-"Do you hear it? The sounds I mean. İ wouldn't expect you to see it or know what it is but you can faintly hear it. I am talking to myself but it's not in my head. The words are coming out of my mouth. Am I in my mind? Is this my dreamscape? My consciousness? I don't recall sleeping or suffering a blow to the head or something. But even in my confusion I can still hear it. I know exactly what it is, but I can't define it, explain it. It is something etched in me, it is something that defines me. I would lose a chunk of myself if it disappeared. But I'll ask again, do you hear it? The flames, fire, heat. The sounds that sound eerily similar to the stock fireplace sounds used on TV channels that play music with that fireplace in the background. Don't get the wrong idea though, something isn't burning. It is simply made out of fire. It's nature is directly correlated with fire. It's beautiful, but I can only look at it. I want to lift it, admire it closely but I'm too scared to do it. İt burns so amazingly. My flower. My flower whose petals are made of fire. My flower who I know so well but I can't manage to explain. What are you, my flower? Or are you something else entirely? I want to eat you. My flower, I want to devour you. Devour each and every one of your petals made out of fire. I want to devour you, so that you can devour me from the inside. My flower, are you mine? Do you appreciate me, my flower? Can you hear me, my flower? Your shape is so distinctive that it doesn't resemble any of the flowers I know. Are you unique, my flower? Or are you unique only to me? What is your meaning, my flower? I have to know. It's why I haven't stomped on you or thrown you into the garbage yet. Or just ate you straight up. Your meaning is your only saving grace, my flower…
My flower, are you-"
*********TV STATİC*********
September 3rd
So, monsters.
Their existence is kinda redundant from my point of view.
After all, we already have humans don't we?
Who needs more am I right?
But monster do exist. In this world. Monster will always exist and continue to exist in our world.
Problem is, how the hell do you even define what or who a monster is?
From my accumulated experience and knowledge, I've managed to compile a list of 4 categories that makes someone a "monster" or what a "monster" is.
Those categories are; Nature, Appearance, Being and Label.
All of these categories are intertwined and interconnected with one another, so there will be a bit cross-referencing here and there.
Let's start off with nature shall we?
You've heard it a million times already, it's always "monstrous nature" this, "monstrous nature" that.
Someone's nature can be monstrous and that is enough to make them a monster.
Serial killers for example since they'll be relevant later on in the story. Most serial killers are human, but they'll be called a "monster" by many people given the context of their actions.
Now, don't get confused. A monstrous nature isn't really an evil/villainous nature.
It's a lot more ambiguous than that.
Monsters in general are ambiguous.
But…I don't have an answer as to what a monstrous nature really is.
It's certainly not evil/villainous, but when I think about it, I have no idea what a monstrous nature could even be.
Moving on, appearance.
Self-explanatory, let's skip the exposition…fine, I'll give a small explanation.
This isn't discriminatory of anything, but a monstrous appearance is enough for you to be a monster.
After all, if you look like a monster, why should anyone consider you a human?
Sorry to all my fellow humans out there who have the appearance of a monster but you're not excluded from this.
Next on the list is being.
This one is harder to explain because it's the one that is the most intertwined with the others.
Someone's being can be that of a monster.
This can range from their nature to their appearance to an entire bucket-list worth of aspects.
What's a being anyway?
There's "human being" but I never see any "monster being".
I guess if you're not a human, you're simply "a being".
It's saddening in all honesty. Someone's being might be as hard to put into words as their nature but at least there is a word to describe the nature of a human.
But there isn't a word to describe the being of a monster.
Just "a being".
And last but not least is label.
Label is the most intriguing one because being given the label of monster doesn't automatically make you a monster.
We always need to have exceptions, it's good for the plot.
The label of a monster is something given to you by either other people or yourself, but that label alone doesn't objectify your existence as that of a monster.
That label might make you a monster, it might be the reason you're a monster, but with that label alone, you'll never be a monster.
If you just have the label of a monster, that's all it'll amount to.
The label of a monster.
I said previously that monsters did exist in this world but I hope that didn't give you any ideas or anything.
You won't find any beasts, leprechauns, fantastical creatures or anything of the sort in this world.
Really, all you'll find are humans.
