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Chapter 6 - 15.12.2023

I'm making my hands bleed again. They call it onychophagia. I'm 26 years old. I've thought about killing myself twice before. I didn't try, but the thought crossed my mind.

The biggest reason for this was worthless people treating me as if I were worthless. I don't know about anyone else, but I have worked so hard. I fought so much.

I've come down very difficult roads. I've crossed rivers raging like crazy.

Just when I had gathered all my self-confidence, I went to a 6-month internship. All my self-confidence was shattered.

I saw how cruel and selfish people can be.

I don't think I can work happily anywhere I am devalued.

I can't get out of this depression because I haven't been able to heal the wounds of my past.

When I think about what I've been through and my struggle, I ask myself, what do you deserve? Is this the reward for my suffering and my fight? Where is my place, Diary?

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