name at the top of their lungs. They are the couple's most loyal supporters! In fact, many people fell in love with Miley Cyrus because of that sweet love song."
"During the performance, Miley Cyrus held Snoopy's hand the whole time and paused her singing at least five times to tell the audience loudly: 'This is my boyfriend.' She also repeatedly stood on tiptoe to kiss him, drawing waves of screams."
"But what shocked everyone the most was… after one song ended, Snoopy suddenly leaned down and bit Miley Cyrus's lips, hard. It triggered the loudest screams of the night, but afterward… Miley's lips were visibly swollen and even bleeding slightly when interviewed. Let's take a look at the footage."
MTV Entertainment cut to Miley Cyrus.
Her lower lip was swollen with a faint trace of blood.
But… Miley didn't mind at all. In fact, she proudly showed it off to reporters:
"This is proof of love. I love Snoopy's savagery. He's like a wild beast, his roughness conquers me effortlessly."
"My relationship with him is great. I've listened to the songs he wrote for Taylor, they're incredible."
"In my heart, Snoopy isn't just a number one in the music industry. He's the only one in my life."
"…"
Miley went on with a long stream of sweet, sugary declarations.
Ugh…!
Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love, watching from the couch, were covered in goosebumps.
"So Snoopy, did you and Jennifer actually break up?" Kevin Love asked.
Snoopy looked up. "Huh?"
He had been so busy lately that he'd almost forgotten about Jennifer.
Then he answered:
"No, we're totally fine."
"Then why did you kiss Miley Cyrus in public?" Westbrook asked.
"Didn't you see her scratching my palm nonstop? And she kept standing on tiptoe to kiss me, even riling up the fans. I had to warn her somehow," Snoopy explained.
Kevin Love snorted, clearly unconvinced.
Seeing his expression, Snoopy rolled his eyes.
"What was I supposed to do? Give her a left hook? The best way to stop her from kissing me is to bite her lower lip until she bleeds. Right?"
Kevin Love nodded… then shook his head.
"It kinda makes sense, but I still don't buy it."
Snoopy didn't bother arguing.
He picked up the remote, switched off the TV, and said:
"Are you two ready for tomorrow? It's the draft. Found your favorite team yet?"
Westbrook and Kevin Love exchanged grins.
"Of course we're set. But what about you? You've been in entertainment news for over a month!"
Snoopy thought about it seriously, then shrugged.
"To be honest… I have no idea which team will draft me."