But just because you're a human doesn't mean you're exempt from being a monster.
That's one of the main points of this monologue.
A monster can be a lot of things, a lot of things can make you a monster.
But there is a key takeaway from this.
The label of a monster doesn't automatically make you a monster.
So you might find yourself asking this question; "but then, how do we identify monsters if that label alone doesn't solidify their existence as monsters?"
That's a pretty neat coincidence, I have that question too!
But I have no idea.
Just because people call that monster a "monster", does it really mean that he's a monster?
Or even though people don't call them monsters, are we even sure that they are humans?
Sorry about the pronoun game but it's still too early in the story to reveal names, at least be patient enough to read until the end, you've read the contents page haven't you?
So, that's about all I really wanted to say.
I just wanted to shine some light upon this subject of "monsters".
Probably because we need some good foreshadowing and mystery built up early on if we want our readers to not drop this stupid story.
But me personally, I don't think about monsters a lot.
But when I do, I always think about a certain monster.
And every time I think about that monster I remember, just how bad things used to be.
There wasn't much of a point to what I tried to explain to you there, not everything I say is particularly important, not everything needs to be important, it can be ambiguous or empty and I will still be excited to tell you.
Oh right, I should fulfill my duties as a narrator huh?
But before I fulfill my duties as a narrator can I just gush about this plane for a bit? Everyone knows what a plane is right?
Good.
For a standard, run of the mill plane it's imploding with little details and underappreciated delicacies.
The white paint that covers the plane is a very bright shade of white but there is a tiny sliver of red and blue used at the sharp edges of its components that add a neat depth to it. The nose of the plane is masterfully constructed with the perfect shape in mind, not too rounded like the face of an obese child that had been fed nothing but processed sugar and slop bought at a third-rate supermarket, but not too pointy to the point where it looks like a de facto disabled goblin that looks like it'll try to steal amber instead of gold because it confused the two.
The seats of the plane also merit a shout-out too, they are evenly placed, three seats on each side and the relatively tight corridor is perfectly symmetrical, even the seats that are right next to the emergency exit situated near the center of the plane don't break the symmetry of the plane and possess an equal distance from the row of seats both in front and back of it.
But the individual seats themselves are also a sight to behold, the back of the seats is painted a beige color, but it doesn't look like the seats has been taken over by years of mold and maintain a fair amount of decency, and the cushions of the seats are painted a nice, respectable navy blue, perfect for appreciation.
And as for what the plane is doing, the plane is doing…well, flying through the sky at high speeds.
Now I think you also know that a plane is used to transport a lot of people at once, that is the norm for planes, especially commercial planes like this one.
So, of course, there is only one, singular passenger on this plane.
Yup, just one.
The passenger in question is sitting in a seat at the back of the plane, left side of the aircraft, the window seat actually.
This man…is more of a boy really, his face possesses a certain air of maturity while still retaining the recognizable facial structure of a person below the age of eighteen.
His expression could be described as stoic, but that wouldn't be too accurate, he has a poker face, similar to a resting bitch face but a bit more, like he just got out of a 20 hour shift and is tired as all hell not to mention that air of melancholy and tranquility that seems downright creepy.
His eyes though are the one part of him that's confusing, the bags under his eyes look rough and already resemble the bags of a 50 year old blue collar worker.
The shape of his eyes is hooded, but the most notable aspect is that his eyes are the most emotionless part of his entire face, they look empty, they convey nothing, they can't be read and most of the time people look at his eyes and think that he must be depressed. His eyes could be the most captivating and repulsing part of his face depending on the person and time.
Not to mention his pupils, even though they're empty, they're not.
His pupils resemble TV static.
The type of TV static that you would see on old TVs when you opened cable after a certain time.
The gray black and white type of static actually.
İf you listen real close you might start to hear TV static noises coming from his eyes.
He also looks like he just woke up.
His clothes are…eccentric at best and funky at worst.
He's wearing earrings and a neck accessory of sorts, they wouldn't be too hard to describe but I just want to leave his accessories up to imagination because accessories can wildly change the face of someone.
He wears a white shirt, the kind that office workers wear, jet black jeans and finally a gray trench coat meant for spring that goes all the way down to his knees.
His sneakers are a mix of black gray and white, a bit ugly if you ask me, he would usually wear boots but since it's the end of summer the weather is still fairly hot so he doesn't want his feet to turn into the next radioactive zone from the heat.
He has black headphones on and is listening to music, an anime opening to be specific, the second opening of Code Geass Lelouch of the rebellion, kaidoku funou by JINN.
This is a hill that the both of us will die on, kaidoku funou is way better than colors and kaidoku funou is generally a very overrated opening, no disrespect to colors of course!
I don't really want to mention this but he's also wearing a cast around his right arm, causing the coat to look a bit weird.
The song ends and he looks at his phone; 10%, he looks at his portable battery; 0%, he looks at his portable game console that doubles as a PC; 0%, he takes out his laptop from his computer bag, presses the power button and stares at the pitch-black screen… the battery percentage is pretty self-explanatory.
He looks at the portable battery for his game console; 0%, he then looks at his white, wireless earbuds whose battery is displayed on a small screen ;0%. He looks at the battery percentage of the headphones on his phone; 87%.
The clerk really wasn't lying when he said those headphones had a battery life that lasts a lifetime.
He used them constantly for 3 days without charging them and it only lost 13%, those headphones are just stupendous!
You wouldn't notice at first glance, but every single one of his electronics look odd.
Too clean, there aren't any scratch marks or cracks or anything of the sort. Every single one looks completely brand new and are missing every trace of wear and use that they might have previously had.
It's almost they've all been repaired recently.
He closes his phone and turns off his headphones, looking at the sky solemnly, admiring the emptiness while sighing.
Good on him.
And then suddenly, grey.
Grey, all gray and nothing but grey.
I'm referring to the…hallucination/illusion, that materialized right next to him, a gray, carbon copy of him, the only difference being the massive sword planted in the left side of his chest that looks like the buster sword that Cloud uses.
Except bigger.
And bulkier.
And cooler.
No seriously, it's gigantic, too big to be a long sword, too wide to be a katana.
Even an odachi doesn't compare to it.
It resembles the dragon slayer, actually.
Hey Guts, the hell are you doing stabbing random hallucinations with your big ass slab of metal!
Go chase Griffith of something!
-"Murica, eh?"
The voice is curious and possesses an air of curiosity behind it, but also a good amount of excitement mixed between.
He turns, his previously melancholic and tranquil expression and poker face disappear instantaneously, replaced by an expression of disgust and loathing with traces of resentment sprinkled here and there as he stares at him in silence.
-"Goooooood morning! Or is it afternoon?Sorry, I don't really keep track of time."
He looks at the hallucination, displaying a respectable amount of disdain on his face for someone attempting to maintain a poker face.
-"Come on, why the hostility?"
He doesn't answer and continues to stare at him in silence.
-"You were alone and had nothing to do so I decided to just have a nice chat with you, since, you know, I'm literally you and all."
-"False."
A single word escapes his lips in a raspy monotone voice that doesn't do him any favors.
-"How come?"
-"When you say "I'm you" you're insinuating that you're all of me when you're clearly not. If you are in fact me, you represent, at most, a small part of me. There's nothing more to it."
They say words can be the equivalent of knives right?
If I remember correctly it should be something like that.
His words are like fake prank knives made out of cheap plastic that retract when you attempt to "stab" someone.
-"You say that but if I represent a small part of you how can I appear before you like this? If you are hallucinating me then that must mean that I am at least an important part of you."
-"…"
He can only respond with silence, he knew that he couldn't really win this debate from the start, but he's just too stubborn to not argue with the hallucination.
-"Don't worry about it, if you don't know what I am then I have no idea either, but you have to stop denying that I am you or at least a part of you."
-"What do you want?"
-"A nice chat."
Cool, but don't hesitate to ask for more.
There has to be something that this guy can offer you.
-"…"
Silence is the name of the game, isn't that right protagonist? That's why your name hasn't been revealed yet, cause you're one of those silent protagonists that the player names in rpg's!
Let me guess, your idols are Makoto Yuki, Yu Narukami and Ren Amamiya?
Screw it, I don't even need to guess, I know they're your idols!
Keep dreaming! You'll never be like them!
Start talking please, the audience is going to get bored with you!
-"It can be about anything! Like having a nice chat about having a nice chat."
-"That's kinda stupid."
I mean…whatever gets you to use your tongue to produce sounds that have meanings to them I guess.
-"It actually isn't, you might not realize it but people talk and chat about talking and chatting all the time."
-"Yet they never end up doing it."
I wonder why that is? Is it something like someone loving the idea of being in love rather than being in love themselves?
-"Exactly, So how about-"
-"Maybe you should take their example."
Oh my god!
You're such an insufferable smart-ass!
I hope your character develops quickly so you can become more likeable!
Maybe then you can hope to crack the top 10 in the popularity polls.
The hallucination looks at him with a plain expression, feeling depressed, if I had an expression or a face I think it would resemble that of the hallucination, but more "done".
-"*sigh* Ok well, don't you think it's kind of hilarious how you're the only person on this plane?"
-"I mean, the plane got delayed by 3 days and the airline was too stingy to give out refunds so everyone just left and booked another ticket, it's damn cheap after all."
The most shocking part about this is that no one else was persistent enough to stay in the airport for 3 days. They had to be lightweights, every single one of them.
-"But why did you wait?"
The hallucinations voice becomes teasing and cheery a contrast to his curious and calm tone from earlier.
-"Don't pretend to not know."
-"Yea yea, you despised the idea of informing father and didn't want to ask him to book another ticket, I know."
-"Do not bring him up."
This, I can understand. He has all the right to not want to talk about his father, or think about him. He looked very uncomfortable and shaken when the word came up.
-"Sorry, sorry my bad. Hey, how about starting that book that you brought with you?"
-"I really don't want to."
-"And why is that?"
He turns his face, looking a bit embarrassed and If you look real closely, pouts just a bit, a rare display of any other emotion than anger or hostility.
We're already seeing signs of a likable character, this brings a tear to my eyes!
If I had eyes.
Or a physical form.
Because I'm just a disembodied voice. Please give me a physical body!
-"Listen, when I heard "divine comedy" I thought I was going to be in for the time of my life, I thought it was going to be the most hilarious shit I'd ever read…how could I have known that it was a story about going to hell and heaven and writing analysis's on them and the seven cardinal sins."
-"But still, didn't you think that something might have been up when you also heard "Dante's inferno"?"
-"When I heard "Dante" I thought of the wacky woo-hoo pizza man, didn't think much of it. I think I'll definitely pick it up again in the future, but right now I'm just more focused on getting over the feelings of shame I got when I realized a book I wanted to read for such a long time turned out to disappoint me so much, only because I didn't do any research on it."
He shuts down further questions about that subject and quickly tries his best to forget every detail about it.
-"Errrr…How about your arm? İ mean you have to be glad that you can remove it next Saturday?"
-"Oh? Oh yeah, my arm."
He glances at his arm and stares at it, the only thing that he feels when he looks at it is nothing but fear.
Enough fear to paralyze him and render him comatose for life.
He looks scared, he's almost shivering, he can't take his eyes off his broken arm.
I said I would enjoy it if he showed more emotions, but seeing him make that expression just hurts me.
-"Are you…look, calm down, it's okay. You're going to a place where you'll be in peace and tranquility where I'm sure you'll meet people who'll treat you with proper respect and kindness."
-"But…I can't just forget it. Everytime I look at this arm I…I remember just how cruel it was. I can't even remember-"
There isn't much for me to say, he's just so shaken up.
It's very understandable why looking at his arm triggers this reaction, not like it's a reason worth telling anyways.
-"It's okay. It's okay, now. You can forget about this, let's move on to something else. Oh, I just remembered! What about your second portable console? It should have some battery left over right?"
-"That thing? The one that I didn't even bother to check the battery of? No thanks. I've already finish every game on it."
I also didn't bother to mention its existence when I was giving his description.
I sure hope me not mentioning certain things until a certain time doesn't become a recurring trend.
-"But those games have great replayability value! You didn't even 100% most of 'em!"
-"I don't care! The hybrid console I use now is way better than that old thing. Hell, it can even run the older ones games via emulation. I have no need for it! Double hell, even my phone can emulate those games!"
Yeah sure, that's valid, but playing the game on the original hardware would objectively be better since the games were built around that hardware. With emulation you can certainly boost the graphics, frames, performance, hell you can even mod them or play other people's mods.
You can also do that on the original hardware but it's way easier with emulation! Wait, which side am I taking here?
-"But you had such a good time with that console. You liked it to bits and pieces! You got so upset when even a barely visible scratch appeared on it! Nowadays, you don't even bother to clean the screen."
-"Yeah, its called growing up. I'm not going to be attached to a console I played with when I was a kid. Not necessarily me but there aren't any other ways to explain it."
-"But you can still cherish the console can't you?"
Oh no, the hallucination is going that route! Personal feelings and attachment! He's going to get absolutely clobbered!
-"It's better to just forget about it. I'm an adult after all."
What a bullshit argument! Every adult would be willing to tell you just how much they're attached to things from their childhood, of course it isn't better to just forget about it!
-"You are not an adult. You're still in high-school."
-"Last year of high-school. I'm basically an adult so let's not pretend that I'm not."
Yeesh, that's RICH coming from you.
-"Do you truly believe that you are an adult? Or is that belief one that was imposed on you?"
This is what I mean. Good job hallucination.
-"It may not be the case now but it will be the truth in a matter of months. Not even a full year, just a few months."
-"But until that time, you are not an adult. So don't go saying that you are one."
Yes, there's a very thick yet almost invisible line between kid and adult that should be respected more.
-"Ugh, what difference does it make?
Everybody says that it's time to "act your age" so I'm just doing that. If no one sees me as a kid, why should I believe that I'm a kid? It's a matter of age, not mentality."
No, it's a matter of you listening to what others say without arguing or giving any thought because you're too lazy.
-"You give too much thought to the opinions of others. Yes, the time to grow up is fast approaching but that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll become an adult. Most people in their 20s and such don't even think of themselves as adults. So why should you? That's easy. Because father told you you were an adult."
The terrified expression comes back again and she takes a deep breath before looking at him with a pissed off expression once more.
-"I believe I told you not to bring him up."
-"I get that you despise him and all but I had to mention him in order for you to understand why you're in the wrong. You're not being very fair with me here."
-"Forget about it."
Yes, escape when you realize that you're in the wrong instead of admitting it, I'm sure that's a great habit to have.
-"Your wish is my command. What about the manga you bought at the airport? It sure was a surprise that they were selling manga in English."
-"I…I bought them on a whim. They were cheap so I succumbed to it."
Why did you have such an impulse, genuinely?
Even the book you had with you was something that was given to you as a gift.
You usually don't buy stuff so why did you get a sudden impulse to buy those manga?
-"That was very weird, they were selling manga in English for cheap in an airport."
This alternate universe in kinda bogus don't you think?
-"But anyways, I'm gonna try to sell them when I get settled here. I don't even collect manga. I only read digital."
Again, this is just like the original hardware debate from earlier, reading the physical edition of a manga is way better than reading digital because manga are meant to be read physically. Actually, they're just meant to be read but still, holding an actual book in your hands feels way better than reading it on a phone!
-"Collecting manga is really fun! This was a great twist of fate and you should take advantage of it! Start a small collection, you do need some stuff to decorate your new room after all."
-"What's the point? Reading online is free and I have access to way more manga."
Collecting manga and, on a similar scale, merch, cements you as a big fan and is a great way to show how much you like those series and support them!
-"But it feels great to just hold it in your hand and touch the pages!"
That's what I'm saying!
-"Its expensive."
Living is expensive, life is the biggest expense after all!
I'm convinced that nobody ever said something like that, but it doesn't really bother me.
-"You barely spend money as is. That's why your savings account is ridiculously massive for a high schooler who isn't rich. The last time you bought something for yourself other than the manga you bought today, was the hybrid console and a crap ton of games and some other stuff for emulation. Which you didn't buy using your savings account or the money you could've gotten from cashing in the investments father gave you for your birthday, but instead with the money you made from selling everything you owned besides your secondary console. And that was 2 years ago when you started high school. You don't buy new clothes and wash the already existing ones once every 2 days. You don't buy anything from the grocery store. You barely go outside so you don't even pay for subway or bus tickets. You don't eat outside. You barely eat at all. Just look at yourself from the start of Highschool to now! Your habits are clearly affecting your appearance and it's showing. Oh shoot, I forgot to mention the repair fees for all your electronics."
He looks a bit shaken at the mention of his father but it doesn't bother him much.
He also might be a little malnourished, sorry for not mentioning it sooner.
-"I'm just saving for college. Or an apartment. My father will stop supporting me financially when I finish high-school. I will need the money."
That's too damn generic! You're boring the readers with how generic you are!
-"The economy isn't that bad! It isn't even bad at all. Plus, you know you can get a scholarship for college or university. It may be a bit hard but you can do it. Father isn't such a cruel person that he won't pay for the remainder of the costs."
-"How dare you. You keep mentioning him-"
-"You mentioned him too."
-"You keep mentioning him and you dare tell me that he isn't, "such a cruel person"? İf you were truly me, you would know just how wrong that sentence was."
Yeah, the hallucination was wrong on that one, there's no denying it. His father isn't the type of person you can defend even if you want to.
-"*sigh* Sorry, but it feels like you don't give him enough credit."
He looks as the hallucination with an all-consuming negativity that the hallucination can't help but frown at.
-"İ apologize. I didn't mean to anger you.
He looks at the sky and at the lack of visible clouds, clicking his tongue and calming down slowly."
-"So, how should I refer to you? Because I don't want to keep calling you, "you"."
And I don't want to keep referring to the hallucination as "the hallucination".
-"Well, call me anything you want, I couldn't really care less because after all who or what I am is unbeknownst to the both of us. Except that I'm a part of you."
The hallucination has to be telling the truth here since the hallucination keeps claiming that it's part of him, so if he doesn't know it makes sense that the hallucination doesn't either.
Do you understand now why I don't like calling him "the hallucination".
-"*tch* Such a damn ambiguous answer, do you have something against giving legit, proper answers?"
-"Maybe I do, but giving proper answers doesn't hold much meaning to me."
-"Fine then, I have decided. İ shall refer to you as "ambiguity"."
Hey that's actually a fine choice for a name. Everyone, prepare the title card and a warm welcome for ambiguity!
-"Yeah, sure, I'll accept that, maybe you can even give me a nickname like "ambi"?"
He gets pissed off by the rather mediocre joke. And groans audibly like a bear.
-"Ugh, why did you even appear?"
-"I dunno? If you don't know why then I can't have any way of knowing anyway, I just appeared randomly two months ago and don't forget, I'm a part of you."
-"I still have a hard time believing that."
Ambiguity's voice and gaze sharpens as if he's going to lose his patience. I'm also on the verge of losing my patience actually.
-"And I have a hard time understanding why you don't believe that I'm a part of you, why can't you stop rejecting me!"
-"Because I know for a fact-"
-"No the hell you don't, because if you knew what I was I wouldn't appear before you like this. The only thing you know is that I'm a part of you which is the one thing that you keep rejecting you insufferable brat!"
Calm down ambiguity, no need to go that far.
-"Screw you, I never asked for you to appear before me like this, why don't you just disappear!"
His hand lunges for ambiguity but before his hand could reach him, ambiguity disappears, leaving nothing behind.
Nothing at all, it's like he wasn't there at all. His hand rests there for a few seconds before falling down to the seat, he regains his composure and faces forward.
-"H-hey, you there?"
Silence, absolute nothingness as he stares at his feet for a second.
Is he remorseful?
Does he feel even the slightest bit of guilt of the obviously unfair treatment he gave ambiguity?
Maybe.
But he won't admit it.
That's the kind of person Ven Sinclair has become.
-"Goddammit."
Ven says with a slight crack in his voice as the hostess makes an announcement.
-"Hello dear passengers, errr, passenger, we will shortly be descending down to the airport please put your seatbelt on and put your electronics on airplane mode and we hope you will enjoy your stay in the most unique city in America, Unorm".
He puts his headphones back on and starts playing the opening song for the anime adaptation of this series as the plane descends slowly and it pans out to the sky and the title is shown along with the short guitar riff of the opening because that's cool. He looks at his left, gazing upon a ginormous, beautiful lake.
-"Welcome to The United States of America"
-"Murica eh?"
End of chapter